"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Be ye transformed...

Christmas is quickly coming upon us and while I’ll be on blog-cation for a week or so, I did want to do one last blog before I left. I asked for some ideas as I've been trying to write more and thanks to my bloggin’ friend (and real life friend too :), I had this as my “inspiration” for this last entry before I leave. PLEASE leave me any other ideas you all may have (I'll get to your second idea when I return, Christi ;), and feel free to share your answers, thoughts, comments to this blog in my comment sections.

Christ wrote:
“I've been trying to think of an idea for you. One I keep coming back to is the correlation between a sold out believer who has true faith in Christ and still falling prey to the human nature of worry and fear or depression. How can we gain control in our minds when our hearts truly belong to the Lord and we still feel so down? How can we physically, practically, realistically attain the joy of the Lord? Sunday School and cliche answers don't count. ;-)”- Christi

This blog hits on "some" of her question...it is a great question with lots more that could have been explored, but here goes!

___________________________________________________________________

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.- Romans 12:2

Let’s take a look at the pattern of our world.:
- At one point in their lives, every person will suffer from a period of depression.
- 18.8 million Adult Americans suffer from severe depressive disorders.
- 15% of the population in most developed countries suffer from severe depression.
- 30% of women are depressed. Estimates for men were once thought to be half that percentage, but now psychologists believe it to be higher.
- Preschoolers are the fastest growing market for antidepressants. No, there is not a typo…I said preschoolers.
- By 2020, depression will be considered the second biggest killer behind heart disease and studies are showing that there is some link between depression and coronary problems.
Statistics from the Uplift Program: http://www.upliftprogram.com/depression_stats.html
- 40 million adult Americans or approximately 18% suffer from an anxiety disorder. Frequently, those with disorders also have a co-occuring problem with drugs, alcohol or depression.
Statistics from NIMH: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-numbers-count-mental-disorders-in-america.shtml

Look at our headlines. They breed fear. At any given moment, I am worried about: drinking tap water due to the diseases that could be swimming in it, but I am also fearful of drinking bottled water because of the BPA in the plastic and the fact that from what I’ve read, the water in the bottle is from the tap so I don’t drink water which leads to me to fear that I am not drinking enough water; terrorists; the economy; the millions of ways I could get cancer; random acts of violence; gas prices; what foods are safe for consumption; the war and if my husband will be deployed and injured or worse in combat; the state of government and business corruption; if it is safe to send my child to a public school; will my family be healed from brokenness; and most frequently, does worrying increase my chances of dying younger? I know I am not alone in my fears. I know because I can look at the numbers above and see that at any given moment, you too are fearful of some of the same things I am as well as your own fears.

Fear and depression. This is the pattern of our world. And God knows that, which is why he tells us over and over again not to live in fear, not to be held captive by our sorrow. But, if you are like me, you live with a constant battle against the control these emotions have on your mind and your actions. I believe the answer to this battle lies in Romans 12:2 and if you, like me, have suffered years of the conflict of following the pattern of this world versus following Christ, you too long to finally once and for all end this fight.

To truly get out from under our fears and pain, we need to take a deeper look at what Paul gives us for an answer to this constant drip and nagging that anxiety and depression has in our hearts and our minds:

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of the world:
We’ve established what the world’s pattern is. Paul says, “Do NOT conform.” Conform is defined as: “to act in accordance or harmony; comply; to be or become similar in form, nature or character; to act in accord with prevailing standards, attitudes, practices.”
The first thing to notice is that conformance is an action.
Your thoughts:
1.) How do your actions show conformance to the pattern of the world around you? Be specific!
2.) How did your actions “become similar in form, nature or character” to those in this world who do not know the God of the universe? What got you to the place you are at now? What compromises did you make along the way?

Paul doesn’t give us any leniency here. He says DO NOT. He doesn’t say try not to or do your best not to, he says flat out DO NOT. There is no wiggle room here. There is no allowance for some conformity in some areas. But, thankfully, he gives us the answer on how to stop acting in accordance with our worldly counterparts.

Paul goes on to say:
But be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Why did Paul go from telling us to stop our actions that make us look no different from our non-Christian neighbors to talking about our minds? Because all actions have a thought that precedes them. Let me repeat myself. ALL actions have a thought that precedes them.
Your Thoughts:
1.) Look back at your answers above. What thoughts preceded the actions that conformed you to the pattern of the world?

Let’s take a look at how we are to truly get a hold on the power our minds have over our actions.
Transformed is defined as: “to change markedly the appearance or form of”. As Christians, we are to change markedly our appearance and form from the rest of the world.

Your Thoughts:
1.) Honestly, does your form or appearance (and I don’t mean the physical kind) look much different from the non-Christians you know? Why or why not?
Before you start worrying (which the whole point of this is to learn to NOT worry), let’s look at how we are to change ourselves “markedly.”

By the renewing of your mind.
Renewal is defined as: “to begin or take up again; to restore or replenish; to revive; to begin again.”

When I think of renewal, I think of two things: spring and the library. In springtime, there is a period when all that has died off because of the cold harshness of winter gets to come alive again in spring. There is a period in which we get to start again. I think of the library because those 2 weeks never seemed like a long enough time to finish the pile of books we so eagerly checked out. There is that chance to get more time to finish what we started, to get to the best part.

Our minds too need that time to get to the best part. We need that time to restore or replenish what has been lost throughout our day. We need a chance to start anew after our fears and sorrows creep in. We need to begin new once again with our list of reminders for the day: I will act kindly towards others. I will not fear. I will find hope. I will show love. I will be Christ-like. I will trust the Lord, my God, with all my heart. I will not lean on my own understanding.
Friends, if you are tired, and I know you are because I know I am, of the constant battle inside of you that pulls you to and fro with a desire to be Christ-like yet the weight of fear and depression pulling you wayward, start renewing your mind: daily, hourly, every waking second.

Renew your mind through:
1.) Reading His thoughts: If you want to change your actions, you have to change your thoughts. Your thoughts are most likely to be a lot like this world’s because that is our nature, our fallen, sinful nature. Start replacing your thoughts with His thoughts through reading your Bible daily. Do you have a time devoted to this each and every day?
2.) Repeating His thoughts: We didn’t even talk about this, but how much is our mind, our actions and our words tied together. Thoughts become words, words become action. If you want your actions to no longer be a reflection of those who don’t know Christ, replace your words with His. Memorize scripture. Repeat scripture: to yourself and to others. You can’t ever be in the wrong if your words are a direct reflection of God.
3.) Understanding His thoughts: You cannot grow in your understanding of the God you serve unless you challenge yourself in digging deeper than the simple open the Bible to whatever page it happens to fall open to, close my eyes and point at a verse, method of Bible study (and I know, because I was a devoted follower of this method for many a years). Read an entire book all the way through, get the complete picture. Read more about the scriptures through a Bible commentary or works by Christian authors. Challenge yourself. Take your understanding to the next level, whatever level you may be on.
4.) Seeking His thoughts: You cannot renew your mind without seeking God’s power of change over it. Ask him constantly to help with your daily renewal. Pray that His thoughts would become your thoughts so that your actions would no longer be like those who do not know Him.

The truth is that in order for us to not be held captive by the same fears and depression that grips those who do not know the Prince of Peace is that we must be in a constant state of renewal, of change within ourselves. It doesn’t mean that we won’t slip back into exhibiting the same patterns of the world, but it does mean that they only way out of it will require a certain amount of action on our parts to change our minds to reflect the peace from God that transcends all understanding.

Look at your patterns again. The ones that you struggle with: whether it be depression, anxiety, addiction, or anything else. Now look at how much time you spend in your daily renewal process. How much time are you spending in order to be “markedly different” than those who do not know Christ? It will be tough. Things will get in the way. Lives will get busy. Satan will convince you of more important things to do, but living a life free from the patterns of the world is a process we must complete each and every moment of every day we are here on this Earth.

Your Thoughts:
1.) What do you need to do work on your daily renewal process?
2.) How can you keep yourself accountable to make sure you renew your mind?
3.) What prayer do you need to pray in order that you can be transformed each and every day into someone who is markedly different and does not conform to the pattern of this world?

Here's to renewal...

Until next time,
-C.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

An itch...

I've been having an itch to write lately. Not just more of my ramblings. I mean the cohesive stuff, maybe devotional or bible study type stuff. I thought I could use my blogging friends as my guinea pigs (which are eaten in some South American countries so beware...and yes, they too taste like chicken!). I've been praying for God to give me that one big idea, but He keeps saying to me to start small.

So, I need your help. Topic ideas. Spiritual questions. What is the bible study topic you wish you had research on but can't find out there? I'll do the leg work! Anything to get me started. Post it in my comment section and feel free to do it anonononononomously.

I am thinking a little study on the Proverbs 31 woman...that is always a good place to start. Stay tuned!

Here's to inspiration...

Until next time,
-C.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

They will know we are Christians by our ?????

I can understand atheists. I mean when you look at Christians in the world today who proclaim there is a God, they don't seem any different from their non-Christian counterparts. When I look back at some of my most hurtful memories, many of them were done to me by fellow Christians. When I look at the wrongs I've seen done, many were committed by those who confessed with their mouths that they know the Son of God.

Statistically, we are no different as those who don't know Christ. The divorce rate is the same. The use of pornography is the same. The way we act at work towards our bosses is the same. The way we yell at our children is the same. Cheating, lying, gossip, selfish ambition is all the same in Christian and non-Christian circles. In the world today, there truly is nothing that delineates Christians from non-Christians.

I think about how bad we messed this one up. We were supposed to be a light. We were supposed to show something that others would want. Instead, we argue, bicker, hold resentment, act in malice and conceit, are self-righteous and act just the same as the world except we cloak it under a veil of God.

How it must truly sadden Him to see His children fight amongst themselves so much. How it must break His heart to realize the ones who know His love aren't showing it to those they encounter.

I know there are some who are truly good at showing God's love through their actions. There are some who truly act Christ-like in all that they do. I know I am not there yet, but I desire to be. I want to allow someone to slap my face and to turn and offer them the other side without grumbling constantly about the wrong they've done against me. I want to shut my mouth of judgement and gossip. I want to view people through the eyes of the one who created them and see a beautiful, glorious, and wonderful creation. Yet, I often find myself filled with bitterness, anger, and selfish desires instead.

The good news is that everyday is a day to try again to get it right. Everyday presents a new opportunity to be more Christ-like in our daily encounters so that maybe just one person will see in us something they desire and realize who it came from. It requires us to ask God to give us the chance to show His love and the strength to be His love in the face of opposition.

I've had a lot of hurts happen recently. A lot of chances for Satan to plant his seeds of anger and bitterness and resentment. I am fighting him tooth and nail to keep those seeds from being planted. God keeps reminding me that I don't have to fight it alone. I have discovered the best way to turn the thoughts I have about people from forming into a poision to my soul is to pray for them. Sounds cliche, but I have been just praying blessings on people and situations that have hurt me or those I love. I do it through gritted teeth, mind you, as it is a challenge to wish those who have done wrong to you blessings beyond their greatest imagination, but I do it none the less.

My prayer for us all as we are getting a chance to begin fresh in this New Year is that those who know the face of God will begin to act like it. My prayer is that statistically and practically Christians will be different in a positive way, that those who see us will desire to have what we have and know who we know. My prayer is that the world will finally say that there must be a God because no other way could a group of people act the way we act in times of trial, heartache, dissention, and sorrow. My prayer is that the song may finally ring true and they will know we are Christians by our love.

Here's to a new year...

Until next time,
-C.

P.S. If you are a regular blog follower, please add yourself to my "followers" list. It will make me feel important ;). Not really, I am just curious as to who actually reads this....

Sunday, December 14, 2008

A Different Kind of Christmas...

This year, my husband and I are setting out to have a different kind of Christmas. After what we've been through the last couple of months, a time of stressful consumerism didn't seem right. I wanted to forgo the whole season and just skip to the new year, but I knew A.) that was an impossibility our families would never allow, and B.) it would mean skipping the true meaning of Christmas.

So, we began thinking and praying about how to make this Christmas different. We decided on a "Debt Free Christmas" and asked our friends and family not to buy us gifts. I know...Christmas without gifts. It feels and sounds weird. Then, I got to thinking about it and really, Christmas with gifts is really the weird part. Here we are supposed to be celebrating the birth of our Savior, of our God and how do we do it? By buying people a lot of junk they don't care about and we can't afford. Nothing says, "Welcome Prince of Peace" like debt and stress, right?

I am not trying to condemn anyone but myself here. My focus has been lost when it comes to Christmas for years now. I really get swept away by finding the perfect gift, and making sure I get everything on my list by dropping the right hints at the right time to the right people.

It is going to be strange this Christmas with nothing to unwrap. But, I think it is going to be the most amazing Christmas ever where I can finally get out from under the noise of my own selfishness and see the true meaning of why we celebrate this season.

Here's to the best Christmas ever...

Until next time,
-C.

P.S. If you were considering buying us a gift, please don't or please choose a favorite charity to donate to in our honor. Here is one of my personal favorites, International Justice Mission, http://www.ijm.org/ .

Monday, December 8, 2008

The Road to Recovery...

I've always heard that saying, "The road to recovery." I never understood it because I really never had anything to recover from. Or I always thought it was meant in reference to addiction or injury, not to life's valleys.

I think I have finally understood this saying. When a trauma happens or anything in life that permanently alters who you are, there is a "road" that we all must travel down. I am not sure what the destination is. I don't think it is meant to be getting us back to being the same as we were before because if that were true then all we go through in life would be meaningless and just a cruel joke by a higher power. No, I think the destination is to become more than we were. The destination is to take the hurts, the pains, the injuries and to allow them to heal and make us stronger than we ever have been. Well, at least that is what I imagine at the end of my "road to recovery."

I think the hardest part about the road is that often we travel it alone. From the outside, we can look all put back together but on the inside we are still reeling from the damage. No one else can share our exact experience because we all experience things differently. So, while a tragedy may affect many people, each person will have their own road that they must travel. I think part of our humanity yearns so much to just know that someone else has shared in our pain or has known what we have gone through. And God tells us that this is part of the reason we go through tough times. It is alot like the epitome of trickle down economics (not the reality because well, let's face it, in practice, the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer, but I am not going to digress into a socio-political discussion :) ). You see God comforts us in our times of need so that when we encounter those with hurts and pains, we can be a comfort to them and they can feel God's comfort through us. It is a brilliant idea that we hopefully all realize our part in the great comfort economy.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinithians 1:3-5

It is so easy to get sucked into the "woe is me" rut and feed ourselves dramatic lies of how our pain is perhaps the worst pain ever endured. It is easy to forget the blessings we encounter every day. It is hard to view the difficulties as blessings to be discovered.

Here's to safe travels down your road...

Until next time,
-C.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Accentuate the Positive...

Remember that scene in The Jungle Book where Baloo starts singing:
"You've got to accentuate the positive,
Eliminate the negative,
And latch on to the affirmative,
Don't mess with Mister In-Between!"
Who knew such profound advice could be given by a large singing, dancing bear? Well, it could. There is positivity all around us and we just got to stop and accentuate it sometimes.
Here is my positive...
-My little girl says "taco day" when we head for Mexican food. How cool is that?? She also says "pine cone", "ohhhh, man", "come on, dad", and is quite the mimic which is teaching us the importance of words. She also dances and can lip synch. A star in the making! I have never met a person as funny as her...she may even be funnier than me!
-My husband mocks my cooking because let's just say, I don't know how to cook from a box. For instance, tonight's menu: Breadcrumb and parmasean crusted chicken, Asiago and rosemary roasted potatoes, and green beans in a garlic butter sauce. What? I thought that is how everyone cooks...He mocks it because he loves it. And he loves me. Deeply.
- My cousin is going to Sudan soon to deliver Bibles and help with their water system. He has a pregnant wife who is staying home while he goes. I am amazed by the courage and fortitude some people have in following what God calls them to do. I aspire for that.
- My little sister is smarter than I ever was at her age. In fact, she may be smarter than I ever was. Just don't tell her that. It goes to her head.
- I've seen miracles. A lot of them. A lot of them very recently.
- I always thought my mom could take care of anything. I was right.
- After everything that has happened, I feel whole again...sometimes. And sometimes I don't. And I am ok with it, either way.
- At the end of the day, I have an amazing life, but what makes it amazing are the people in it. That is perhaps the biggest positive.
Here's to accentuation...
Until next time,
-C.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Thanksgiving

"It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."
Dear Blogging Friends,
I wish I was at a place where I could share my whole story. I am not there and I doubt I will ever be. But, I do want to share this. God is extremely faithful. In the darkest of depths, in the highest of heights, God is forever the same.
This Thanksgiving, I am perhaps the most grateful for the wonderful gifts God has blessed me with. My greatest gift has been having Him by my side through the most traumatic event of my life so far. He has shown me that circumstance does not dictate His faithfulness. He has shown me that peace is not governed by what is going on around me. He has shown me that above all else, He loves me so emphatically that I could never understand the depths. I am so thankful for that and so much more.
I give thanks for so much, but particularly the following:
- The Father and The Son: His ability to understand the future and His ability to guide the present.
-The Holy Spirit: an ever present "counselor".
- Family of Choice: the amazing family God has given me and allowed me to create with a kind, generous, loving husband.
- Family of origin: Imperfect, perhaps quite Broken but intensely loving.
- True friendship: the ones who love and support no matter how many miles may seperate you at any given moment.
- New beginnings: a new surrounding to call home and a new group of lives that are going to intersect with ours in the coming years.
- Hope: being able to see it through the haze of hopelessness.
- Change: seeing change and growth in myself and those around me.
- Peace: accepting the place where you are placed as being exactly where you were meant to be.
I am so thankful this holiday season. I have witnessed miracles in the past months and I am just so amazed at how this life has turned out. It is so far from what I imagined it to be, but I can already see that He truly does work all things for the good of those who love Him. ALL things.
Here's to thanksgiving...
Until next time,
-C.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Becoming steadfast...

"Firmly fixed in place. Immovable. Steadily directed. Unwavering. Firm in purpose, resolution, faith." These are the words that define steadfast. How often I fall from that mark! I feel, especially recently, as if I am on the most tremendous roller coaster with more loops and ups and downs than humanly imaginable. Lately, God has been revealing to me how we were not meant to live this way. We were meant to live fearlessly, "though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." (Psalm 46:2-3) Do you hear that bloggin' friends? The world around you can crumble, but you are to remain calm. To me, that is quite a tall order that I am finding myself failing at over and over again as I try to fill it.

So, how do we become steadfast in our faith? How do we become so fixed in our belief in our God that we can watch a mountain completely disintegrate into the ocean and still feel overwhelming peace? Don't worry, friends...I've done the research for you. Here is your answer to steadfast living...

I've been studying the Psalms and while I haven't gotten to this one quite yet, I went ahead and skipped ahead to answer the question of how to not be whisked away on this roller coaster of life.

Psalm 112 says:
Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
who finds great delight in his commands.

2 His children will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.

3 Wealth and riches are in his house,
and his righteousness endures forever.

4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.

5 Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely,
who conducts his affairs with justice.

6 Surely he will never be shaken;
a righteous man will be remembered forever.

7 He will have no fear of bad news;
his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.

8 His heart is secure, he will have no fear;
in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

9 He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor,
his righteousness endures forever;
his horn [d] will be lifted high in honor.

10 The wicked man will see and be vexed,
he will gnash his teeth and waste away;
the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.

The short answer: Righteous living

Yep, I won't even charge you for that. If you truly want to come into a steadfast life (notice the word looks awfully like steady), you have to live righteously. Now, this will ultimately lead you to the next question, how do I live righteously?

Well friends, there is someone who wrote much more eloquently than I ever could on just that topic. In fact, He collected all the "how to's", "in case of emergency" and so much more into a convenient, pocket sized book. Yep. The Book of Life. The Good Book. The Bible. The ultimate guide to living a righteous life, the answer to how to live steadfastly.

I've found that as I am being pulled up and down by life's circumstances, the more I need the answer to living steadfast. The more I need to remain immovable, firmly fixed, and unwavering. Destruction will come. This is an unavoidable fact. There will also be times of great happiness and elation. In both these times of sorrow and joy, we need to remain the same in our faith. It is easy to forget God in both situations: in the good times we often feel as though we don't need God and in the bad, we often feel as though He doesn't need us.

I so desire to be steadfast. Unfortunately, God made me human and I often find myself being pulled to and fro as life circumstances happen. God keeps reminding me that in Him I can find true steadiness and that is what I must cling to: now and tomorrow.

Here's to becoming unmovable...

Until next time,
-C.

Monday, November 17, 2008

A musical mode...

I have this memory of riding in my cousin's truck with all the windows down and blaring "Jane Says", singing at the top of our lungs, the day after I broke up with my high school boyfriend. It was such a healing moment and it just reminds me of the amazing restorative power music can have on our soul.

Anyway, I've been listening to a lot of music as of late. Here are some songs I am listening to:

Broken by Lifehouse



Forgive me by Missy Higgins


Slow Fade by Casting Crowns


Bon appetite...but with music...what would that be?

Here's to a song...

Until next time,
-C.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

An Update...

So, I thought I'd post an update on all the things going on...
- Church Search 2008: So, I think we found a church today. Much closer to what we are used to, not so Six Flags over Jesus...so, thank the Lord! Bad news: it is a bit of a drive (a little over 30 minutes), but we do pass a Krispy Kreme on the way so I think it all makes it worth it. (especially when the HOT sign is on, like this morning...oh yeah)
- We are official adults FRIDAY!! Yes, that is right, we will officially join adulthood with large amounts of debt and way too many responsibilities in that thing called home ownership. So excited!
- Continue to pray for me and our family. I know not all of you know the details of everything going on, but I ask that you pray anyway. We suffered through quite a traumatic event recently and are trying to figure out where we go from here. I have hope knowing that God uses the tragic to grow us in ways unimaginable to us. Already, I have found that things that were once of importance to me, have no bearing on my life anymore. This tragedy has already burned away some of the impurities and "junk" I had in my life and truly sent me into a state of focus as to what is important.

There was an entry in "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman that talked about suffering and how through the worst times, God uses suffering to make us better. She likened it to a rose. A rose smells beautiful as is, but to truly smell the beauty of the rose, you can crush it and it releases all its essence, all its fragrance and all its beauty. We are like that. To truly get to the beauty and the fragrance that each of us possess, God sometimes uses the crushing times to release what He desires us to. I thought that was a powerful visual. I see myself as a crushed rose right now, and for the first time since everything happened, I am beginning to be open to the possibilities of how God is going to use this crushed rose through my suffering. On another note, "Streams in the Desert" is a great daily devotional for anyone going through any kind of trial or difficulty. And let's face it, if you are human, most days you will encounter some sort of trial or difficulty.

Here's to new adventures, new lessons, and a new lease on life...

Until next time,
-C.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I'm not Alright

This is one of my favorite songs (it is by Sanctus Real) and quite fitting right now for me, don't you think? Anyways, I hope you enjoy.



Here's to good music...

Until next time-
-C.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

His words...

3 Send forth your light and your truth,
let them guide me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you dwell.
4 Then will I go to the altar of God,
to God, my joy and my delight.
I will praise you with the harp,
O God, my God.
5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
-Psalm 43:3-5
There is a timelessness about God's word. I mean, no matter what your emotion, what your circumstance, what your issue is, there are words in the Bible that speak directly to you and your moment. Seriously. Try it sometime. Feeling down? Look at some of the Psalms. Feeling joyful? Well, you could look to some Psalms for that as well. In fact, Psalms is a good place to start no matter what your emotion. Anyway, the point is that human experience and all its frailty and triumph can be found neatly bound in virtually every language in various versions. It can even be found on your iPhone or on that electronic book thing you ordered from Amazon.com after Oprah told you that you HAD to have it.
What an amazing gift we have lying at our fingertips! We all seek to find understanding. We all seek to find others who know what we are actually talking about. We all seek to find someone or something who has experienced what we are experiencing. We all seek. Some are even blessed enough to find. The answers are often right in front of us if we just pick it up and open it.
There is hope in knowing that no matter where you are today or where you will be tomorrow, the God of the universe has already been there and back and is ready and willing to carry you through it. You just have to ask.
Here's to the answers to the questions....
Until next time,
-C.

Monday, November 10, 2008

What to do in times of crisis...

This past week, I've endured the greatest personal crisis of my life. While I am not ready to share the details with the entire www, I did want to share some things with you. I've had many friends go through times of crisis recently as well and always felt as though I didn't know what to do. Here is what I've found to be helpful and while it might not apply to everyone in every situation, it may help you help someone in their time of need:

1.) Don't ask the question, "How are you?" It is often a stupid question that makes it difficult to respond to and often times, leaves those in crisis lying and saying "fine" or "I am ok."
2.) It is ok to check in on people as long as you let them know that if they don't want phone calls or you to come over that you won't be offended if they say so. Continue to do so, even if you don't get a response. The person may just not be ready to respond yet, but it is nice to know that people are there and care for them.
3.) Allow people to feel what they feel without judgement or ridicule. People handle situations differently so allow people to handle crisis in their own way so long as it doesn't harm themselves or others.
4.) Don't tell people what to think or do in times of crisis unless they specifically ask for your opinion.
5.) Don't ask a lot of questions without first asking if they are willing to talk about the crisis. I got cornered at church yesterday with some lady who was not getting the hint that I did not care to talk about it with her. I finally told her the situation so she'd leave me alone, but felt very angry and violated that someone wouldn't stop asking me questions, especially a stranger.
6.) Do not gossip or share other's personal crisis for entertainment purposes. Even the "prayer request" can turn into a way to gossip so be weary of the amount of details you share. If you are ever in question, share less rather than more.
7.) Ask what you can specifically do. Offer what you are specifically willing to do. For instance, "Can I make you all a meal?", "Can I watch the kids for you?", etc. Sometimes saying something general may not be helpful because depending on the person they may not feel as though you are willing to help so "call me if you need anything or want to talk" may not be specific enough in helping them.
8.) Pray. Often times, that truly is the only thing one can do in times of crisis.

Everyone will go through some type of crisis at one point or another. The severity or damage done is quite relative as to each person their crisis may feel like the biggest crisis in the world, so never minimize someone else's pain. You have no clue about their experiences so what may seem like nothing to you, may be something very painful to them.

I've been surprised at people's responses to crisis. I am usually on the other end, consoling a dear friend going through something, but it has made me wonder, have I ever reacted this way? Have I ever not contacted someone who I knew was enduring a painful situation? Have I ever said the wrong things to make them feel more pain? I just pray I have not, but you never know how your actions affect other people. This is no way meant to condemn anyone, but I am just wondering about myself and if my responses to other people's crisis' have been what they needed at the time. I know from now on, I am definitely going to be more aware as to what people may need in times of heartache.

Here's to learning something new....

Until next time,
-C.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Psalm 103

Of David. 1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,

nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
Psalm 71:20

Monday, October 27, 2008

Six Flags over Jesus...

My cousin has this term. Six Flags over Jesus. He uses it to refer to those churches that are, well more like theme parks than a gathering place of believers. You know the types. The mega churches you pass on the road going, "is that a church or a sports arena?" Now, before I go any further, I must say that this is by no means meant to be a judgement. Just a series of questions that I myself do not know the answers for.

Anyway, yesterday we tried a new church on our church home search. It was unique just like our last adventure. As we pulled onto the church street, we saw people walking, yes walking about a block away. When we got closer, we realized the problem. There was not enough parking. And it wasn't like they didn't have a big lot or something, they did. It was just full. The building was incredible. I had my Six Flags moment going, is that the church? But, it is amazing what $17 million dollars can build...yes, $17 million. Anyway, after finding a spot in the woods across from the church, we headed into the church. Walking in, I felt like I was in a convention center or a hip downtown hotel. The foyer was enormous with high 2 story ceilings, modern furniture, the works. We headed down to drop Grace off at the children's area. As we were walking, we passed the coffee shop that made a Starbucks look like a hole in the wall. We also passed the bookstore, the Barnes and Noble-esque "resource center" where they are now offering gift cards to give to friends. Yes, this church offered gift cards to its own bookstore.

We dropped Grace off, after walking down a series of corridors and having her hands sanitized by the lady in the nursery. Then, it was off to the worship center. Here we were sat in the middle of a row about 10 from the front. I began to get closterphobic as we were scrunched in. The giant 2 video screens on either side of the stage showed the band as the fog machines began to blow and the light show began. The music was good. Almost as good as Gabe back at our church in FL, ok, not almost, but it was good nonetheless. The preaching was fine, but I couldn't seem to concentrate as I scanned the room as the enormity of everything.

I have a lot of questions about churches today. I know they won't be answered anytime soon, well maybe, if I die, but until then, I just have questions. America has begun to want their churches like everything else in their lives. Fast. Technological. Conveinent. This is not necessarily a bad thing that churches are changing in order to reach the needs of the people, but I wonder, when we as a body spend millions on a building, something that will eventually crumble, while people are starving, dying, and in need all over the world, does this please God? Is this His vision for His people's use of the resources He has blessed them with? Do American's need to change their beliefs of what a church needs to give them so that the church can give what God needs them to?

Six Flags over Jesus churches have an important role in our society. They attract the seekers, the ones who aren't sure if they want to believe in God or who have thought of church as the uncool place to be. These churches play an integral role in bringing my generation back into the doors of God's holy place, a place where statistics show those under 30 are less likely to be. They serve a purpose. I just wonder if that purpose could be met without all the bells and whistles.

We may go back to this church, who knows? We have a couple more to try. Rick and I both realize that church isn't the place to get fed, it isn't the place to have all your needs met. The Lord is the only one that can fill that bill so we don't have unrealistic expecatations of our church home. We do seek a place where we think the will of God is being sought, the people are desiring to bring newcomers into their church family, and that we feel will help us grow our child in Christ. I am not sure this place is it, but we will pray, wait, and see.

Here's to getting off the Jesus ride and coming into a true relationship with the Lamb of Peace...

Until next time-
-C.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Crushed in Spirit

"The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
-Psalm 34:17-18
Have you ever been "crushed in spirit"? I think that is such a fantastic description of a phase we all endure at one time or another. That sensation of having your inner most self completely broken. I look around this world and I see that so many of us are truly crushed in spirit, brokenhearted and in need of deliverance.
Sometimes this brokenness comes in a wave, a period of time, a momentary existence, but for some, this is a constant, a way of life. To live crushed in spirit, is to live a way that we were never meant to be. We were never meant to live with such brokenness that was swayed by our daily circumstances. We were meant to live in victory. I know it is a terrible cliche of a Christian term, but it is truth. We were meant to be more than conquerors of our day to day drama.
My heart aches for those who have not learned that they can live through even the toughest stuff in life with a sense of victory, a sense of joy, a sense of peace and a sense of restoration. The saddest part is that I know and love people who live crushed in spirit on a daily basis. I myself sometimes forget that I too have the Creator of the Universe close to my broken heart, and saving my crushed spirit. I have a deliverer in the midst of the terrible. That alone should make us all leap for joy and to become whole again.
Here is to the King of the brokenhearted...
Until next time,
-C.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

BFF

Today my little lady and I had a mommy-daughter date to check out the mall in our new home as well as search for a Ball gown for me. She was her usual delightful self: filled with hi's, hello, buh-byes, mamamamama, and so much more. It got me thinking...if God had brought me a line of babies and said, "ok for one time and one time only, I am going to give you, a mortal, the chance to hand pick your child", she is hands down the one I would have selected. She is so smart, funny, and independent, which while it can be a struggle, is also a joy to see her become her own little person. If my child would have been that of another, I would have thought to myself, now that is the kid I wish I had. She is just that cool.

I guess I get confused by a lot of mothers I see out and about. So many seem to have lost that joy and adoration of their little ones. I know it is hard work, I know it is tiring, but so many mothers nowadays seem as though they wish they never had their precious gift from God. It is such a gift to get a second chance to view life from the eyes of innocence, from the eyes of the unscathed, from the eyes of the unbroken. Being an adult sucks more times than not, and it is just such a relief to see someone who isn't bogged down with the troubles of the world and who just wants to explore the possibilities that await her. I need that more than anything right now. I am so grateful for her and her cute, joy-filled spirit. The point of all this is to just remind myself of the joys I have in my life right now in the midst of hard times and as well as in times of the mundane or ordinary.

In other news, I did find a dress for the ball. It came at a cost for my little one. While at David's Bridal, I allowed her the opportunity to "explore" (aka get into trouble). She began running full speed, not realizing that no...that isn't just a big hallway, but rather a room full of mirrors. I couldn't help but laugh after she straight up Mario Andretti'ed herself into a wall of reflection. Ouch. Sorry kid, I'll pay the therapy bill on that one, but it was too funny.

Here's to the littlest BFF...whom I would have chosen had I been given the chance.

Until next time-
-C.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Free Ice Cream...

Today G. and I went on an errand run all across town. Afterwards, I took her to the park and then out for ice cream for her willful cooperation during our trek. While in the ice cream store, the man in front of us started chatting. He noticed my USMC sweatshirt and asked if I or my husband was in the Military. I said my husband, of course (all though we all know who the REAL Marine is in this relationship ;) ). He asked a couple of questions about what he did, when he was going to deploy and the like. He told me to tell my husband thank you for his service.

After we got our ice cream, G. and I went to pay. The woman at the counter said not to worry about it because it was taken care of. I asked her by whom and she said that she and the man in front of us had split it. I was a little taken aback, but it is not in my nature to argue with free ice cream so I graciously accepted and fed G. her treat.

This has only happened to us twice where someone has paid for something for us when they found out we were military. It always shocks me. I guess I forget what it is we are a part of sometimes because we live in a world that doesn't quite appreciate the military like it once did during the World Wars. I am used to getting laughed at when I ask for military discounts and "ma'am, everyone here is military, we can't give discounts" so imagine my surprise when we get a thank you.

I know this life is tough sometimes, and we haven't gotten to the truly tough stuff yet, but I also know it is filled with blessings. I have friends who are worrying about job security or health care for their children and those are things we never have to even think about. Granted, my friends don't have to worry about the daily safety of their spouses when they go to work, but even that is not true. None of us are guarenteed tomorrow and while my husband could get injured doing what he does, he could live a long life of health while someone like my cousin can lose her husband in a car accident after his daily trip to the gym.

We willingly chose this life. We knew the risks. We knew the benefits. But, even so, it is always such an unexpected surprise to have someone show their appreciation for the sacrifices we have to make as a military family.

Here's to free ice cream...

Until next time-
-C.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Home is where...

I've been wondering lately...when does a place become your "home"? It is strange because North Carolina should have quickly become my home again. I know a lot of the area, my family and my husband's family are near by, and I know the "way of life" here pretty well (all though, it often baffles me...). So, it should have very easily melded back into being "home" for me.

But, after you leave your parents house, the longer you are away from it, the more and more it dissolves from being called "home." You all know the cliches, "you can never go home again," "home is where the heart is," etc. etc. I guess with adulthood, the definition of home can become convoluted and not as straight forward of an answer when you were a child.

We haven't gotten "plugged in" here yet. We have had a lot going on: personal stuff, house buying stuff, busy work schedules, etc. We haven't moved into our new house yet so we are still Marine Corps gypsies. In Florida, we had a very full life as well, filled with a variety of people and activities. Right now, we have a lot of things going on here, but that feeling of home is not here yet.

I have faith it will come eventually. It is just hard, because our previous home doesn't feel like home either, so we are in a state of homelessness. Having those you love surrounding you definitely makes it easier to begin to feel at home, but I wonder if part of getting that feeling is a certain amount of familiarity that only comes with time and adventure. I really don't know...

Consider this: "Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands." 2 Corinthians 5:1 (NIV). Home truly does not exist in the form of a building, a certain location or a specific person. Our true home is immovable, unchanging and everlasting. We don't have to move...ever. We don't have to start anew with new friends, new church, new activities, or a new house. It is difficult to get our human standards to understand this truth. We equate home with these things. We feel unrest until we have a certain life or schedule. But, the reality is that no matter where we live, our home will forever be the same...if we so choose.

Here's to finding home...

Until next time-
-C.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Jonah

1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
"In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave [a] I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
3 You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
4 I said, 'I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.'
5 The engulfing waters threatened me, [b]
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you brought my life up from the pit,
O LORD my God.
7 "When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
8 "Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
9 But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the LORD."
10 And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

I may have posted this before, but God keeps bringing back to the prayer Jonah prayed from inside the whale. When you look at it closely, you will see it is not a prayer for deliverance, but a prayer of thanksgiving. Thanksgiving in the midst of a storm and despair.

Here's to thanksgiving...

Until next time,
-C.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

House buying and other stresses...

So, we have been spending the past couple of weeks in search for THE house. Granted, this is our first home buying experience so THE house is not supposed to be anything spectacular. But, it is hard when there are certain things you want in a house...

I never realized how much stess this whole house buying thing is...you have to decide where you want to live for an extended period of time and you better be sure you are right, because if not, you are stuck with something you aren't particularly fond of. Then, add in the stress of an agent, who may or may not help your stress level. They have their ideas and favorite areas as well, so it can add another guessing game of are they trying to help me or help themselves.

Today, I think we may have found it though...THE house. We will have to see what God says about the whole thing, but you never know. It is just so much stress anticipating: will they accept an offer if we "lowball" as they say?

But, the good part is, this marks a new chapter in our lives. We are becoming more and more "official adults." Who knew it was so difficult? I guess I finally understand what parents were always saying about how hard adulthood is...

Here's to new phases....

Until next time-
-C.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Britney...

I heard this song on the radio today. It alludes to Britney Spears, but the singer, Bebo Norman, says it is more about the way the world has forced such destructive views onto women and girls. I think about this concept a lot having a little girl myself and a little sister, who will face more in their teenage years than I will have my entire life. I think about how am I going to teach them to love themselves and to have a positive self-image, when I know it is something I as well as countless others, have struggled with through the years. I wonder how I can lead them through this world unscathed by the evil that exists against women.

Satan has launched a full flege attack against women. He fills our minds with lies as to what is important. He fills our hearts with discontent about ourselves and our bodies. He confuses us with our choices: working mothers have guilt for working, stay at home mothers feel a sense of "what if." He puts images in our culture that create an unattainable standard and yet, we believe it is attainable and expected of us. In fact, in some countries, the attack of Satan is so violent that women are mutilated, raped, and even killed. Before you go thinking I am talking about Africa or another foreign land, turn on the news and you will see the violence is right in your backyard, you yourself or a loved one may have experienced it.

So long as Satan finds willing victims, he will continue his attack. Are you ready to stop him? Are you ready to believe the truths about who you are and what you are worth? Are you ready to stop focusing on the imperfections of your temporary vessel and focus on the truth that you are fearfully and wonderfully made? I know I am sure tired of the constant evaluation of what lies in the mirror...

Below is the link and lyrics to the song, "Britney" by Bebo Norman. Listen to it...


Yet again, as I finished this, parts of my work were lost due to an internet connection failure. This is the first time the internet connection has failed since we got here...someone didn't want me to post this.

Here is to no longer accepting the lies...

Until next time-

-C.



http://musicremedy.com/audio/index.cfm?FuseAction=ShowAudioPlayer&AudioId=25329&Quality=5



"Britney" By Bebo Norman
Britney im sorry for the lies we told
we took you into our arms and then left you cold
britney im sorry for this cruel cruel world
we sell the beauty but destroy the girl
britney im sorry for your broken heart
we stood aside and watched you fall apart
im sorry we told you fame would fill you up
and money moves the man so drink the cup
i know love goes around the world we know
and you never see it coming back
you never see it coming back
i know love goes around the world we know
and you never see it coming back
but i can see it coming back for you
yes coming back for you
britney im sorry for the stones we throw
we tear you down just so we can watch the show
britney im sorry for the words we say
we point the finger as you fall from grace
i know love goes around the world we know
and you never see it coming back
you never see it coming back
and i know love goes around the world we know
and you never see it coming back
but i can see it coming back for you
yeah, its coming back for you,
yeah, its coming back for you,
yeah, its coming back for you,
yeah britney i do believe that love has come here
for the broken here for the ones like us
i know love goes around the world we know
and you never see it coming back
you never see it coming back and
i know love goes around the world we know
and you never see it coming back
but i can see it coming back
i know love goes around the world we know
and you never see it coming back
you never see it coming back
i can see it coming back for you
its coming back for you... yeah

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Feels good to mingle with these laid back country folks, huh Harr?

Well, today Grace and I went exploring our new "home." It seems it will be our new home for at least the next 4 years as hubby was told today that he would be permanently stationed here. I guess there is our answer. Part of me really wanted Cherry Point, but part of me wanted here because it is so close to Wilmington, which I am discovering is an awesome city. (I did live there for a summer back in college, but obviously, didn't get to explore it that much...) Anyway, hubby and I have been discussing potentially staying in the area we are currently in, living near the beach because well, we love the beach.

So, today baby and I ate at this cute little bakery/cafe. As we were coming out, Grace had shoved her face with goldfish and was holding my hand as we walked. This old lady walked past us and said, "What a cutie!" Grace didn't react as she was focused on walking and not choking. Then, the lady had the nerve to say, "Not very friendly, but cute!" At this point, enraged mommy disease kicked in and I thought of shoving the old lady off the curb. I know, I know...not very Christian. But, I just couldn't believe this woman had the audacity to say something in the 1.5 second interaction she had with my child and the fact that Grace is perhaps the happiest, friendliest kid out there. So, I walked past her and did not respond...mom did good and did not cause bodily harm to the mean local.

Then, we went to the nearby playground. While I was putting Grace in a swing, this bratty little kid, who looked to be Grace's twin in about 2 years, came up and started pushing the swing as I was trying to get her legs in. She kept saying, "no, this is my swing." I just grabbed Grace and we swang in piece together on another swing.

Afterwards, we headed to a "Luna Pops" store. It is basically an ice cream shop, but instead of ice cream, they sell homemade popsicles. Grace has nana as she likes to say and I a strawberry. It was fun just hanging out and exploring with my girl, in spite of the rudeness of those we encountered.

So, here's to finding your way around and not hitting old ladies ;).

Until next time-
-C.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Being in a Foreign Land

"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God."
Hebrews 11:8-10

This move has left me feeling something I have never felt before in my entire life...I have moved over 10 times, lived in about 7 different states, and over 9 cities. So, I know the emotions that go with moving. But, for the first time, I have felt like an alien in a foreign land. This has been quite shocking to my system. You see, I expected to be moving to the closest thing I have considered a "home" state in a long time, yet this area is completely different than the one I am used to near Raleigh. The layout of the land is strange to me. The people are different. The city is odd. I feel as though I have moved somewhere outside the United States and I don't speak the language.

I guess it really hit me today when we tried a new church. I have never been so overwhelmed at a church before. It was wonderful in that it was extremely diverse, but it was chaotic during worship. The preacher talked in a way that I could hardly follow. The music was unlike any I had experienced. I knew it wasn't where we were meant to be. My husband said it was a "typical military church," which I had thought would be a good thing because well, we are military. However, I have come to learn that military churches take a variety of styles due to the diverse nature of those in the military, and blend them into one. It was very unique, just not what I am used to. Afterwards, we tried a Mexican restaurant. Those who know me know the vital importance of this. However, it too was not what we were used to.

I feel as though I don't know where things are, I don't know the people here and for the life of me, I cannot figure out the thought process of those in this city's planning. My husband says that this is a typical military town, which is perhaps the greatest shock. I thought I had spent the past 4 years in typical military towns, but boy was I wrong. The towns before this one had other aspects to them besides the military, whether it be large cities near by or tourist attractions. This place was built around the military, which is an entirely different ball game.

It is just such an odd feeling to experience and such a culture shock since I was expecting what had come before. I guess that is a good lesson though. Sometimes we have this belief that we have experienced all emotions, all experiences, all potential outcomes when in fact there are several in the realm of experience we have never had.

Now, don't get me wrong...I am very content right now. I have just come to realize that my expectations were a bit off skew and I need to reevaluate this understanding of what military life truly is about. It may have more aspects to it than I had previously considered. I also have come to realize that if we do end up staying here, we will hopefully find a home further from the base near the beach where we are now, so I won't feel so discombobulated. The beach is so calming to me.

The good news is that we are all foreigners at one time or another. If we have a belief in God, we are all foreigners in this world, belonging elsewhere, but visiting for a short time. I know that I am not alone in this land that is my new "home". I am not quite sure I can call it that yet. Coupled with the sensation of being a gypsy, it has just given me such an understanding of what Abraham must have gone through as he searched for the promised land.

Anyway, I know this one is kind of random...but so is this town.

Here's to being a foreigner....

Until next time-
-C.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

The storms...

Several years ago, I watched Jeremy Camp (a Christian rock singer) give his testimony. If you don't know his story, Jeremy fell in love with and married a woman who was dying of cancer. I don't remember all the details, but she eventually went home to be with the Lord. What struck me most about Jeremy's story is that he talked about the moment she passed. As he sat next to her bed and her last breath was exhaled, God told Jeremy to lift his hands and praise God in that moment. In his moment of loss and mourning, Jeremy was obedient to what God told him. I always come back to that thought: praising God in moments of darkness or pain. Can I do it? Will I do it? I always wonder if it is possible.

God has been really working on this with me lately. He keeps bringing it up in my life and in my time with Him. Today, I read "Utmost for His Highest" and it too talked about the concept of praising God in the midst of life's storms. I couldn't help but wonder why...why does God call us to this seemingly unnatural response to life's difficulties? Perhaps the answer lies in the question. Perhaps the reason is because it is unnatural, it is not of this world. The world tells us to sulk in our pain. The world tells us we can use our pain as an excuse for any future actions. The world tells us that we don't need to take responsibility for ourselves if we have hurts. But, if we truly know the creator of this universe, we can know that although pain may come, we can be more than conquerors of our earthly troubles...let me say that again, we can be more than conquerors (Romans 8:37). Do you know how incredible that is to do more than just conquer the obstacles we face?

Life is throwing storms my way right now, devastatingly big ones. But, amazingly for the first time, I feel as though I am learning to praise God during this time. This song by Casting Crowns has been playing in my mind lately and I think it sums up what we are to do in times of hurricanes, lightning, and other "natural" disasters in our lives:
"I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm"
-Casting Crowns "Praise You in This Storm"

Here's to praising Him in the storms...

Until next time-
-C.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Crossing things off the bucket list...

The bucket list. That list of things you wish to do before you kick the bucket. Truth is, mine is not that long...I really just want to love hard, grow, and become as Christ-like as possible...no, serious. But, I do have a couple of other things on that list. One of them is to live at the beach. I have such a desire to have the ocean be my backyard, smell the salt in the air, and watch the sun go down every night on a rocking chair on a double decker porch.

Well friends...I can officially cross it off my list. I am sitting in an amazing beach house while we look for a house. It is incredible. The beach is literally a block behind us and on our front porch is the most amazing view of the intercoastal waterway.

There is something so centering about the ocean. I am completely off kilter these days and need to get back to my center. There is something about looking out into a vast ocean and realizing the creativity that exists in our Abba Father. There is no way to feel closer to the Lord than to sit upon a pile of sand and just look out into a never ending horizon. He knew I needed this at this exact point. He knew the events that would occur in my life before, during and after this move and how I would need His deliverance and peace. He gave it to me in the form of showing His greatness and strength through the beautiful landscapes He created.

I am just thankful that this family of mine will spend the next 2-4 months in this beautiful place. I am thankful that I just know that God is going to use this place for some rest, some healing, and some mercy. I need that desperately right now in my complete brokeness.

In other news, military life is still oh so uncertain. There is a chance we may be sent to another base for our permanant duty station, about 45 miles northeast of this one. We are going to volunteer for it and I am praying it works out. The reason we want to do it is because the area here (not at the beach, but the base) is just not the greatest area to live in. Imagine strip clubs and fast food joints for all the enlisted guys...not exactly family friendly. I feel a peace as though God is going to send us to the further base. I was reading our pastor's blog from our Florida church and he mentioned that his friends were visiting church one Sunday from NC. His friends had started a church in NC. Well, I clicked on the link and the church is located in the town we would live in if we have to go to the further base. It sounds silly, but every place we have lived I have found our church before we got there. I knew exactly the church we were meant to be at before we got to the new place. With this move, I didn't feel like I found it yet, then I clicked on the link from the pastor's blog and I felt like I found it. Only problem was it was too far from where we were being sent. Then, two days later, Rick talks to his friend who is here and told him they were sending guys to the other base. It seemed like a sign. Rick and I started talking and he said he'd rather be at the other base too. So, be praying...we'll see what God has in store.

Here's to crossing things off the bucket list...

Until next time-
-C.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Bittersweet...

I am sitting on my neighbor's (Navy) couch as the movers put more and more of our life into their truck. I just got back from the doctor with the little one. Apparently, the stress I've been feeling since preparing for the move lowered my immunity, allowing an annoying sinus infection/ head cold thing to creep into my skull. Then, I passed it to my poor little girl. So, this move has had an added amount of fun to it all.

This move is such a mix baged of emotions. I am SO excited to be so close to family and friends. I am SO excited to live in a beach house for a couple months while we search for our first home! I am SO excited of a new place to explore and old places I love. I am sad though too. I am sad to leave some of my friends that I know I may never see again. I am stressed to be in a state of limbo while we find a house. I am sad to leave our wonderful church. I am going to miss the new Publix...

There is so much to look forward too, but maybe it is this cold or stress that makes me feel a little bittersweet about it all.

For our NC people, see you sometime on Wednesday...call my parents house. For you FL people, I'll miss you, stay in touch.

Here's to bittersweet change...

Until next time-
C.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Looking forward...

Sometimes, the best way to deal with stress or anxiety, is to focus on the positives. Here are my positives...in no particular order.

What I am looking forward to in NC:
  • Being close to family and friends.
  • Bojangle's
  • NC State Fair in October and getting to take the little one to it for the first time in her life.
  • Having FREE babysitters for dinners, USMC Ball, and other dates yet to come.
  • Maggiano's
  • 518
  • Goodberry's Ice Cream
  • Southpoint, Triangle Town Center, and Crabtree Mall
  • Having the little one get to know her family and build memories with them.
  • Having the people who love me the most to support me when this military life gets too hard.
  • Spending the next couple of months in a beach house while we look for a home.
  • Buying our first house together.
  • La Cocina

In true C. fashion, many of the things I am looking forward to revolve around food :). What else would you expect from me?

Here's to accentuating the positive....

Until next time-

-C.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Desires of our Heart

Yesterday, after hours of pacing and mind racing, Rick finally found out what he will be flying...CH53's in North Carolina! I cannot tell you how excited we were! This means when we move (as soon as next week), we will be sent directly to NC. Having friends and family there makes it a whole lot less scary. We will be an hour and a half from home.

Alot of people would rather go on an adventure, go to a base as far from family as possible. I went through a time like that, but when I had a child I realized family and true friends are it in life. Very little matters besides those things. So, I am perfectly content with having the opportunity to be so close to them again!

I keep thinking how awesome it will be for our daughter to actually grow up around her grandparents, aunts and uncles. I never had that as a child, they were all just people I saw once or twice a year at family functions. She might actually have a deep relationship with them, which is so exciting!

I also am excited at the fact that I will have such an abundant amount of support when Rick deploys. The nights when I don't want to be alone, I'll just throw the babe in the back of the car and head up to C-ton. How exciting! Some people are of the school that you should never return home during a deployment. I am of the school that you do whatever you need to in order to survive during a deployment, and if that means being around the people who love you the most, then DO IT!

I am of course a bit sad at the prospect of leaving here. There are so many wonderful people in my life here, and I fear the day we are no longer in each other's daily lives. But, the good news is, we are in a small military so I am sure I will see many of these people again. I am also sure that the ones I've developed a close relationship with, will forever remain my friends. I thank God for them.

So, the moral of the story so to speak, is sometimes a dream can be deferred. Sometimes we don't get exactly what we want. Sometimes we end up with a second choice that may, in the end, have more benefit and more joy than the thing we originally wanted. Thank goodness God is in control and not us!

Here's to finding new desires of our heart...

Until next time-
-C.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Crossing the finish line...

Ahhhh, today I was able to inhale and exhale with the rush of peace flowing through my lungs. Yes, my blog readin' friends, my husband has officially completed his advanced flight training, and those oh so coveted Pensacola wings of gold will be placed ever so lovingly upon his chest, by yours truly. Praise GOD!!!

I must admit. His wing date as they call it (fancy word for graduation...) hung in the balance this weekend with the arrival of our friend, Gustav. We were told sometime on Sunday that he would in fact be pushed back to the next class, which meant 3 weeks of hanging around here with nothing to do but duty and other menial tasks as well as 5 non-transferable, non-refundable plane tickets down the drain. But, luckily for us, we received a call last night as we drove home from our "evacation" in Savannah saying he was on the schedule today and that he would be eligible to wing on 9/12 if he completed the flight. Oh, friends, how I prayed he would! I tried to be impartial, reasoning that if he didn't get it done, God had a better plan. But that God of mine had a lesson for me. The whole time I heard Him whispering trust me. As acts of nature and bad timing threatened my hopeful end to our time here, He said I can handle it. My mind raced with thoughts of yeah, but... and what if and many other man-sized barriers my mind had created. He kept whispering, without getting angry or upset with me and my human doubt, trust me. So, I decided it was my best option...to trust Him and I had resolved to be content no matter what the outcome. I can't explain the joy my heart lept with when I heard that we wouldn't have to wait any longer!

Don't get me wrong...I like it here, I like the people here, but my time is done. The next phase is awaiting and I am ready to jump into it and see where it leads us. God has just been working on me so these last couple of months. I feel as though I've been on an emotional rollercoaster, of which I did not meet the height requirement for. A lot of it has to do with the people in my life: some whom have struggled, some whom are hurting, some who have hurt me, some whom I am sure I have hurt. God made me realize that as we place more and more focus on the people, we can go faster and faster on the rollercoaster. Now don't mishear me...He wants us to be people focused in terms of helping and ministering, but He doesn't want them to be our god. He doesn't want them to control our contentment or discontentment. With our eyes firmly fixed upon Him, we can go around and around on the merry go round of life, up and down the rollercoaster of emotion, and to the greatest heights and lowest lows of the ferris wheel of expectations, all without one sensation of nausea, one feeling of dizziness, or a single fear of falling.

I realized that this weekend. I was sick of feeling sick from this amusement park. I wanted to feel His peace constantly. I wanted to not be thrown into the throes of anxiety and despair at the drop of a hat. So, I decided to pray that for myself this week, and continue to pray it. I hope you will pray it for me as well.

Our time here is coming to a close, and it is of course met with a mixed bag of emotions. Despite the bag, I my friends, have such a sense of calm and peace that I know I might not have if God hadn't changed me these past couple of months. There is so much in this life that we get so bent out of shape about that truly should not even nick us. There is so much that is more important than these momentary troubles and roller coaster rides. I pray we can all focus on such things!

Here's to a peaceful ride...

Until next time...
-C.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Down to the wire...

My husband is out flying as we speak. After that, he has just 1 day of flying left...1 day. However, thanks to the holiday weekend and a little fellow who is causing much stir in these parts named Gustav, he may not be able to make it in by the Wednesday deadline. One flight....it is all that seperates us from knowing our fate, where we are going next, if we can finally "settle" for awhile. One stinkin' flight.

It seems like God brings us to the wire a lot, especially my poor husband. His graduation from college came down to the wire. One class grade seperated him from his diploma. There are other times, other "ones" that have kept us hanging on, wondering if we are going to make it through. I often wonder the "why" of it all. Why can't it just be easy? Why can't we be without any doubt? But, God just keeps bringing back the lesson that is so hard to learn...patience.

Abraham had it. "And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. " Hebrews 6:15. He had the patience and the wisdom in my opinion to know that by waiting upon God, he would receive the promises God made to him.

But, I my friends, am not a patient person. I am a planner. Planners need to know now what awaits them. There are lists to be made, research to be done, preparations to be completed. Yet God wants the planners to know, that He has the ultimate list, He has done the research, and He has made the preparations, all of them. Why can't we just let Him handle it?

God has an opinion on my to do list:
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21.

So, while Gustav is causing people to get cash out of the ATM, gas in their cars, and as much bread and water as they can buy from the brand new Publix, it is causing me to learn yet again, the importance of patience. Patience in knowing that God has a plan and a timing that is perfect, no matter how much I desire to just know where we are going and what hubby will be flying. The good news is God has already gone to the next place and prepared so I don't have to: He has our house, our friends, our church, our lives all ready for us to move into...when the time is right.

Here is to learning patience...

Until next time,
-C.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Lots of lessons....

When my husband decided to join the military, God immediately laid it upon my heart to minister to military wives. I wasn't quite sure how as I am used to being the only girl in a group of boys. In Quantico, my house was usually filled with single Marines that I fed so that they would have some semblence of home cooking. I am not as "girly" as some so sometimes it can be hard for me to relate to women on topics of clothes and hair and so forth...its not that I don't care or don't want to be involved, it is just not that important to me, I'd rather be playing a sport or doing something active...so, when God laid it on my heart such a group, I was a bit confused.

I have been blessed these past couple of months to be a part of something extraordinary. God gave me the courage to start a bible study for military wives after realizing how hard it was to get involved in our church small groups, when it was over 30 minutes away. It began with just 9 women and has since grown to almost 40. In addition, a book club has been started as an offshoot from it. It has been truly a testament to God and His amazing power in bringing people together who may have otherwise never met.

It has also been a HUGE time of growth for me personally and spiritually. I've learned so much in such a short time, it has been amazing. God has used it to challenge me, to force me to go deeper in my own faith, and to keep going in times when I want to give up. He has taught me many a lesson through this time and this opportunity of leadership. I want to share some of the things I have learned about ministry, leadership, and answering the call God places on you...

1.) Ministry is TOUGH!! Who would have thought that having a pure motivation to bring women together for connection, fellowship and to learn about God would be so hard? It requires a lot of stamina, more than I have at times, at which point I just have to pray to God to fill me back up. For those who are in full time ministry, my hat is off to you!!
2.) There WILL be opposition when you try to answer God's call. No matter how pure your heart, how good your intentions, there will be moments when opposition come and attempt to derail your efforts. Sometimes, it can be the overheard grumbling about how you do things as a leader. Sometimes, it can come in a more overt form. Sometimes, things can go wrong despite best intentions. There is and will always be something that tries to get in the way as you work towards fulfilling God's purpose. I imagine myself skating down the road sometimes and Satan in a truck ahead of me, throwing stuff out of the back of the truck: balls, hockey sticks, anything to try to trip me up. Occasionally, I have fallen, scraped a knee pretty bad, but God picked me back up, dusted me off, and sent me back down the road.
3.) You cannot please everyone...well, this lesson He has been trying to teach me for oh so long, but I still don't get it. I really think there is a way to do it...still trying to figure it out though. Well, the truth is anytime you bring different personalities, different ideas, different ways of thinking together, there will be times when people aren't completely satisfied. I have tried to learn to not take it so personally, but like I said, God is still working on me on this one...
4.) Leadership is really just being a servant. Being a leader means being the absolute least. It means humbling yourself to the point of giving up as much of yourself as you possible can. It is hard to let go of the "me" and "I want" at times, but you HAVE to in order to truly help people.
5.) Don't sweat the details...It has been amazing to see how God has worked on the littlest of details at times, things I was ready to have a panic attack over. If you can learn to trust Him in everything, He will always provide the answers to the smallest of questions.
6.) God sets people in your path for a specific reason. This is what utterly amazes me. The women He brought together have distinct talents and gifts that He has used for specific purposes in my own life and the lives of those here. It is by no accident that I crossed paths with these women, they each have given me something, changed me in a way. Sometimes, even challenged me in a way to be better.
7.) When you set your heart on blessing others, you will end up being blessed more so than you can bless. My whole heart has always had a desire to help others and serve them...when I was in college, I thought it would be manifested through the legal profession. After college, I thought it would happen through teaching. Now, I feel like it will happen through ministry. In all those times, I have consistently found the more I tried to help: through volunteering, through ministering, etc., the more I just get blessed in return. It is amazing how that happens sometimes!

I'll share some more lessons later one perhaps...I probably should have thought this through more!

Here's to lessons learned...

Until next time-
-C.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

...

Another tragedy struck yet another friend today...I can't help but wonder what God is trying to show me through all this??? The only thing I can gather is to tell everyone I love them and how much they mean to me and to truly live each moment I am given.

Outside are the remnants of Tropical Storm, Fay. No destruction, just dreariness and a lot of rain.

Here's to praising Him in the storm...

Until next time-
-C.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Life verses...

Everyone has a life verse. A piece of scripture that serves as a guiding force for all else or a Biblical saying that acts as the goal to which we are striving. God has given me two verses that He has seared on my heart, on my mind, and on my soul.

The first comes to speak to my natural inclination. I am a worrier. Always have been, always will be. It is my thorn. Like Paul, I have begged and begged for God to take it away. Like Paul, God has allowed it to remain a part of me, forcing me to constantly be reminded that I need Him and need to seek Him to quell my anxious thoughts. I know without this thorn that is anxiety, I might be so self-reliant that I would just cruise through life without a constant focus on my Father. I need to be reminded that I cannot do it all on my own strength and for that reason, I praise God that He knew exactly what He was doing when He allowed the thorn of worry to pierce my skin. The good news about thorns is that God can remedy the pain from them, while allowing them to remain in us so that we constantly seek His healing powers.

He spoke to my thorn with my first life verse. He gave it to me when I was very young, a pre-teen who was seeking him feverishly in the midst of middle school.
He said, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

One day is all I have to handle. This day is all I need to concern myself with. God reminds me of that truth with every moment and those words which are forever etched in my brain. This life verse is His words to me each and everyday, a reminder of how to handle my thorn.

My second life verse is more of a goal, it is what I strive to live out day after day. It too goes against my natural inclinations. He tells me His will for me as plain as it gets, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. The actuality of living this life verse looks more like, "Be joyful sometimes, pray sporadically, give thanks in some circumstances." I struggle with the words always, continually, and in all circumstances. But, this is His command and therefore, there is no half way. So, each day is spent living those words through my heart, my prayers, and my thanks. It is not an easy life verse. Sometimes, I wish He would have given me, "Do not murder." I could have handled that one...but, to live with joy always, to pray in every moment and to give thanks no matter what the circumstances, a lot more challenging than not killing someone, don't you think? :)

These verses are His words that feel as though they were tucked among the lines of Scripture just for me. There are certainly thousands upon thousands of verses that He uses to speak to me at different times, but these two have been a constant in my life.

I'd love to hear your life verse...I'd love to know the words that you feel as though were written just for you! Feel free to share it in my comment section.

If you don't think you have one, I'd encourage you to seek out His words for you. You will be surprised by how many you find that speak directly to your heart, but then you will come across one or two, that just moves you as though the Creator is looking into your eyes, speaking directly to your soul, with words written just for you! It is an incredible feeling when you find it, and you will find your mind refering back to that verse time after time as situations and circumstances require His words for you.

Here is to finding His words for you...

Until next time-
-C.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

A break in all things serious...

So, Jenni tagged me. Not sure what it means, but let's face it....she is very scary and I should do as she says or I may regret it later, ha ha totally kidding. But, maybe this survey of sorts will bring a little levity to this blog...you are saying THANK GOODNESS, right?
1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your significant other? wonderful
3. Your hair? rough
4. Your mother? strong
5. Your father? smart
6. Your favorite thing? family
7. Your dream last night? gone
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? change the world
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your hobby? cooking
12. Your fear? everything
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? alive
14. What you’re not? serene
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? joy
17. Where you grew up? parenting
18. The last thing you did? ate
19. What are you wearing? jammies
20. Favorite gadget? cell
21. Your pets? evil
22. Your computer? bugged
23. Your mood? sad
24. Missing someone? yea
25. Your car? gas guzzler
26. Something you’re not wearing? Makeup
27. Favorite store? target
28. Like someone? Love
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? today

So, I am supposed to tag someone else? If you read this, tag you are it...repost it on your blog or something...

Here is to a little break in serious pondering...

Until next time-
-C.