"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Life after facebook

So, I am now almost 3 weeks without facebook. I didn't even realize it had been that long until today. Wow. I must say, I am about amazed by my restraint to simply log back in because if there is one thing this girl lacks, it is self control. And when testing yourself in the area of self control, it seems that temptation can become louder and more difficult to resist.

As I look back at the last 3 weeks, I think about the lessons this little experiment has taught me. Here is round 2 of facebook free teachings:
1.) Quitting cold turkey is essential when trying to refocus your energies. Now, I know quitting was a bit on the extreme side, but honestly, in order to push myself, it was the only way. I think that had I simply limited my time on fb, I would have been back to my ol' time wasting, diverting real human interaction ways.
2.) In this technological age, the less we have to "check," the better! I mean, with everything: facebook, myspace, 3 email accounts, bank accounts, news, etc. etc. etc. we can (or at least I can) occupy a whole day just "checking" things. It almost becomes a MUST, a need rather than what it is: a simple want. I had become so convinced that I HAD to check my FB, that I was putting this false "need" above real ones.
3.) Life can be lived without constant connection...this has been the biggest shocker. Even though I feel more distant from those whom I only occassionally chatted with via facebook, it has made me think about connecting in other, more personal ways such as email or phone calls. The constant connection to a whole lot of people who don't all know me on an intimate level is not necessary to live a full life!

Alright, my mind is wandering about all the things I can be doing with my facebook free time.

Here's to lessons learned...
Until next time,
-C.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Every girl...

Lately, I've found myself and some of my dear friends struggling with accepting this whole military life. I keep trying to pinpoint that one aspect that makes it so difficult and the bottom line I seem to find is that we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. You see, every girl dreams of the man she will marry. Every girl (ok, maybe not all, but most...) dreams about the dress she will wear on the day she promises forever. Every girls dreams about spending every day for the rest of her life with this man. But, that is every girl's life, not that of a military wife.

Instead our reality is we marry a man, knowing full well what his job will entail, but never realizing the gravity of it until we are far to into it. You see our "every girl" dreams are interrupted for a couple of weeks here and there, then perhaps a month or two, until a majority of a year is spent apart from that man we dreamed about rather than with him.

The struggle, I've determined, is that we all had a very different vision of what our lives were to be. We had the same dream of every girl, yet applied them to a very, very different life. A marriage without a moment apart is not our reality. For those of us new to this life, we are bitterly learning to swallow that painstaking pill. Our reality is that we will attend many functions, weddings, children's plays, and other events alone. Our reality is that we will for 6-12 months out of the year every 1-3 years be completely responsible for our households: home repairs, childcare, cleaning, cooking, finances, and everything else that every girl gets to share with her husband, we will find ourselves doing it alone. Our reality is that life hasn't turned out exactly like the dream.

We all had a hope, a hope of what our lives and marriages would be. But, as Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." This is what I think has been our struggle, realizing that our hope has been deferred and we are left with a bit of a broken heart. It is so easy to get stuck in that brokenness, but eventually, we have to realize that just like Christ, we have to give up our own selves, our own comfort, for a greater purpose.

Christ said, "Anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:38-39 NIV

Sometimes to really reach every girl, you got to take away her dream and make her understand the cost of a life where it isn't all about her and her dreams. Even in the midst of extreme challenges, there is a new dream and a new purpose emerging. Every girl comes to the realization that maybe the dreams we all tried to fit our lives into weren't big enough to accommodate the lives of those who chose a different path. Maybe every girl needed to dream a little bigger, with a life in which she found herself picking up her cross and dragging it down a path she never before considered. Maybe every girl's God had a much better dream than every girl imagined and until she lets go of the one that will never become her reality, at least not in the next 6 years, she will never truly understand it.

I am not saying I've got the "how" of it down, but I think I've started to see the beginning. Sometimes when our lives don't fit our past dreams, we have to start letting go, accepting, and making new dreams. I think every girl has to start somewhere...

Here's to hopes deferred, every girl, and new dreams...

Until next time,
-C.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Just thought you'd like to know...

This whole writing thing has taken me in a direction and passion that I always knew existed, but never thought possible. It is funny because sometimes I feel like I shouldn't share with people that something has become of my writings because it feels prideful or like bragging.

But, I share this with you because I am completely humbled that anyone has given a second glance to the words I put on these electronic pages. God told me sometime ago to just, "Write!" And I've been doing that ever since, not thinking much would ever come. However, in my path He has placed several successful authors who share the same heart I have for both military wives and God's word.

One of them has graciously been working with me on a resource for military wives who desire to start a home based Bible study. She has also reviewed a Bible study I am writing for military spouses and has offered to help with the publishing process if I so choose.

Another has asked me to contribute regularly to her blog. Some of my writings can now be seen at:
www.faithdeployed.com

And yet another has allowed my writings to be a part of her site and ministry as well:
www.wivesoffaith.org
It is easy to start patting yourself on the back when God allows even a small amount of "success" to come from the gifts He has given us. But, it can also bring such an amazing sense of humility that He even chooses to gift us imperfect beings in the first place. He can align things so perfectly, placing people along the way who just encourage the gifts and talents He has given us. When you step back, you realize what a BIG God He really is and how much He must truly love us to get involved in our details.

Here's to the something from nothing God...

Until next time,
-C.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Giving grace and other things I've learned...

Here is a two part post for ya today. First, I am sure you are all just dying to know how I am holding up on this facebook fast. I am happy to report that the shakes have subsided and I have yet to sign back on to that online community that so many of us love so much. The funny thing is that more people are texting me or emailing me so I guess we trade one electronic form of communication for another. Oh well, not trying to change the world on this one, just myself.

Here are my facebook fast lessons of the week:
1.) When you don't have access to something, you don't really know what you are missing. I won't lie, I have daydreamed about what each of my friends are posting on their status updates and wondered if I am missing being in the loop, but really I have found more productive uses of my time which included a two hour meander through the neighborhood with my girl yesterday. We actually met a new friend while walking and didn't have to ask her to accept our friendship. Nor did we need to write on her wall to get to know her better, we simply asked!
2.) Technology zaps us of our connections sometimes. Like I said, this is a change me experience, not you so don't go getting all offended or anything. One thing I've learned in this abstaining from facebook is that technology can zap me of my connections: to my family, to my friends and most importantly, to my God. When I am constantly replacing real interactions with face to face interaction with a computer screen, I undoubtedly miss out on those real connections with people.
3.) I am feeling a bit like the Amish. So, yahoo now has a facebook application for your yahoo page, my phone's facebook app has been downed and now the little notification star hangs by its side, enticing me to check back in. With everyone talking about facebook this and facebook that, I find myself sheepish at times admitting I have cut the facebook cord. Most of the time it is simply met with the ol' nod and smile and a hearty, albeit fake, "Good for you!" I find myself in a generation past and feel like everyone else is whizzing ahead. But, the writing ideas that have flowed from this just say no to facebook montage. Oh, the things we will do for our craft...
Well, I am sure more lessons are to come. A counter should be added to this page to see just how long the girl can go without www.facebook.com .


In other news, I had a real lesson this past week or so. I have constantly battled a self-righteous, often times judgmental spirit that I have begged and pleaded with God to break me of. Recently, I think I came across another who shares a similar battle and the result was directed towards me. For days I agonized over this intense feeling of shame and guilt at the thought that I had unintentionally offended someone. It was then that God really put that mirror up to my face and showed me what the receiving end was like of my stubborn self.

I have always heard give them grace, but never quite understood the concept. I knew wholeheartedly about God's grace, an undeserved gift, but how that translated to this human realm I was unsure. Then, it hit me. Giving another grace meant choosing to believe good about them, no matter what circumstances might say. Choosing to say, "surely, they did not mean to come across so unkind" and believing that if they did, it was only the result of their own difficulties at the moment.

For now, I am working heart and soul on this idea of giving another grace. I am going to be looking for the good when people show the bad, forgiving quickly, not keeping count of wrongs, overlooking offenses and trying to live this whole Christianity thing.

Here's to grace and face...book.

Until next time,
-C.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

It could always be worse...and other phrases I hate

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
-Revelation 21:4 NIV

This past year, I have had to deal with a series of separations from my husband. No "real" deployment of say 6 months or longer, but by the time this year ends, it will have totaled almost what one might consider a "real" deployment. I have found myself annoyed and often times, angered by the responses of many well meaning people. When I find myself sharing the news that the hubby is leaving yet again and I answer the question of "For how long?", I inevitably receive a "well, that's not bad" response. Now I know, it could always be worse, but sometimes, you just want people to acknowledge that sometimes it just sucks to have to go through another separation.

I have really considered this response lately. Why do we so many times try to downplay something in another's life that is a challenge or trial? Why do we so often rely on the response, "it could always be worse" or "well, it's not that bad"? I am asking this question not to condemn those who said those phrases to me, but to look at myself and how I respond to a friend's heartache. I think so often it takes more time and energy to get in the midst of people's stuff, so we often to choose a trite response we think can band aid the situation. Yet, our response not only does not repair the heartache of a friend, it can often add a little salt to their wound, saying to them, you're pain is not real or significant. Ouch! I pray for forgiveness to those to whom my response has said this to their heart.

This year, I have watched my family undergo tremendous tragedy and have seen countless Christians fearful to involve themselves in the midst of it. While this could have left a bad taste in my mouth, God has used it to show me how I am afraid to get involved in the messy stuff of life in the lives of others. We often want to fix or solve things that break, but the truth of the matter is there is only one fixer and solver. Lift that monumental burden off your shoulders because it does not belong to you! Instead, what people need from us mere mortal types is someone to hear them, acknowledge their pain or challenge, and then journey through it with them. The more we do this, the more we will realize we can never fix it, only God can. Hopefully, this realization will push us towards lifting up those whose lives are broken.

Military life is hard. Regular life is hard. And sometimes we just need another person to agree with us on that. Then, just pray for us and journey with us through this messy thing called life.
Here's to no more triteness...

Until next time,
-C.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Deactivated

Recently, I did something that will shock many of you. Some will choose to click your right hand corner X quicker than you ever have. Others will think I need some sort of evaluation or even, prayer....I deleted my facebook page. In one quick minute of conviction/annoyance, I hit those words, "deactivate my account." Impulsive? Perhaps. Unnecessary? Maybe. But, let me give you the why.

Lately, I have been thinking about how convictionless I can be at times. Knowing something is wrong, something is not of benefit, yet continuing to ignore that tug God put in my heart. Now, don't get me wrong, facebook is a great avenue to keep in touch with people whom you never get to see or talk to, but it can also have an uglier side.

You see, I started to find myself constantly checking my facebook. Always having to know what so and so posted on their status, check into the lives of people who were never really my friends, but now by some miraculous technological advance had become "facebook friends." Some of those people I know only requested my facebook friendship to see if I had hopefully gained weight or had some miserable life so they could relish in my misfortune. Oh, don't act like you don't know what I am talking about...we've all checked the mean girl in high school's profile to see if she got some just desserts.

Then, I found myself obsessed. Constantly checking statuses, adding statuses, posting to walls, messaging, and poking. Those on facebook who were real friends started getting a wall post instead of a phone call, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY message, instead of a card. My real human interaction hours slowly started to lessen.

So, in one foul swoop and click, I deleted it. Yes, deleted it. I am calling it my facebook fast. I want to see if life can be lived quite contently without the constant connection to about 100 of my not so closest friends and if I can start having real connections with the 117 who are my friends. Let's see where this journey takes me, shall we?

I'll keep you posted...albeit, not through a status update. Sorry, friends.

Here's to connecting....

Until next time,
-C.

PS before you start feeling too sorry for me, facebook allows you to "reactivate" your account simply by signing in again. So, there is hope that one day I'll return...or maybe I won't and will live just as full a life!