"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Down to the wire...

My husband is out flying as we speak. After that, he has just 1 day of flying left...1 day. However, thanks to the holiday weekend and a little fellow who is causing much stir in these parts named Gustav, he may not be able to make it in by the Wednesday deadline. One flight....it is all that seperates us from knowing our fate, where we are going next, if we can finally "settle" for awhile. One stinkin' flight.

It seems like God brings us to the wire a lot, especially my poor husband. His graduation from college came down to the wire. One class grade seperated him from his diploma. There are other times, other "ones" that have kept us hanging on, wondering if we are going to make it through. I often wonder the "why" of it all. Why can't it just be easy? Why can't we be without any doubt? But, God just keeps bringing back the lesson that is so hard to learn...patience.

Abraham had it. "And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised. " Hebrews 6:15. He had the patience and the wisdom in my opinion to know that by waiting upon God, he would receive the promises God made to him.

But, I my friends, am not a patient person. I am a planner. Planners need to know now what awaits them. There are lists to be made, research to be done, preparations to be completed. Yet God wants the planners to know, that He has the ultimate list, He has done the research, and He has made the preparations, all of them. Why can't we just let Him handle it?

God has an opinion on my to do list:
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21.

So, while Gustav is causing people to get cash out of the ATM, gas in their cars, and as much bread and water as they can buy from the brand new Publix, it is causing me to learn yet again, the importance of patience. Patience in knowing that God has a plan and a timing that is perfect, no matter how much I desire to just know where we are going and what hubby will be flying. The good news is God has already gone to the next place and prepared so I don't have to: He has our house, our friends, our church, our lives all ready for us to move into...when the time is right.

Here is to learning patience...

Until next time,
-C.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Lots of lessons....

When my husband decided to join the military, God immediately laid it upon my heart to minister to military wives. I wasn't quite sure how as I am used to being the only girl in a group of boys. In Quantico, my house was usually filled with single Marines that I fed so that they would have some semblence of home cooking. I am not as "girly" as some so sometimes it can be hard for me to relate to women on topics of clothes and hair and so forth...its not that I don't care or don't want to be involved, it is just not that important to me, I'd rather be playing a sport or doing something active...so, when God laid it on my heart such a group, I was a bit confused.

I have been blessed these past couple of months to be a part of something extraordinary. God gave me the courage to start a bible study for military wives after realizing how hard it was to get involved in our church small groups, when it was over 30 minutes away. It began with just 9 women and has since grown to almost 40. In addition, a book club has been started as an offshoot from it. It has been truly a testament to God and His amazing power in bringing people together who may have otherwise never met.

It has also been a HUGE time of growth for me personally and spiritually. I've learned so much in such a short time, it has been amazing. God has used it to challenge me, to force me to go deeper in my own faith, and to keep going in times when I want to give up. He has taught me many a lesson through this time and this opportunity of leadership. I want to share some of the things I have learned about ministry, leadership, and answering the call God places on you...

1.) Ministry is TOUGH!! Who would have thought that having a pure motivation to bring women together for connection, fellowship and to learn about God would be so hard? It requires a lot of stamina, more than I have at times, at which point I just have to pray to God to fill me back up. For those who are in full time ministry, my hat is off to you!!
2.) There WILL be opposition when you try to answer God's call. No matter how pure your heart, how good your intentions, there will be moments when opposition come and attempt to derail your efforts. Sometimes, it can be the overheard grumbling about how you do things as a leader. Sometimes, it can come in a more overt form. Sometimes, things can go wrong despite best intentions. There is and will always be something that tries to get in the way as you work towards fulfilling God's purpose. I imagine myself skating down the road sometimes and Satan in a truck ahead of me, throwing stuff out of the back of the truck: balls, hockey sticks, anything to try to trip me up. Occasionally, I have fallen, scraped a knee pretty bad, but God picked me back up, dusted me off, and sent me back down the road.
3.) You cannot please everyone...well, this lesson He has been trying to teach me for oh so long, but I still don't get it. I really think there is a way to do it...still trying to figure it out though. Well, the truth is anytime you bring different personalities, different ideas, different ways of thinking together, there will be times when people aren't completely satisfied. I have tried to learn to not take it so personally, but like I said, God is still working on me on this one...
4.) Leadership is really just being a servant. Being a leader means being the absolute least. It means humbling yourself to the point of giving up as much of yourself as you possible can. It is hard to let go of the "me" and "I want" at times, but you HAVE to in order to truly help people.
5.) Don't sweat the details...It has been amazing to see how God has worked on the littlest of details at times, things I was ready to have a panic attack over. If you can learn to trust Him in everything, He will always provide the answers to the smallest of questions.
6.) God sets people in your path for a specific reason. This is what utterly amazes me. The women He brought together have distinct talents and gifts that He has used for specific purposes in my own life and the lives of those here. It is by no accident that I crossed paths with these women, they each have given me something, changed me in a way. Sometimes, even challenged me in a way to be better.
7.) When you set your heart on blessing others, you will end up being blessed more so than you can bless. My whole heart has always had a desire to help others and serve them...when I was in college, I thought it would be manifested through the legal profession. After college, I thought it would happen through teaching. Now, I feel like it will happen through ministry. In all those times, I have consistently found the more I tried to help: through volunteering, through ministering, etc., the more I just get blessed in return. It is amazing how that happens sometimes!

I'll share some more lessons later one perhaps...I probably should have thought this through more!

Here's to lessons learned...

Until next time-
-C.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

...

Another tragedy struck yet another friend today...I can't help but wonder what God is trying to show me through all this??? The only thing I can gather is to tell everyone I love them and how much they mean to me and to truly live each moment I am given.

Outside are the remnants of Tropical Storm, Fay. No destruction, just dreariness and a lot of rain.

Here's to praising Him in the storm...

Until next time-
-C.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Life verses...

Everyone has a life verse. A piece of scripture that serves as a guiding force for all else or a Biblical saying that acts as the goal to which we are striving. God has given me two verses that He has seared on my heart, on my mind, and on my soul.

The first comes to speak to my natural inclination. I am a worrier. Always have been, always will be. It is my thorn. Like Paul, I have begged and begged for God to take it away. Like Paul, God has allowed it to remain a part of me, forcing me to constantly be reminded that I need Him and need to seek Him to quell my anxious thoughts. I know without this thorn that is anxiety, I might be so self-reliant that I would just cruise through life without a constant focus on my Father. I need to be reminded that I cannot do it all on my own strength and for that reason, I praise God that He knew exactly what He was doing when He allowed the thorn of worry to pierce my skin. The good news about thorns is that God can remedy the pain from them, while allowing them to remain in us so that we constantly seek His healing powers.

He spoke to my thorn with my first life verse. He gave it to me when I was very young, a pre-teen who was seeking him feverishly in the midst of middle school.
He said, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

One day is all I have to handle. This day is all I need to concern myself with. God reminds me of that truth with every moment and those words which are forever etched in my brain. This life verse is His words to me each and everyday, a reminder of how to handle my thorn.

My second life verse is more of a goal, it is what I strive to live out day after day. It too goes against my natural inclinations. He tells me His will for me as plain as it gets, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. The actuality of living this life verse looks more like, "Be joyful sometimes, pray sporadically, give thanks in some circumstances." I struggle with the words always, continually, and in all circumstances. But, this is His command and therefore, there is no half way. So, each day is spent living those words through my heart, my prayers, and my thanks. It is not an easy life verse. Sometimes, I wish He would have given me, "Do not murder." I could have handled that one...but, to live with joy always, to pray in every moment and to give thanks no matter what the circumstances, a lot more challenging than not killing someone, don't you think? :)

These verses are His words that feel as though they were tucked among the lines of Scripture just for me. There are certainly thousands upon thousands of verses that He uses to speak to me at different times, but these two have been a constant in my life.

I'd love to hear your life verse...I'd love to know the words that you feel as though were written just for you! Feel free to share it in my comment section.

If you don't think you have one, I'd encourage you to seek out His words for you. You will be surprised by how many you find that speak directly to your heart, but then you will come across one or two, that just moves you as though the Creator is looking into your eyes, speaking directly to your soul, with words written just for you! It is an incredible feeling when you find it, and you will find your mind refering back to that verse time after time as situations and circumstances require His words for you.

Here is to finding His words for you...

Until next time-
-C.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

A break in all things serious...

So, Jenni tagged me. Not sure what it means, but let's face it....she is very scary and I should do as she says or I may regret it later, ha ha totally kidding. But, maybe this survey of sorts will bring a little levity to this blog...you are saying THANK GOODNESS, right?
1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your significant other? wonderful
3. Your hair? rough
4. Your mother? strong
5. Your father? smart
6. Your favorite thing? family
7. Your dream last night? gone
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? change the world
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your hobby? cooking
12. Your fear? everything
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? alive
14. What you’re not? serene
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? joy
17. Where you grew up? parenting
18. The last thing you did? ate
19. What are you wearing? jammies
20. Favorite gadget? cell
21. Your pets? evil
22. Your computer? bugged
23. Your mood? sad
24. Missing someone? yea
25. Your car? gas guzzler
26. Something you’re not wearing? Makeup
27. Favorite store? target
28. Like someone? Love
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? today

So, I am supposed to tag someone else? If you read this, tag you are it...repost it on your blog or something...

Here is to a little break in serious pondering...

Until next time-
-C.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Take heart...

There are many faces of adversity in our lives. Sometimes in can come from the actions of another, from an unkind word or from a closed door. Sometimes it can come at a time when all else seems to be fallen into place. Discouragement through adversity is the Devil's greatest form of encouragement for him to keep pursuing your mind, your heart, and your soul. Once he has stepped into your thoughts, and encouraged feelings of doubt, he's got ya! And as long as you let 'em, he is going to hold on to your mind, taking the truths you know and twisting them ever so slightly to maintain his grip and keeping you from God's peace and truth.

God knew that we'd have these attacks. He knew that as we sought to be righteous ones, filled with His spirit, that there would be a force acting upon our hearts and minds, desiring to take away that pursuit. He knew it and He warned us. He knew that a direct result of this force is weariness.

He tells us about this potential attack when we are doing good:
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

He tells us about this potential attack when we are entangled in sin:
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12: 1-3


He promised us that in our weariness, His power will increase. He told us that no matter our age or our strength, we will need His renewal in times of being weary:
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

The dictionary defines weariness as being "physically or mentally exhausted by hard work, exertion, strain, etc." Let's face it, choosing to live your life for the Lord, is hard work. It is a lot easier to give into our natural temptations and desires than to choose to live according to His Word. It is a lot easier to be plagued with worry and depression than it is to trust in the Lord with all your heart. The Bible makes analogies to Christians being marathon runners, soldiers, and farmers. None of those jobs are by any stretch of the imagination easy...they all require work, strength, endurance, and an ability to realize what the ultimate goal or result will be. We have to fixate our eyes on what that ultimate result will be in times when we feel weary. There is a reward awaiting us. There is a glorious finishline. There is a God who desires to "renew our strength" in times of weariness and allow us to soar!!!

It is true. We will face times of adversity and times of weariness... but there is a great hope in knowing that the God of the universe knows oh too well what we are experiencing:
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Thank God for that!

Here is to soaring, when you can barely walk...

Until next time-
-C.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Psalm 42...


[b] As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
4 These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.
5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and 6 my God.
My [c] soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
8 By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?"
10 My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
11 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Here's to finding the words...
Until next time-
-C.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

It ain't about you...

Ok, ok...before you go thinkin'...is she talking about ME? My previous blog had nothing to do with anyone in particular...it was just a general rant and rave about how detached we have become as a society...so go back to resuming all facebook posting/stalking, blog checkin', etc.

Do we all feel better now?

Ha ha...just kidding....but it does kind of prove my point, don't you think?

Here is to mistaken blogenity....

Until next time-
-C.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Secret life of blogging...

This whole bloggin' thing makes me giggle sometimes...it adds the stalkerazzi nature we have in this country. You can check out someones "profile" on myspace or facebook and get all there personal likes/dislikes, what mood they are in, and what their friends write on their wall. You can get on this thing called "Twitter" so people can have up to the minute updates as to what you are doing in any given moment. And then, you have the blogs, where people can pour out their hearts and souls in a virtual diary.

But, there are unwritten rules...you never verbally acknowledge stalking someone via myspace, facebook, twitter, or a blog. But, let's face it...that is what these rabbit holes are...click here to access this person and then click on this person to see what they wrote back, and then click there and then follow a comment to see the whole conversation.

I guess it comes from our need to feel connected to people. There is a safety hiding behind a computer screen. You don't have to face rejection, you don't have to make as much of an effort with a person via a phonecall or a visit if you can just drop a line on their comment space. You can save yourself all the fears that accompany face to face social interaction. Most of the time, you miss out on the richness that is verbalization. You can misinterpret a MISTAKEN CAPITALIZED WORD or an accidentally placed ! , . You cannot hear the tone of ones voice so something that is normally verbalized without any thought as to its underlying meaning can become a question of whether or not the person who wrote the words is mad at you.

But all the facebook stalking, blog checking, blog writing, and other forms of virtual realities robs us of opportunities to actually be in the presence of other human beings and hear their thoughts, their ideas, their voice. You'd think we'd figure that out...but time is of the essence these days, and there just is not enough time to actually make phone calls, have coffee with friends or just a good ol' fashion sittin' on the stoop, talkin' to the neighbors. (One of my goals in life is to have a stoop...) So, until then, facebook relationships and blog reading will have to be the way to keep us connected.

Got to check my email....there are some relationships I have to tend to. ;)

Here's to interaction...

Until next time-
-C.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Movin' on....

Five weeks. That is the calculated time until my husband gets those oh so coveted Pensacola Wings of Gold. I can't but help mark off each day on the calendar, crossing off each flight on the syllabus, anticipating the day when he finally has his wings. Sometime thereafter, we will find out where we head next and our final "destination" known as our first "permanent" duty station.

It is hard because it is such a mix bag of emotions. On the one hand I am oh so excited about the adventure that awaits us. On the other hand, I know I will be leaving behind a place that has truly brought me joy these past two years as well as a wonderful group of friends who have become family.

When he selected the first time between jets, helos, C-130's and osprey, I had a feeling that I wasn't quite done with this place. I was right. There was a lot of work to be done before I left, mainly following what God had called me to do with a group of military wives. But now, I have such a different sense, a sense that it is time to move on to the next phase and the next group of people who are going to intersect our lives for a brief moment but forever remain permanently on our hearts.

I am not very good with goodbyes. I start to retreat well before the actual closing and postscripts take place because it hurts me so bad to see the ones in my daily life become just an occasional phone call, email or facebook greeting. You'd think I'd be used to it by now...with all the moving, all the endings I've already seen come and go.

Military life is a funny thing. It really is different from live in the "civilian world." We are supposed to be used to packing up and starting over. We are supposed to be good at goodbyes. We are supposed to be good at jumping into a new life in a new place. There is an expectation that we are tougher than those on the outside of our world. That we somehow eventually adapt to the fears, the sorrows, the uncertainty that is our life. But, the truth is, we are still people who are thrust into a life that tells us there is no certainty, while those on the outside can pretend that the have some control over their fates. Really, we are somehow more enlightened in a way, not by our own volition but by the United States military because we know that we have absolutely no control on our present day, let alone our tomorrows. The difference is we just admit this truth, while those around us get to live in a false reality.

Ultimately, I love this life. I love the butterflies of not knowing what tomorrow is going to bring, who is going to be there and when we are going to get there. I love meeting these people who understand a part of me in an instant when I say I am a military spouse. I love the requirement to fully give my husband each and every day to a faithful God and just pray that He will return him to me safely. I love knowing that with every move, with every ounce of uncertainty, and with every new person, I am growing in a way I could have never imagined before. I love the words, "Be still and know that I am God..." in the midst of not knowing much else.

Five weeks. What happens after that I won't know until I have a sheet of paper in my hands that tells me where we are going next. Five weeks could magically transform into a much longer timeframe in an instant. I just don't know...but I am ok with that. Until then, I am going to finish my work here...

Here's to preparing for goodbye...

Until next time,
-C.

Friday, August 1, 2008

A blink of an eye...

So, I know I promised no more of the melancholy...but it is the season I find myself in. Today, I got a call from one of my best friend's telling me her mother had chosen to end her life. There were no signs, no warnings, no red flags. Not one of the people in her inmost circle knew she was feeling depressed, let alone contemplating such an act.

Blink.

Last week, a friend's water broke during her 25th week of pregnancy. She is on bedrest indefinitely until the birth of the baby.

Blink.

About a month ago, a "second mother" of mine was bending down to pick something up, when a blood vessel burst in her head, almost taking her life in an instant.

Blink.

Almost 5 years ago, my cousin's husband was killed while driving home from the gym when a deer ramed into the driver's side of his car. She was on bedrest, pregnant with their third child when she got the news.

Blink.

That is all it takes. One...single...blink. And life changes. It seems like things are crumbling in lives around me...people's lives are changing forever in the course of a single moment. I keep asking God, what am I supposed to be learning from all of this? They are not my tragedies, but I still feel as though they are. But, maybe that is the point, to make other's tragedies our own by feeling with them, while remaining hopeful of purpose, of meaning, and of one day, gaining understanding. I remain hopeful in the old addage that "everything happens for a reason." I remain hopeful in the Christian cliche that "God is in control." And I remain cognizant of the fact that all it takes is one blink for our lives to change forever.

Don't wait for the blink, find your hope now....

Psalm 46
1 God is our refuge and strength,an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
8 Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields [
b] with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
11 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah


Tomorrow, I am leaving for a weekend trip with my husband and daughter. We are going to make the most of every moment so that if we do ever have to blink, all we will see will be beautiful memories.

Here's to the stillness in knowing He is still God in the aftermath of a blink...

Until next time...
-C.