"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Melancholy...

Who knew this blog would turn into such a serious pondering of life? I reread my entries and see such a lining of melancholy within them, but I guess that is my season right now. You never quite realize how some things affect you until you stop for a minute and just...feel. I sometimes forget to do that and then I feel all at once. I wouldn't say I am depressed, but there is a seriousness to me now that I normally do not have so much. Every since Grace's birth I have been in constant thought about life, its meaning and what God's plan was in all this. The more I think, the less I understand. Then, with the rest of life and things that happen I get more and more contemplative of the why's in life...why do certain things happen? Why don't other things? Sometimes it seems as though there is an unfathomable randomness to it all, but I know there is not. I know there is purpose and reasons and a rationale far beyond my mere human mind can comprehend. I cannot wait until I can know those things, but until then, I will journey on in this season of questions and of wondering...

Until next time...
-C.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Slowing down...

So, a good friend of mine , well several good friends of mine and my husband, have informed me that I need to slow down...they just about staged an intervention as I had volunteered my house for a meeting of 30+ women, including my husband's CO's wife.

Navy said, "You must be stopped." I think he was right.

It is not that I mean to stay so busy or that I have to be this busy, it is just that I see so many opportunities to serve others and I take them. I justify it to myself that Christ was busy too and always willing to help, but what I forget to remember is that Christ too rested. Christ too reached a limit when He could no longer serve others, but had to be alone to rest with His God.

I have promised my well-intentioned friends that I am going to take a moratorium on volunteering to do stuff, working, and general busyness. I cannot make any promises, but I sure will try. I just think there are so many opportunities each day, given to us to bless another or to help someone in need or to just do something good or of value, and we must take those chances because that is the point of this thing called life...serving is the point.

Most people do not have a servant's attitude. For me, it is often hard to set these boundaries or limits as to what I can and cannot do without having a mental breakdown because I do love to serve. I do love to work at whatever I do as if doing it unto the Lord so that I will receive an inheritance from the Lord as it is Him I am serving (Colossians 3:23-24). But, the Lord needs me at 100% capacity so that I can fully and wholeheartedly serve. I am going to work on that...getting me to 100%. Currently, running at about an 27% due to a lot going on, but we'll get back to 100%, I promise...starting July 1st.

Until next time...
C.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Tonight...

A dear family friend is in the intensive care unit at a hospital in Raleigh as I type this. She suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm and the doctors are still in the testing phase of figuring out what is wrong.

Sometimes, I have this feeling as though the bottom is going to drop out of my life. Sometimes, I feel as though I am too blessed and surely some tragedies will strike to balance out the blessings. Sometimes, I feel as though God is going to realize how much He has given me and decide He needs to take some away to make it even for all the other mortals. I recognize these thoughts as irrational. We don't serve a God like that. We serve a God who desires to bless our lives, but I can't help but think that maybe I got too much of a serving in the blessings line.

Then, something like this can happen... a dear loved ones life can hang on by a thread of the Master Sewer and it can easily begin to feel as though the strike of difficulties and challenges is on its way. But, the truth is God doesn't work like that either. He does, however, have our final day on this Earth set before we even arrive. This frightens me to the core because I fear all the things I will miss here on this Earth. I know, bad Christian, I shouldn't admit that. But, God placed these amazing people in my life and I do fear the day I can no longer be alive on Earth with them. I know though, that He has something even more incredible awaiting me, but I can't seem to shake this selfish human desire to stay here with my loved ones sometimes.

The truth is the bottom of our lives is going to fall out. Many times. Repeatedly. It is going to hurt. It is going to feel as though we cannot venture on. It is going to make us writhe and cry out unto God. And then, inexplicably, we can feel His peace poured onto us like a dying, parched plant feeling the coolness of the storm and the quenching rains running through its roots. This life is meant to be a mix of blessings and hardships. One showing us there is a God and the other showing us there is a need for a God. There is something to be gained from both.

My prayer tonight...
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

-C.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Artsy stuff....

Creative people inspire me...I used to do a lot of creative activities prior to schooling, kiddos, jobs, etc., and recently I decided to start trying to get more creative in life! I have this absolutely fabulously creative and artistic friend, Jessica. She just started her own business with her family selling these amazing stamps online. They have a "challenge blog" where you are given an artistic "challenge" to create a piece of art based on each week's theme. This week was Under the Sea and I decided to partake! It was so much fun getting back into being creative...even though after looking at other entries I became quite intimidated.

Anyway, here is my frame inspired by "Under the Sea." I used stamps from my friend's collection. You should check out her site and collection of stamps: http://www.layersofcolor.com/store/


I added a wonderful quote to my frame (it is supposed to have a mirror inside of it but if I took a picture of it, you'd see a bright flash!). I hope you will all ponder this:

"I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving: To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it, but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendell Holmes


Enjoy my "art".
If any of you are inspired, try a challenge! http://www.layersofcolor.com/challenge/

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Almost 1 Year...

So, this blog was meant to be an outlet, a creative side outside of mommyhood, yet I find myself constantly pondering all things mommy...so it is to be expected that at times, my blogs may reflect my current major role in life.

Little Grace is about to turn ONE on Wednesday. I just am constantly amazed by how quickly our time on this earth falls through our clenched fingers. I so long to hold one to each passing moment, but with every blink of an eye and every exhaled breath, I cannot. The past year has been such a time of growth for this new life as well as for me. It is has changed me in ways I never expected, but one of the greatest changes was the immense amount of respect I have for life now. I long to preserve it now: my own, my child's, my husband's, and all those I encounter. I get outraged even more so than ever before at the absurd disregard to which some pay their own and others lives.

Life is fleeting. This is a fact. This is something I have learned to accept. However, it is because of this fact that I believe there is something more than these few short moments on this earth. There is something more meaningful than this blip that is our lives. But until we reach that time of more meaning, we have to make the moments here count. We have to enjoy every minute of the little lives God graces us with and every second of each day given to us. Learning to live in each present moment, as it may be our last, and enjoying every moment with those we love. It is cliche, but cliches are cliches because there is an element of truth, an element of shared experience.

Gracie turns one on Wednesday, but today is Saturday and I am soin love with the little one asleep in her bed right now who is 11 months and 27 days old.

Until next time...

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

What lies within...

One of my all time favorite quotes is, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." How true that is! Shortly, I will mark the first year of being a mother and while the experience has been perhaps the greatest joy and love I have ever known, I also realize that some of what lies within me has been lost amidst dirty diapers and sleep deprivation.

I am a writer. I have always been a writer and I have not been writing like I used to. I have pages that await to be filled and ideas that are wanting to be expressed, but I have not found the time nor the energy to do so...until now.

So, this is my new blog. My new way to muse on and on about all the things that lie within me with a certain amount of anonymity or not as the case may be. It has no theme, no main idea, nothing, but myself. It truly will probably be a stream of consciousness more than anything else, who knows? I guess we will just see where it takes me.

I guess the beginning of this all came from a simple question I was asked recently... "What do you like to do?" It stopped me in my tracks. I cook, I like to workout, I like my family. Wow, I sound dull and boring, like I have no creativity or interests besides the daily grind. Then, it hit me, I like to write, I love it in fact. So, here is to being more interesting and finding a new answer...

Until next time.