"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Taking a break...

Ok, so I am pulling this plug. Not that any of you are waiting by your computer for the next blog, but I need a break. Not sure for how long, but sometimes you just got to retreat a bit.

Anyway, thanks for your readership...if that is a word and I'll see you eventually again in about a month or two or maybe more depending...

Here's to a break...

Until next time,
-C.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Struggle, Struggle, Struggle.

I thought God was giving me a period of relaxation from all the stressful life events that have taken place these past 9 months, but then on Thursday and Friday I got more waves of trial and difficulty. God keeps bringing me to the brink of situations that drive me into a state of fear and I have been struggling with the question of why. Now, I find myself on the brink of two very scary situations yet again and I am not quite sure if this will be the time He brings me over the edge into some of my very worst fears. I can't help but start to understand Job.

Those who know the story of Job know that he lost everything or had everything he held dear threatened in his life. Job had some not so great friends who blamed all his tragedies on his own sin. But you see, Job was a righteous man who loved the Lord. Little did he know, God had made an agreement with the devil for Satan to pluck all the things from Job's life that he held dear, with the one caveat that he was not to take Job's life. The story ends with a righteous man remaining righteous, without losing faith completely. But, it doesn't end without the nagging question of why. Job, the Psalms, and so many other places in God's word we come face to face with people going through intense periods of distress, crying out to God, begging the question why. God allows it. In fact, I think He welcomes it. With the understanding that the answer may not come in this lifetime.

This human stuff is tough, I won't lie. It sometimes seems like we can't get a break and sometimes, we truly can't. Faith isn't for the faint of heart. Even when I feel like I have nothing left anymore, not an ounce of faith to muster up, I still hear Him whispering that He is there. Even though I am mad and want Him to just stop with the lessons and character building, I know He is doing it all for my good. I can continue along this road with my head lifted to the sky, muttering to my God, why? why? why? The answer may not be made available quite yet, but I know it is there.

My memory verse this week:
"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." Psalm 126:5-6

So, maybe all that stuff we go through that leaves us screaming, why? why? why? are building muscles so we can carry our sheaves.

Here's to getting stronger...

Until next time,
-C.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Modern Day Babylon

I haven't blogged in awhile due to a combination of craziness of the life that is mine and the fact that I have been completely uninspired in the writing realm. A case of writer's block perhaps, I don't know.



I've started a new Bible study by my all time favorite Bible teacher, Beth Moore. It is the study of Daniel, which is about living a life of integrity in a spiritual challenging "Babylon" (you know, the world of glitz, glamour and temptation we face everyday) as well as some other deep theological teachings that I am just trying to get God to teach me because it is way...over...my...head.



Anyway, I've been thinking about the concept of Babylon and how the world can influence me. I enjoyed a couple days of self-righteousness as I thought to myself, Well, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I have no self destructive behaviors that I can think of and I usually try to do the right thing. I must be overcoming this Babylon!



Just as soon as I got my hand twisted behind my back for a self inflicted pat, God threw some conviction my way. I started to think of all the ways I've let the world leak in and change me for the worse. I came up with a long list, that I am working with God on, but I thought I could share a couple of them with you. A lot of the "Babylon effect" in my life comes with what I put in my brain. I really think reality shows and celebrity gossip are where I become so consumed by the Babylonian giants that I can't even see straight. You see, I am a fan of just about any reality show: Housewives of Any County, Jon and Kate plus all their kids, Tori and Dean in love or in Hollywood, you name it, I watch it. I get sucked in to it and am just so curious about their lives. What freebies are those multiples getting this week? Who is getting in a catfight on this episode? What is it like to be a Hollywood mom?



It is subtle really. I put it in my head and then think it is gone for good. Until I begin having wants for things I never really cared for before: tummy tuck after I have all my kids like Kate, blonding my hair until platinum is the only word to describe it like Tori, a luxurious home and furnishings like all the Housewives. Then, pretty soon I see a Babylonian attitude rearing its ugly head:
"You have trusted in your wickedness and have said, 'No one sees me.' Your wisdom and your knowledge mislead you when you say to yourself, 'I am and there is none besides me.'"
Isaiah 47:10 NIV
Our own Babylon says to us that this world is revolving around us. Our own Babylon says that no one else matters but ourselves, our lives, our homes. I may not be in the throes of the obvious Babylon ways, but as I allow the Babylon ideas float into my brain through reality tv and celebrity gossip magazines, I am putting my heart at risk of those ideas taking root and changing the truths I know in my heart.
I'd like to tell you that I have canceled my US Magazine subscription and I have stopped watching reality tv. But, no, as I type Tori and Dean play in the background. Ultimately, maybe God will convict me about turning from those things, but for now, He has convicted me to start recognizing the Babylon ideas in everything I put in my brain. Little steps, right?
Here's to silencing the Babylon....
Until next time,
-C.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

But a breath...

"You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Selah
Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it."
Psalm 39:4-6
Yesterday, we celebrated my babies birthday. Hubby turned 30 and little girl turned 2. I can't stop asking the question, where does the time go? Days can seem so monotonous or mundane, but each day is part of a whole that is quickly being eaten up. It is just a reminder how fleeting our time on earth and together is. It is just proof that we can forget to look at the whole picture as we go through each day.
Here is to each breath...
Until next time,
-C.