"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

More than Rubies...

"A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life."
Proverbs 31:10-12 (NIV)


Let's just jump right in to figuring out exactly who this Proverbs woman is. We are going to take the passages that reveal this lady to us piece by piece, so as to not miss a single drop of what advice God is giving us as godly gals.


The passages that describe her start out with a rhetorical question: A wife of noble character who can find? The first thing we are to notice is that she is few and far between. There ain't many like her. That word "noble" is translated as virtuous in the King James, coming from the hebrew word, "chayil" which means "strength, might, efficiency, wealth, army." The first thing that struck me is that this picture of the ideal Christian woman being a weak and timid woman standing in the background, is so far from the truth. We are strong, my fellow sisters. We have a strength that comes from the mightiest of mighties and cowering in fear or timidity is not how we were designed to be. Think warrior princess.


So, then we go on, this wife of noble character is worth far more than rubies. Something of extreme materialistic value at that time is said is to be far less valuable than this strong, virtuous wife. You can't put a price on her. Money can't buy a woman like this.


The author then takes a look at how her husband views her: with full confidence, lacking nothing of value. That is a tall order. How many of us can say our husbands are fully confident in every aspect of us? In our handling of finances? In our raising of our children? Do we inspire him to trust wholeheartedly in our God given ability or does he second guess whether or not we are taking care of things in a godly way?


Not only is he completely confident in this chica, she also brings him good, not harm, ALL the days of her life. Ok, this is the point where I start to lose it. That word good or towb in the Hebrew means "good, pleasant, agreeable, benefit, bounty." Um, how many times do we fall short of that one? How many times do our words and actions bring our husband difficulty rather than benefit? Consider some of these Proverbs on wives:

"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." Proverbs 12:4
"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Proverbs 21:9; 25:24
"A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day." Proverbs 19:13; Proverbs 27:15
"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife." Proverbs 21:19


Decay on his bones? A constant drip? Move to the roof or desert? Seems pretty extreme don't you think? But, think about it. Think about the words we say to our husbands. Think about how well he responds to those constant (not so) "gentle" reminders (aka nagging) that we do. This is something I have been wholeheartedly convicted of because I do fall so short, but sometimes, my emotions can just overtake my mouth and pretty soon I am spewing some of the most vile responses to a completely bewildered male. A lot of times, I don't even know why I am saying what I am saying. But, these verses hit straight to my heart about what I am doing when I let emotions hijack my mouth. I am decaying my husband's bones, wearing him down. I think about his most recent training excursion on how to survive in a POW camp and all the talk about waterboarding on the news. A constant drip of water is used as a method of torture. Being quarrelsome with my husband is a sure fire way to torture him, with every drip, drip, drip. In fact, the Bible says you are better off isolating yourself on the roof or in a far away desert, than to live with a quarrelsome wife.


I don't know about you, but sometimes, I just want to pick a fight. I don't know why. But, sometimes, I just lie in wait until he gives me the perfect opportunity to "start something." And it seems with men, there are plenty opportunities whether it be just getting bent out of shape over a remark he said that he meant no harm by, or by focusing on the things he has forgotten to do rather than what he has. But, everytime I take those opportunities to pick a fight, I am being that drip, causing decay, and not being this wife of noble character who I aspire to be like.


This is my challenge this week: to bring my husband good. For me, I think I can start with a whole lot of prayer for God's strength, not being quarrelsome, giving him the benefit of the doubt, and continuing to work on keeping a tight rein on my tongue. What about you? How can you bring your husband good all your days?


Here's to being worth more than rubies...

Until next time,

-C.


Your Turn:
1.) How can you bring your husband good? In what ways do you already benefit him?
2.) What are some ways you cause "decay" or act like that constant drip? How can you change those things?

Sunday, April 26, 2009

A wife of noble character...

So, yet again, God took me through a journey of trust, which ended in me feeling yet again, so inadequate and lacking in my own abilities to rely completely on Him and His plan. The good news is that a huge lesson was learned through it and I finally find myself moving from a dreary season in my life into a fresh, new one. Now, it seems, everywhere I go, I am hearing the messages of what it means to be a godly wife. Whenever I think of this, my mind automatically goes to the one woman whom most Christian women outwardly desire to be like and inwardly secretly loathe. I am talking about the Proverbs 31 woman. Who she is, or who we think she has caused many of us to feel as though we are truly missing the mark on womanhood. I wanted to know more about it and see if I am as far from being like her as I think I am so I thought I'd spend a couple blogs just exploring the truth about the Proverbs 31 lady.

Proverbs 31:10-31 describes in detail this amazing woman that has kept many a Christian ladies in tears as they strive to keep up with her. We are going to explore each and every part of her, but first, I want to suggest something to you that may blow your mind as much as it did mine. I had always heard it suggested that this woman was not necessarily a single woman, but rather a composite of many qualities of womanhood in one. Tonight, I pulled out the Zondervan NIV Bible Commentary and got a completely different picture of who this woman is. This commentary suggests that there are four important things to note about these verses. First, it comes at the conclusion of Proverbs, a book that talks over and over about wisdom and how to obtain the godly wisdom we are to have. Second, it is an acrostic. You know those poems where a word is written down the side and the beginning of each letter is a sentence? Yeah, you know...the ones you wrote for Mom that had the words "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" on the side. Anyway....second, it is written in a very hymn-like manner. And finally, it is written with a lot of words that resemble what is known as "heroic literature." Words like valor, strength, vigorously, and noble all suggest this "ode to a champion." (Zondervan, 1006). Separately, those things might not matter. But, when you put it all together though, listen to what this commentary suggests:
"Putting these observations together, one would conclude that Proverbs 31:10-31 is a hymn to Lady Wisdom, written in the heroic mode. Wisdom is personified as a woman because the word "wisdom" is a feminine noun and suggests it, and because the woman is an excellent example of wisdom by virtue of the variety of applications it receives- at home, in the market, with charity, in business." (Zondervan, p. 1006)
HALLELUJAH! Do you hear that ladies??? This woman that we have been beating ourselves up over not being, is not necessarily a single portrait of womanhood at all... Now, before you get too excited and throw out all attempts at trying to live up to the standards set by Mrs. 31, listen to this part of the commentary:
"This poem certainly presents a pattern for women who want to develop a life of wisdom, but since it is essentially about wisdom, its lessons are for both men and women to develop. The fear of the Lord will inspire people to be faithful stewards of the time and talents that God has given, wisdom is productive and beneficial for others, requiring great industry in life's endeavors, wisdom is best taught and lived in the home-indeed, the success of the home demands wisdom; and wisdom is balanced living, giving attention to domestic responsibilities as well as business enterprises and charitable service."
Do you hear that? We can ALL, men and women alike, gain something on how to live in our roles and responsibilities from this woman we see in Proverbs 31. Perhaps these verses are not the mirror in which all us women should look in and see ourselves, but rather a goal to have in all our endeavors.
Part of why I really wanted to explore who she is, is because I see so many fellow ladies struggling with her and how they don't measure up. I have dear friends who work outside the home and have small children and feel tremendous amount of guilt for not being a stay at home mom. I have dear stay-at-home mom friends who don't work outside the home and yet feel as though what they do is meaningless or unimportant. I have friends who are married without children and who stay at home and who don't think that is enough. And I have friends who are single, who work, and wonder if that is all this life is about. We are all looking around at each other, thinking the person next to us knows the answer. How is it that virtually every woman I know, no matter what her lot in life at this given moment, wonders if she is the "right" kind of woman? How can we all be asking the questions, "Am I in the right place? Am I doing this right?" I'd venture to say it is because we don't really understand the truth about what God says about us as women and hopefully, we can debunk some of the mysteries that seem to fog our vision of womanhood.
Next post, we will start looking at her and all her qualities and what that means us as women, but also as Christians. Will you take this journey with me as we explore this woman who has given many of us guilt, so that we can once and for all realize that we are the exact woman God meant us to be?
Here's to learning something new...
Until next time,
-C.

Monday, April 20, 2009

A Prayer for my Warrior...Psalm 144

1 Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
2 He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples [a] under me.

3 O LORD, what is man that you care for him,
the son of man that you think of him?

Here's to my warrior and the One who has trained him...

Until next time,
-C.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Be Kind...

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. "
-Plato
I find myself in a state of shock everytime I hear of another's struggle. Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in my own battles and there have been some brutal ones as of late, that I tend to forget that wars are raging all around me. I've felt so alone in my battles that I have started to wonder if others feel the same way. Do we all have this sense loneliness in our own brawls? I am not talking about a complete sense of aloneness, where you don't even feel the presence of God. I am talking about the solitude of feeling as if no one is there beside you, that no one has heard your battle cry. During times when you need fellow warriors.

I'll admit it. I tend to be a renegade, not accepting the help or support of anyone else. I think that mentality can leak into how I approach others and their needs during wars. Most of the time, I just figure they are like me, too proud to beg for some backup. Yet I know, both you and I need someone to at least just be with us as we struggle through whatever conflicts rage in our lives.

I need to work on being a fellow soldier in others battles. Plato was right, kindness is where it starts. But after that, you got to pick up a sword and help someone fight.

Here's to taking up arms...


Until next time,
-C.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Power of Words...

Imagine one small ember floating down, finding its way atop a pile of hay. Slowly yet vigorously a once innocuous heap of dried grass begins to burn. Quickly, a wild fire breaks out and devestation ensues. We've heard such stories on the news. We've seen it happen in the movies. How quickly something so small becomes something so big.

We all have floating embers inside of us that if they are released, can reap destruction on our surroundings. I am talking about our words: those tiny little sparks of fire that when released can turn into painful, calamitous blazes around us.

"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. . The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."
James 3:5-6 NIV
This is one God is constantly working with me on: that little firestarter in my mouth. Sometimes, I don't even know why have the sparks that are struck are even made in the first place. Most times, I can't even understand why I say the things I say. Am I alone in this?

The thing about our sparks is that they are powerful. While they may be nothing of significance to us, the words we utter can create a sea of flames in another's life. The potency of our words can create a lifetime of hurt and sting, sometimes to those we love the most, and sometimes in ways we don't even realize. Our flesh can struggle so much to keep this tiny, ruinous force in check. Words can destroy reputations, self-esteems, relationships, confidences, and so much more all in the blink of an eye or a wag of the tongue as the case may be.

God talks a lot about this toxic muscle that rests behind our teeth. His view on it shows that He knows it is a force to be rekoned with. He knows it is something that we must learn to control if a.) we desire to not cause destruction and pain to those around us, and b.) we desire to truly be a follower of His words. Here are some important facts about our tongues:

1.) If we truly consider ourselves Christians, we must learn to control it:
"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.
James 1:26 NIV
This is one of those "how not to be a hypocritical Christian" verses. Our words have to match our belief system. If we are known by others as a Christian, yet continue to gossip, slander, say hurtful things, talk with vulgarity, how can the world see us as any different? What would make one desire to be around us if our words are only used as weapons?

2.) We will be judged based on the things that come out of our mouths:
"But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
Matthew 12:36-37
This is a day I am not looking forward to...the one in which I have to account to God for every stupid, mean, unedifying thing I've said to people. This is going to be tough conversation. Before you go getting all self-condemning, be sure to read the second sentence of this verse. We can be "aquitted" by our words as well as condemned. Thats right, the power our words have to condemn us before God, they also have the power to aquitt us. I think our challenge to get our mouths to speak more aquitting words than condemning ones.

3.) Our tongues are meant to build others up:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
Ephesians 4:29-36 NIV
This verse always trips me up, everytime I look at it because it is very blatent in its verbage. Our words are not to be unwholesome. It says don't let any unwholesome talk come out, ANY...so that means the crude jokes, the vulgarities, the gossip, and anything that is not edifying or pure has to stop. Period.

Then, it says the purpose of our words is to build others up in accordance with their needs. This requires a little outward focus on our parts. We have to recognize what others need in terms of how our words can become blessings and a source of encouragement to them. We have to let our words benefit those who hear them, not destroy or tear them down.

The next part is really when I fall flat on my face. We have to get rid of a lot of "stuff." We can't hang on to any of it. Oh, if you only knew how my fleshly fists like to clench on to bitterness, rage, anger, and malice. Sometimes, I can't understand why I can't just let something go and why I cling to the feelings of anger and bitterness. It wastes a lot of energy to hold on to those seeds and the worst part is, if you don't let go, they grow! Then, pretty soon what really was not a big deal in the scheme of things grows into a garden of acrimonious resentment and bad behaviors. We find ourselves in a stronghold of sin bigger than the one who may have inadvertantly or even purposely sinned against us.

I think this is what fuels our sparks of words sometimes. Someone does something against us, which results in our hurt feelings, which leads to bitterness, malice, anger, and rage. Then, we start lighting fires...first it starts with us repeating the story to anyone who will listen. Then, the rage gets bigger and bigger. Gossip comes next and as we roll down this hill of bitterness, we begin to go beyond gossip into slander. All of which we could have avoided if we would have just gotten rid of our bitterness, rage, and anger. This requires a lot of humility on our parts, accepting any hurt someone may have caused, maybe even extending to them the benefit of the doubt that they didn't mean anything by it. But, man oh man, what troubles we could avoid if we could learn to get rid of it.

It is powerful, that little tongue of ours. It can start a forest fire or put one out. It can tear someone to pieces or put them back together. It can be our demise or our prize. I wonder, how are you using yours? I know I need to take a serious look and get a strong bridle on my own mouth. The good news is I have a God who is a whole lot stronger than my tongue to help me.

Here's to preventing forest fires...

Until next time,
-C.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Day of Rising...

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin
for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
-2 Corinthians 5:14-21
I've been contemplating what to blog about for a couple of days now. I had another "woe is me" moment and had written a rough draft of it, but decided not to post it. Today, I should be in church celebrating Resurrection, but instead I have to take my husband to the airport so he can go for a 2 week training on how not to get captured by the enemy. After teaching them, they will then send them to the woods, let them run, find them, and then treat them to a mild version of prisoner of war games...complete with the occasional beating.
It is actually quite fitting when I think about it. He is going to learn how to save himself in the worst of circumstances on the day when the one who came to save us all from the absolute worst of circumstances, was brought back to life...from...the...dead. I hadn't really considered the importance of this part of the story, I mean truly evaluated how much my entire belief system hinges upon this one day, this one event. For if I don't believe it to be true, then it is absolutely, all for naught.
I'll admit it. I have a lot of questions about the faith I so wholeheartedly believe in. I don't fully understand why God needed His Son to die in order so we could all live. I don't fully understand why there had to be suffering or hardship, why we couldn't have just lived our entire lives in a perfect world. I have some ideas as to the answers: that in order to understand the strength of Him, we needed to see the depths from which He could pull us up or that once our human flesh was given the choices of free will, we had to have a way to make up our imperfection to a perfect God. I get that.
But today as I was contemplating this, awaiting my husband to finish his shower before I took him to torture camp, I read the above verses. God is the God of Reconciliation. We needed what we celebrate today, the sacrifice of God's Son and God in one so that we could come back no matter how many times we find ourselves drifting away. I found a definition for reconciliation that says it means "the process of making consistent or compatible." (dictionary.com) What a perfect definition of what we are doing in our belief and celebration of the day that our God sacrificed His Son and rose Him from death. He did it so we could be made compatible with Him: imperfect humans with a perfect God. He did it to make us consistent: constant sinners who sometimes did good become consistent saints. He did it so we could become new, so that the old self that repulses us so could dissolve, never to be seen again.
I guess the point I am making is that no matter how far away God may feel or no matter how far away we try to get from Him with our disobedience, anger, self-condemnation, sorrow, depression, fear, or any other self-destructive mindset, He is the God of reconciliation, always there, waiting to bring you back. All because of today: the day in which His Son rose again from the grips of death. Happy Easter! May you find the power of today's true meaning in your own life.
Until next time,
-C.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Psalm 34

Today, I am praying this psalm...
Psalm 34:
1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;

their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;

he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.

10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted

and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles,

but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,

not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

Here's to a God bigger than all my problems...
Until next time,
-C.