"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Monday, March 30, 2009

What Bible Character are you?

There is a quiz on facebook you can take that will tell you what Bible character you are most like. But, I just want to ask YOU, who do you identify with the most in the Bible?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, I am not quite sure why, just because it is kind of fun. Am I a little Esther-y? Are there shadows of Paul within me? Whose story speaks the most to me?

I think what I've concluded is that I am a Timothy. Timothy and I share a lot of things in common. First, we come by our faith through a long line of faithful women. Secondly, like Timothy, I struggle with timidity and introversion even though I truly believe God is calling/ has called me to be in a position of leadership. We both sometimes allow others look down upon us for reasons that are irrelevant to God.

The good news is that by figuring out who I am "most" like in the Bible, I can find a great "how to" on becoming better. Paul's letters to Timothy in 1 Timothy and 2 Timothy, speak so directly to my heart, especially at times when I have assumed positions of leadership. Now, I just need to find my Paul...

Here's to finding your reflection in His word...
Until next time,
-C.

Your Turn: (PLEASE respond in my comments, if you are so inclined...)
1.) What Bible character are you most like and why?
2.) What words speak directly to your heart?
3.) Why do you think the Bible is a book of stories about people? Is it so that we can see ourselves in these words?

Sunday, March 29, 2009

At your service...

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Galatians 5:13-14

It is just so funny how God makes sure we hear Him. His method for me to make sure I get what He is saying to me has been constant repetition of concepts and things I need to be doing through our time together, Sunday School, church lessons, and sermons I've been listening to. This week, His theme for me has been service.

Why do I have to serve? may be the first thought that comes to your mind. This really isn't the focus of this post, but I'll give you the cliffs notes on it. First, we serve to bring glory to God and to imitate His character. God is a serving God. Jesus Christ washed the feet of His disciples to offer to us the example of how our Christian walk should be lived. This is a major spiritual habit we need to get into. Second, we serve because He commands us to do it in His word over and over again. Look at the verse above and some of the others we are going to explore. He tells us we are to serve, period. Third, service gets us out of a primary focus on ourselves. I've had a rough couple of months and one thing God keeps whispering to me is, how are you serving other people? Sometimes, I'd respond with such shock, wondering why would God ask me such a question in the midst of my own suffering. But, He asks me because He knows that service will move me from that place of being engulfed in my own tragedies and sharing love with others who may be hurting as well. So, serving is just as much for our own benefit as it is for those of whom we serve.

The next question that usually arises is where do I serve? After some Biblical research, I want to suggest that there are three ways God is going to tell you exactly where He wants you to serve:


1.) Serve in areas where He has gifted you:
Here are some verses that God tells us where we are to serve in areas we are gifted in:
"Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ."
1 Peter 4: 9-11 NIV
You want to know where God wants you to get down and start washing some feet? Figure out where He has gifted you. Are you great with kids? Is there a skill you have that others could be blessed by? Do you have a heart for certain "groups" of people (women, military, pregnant teens, homeless, etc.)? Figuring out how He has blessed you, is the first key to figuring out where He wants you! Try finding a spiritual gifts assessment if you aren't sure what your giftings are or make a list of the things you really enjoy or are good at. You are bound to find a clue as to where God is calling for you to come and serve!
Another verse says:
"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."
Romans 12:6-8 NIV
The Greek word for gifts in this passage is charisma. Charisma is, "grace or gifts denoting extraordinary powers, distinguishing certain Christians and enabling them to serve the church of Christ, the reception of which is due to the power of divine grace operating on their souls by the Holy Spirit." (Strong's Concordance) This is something you need to understand about your giftings. They aren't something to be looked at lightly, they are extraordinary powers that distinguish you. If you feel like you are nothing special, I got news for you, YOU ARE!! You are made in such a way that is completely different from every other living creature on this planet, there is only ONE of you with your unique makeup! If you feel anything less than special, you need to have a reality check right here and right now...

2.) Serve in areas where you are completely lacking:
God calls us to service in the areas of our strengths, but I want to show you another way He has called you to serve... in your areas of greatest weakness.
His word says:
"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my POWER is made PERFECT in WEAKNESS." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
I want to look at three very important words in this passage and their definitions in the Greek:
The word power translates to dynamis, which means, "power for performing miracles." (Strong's Concordance)
Perfect translates to teleioĊ, which is, "to make perfect, complete, to carry through completely, to accomplish, finish, bring to an end." (Strong's Concordance)
Astheneia is the word for weakness, or the, "want of strength and capacity requisite" (Strong's Concordance).
You think God doesn't perform miracles any more in this day and age? Watch when you obey Him to try and do something that is completely out of your comfort zone. You want to see him accomplish something in you? Try and jump in head first to something you can't do on your own strength while relying on Him alone. Don't think you have what it takes to lead a Bible study, teach God's word, become a missionary or ____________? Do that thing with an utter knowledge that if this thing happens, it ain't gonna be because you made it so!
I've been listening to a lot of Beth Moore sermons as of late and one of them has stuck with me. She was talking about Jesus' first miracle, in which He turned the water into wine. She said it was such an appropriate miracle to "start things off with" because we serve a God who makes something out of nothing. This is so applicable in terms of our service. God can make something with you or do something through you, when there is nothing inside of yourself that can make it happen. He is the God of something from nothing. Why is He like this? How else can He show His true power? Anyone can make something from something that is there, but how much more power does it require to make something from absolutely nothing?

3.) Serve where you have been served:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."
2 Corinthians 1:3-7 NIV


We all know pain, some sort of shadow or storm that God has pulled us through. A lot of times it is those experiences that He has allowed so that you may serve another down the road. Think about your experiences and what He has brought you through and how those things can be turned in to ways you can serve. Find a group in your community that works with the same kind of people you once were and get involved. Start your own group or just be on the lookout for those who cross your path with the same troubles that you once had. You will be amazed by how many people God will put in your life who suffer from the things that once burdened and bound you that need you to serve them.


I am not quite sure who God wanted to hear this. Someone might need to start figuring out how He has gifted you and how He can use you in that area. Someone might need to step out in a huge leap of faith to that one thing He has been pushing in your direction, but you have felt too inadequate to take on. And someone might need to start serving up a big platter of comfort to the ones who are going through a place you've already been. Could I be talking about you?


Until next time,

-C.

Your turn: (I'd love to hear your thoughts...leave a comment, PLEASE!)
1.) Do you feel like you are serving where He wants you? If not, where do you think He is leading you to go? If so, which of the three areas are you serving in: your gifting, your not-gifting, or your area of past comfort?
2.) What keeps us from serving others in the capacity God calls us to?
3.) Is there a such thing as too much service? Why or why not?

Monday, March 23, 2009

A slice of humble pie...

Tonight, I am serving a free slice of pie...before you get too excited, it probably isn't the kind you are thinking about! Remove the visions of plump, juicy blueberries oozing out the side of light, crispy crust and instead replace it with a big o' honkin' slice of humble pie. That is the kind of pie I am serving up tonight...so, if you'd rather not enjoy a slice with me, I take no offense.

I never thought I had an issue with pride, until I realized that was prideful to think. I mean, to some degree we all have issues with pride. My issues tend to fall on the side where I think everything I do must be perfect and any deviations from such a path is a defect that I must perfect. Wow! Can you get any more pride filled than that? I believe that I must do things correctly all the time, and if I can't, then I can somehow fix it so I can. I am hoping I am not alone in this pride fest, I'd like to think there are some of you right there with me. The truth of the matter is we all have something we are covering up, something we are unwilling to admit, something inside of us that we either exalt above others or shamefully hide at such a degree that we become completely inauthentic beings.

I decided tonight I needed a little slice of humble pie. I am not quite sure what it was, probably just the thoughts God had flowin' in my mind after Bible study. I just realized tonight what a mini-god I think I am sometimes. I mean I think that my worrying and holding onto situations can really solve them in a God sized way. God just watched as I tripped flat on my face today after a situation that I was wholeheartedly desiring to give to Him, kept getting ripped from His clutches and back into my "mini-God" hands. Little did I know, God had already worked it out and I had an unnecessary stomach ache because I was believing myself to be higher than I ought: a mini-god with some control over life through my mighty, "mini-god" power of worrying.

My first bite of pie...
Humility (noun): "The state or quality of being humble; freedom from pride and arrogance; lowliness of mind; a modest estimate of one's own worth; a sense of one's own unworthiness through imperfection and sinfulness; self-abasement; humbleness."
I've highlighted the tastiest morsels. Humility is the state of being FREE from our pride, a modest estimation of own worth (the opposite of thinking I even have an ounce of the power God has to control situations), an understanding of how truly imperfect, sinful and unworthy we truly are.
My next bite...
"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."
Proverbs 16:18 NIV
You know what is going to happen every time I elevate myself into a position where I believe I have some control over circumstance, the same thing that happened just today...I am going to fall flat on my face. Pride ultimately leads to our own destruction and fall. If you don't like tripping, quit walking like you are more than you are!
And another bite...
"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."
-Proverbs 11:2 NIV
"A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor."
Proverbs 29:23 NIV
Isn't a bit ironic that the purpose that pride serves (to bring ourselves honor), does the complete opposite? God is a God who likes to work the opposite of our human understanding. Where we thinking the best and brightest should be raised up, He chooses the lowest and slowest. And for what other reason than to show how truly powerful He is? Anyone can pick the best and make them the highest, but what kind of strength and power is required to choose the one on bottom and raise them to the top?
Licking the plate...
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV
Here is the kicker...or at least one of them. If you, like me, need to enjoy a big ol' whoppin' slice of this pie I am talking about, it requires you laying it ALL out there. If you really want to devour the freedom in not having to keep up the heavy curtain that pride hangs in front of our lives, you got to just drop it and say, "World, here it is!" Every last imperfection you are trying to cover up with the concealer of conceit, every single weakness you are veiling in a shroud of false perfection has got to be shown so that He can swoop in and take an imperfect weakling and make them a God perfect being. It usually ain't a pretty sight, but God isn't about being pretty, He is about being real.

And a wipe of my face...
"I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me."
1 Corinthians 4:3-4 NIV
"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
1 Peter 5:5-7 NIV
Just as I lick that plate clean, God needs to clean me up a bit. Humility, He says, is not some God-sanctioned self-bashing fest. We aren't to start judging and condemning ourselves for all the ways we fall short. No, there is One who has that position. We are though, to act humbly towards one another. To look at those around us in a higher esteem than we hold ourselves, with a heart of a servant. We are to humble ourselves under God's mighty hand, by just admitting how unworthy and undeserving we are in the scheme of everything and that if He so chooses to use such a lowly being, that it will be OUR honor to be able to serve such a powerful, wonderful, and merciful God. You ready for the last wipe? Check out 1 Peter 5:7 ("Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."). Is it a coincidence that it follows several verses that talk about humility? I don't think so! I think it is of the utmost significance. This is the line for those who think themselves mini-god's. Friend, this one is for me. If I truly want to be humble before my God, I need to learn that He needs to take all the anxieties, the insecurities and the difficulties from my self-created throne onto His all mighty one.
Here's to a full serving of some humble pie...
Until next time,
-C.
Your turn:
1.) Am I alone in this pie eatin' session?
2.) What do you try to cover up with pride? Be as specific or general as you please.
3.) Why is humility so tough for us human types?
4.) What are some specific ways to act humbly?

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Something's missing...

For the past couple of weeks, I have felt as though something has been missing within me. One of those things, you just can't quite put your finger on, but notice its absence nonetheless. Then, one day out of the blue, God hit me in the face with it. I had lost my joy.

Joy is an elusive concept for me because my human mind equates it with happiness: a fleeting, temporal state. So, I decided I needed to go down the rabbit hole of joy to find out what I lost and how to get it back. I thought you might be up for an adventure to find it with me as well.

It is hard when you lose something, yet you aren't quite sure what it is. There were many definitions for it, and many led back to its cousin, happiness. I liked this one the best:

"Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.
The expression or manifestation of such feeling."
Joy is two parts: one part intense emotion, the other part is the expression of that emotion. Joy is not only a feeling, but it is an action. This struck me as to how I could get my joy back. Usually, our thoughts precede our actions. But sometimes, we need our actions to precede our thoughts. Sometimes we need to act first in order to feel. The reason being is that sometimes our stubborn minds can change their emotional state to match our actions, but if we just start acting. My first step in working towards getting this lost joy to return to my life is start acting as if I am joy-filled: ecstatic about the life I've been given.
Ok, so I have got to start acting joyful...I'll work on that. But, then I started looking in Scripture and found myself a bit confused... my mother always told me to learn to be content, a state of consistent satisfaction no matter what my circumstance. Happiness, she would say, is only temporary, whereas contentment is everlasting. Joy, on the otherhand, seemed like something we are supposed to have continuously, like contentment. Afterall, it is a fruit of the spirit (one of the characteristics those of us who profess Christ are to exhibit in our lives at all times). But, the Bible seems to refer to many "kinds" of joy: short term, long term, joy in God, joy from God, and joy from others or circumstances. Sccrreeechhhh...I thought joy came in just one form and was meant to flow continuously??
I decided I needed to look at a couple of the "types" of joy we are supposed to have:
1.) Constant Joy:
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV
One of my life verses here. God's will for us is to have joy AT ALL TIMES, irregardless of circumstance. This is the kind of joy I need to get back. Times are tough, man, but if I truly desire to be the child of God He has called me to be, I need to find joy in the good times and the bad. I think the key to having this kind of joy follows after the first three words be joyful always: we've got to pray for it and we've got to be thankful for what we've got. Being prayer-filled and focusing on that which we do have and our blessings can keep our hearts joyful.
2.) Trial Joy:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3 NIV
My FAVORITE kind of joy!! (Can you sense my sarcasm??) Ok, not my favorite, but the kind I am currently learning to have. Joy, yes Joy, in times of trial and difficulty. Right now, God has changed my thoughts from a ho-hum, "What else can go wrong?" to "God, how are you going to use all these wrongs to make a giant right in my life?" I have actually found an inkling of joy as God is taking me through tests and tribulations to get me a little more "refined" than I was before. I've "shed some pounds" of empty, worthless being and am finding Him just whittling down my spiritual waist to His perfect size for me. The process still hurts, but there is joy in knowing that God is going to make something good out of all the heartache. That is a unique kind of joy that I pray you get to experience.
3.) Thankful Joy:
"Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his ; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture." -Psalm 100:1-3 NIV
This is perhaps the BIGGEST type of joy we are to have: joy in knowing who created us. This is a joy that resonates in thanksgiving. This is a joy in the fact that we didn't get what we deserved, that we have a future and a hope beyound the sorrows of this place, and that we serve a mighty God. That is a BIG joy that should remind us when times are tough, we know someone who is tougher.
Joy. I think I lost mine. I think I lost all three types, maybe even more that I did not go into here, but I think God is showing me how to get it back: focus on Him and what He has done for me, focus on my blessings, focus on the wonderful changes in me that are coming from trials. Maybe I need to start acting joyful and my heart will catch up and fill in that missing joy I've lost.
Here's to finding what was missing...
Until next time,
-C.
Your Turn:
1.) Joy check: Do you feel like you live with a daily joy? Why or why not?
2.) How do you think you can sustain joy?
3.) Have you lost your joy? How are you gonna get it back??

Friday, March 20, 2009

Lessons from my travels...

So, this past week, my mom, my sister, my daughter and I enjoyed 5 fun filled days on the other coast in sunny San Diego. It was a great time, filled with visits from friends and various sight seeing trips. But, it was also a time of learning...

Here is what I learned during my travels:

#1: Children don't have to travel to have fun. We took a 7 hr plane ride to the other side of the country and do you know what my child's FAVORITE part was?? The "El-a-vay-tor" as she called it. Yep, forget the San Diego Zoo or the La Jolla beach, the stinkin' Embassy Suites Elevator was the most exciting part of our adventure to her!!

#2: Just because celebrities like it, doesn't make it good. So, after years and years of watching reality shows and reading gossip magazines in which celebrities are chowing down on their Pinkberry yogurt, I finally got my chance to taste this seemingly magical dessert. And can I just say GROSS!! It had no flavor and tasted a bit like frozen chalk. Just because you are rich and famous, does not mean you have a mature pallete!

#3: I have to live in a major city before I die. I've discovered one more "bucket list" item. I really, really, really want to live in a major downtown before I die. San Diego would be ideal: it is safe, fun, and filled with sunshine! We'll see where the military takes us, maybe my dream can come true!

#4: Traveling with a toddler does not constitute a vacation. I don't know if it was the vomitting in the middle of the airplane aisle, or chasing her around the San Diego Zoo, making the screeching monkeys look tame, but somewhere along the line, I grew increasingly more tired than I was before this "vacation." I've learned that 2 years old is NOT the time to take major trips across the country. Brad and Angie, I do not know how you do it...but I guess the army of nannies helps. Anyway, I now must spend the next 5 to 6 days recovering from the travels that were meant to bring me renewed strength.

All in all, it was a fun time and we were able to see some of my dearest friends who have relocated to the west coast. But, for future reference, I will be choosing a vacation destination within an hour of my home that has the most exhilirating elevator, so we can all have fun and rest!

Here's to travels...

Until next time,
-C.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Who do you trust?

"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."
-Psalm 9:10
Trust (noun): reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety of a person or thing; confidence. (www.dictionary.com)

Trust. I'd like to say that I wholeheartedly trust my creator in any given circumstance. I'd like to say that when "life comes at [me] fast", I immediately have confidence that my God will handle it all. But, the truth of the matter is, this is the lesson God is working His darndest on me right now.

For the past four months, I have been going through the darkest season of my life up to this point. I thought the sun was finally showing through the clouds and then more bad news, more pain, more suffering began falling from the skies. It is easy to automatically ask God why He is allowing all of this trial in my life in such a tone that denotes that it is a bad thing. But, He keeps bringing me back to this question, Do you trust me?

I always stumble when it is time to answer, "Well, yeah God, sure, um, yeah, I trust you ." Then, He says, "Let's find out..." as a new hurdle or hardship enters my path. Then, I find myself in a heavenly tug of war with God with the rope of my problems in between us. "God, surely I trust you in most circumstances, but THIS ONE, I am not quite sure of...let me take it and worry about it and mull over it awhile." But, trust doesn't work like that. It is a very all or nothing choice. You can't dip your toes in the trust pool, you have to canon ball into it. I have to canon ball into it.

There are 179 Biblical references for the word "trust." Is that significant? Absolutely! God shows us the things that matter the most to Him by His repetition of concepts and His desires for our lives in His word. He is constantly seeking an unwavering trust in Him alone, yet we are constantly tugging and pulling on the rope of our problems just in case God can't handle this one thing.

It is a unique gift to be in the midst of one of God's lessons for you and recognize it as such. Usually, we don't quite realize that we have been going through the school of the Lord until well after the fact, when we reflect upon it to see His hand in our lives. But, to be able to go through struggles and to have Him share with you what His ending desire is for your life is a miracle. Does it make the struggles any less painful? Usually not, but it gives them a newfound purpose and respect for the refining that is happening through them. Every lesson and every sermon I have heard in church, Sunday School, on the radio, and in Bible study the past two months have been on: fear, trusting God, having faith and similar topics. He is giving me the cliff notes to His lesson, if I would give up my stubborn hold on my circumstances and just trust Him.

One of the points He has made to me is that the trust is not that everything turns out to be my perfect scenario of resolution. No, our God is not that superficial. He doesn't want to just put the pieces back together so they fit just as we think they should. Our God wants more for us. He wants us to get beyond a life of everything turning out just as we wanted. He wants to give us a life in which we turn out just as He wanted. That is the goal. He wants to know that if our worse case scenario happens, we can still trust that He is exactly who He says He is: the mighty, loving, trustworthy God.

Trust. This is my lesson. This is the question of the day. I don't know that I have or ever will completely pass the test, but each day, each circumstance, each suffering is a chance to check Yes next to test question one: Do you trust the Lord with everything in your life?

Here's to trust....

Until next time,
-C.

Your turn (respond in my comments if you so choose)
1.) What makes trusting so hard?
2.) Why is it that God can bring us from so low valleys to a high mountain yet we face a valley again, we forget everything He has done for us up to then?
3.) What is the opposite of trust?
4.) What does it mean to trust someone? How does someone gain trust? How do they lose it? How does our idea of trust for people affect our trust in God?
5.) Do you think we will ever learn this lesson or is it a lifelong struggle?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The truth about Mommyhood...

Today, I was on the brink of a mommy meltdown. To my defense, it was our wedding anniversary and my husband is going on a night flight until well after midnight, I am a bit hormonal and I was in the presence of a very busy toddler. I found myself a little bit annoyed (gasp!) with my child and realized that wasn't the kind of thing a "good" mother thinks to herself.

There are a lot of things about motherhood that no one really tells you up front. When you are childless, motherhood seems like this secretive sublime little club where they have their own made up language and do their secret fun activities together, all the while with a giant smile plastered across their face. Well, once I joined the club I learned that the plastered smile was to keep them from having a complete nervous breakdown.

So, I thought of some of the other "myths" of motherhood. Here goes:

Myth #1: Your skill as a mother is determined by the behavior of your child.
Fact: These little rugrats do exactly what they want, no matter how skilled a mother they had to train them. They are well, like us...fleshly little beings who have a mind, spirit and desires of their own. You can offer them guidance. You can show them the right way. But, at the end of the day, they are their own little people, even at a pint sized 21 months.

Myth #2: Showing fatigue is a sign of weakness.
Fact: Showing fatigue is a sign that you are still alive. If I see one more mom in the presence of other mothers, pretend as though she is not completely exhausted from the constantacy of mother-dom, I think I might have a mommy breakdown. Come on, ladies! This is some hard work...don't act like I am the only one who can barely keep my eyes open. Don't act like you don't know what I am talking about! PLEASE! Show some undereye circles so I know I am not alone in this battle for rest...

Myth #3: You will always like your child.
Fact: You will always love your child. Here goes my shot at mommy of the year award. Sometimes, on rare occasions like today, I find my child to drive me crazy. I just get tired of chasing and telling her to stop putting things in the toliet, don't eat out of the trash can, put the pots and pans back into every single cabinet in my kitchen, and please, please, please do not write on the wall again with crayons. Some days this is all so endearing and then some, it is a little hair raising. But, the good news is, at the end of the day you find yourself still in love with the little monster :).

Myth #4: Everyone knows what hard work it is to be a momma.
Fact: Only moms know how hard it is to be a momma. The man whom you share your hopes and dreams can sometimes be the most clueless of them all as to how tough this gig is. After all, in his mind he envisions a quiet young lady, playing on the floor with her dolls, while you lazily watch Oprah and drink a mint julep. Little of what he sees in his vision of what your day entails what truly occurs. He does not see the phone ringing, the child hanging from the rafters, you trying to cook lunch while putting in a fourth load of laundry and answering the phone as the UPS man rings the door to deliver a package and your pot of noodles boils over. No...this is not his vision of life in your shoes.

Myth #5: Motherhood is the most rewarding job.
Fact: Ok, hear me out on this one. Motherhood is the most rewarding job, I know I said it was a myth, but it is not in the way you are thinking. Rewards in motherhood are not like other jobs. When you are doing great in your career, you get high praise or a promotion and a raise. It doesn't work like that in the land of moms. There is no "Applause-o-gram," kids aren't naturally inclined to say, "Mom, you have really stepped up your mothering skills. I think I am going to give you the day off and a couple of thousand dollars for you to treat yourself. Thanks mom, you deserve it!" No, don't expect that kind of accolades. The rewards you get in mothering is usually a bit more elusive at times. It comes when she finally gets saying "please and thank you" and does it without any coaxing from you to a stranger. It comes when she asks for a kiss out of the blue. It comes when you are out in public and someone comments on what a happy child she is. Those are the rewards of motherhood. Less elaborate. Less pronounced. But, immensely more valuable than any other position on this earth.

Myth #6: Moms always know what they are doing.
Fact: We are all secretly petrified that we are doing this whole thing wrong. Why is it that when moms are congregated together they immediately begin comparing their children? Because none of us have a clue what we are doing and just hoping that our kid is at least somewhere in the middle of this thing called "developmental milestones." You can only imagine the secret panic we moms experience when we hear a checkpoint that our little Johnny has not shown, while little Susie over there, three months younger, has been doing it for weeks now. Our minds begin trying to pinpoint where exactly we have failed our child. Was it that extra coke we drank during pregnancy? Or perhaps it was when we looked away for just a second and junior tripped face first on the concrete? Mom is always thinking somehow this is all my fault.

Myth #7: Motherhood is filled with constant companionship.
Fact: Being a mom is often quite a lonely job. Whether you stay home or work, you can often find that motherhood brings a certain amount of isolation. For the stay at home mom, she can often feel bored out of her mind with such limited adult interaction so she attempts to fill her day with mommy groups, grocery trips and the like. The working mother can often feel as though she is unlike her stay at home counterparts. While she may have the luxury of complete sentences with fellow grown ups, she secretly harbors a certain amount of guilt about leaving her baby. Her stay at home friends don't quite get it and her fellow working moms, don't talk about it.

I guess my big question is why are moms so afraid to talk about the real truth of mommyhood? Why do we all just try to keep up the facade that we know what we are doing and that we aren't freaking out on the inside? Is it so we appear competent and good at our job? Is it fear of the huge amount of judgement that exists in the momma circle? I am not quite sure, and I am pretty sure I may have broken some mommy codes here, but maybe it can make another mother take a deep breath and think Phew! I am not alone!

You are not alone....

Here's to mommyhood...the real story.

Until next time,
-C.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

My Beloved...

"I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine."
-Song of Songs 6:3


March 5th will mark four years of marriage for me and my beloved...four years. This year, we will have spent ten years together. It seems like we've been married for much longer than just four years. Four years seems so short: the time it takes to go through high school, college, or to obtain a medical degree. It seems like a flash...a lot has happened in that short amount of time so maybe that is why.


In those four years, we have lived in five houses, that is one move every 9.6 months if you average it out. We have had one baby. We have had 4 different cars. We have changed in innumerable ways.

This probably sounds bad to say out loud, but I like to pretend I am amongst blogging friends...I often wonder what makes us work so well together? I mean on paper, we are COMPLETE opposites. I like to think and talk about world issues, relationships, feelings, emotions. He likes to discuss cars, helicopters, and home audio equipment. I like to cook with fancy ingredients and make things that are difficult to pronounce. He would be happy with a meal made from a box with a white glove on it or some frozen fish sticks. I like to explore towns, try new restaurants, check out small boutiques. He likes to stay home and work on projects around the house. I mean, really we are about as opposite as two people can be, but we work...and we work well.


I am by no means qualified to give marital advice, because well, I'll be the first to admit, I have a LONG way to go in becoming the perfect wife, but I did try to figure out some of our "rules" that make us work:


1.) God first. Family second. Everything else third. This of course is our ideal...in actuality, we find ourselves struggling to keep this order of things, but it is good to have that same goal that we are continuously working towards.


2.)There is no out. There is no get out of marriage free card: no divorce, no affairs, no checking out. We set this one from day one. Well, actually before day one. We are in it til the end so we have a choice, we can be miserable or we can be happy. We usually decide to be happy because miserable is no fun.


3.) Say it and then we can take it back later. This rule was created for my love as he sometimes will, how do I put this, insert his foot very far down his throat. So, we just live by the rule you can say whatever you are thinking at the moment and we can take it back after we think about it and realize it is not a true feeling or statement.


4.) You gotta laugh. Marriage is tough enough trying to get two completely opposite creatures to live in perfect harmony so you have got to add some humor. We spend most of our time laughing at or should I say "with" each other. I mean who else do I know that can successfully rearrange the dishes every single time they unload the dishwasher? I often struggle with answering the question, "Where does this go?" when helpful guests ask for guidance in putting away a dish. The answer is always, "It depends on who is unloading..."


5.) Figure out each others love language. Every couple must read or be familiar with The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is the only way this high gifts and quality time person could stay happily united with a high physical touch and words of affirmation guy.


6.) TALK! This is one of our biggest reason for success besides rule #1. I get shocked in the military when I meet a wife who doesn't know what squadron her husband is in or a wife who doesn't know about their spouse's coworkers. We talk about it all, from the moment he gets home, I get the run down of every funny story, every thing that went wrong, who he saw, what he said, and so forth. He has even gotten to the point of asking the new people he meets "questions for my wife" because he knows what I will ask (common girl questions: is he married? what is his wife's name? what does she do? do they have kids?). I think a HUGE part of our intimacy comes from this deep desire to know what is going on in each other's lives. He knows every crazy thing our child did, every emotional roller coaster I rode, and every fear I have. I know what he thinks about the people he interacts with, what is stressing him out and what he is wishing was over at every given moment. Talking is what truly keeps us connected when our schedules keep us far apart.


7.) Choose your battles. This has been a hard one for me. I like to be right. I like to prove I am right. I almost made a career out of being right and proving I was right. Then, I realized some times it really doesn't matter...it really isn't important who left the light on or who forgot to lock the door. There are important issues, ones that need both sides looked at, but most issues are not these types.


8.) Focus on what you love about the person. It is so easy to get wrapped up by the annoyances this man child (I use the term lovingly, of course) living in your house causes you: why he doesn't put on a new roll of toilet paper, the fact that he won't take the garbage out until you nag him at least five times or when he says that grocery shopping was your break for the day. Yes, those things can easily become the things your mind automatically think of when you think of your spouse. But, if you can look beyond them at the wonderful things about him like the fact no man could love or respect you like he does, that he is a Godly man who you never have to worry about in terms of his faithfulness and the way he loves and adores that little princess sleeping in the next room, then, the little annoyances seem to disappear altogether.


Honestly, I don't know what we did to make us work so well. The more I think about it, the more I realize it was very little of what we did at all and completely God's grace in putting two opposite creatures, who shared a love for Him, together in an amazing way. The reason we work is that together, we truly are one. The reason we are such opposites is that was the design, where I jut out, he concaves in so that we can fit completely together to create one, whole being. My weaknesses are his strengths and vice versa. He needs a help mate to remind him of things, to take care of the details. I need a protector and a provider. Together, we are the one God created us to be and I am so thankful for the past four years and the years we have in store for us.


"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
Mark 10:7-9


Here's to my hubby....

Until next time,

-C.

Monday, March 2, 2009

For such a time as this...

"And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
Esther 4:14
I am studying the book of Esther in a woman's Bible study (it is the new Beth Moore study, see below).

This song has been playing on our local Christian rock station and it has been in my head for months now...I think it should be in yours:
Such a Time by Flynn Adam

Sunday, March 1, 2009

About to Burst

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."
-2 Corinthians 4:7-9


Have you ever gotten to the point you feel as you are about to burst? Just one more thing and yes, today will become the day you lose it. The cliche "When it rains, it pours" plays on repeat in your mind. I am at that point...one....more....thing....and I will break.


This verse has been my song this week. It is just such a testament to what we can be in times of stress, trouble or crisis. You can feel the crunch coming in on every side, without letting it completely deflate you. You can become bewildered by current circumstances, without allowing them to send you into a tailspin. You can feel the judgement and isolation of others, without feeling all alone. You can feel as though you have hit the ground hard this time, but still know that you can get up.


God is strong. God is faithful. Most of the stuff that causes us so much stress and anxiety does not matter. He can get us through even the worst of it, when our worst case scenario comes true. We just need to focus, to keep our focus, not on these silly things that attempt to distract us from His power, His strength, His faithfulness, and His love, but on Him.


I just feel like I am at a point where I can't handle anymore. And maybe, perhaps, that was the whole point... He wants me to stop handling all of it and let Him take the reins. So, today, yet again, I throw up my hands and say, "God, you do it, because I just can't take another thing!" And I think we are both completely okay with that...


My song of the moment: The Fray You Found Me


Here's to pressure...

Until next time,

-C.