"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Crossing things off the bucket list...

The bucket list. That list of things you wish to do before you kick the bucket. Truth is, mine is not that long...I really just want to love hard, grow, and become as Christ-like as possible...no, serious. But, I do have a couple of other things on that list. One of them is to live at the beach. I have such a desire to have the ocean be my backyard, smell the salt in the air, and watch the sun go down every night on a rocking chair on a double decker porch.

Well friends...I can officially cross it off my list. I am sitting in an amazing beach house while we look for a house. It is incredible. The beach is literally a block behind us and on our front porch is the most amazing view of the intercoastal waterway.

There is something so centering about the ocean. I am completely off kilter these days and need to get back to my center. There is something about looking out into a vast ocean and realizing the creativity that exists in our Abba Father. There is no way to feel closer to the Lord than to sit upon a pile of sand and just look out into a never ending horizon. He knew I needed this at this exact point. He knew the events that would occur in my life before, during and after this move and how I would need His deliverance and peace. He gave it to me in the form of showing His greatness and strength through the beautiful landscapes He created.

I am just thankful that this family of mine will spend the next 2-4 months in this beautiful place. I am thankful that I just know that God is going to use this place for some rest, some healing, and some mercy. I need that desperately right now in my complete brokeness.

In other news, military life is still oh so uncertain. There is a chance we may be sent to another base for our permanant duty station, about 45 miles northeast of this one. We are going to volunteer for it and I am praying it works out. The reason we want to do it is because the area here (not at the beach, but the base) is just not the greatest area to live in. Imagine strip clubs and fast food joints for all the enlisted guys...not exactly family friendly. I feel a peace as though God is going to send us to the further base. I was reading our pastor's blog from our Florida church and he mentioned that his friends were visiting church one Sunday from NC. His friends had started a church in NC. Well, I clicked on the link and the church is located in the town we would live in if we have to go to the further base. It sounds silly, but every place we have lived I have found our church before we got there. I knew exactly the church we were meant to be at before we got to the new place. With this move, I didn't feel like I found it yet, then I clicked on the link from the pastor's blog and I felt like I found it. Only problem was it was too far from where we were being sent. Then, two days later, Rick talks to his friend who is here and told him they were sending guys to the other base. It seemed like a sign. Rick and I started talking and he said he'd rather be at the other base too. So, be praying...we'll see what God has in store.

Here's to crossing things off the bucket list...

Until next time-
-C.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Bittersweet...

I am sitting on my neighbor's (Navy) couch as the movers put more and more of our life into their truck. I just got back from the doctor with the little one. Apparently, the stress I've been feeling since preparing for the move lowered my immunity, allowing an annoying sinus infection/ head cold thing to creep into my skull. Then, I passed it to my poor little girl. So, this move has had an added amount of fun to it all.

This move is such a mix baged of emotions. I am SO excited to be so close to family and friends. I am SO excited to live in a beach house for a couple months while we search for our first home! I am SO excited of a new place to explore and old places I love. I am sad though too. I am sad to leave some of my friends that I know I may never see again. I am stressed to be in a state of limbo while we find a house. I am sad to leave our wonderful church. I am going to miss the new Publix...

There is so much to look forward too, but maybe it is this cold or stress that makes me feel a little bittersweet about it all.

For our NC people, see you sometime on Wednesday...call my parents house. For you FL people, I'll miss you, stay in touch.

Here's to bittersweet change...

Until next time-
C.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Looking forward...

Sometimes, the best way to deal with stress or anxiety, is to focus on the positives. Here are my positives...in no particular order.

What I am looking forward to in NC:
  • Being close to family and friends.
  • Bojangle's
  • NC State Fair in October and getting to take the little one to it for the first time in her life.
  • Having FREE babysitters for dinners, USMC Ball, and other dates yet to come.
  • Maggiano's
  • 518
  • Goodberry's Ice Cream
  • Southpoint, Triangle Town Center, and Crabtree Mall
  • Having the little one get to know her family and build memories with them.
  • Having the people who love me the most to support me when this military life gets too hard.
  • Spending the next couple of months in a beach house while we look for a home.
  • Buying our first house together.
  • La Cocina

In true C. fashion, many of the things I am looking forward to revolve around food :). What else would you expect from me?

Here's to accentuating the positive....

Until next time-

-C.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Desires of our Heart

Yesterday, after hours of pacing and mind racing, Rick finally found out what he will be flying...CH53's in North Carolina! I cannot tell you how excited we were! This means when we move (as soon as next week), we will be sent directly to NC. Having friends and family there makes it a whole lot less scary. We will be an hour and a half from home.

Alot of people would rather go on an adventure, go to a base as far from family as possible. I went through a time like that, but when I had a child I realized family and true friends are it in life. Very little matters besides those things. So, I am perfectly content with having the opportunity to be so close to them again!

I keep thinking how awesome it will be for our daughter to actually grow up around her grandparents, aunts and uncles. I never had that as a child, they were all just people I saw once or twice a year at family functions. She might actually have a deep relationship with them, which is so exciting!

I also am excited at the fact that I will have such an abundant amount of support when Rick deploys. The nights when I don't want to be alone, I'll just throw the babe in the back of the car and head up to C-ton. How exciting! Some people are of the school that you should never return home during a deployment. I am of the school that you do whatever you need to in order to survive during a deployment, and if that means being around the people who love you the most, then DO IT!

I am of course a bit sad at the prospect of leaving here. There are so many wonderful people in my life here, and I fear the day we are no longer in each other's daily lives. But, the good news is, we are in a small military so I am sure I will see many of these people again. I am also sure that the ones I've developed a close relationship with, will forever remain my friends. I thank God for them.

So, the moral of the story so to speak, is sometimes a dream can be deferred. Sometimes we don't get exactly what we want. Sometimes we end up with a second choice that may, in the end, have more benefit and more joy than the thing we originally wanted. Thank goodness God is in control and not us!

Here's to finding new desires of our heart...

Until next time-
-C.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Crossing the finish line...

Ahhhh, today I was able to inhale and exhale with the rush of peace flowing through my lungs. Yes, my blog readin' friends, my husband has officially completed his advanced flight training, and those oh so coveted Pensacola wings of gold will be placed ever so lovingly upon his chest, by yours truly. Praise GOD!!!

I must admit. His wing date as they call it (fancy word for graduation...) hung in the balance this weekend with the arrival of our friend, Gustav. We were told sometime on Sunday that he would in fact be pushed back to the next class, which meant 3 weeks of hanging around here with nothing to do but duty and other menial tasks as well as 5 non-transferable, non-refundable plane tickets down the drain. But, luckily for us, we received a call last night as we drove home from our "evacation" in Savannah saying he was on the schedule today and that he would be eligible to wing on 9/12 if he completed the flight. Oh, friends, how I prayed he would! I tried to be impartial, reasoning that if he didn't get it done, God had a better plan. But that God of mine had a lesson for me. The whole time I heard Him whispering trust me. As acts of nature and bad timing threatened my hopeful end to our time here, He said I can handle it. My mind raced with thoughts of yeah, but... and what if and many other man-sized barriers my mind had created. He kept whispering, without getting angry or upset with me and my human doubt, trust me. So, I decided it was my best option...to trust Him and I had resolved to be content no matter what the outcome. I can't explain the joy my heart lept with when I heard that we wouldn't have to wait any longer!

Don't get me wrong...I like it here, I like the people here, but my time is done. The next phase is awaiting and I am ready to jump into it and see where it leads us. God has just been working on me so these last couple of months. I feel as though I've been on an emotional rollercoaster, of which I did not meet the height requirement for. A lot of it has to do with the people in my life: some whom have struggled, some whom are hurting, some who have hurt me, some whom I am sure I have hurt. God made me realize that as we place more and more focus on the people, we can go faster and faster on the rollercoaster. Now don't mishear me...He wants us to be people focused in terms of helping and ministering, but He doesn't want them to be our god. He doesn't want them to control our contentment or discontentment. With our eyes firmly fixed upon Him, we can go around and around on the merry go round of life, up and down the rollercoaster of emotion, and to the greatest heights and lowest lows of the ferris wheel of expectations, all without one sensation of nausea, one feeling of dizziness, or a single fear of falling.

I realized that this weekend. I was sick of feeling sick from this amusement park. I wanted to feel His peace constantly. I wanted to not be thrown into the throes of anxiety and despair at the drop of a hat. So, I decided to pray that for myself this week, and continue to pray it. I hope you will pray it for me as well.

Our time here is coming to a close, and it is of course met with a mixed bag of emotions. Despite the bag, I my friends, have such a sense of calm and peace that I know I might not have if God hadn't changed me these past couple of months. There is so much in this life that we get so bent out of shape about that truly should not even nick us. There is so much that is more important than these momentary troubles and roller coaster rides. I pray we can all focus on such things!

Here's to a peaceful ride...

Until next time...
-C.