"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Sunday, August 29, 2010

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. And when you have finished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." - Victor Hugo

I needed that...

Here's to a never slumbering God...

Until next time,
-C.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

It takes a special person...

"It takes a special person to do what you do" is a comment I get over and over when people find out I am a military wife. They don't mean it to be an insult, but so often it ends up becoming one. It is almost as if they are insinuating that somehow I have some special features in my make up that make the loneliness, fears, isolation and anxieties of military life that much easier. Believe you me, I don't. In fact, those who knew me before I joined this crazy, mixed up life (who gets married and spends more time apart than together???), can testify that I did not hold the qualifications of a good military wife. I am fearful. I am anxious. I hate change. I abhor moving. I cannot stand being alone. I don't like doing things on my own. Military wife extraordinaire, I was not built to be!

But, the greatest part about God is He likes to use the ordinary, the ones who were not meant for the tasks at hand, in extraordinary situations. He likes to put the meek, timid ones in charge of spreading the gospel. He likes to take an unwed teenage girl and use her to bring the world redemption. He likes to use the stuttering, babbling man and deliver His commands through him. Yeah, our God likes taking the ordinary and using them for the extraordinary.

So, if you ever see a military wife, a single mom, a widow, a minister, a teacher or just anyone you think God built with some super special powers to do super special things, remember they were not. In fact, they are probably just ordinary, just like you, doing what God has set before them. It is so easy to not see ourselves in the people of God's word. We somehow think they held some key or knew some knowledge that we don't possess. Yet, usually the only difference between us and them is their willingness to answer His call.

"Elijah was a man just like us..." -James 5:17

Here's to all the ordinary ones...

Until next time,
-C.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Note to self...

I thought I'd repost a blog I wrote last year. It is one of those things I need to remind myself of constantly, how about you?

The Gentle Whisper

Man, I couldn't even go a month without writing. I sure did try, but words have been trying to leap out of my heart for days now. I guess the only thing to do is share them with you.

This scripture just pierced my soul and I am wondering if it will pierce yours.

"The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."
-1 Kings 19:11-12 (NIV)



Elijah's story is that of a most faithful servant, who but in the same breath almost lost His faith altogether. In his inhale, he was amazed by God's faithfulness to him, yet in the exhale was struck by paralyzing fear as he faced adversity.


And as wind, earthquakes, and fire erupted before his eyes, he kept looking for his God. Yet, it wasn't in the loud, powerful promulgations that God made known His presence, but rather, through a soft, gentle whisper.



How often do we find ourselves like Elijah? Believing wholeheartedly in the power of our God in one drawed in breath, and then, watching that belief all but disapear in the next. Then, as God comes to reveal Himself to us, we become so fixated on monstrous, palpable demonstrations that we miss the faint sound of His voice saying, "Here I am!"



Can we get our respiration to reflect the truth of God's character? Can we find belief when circumstance entices us towards doubt? Can we focus our ears and eyes not on the sounds of the disasters that whiz by us, but on the gentle whisper that comes afterwards?



Faith is not for the meandering charlatan, but rather for the persistent pathfinder, who blazes through the unkown towards the sound of a simple hushed utterance.



Here's to hearing the gentle whisper...


Until next time,
-C.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Military Wives Bible Study

Military Wives!!!
Looking to start a Bible study in your area? Or do you already have one going? Here is a topical study (meaning every week is different and self-contained, no traditional "homework" style assignments!) I created for Jocelyn Green's Faith Deployed site/book:
Click HERE to download your FREE copy!!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Fighting addiction...

My name is Catherine and I am addicted to facebook...

Well, friends, I did it again. Deactivated myself from everyone's favorite social networking site...I can't even tell you how many days sober I am, maybe a month or so. It has been a strange adjustment because I think I might never go back.

The reason for my abrupt deactivation was due to a series of event that dare I say, made me feel anti-social. I was going through a phase of "me against the world" and a touch of "nobody knows the trouble I've seen" kind of mood when I impulsively nixed my facebook account like whoa. Then, something miraculous occured...I started getting my never-ending to do list done in the course of a day. Could it have been that that 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there, here a 5 minutes, everywhere a 5 minutes self-rationalized ("it's only 5 minutes") checking of the statuses of my nearest as well as my not so dearest friends was robbing me of precious time to complete the day's duties? I know, I shuddered at the thought as well. But, alas, my seemingly impetuous check in the box next to "deactivate my account" was buying me time, precious, precious time.

Not to mention, my mind that once whirled with "I can't believe she posted that on fb..." and "why did so and so go to lunch with so and so and not even send me a textvite?" and other paltry thoughts and analyzations quit whirling so much in a cyclone of negative thoughts towards others. I didn't have the need to "fb gossip" (yes, I just made that up...). You know what I mean? It starts with, "did you see what __________ posted on fb?" and then spirals downward from there where your source of information becomes a glorified twitter update.

We love facebook because it connects us with people we would most likely severe all ties with. But, I have found, in a way it disconnects us with those who we should be more connected with. When I replace a phone call to a friend or loved one, with a status check to see how their life is, I miss the opportunity to actually hear their stories, thoughts, and ideas. When I choose a post on an imaginary wall over a sit down, face to face lunch to see how life is going, I miss a chance to connect. It is almost as the one thing we want most from America's network, is the one thing it takes away. Ironic, isn't it?

I did a little research to just see if my hypothesis was true, if in fact, I was an addict.

According to Elizabeth Hartney of about.com, "some of the symptoms common to addictions are:" (italicized text is my addition)

•"Tolerance - the need to engage in the addictive behavior more and more to get the desired effect" Check. I found myself starting to check my fb more and more, even in bed, way past my bedtime, when I couldn't sleep at night. And perhaps the reason I couldn't sleep, was because I kept checking my facebook.

•"Withdrawal happens when the person does not take the substance or engage in the activity, and they experience unpleasant symptoms, which are often the opposite of the effects of the addictive behavior" Yup. Not knowing the latest fb status updates would often make me irritated and somewhat difficult to be around. If my husband complained of me checking fb or told me to stop, I would become very agitated.

•"Difficulty cutting down or controlling the addictive behavior" Ding, ding, ding. I'd try the old "time limit" theory which would fail miserably as I would have to check just one more fb page.

•"Social, occupational or recreational activities becoming more focused around the addiction, and important social and occupational roles being jeopardized" Don't want to admit it, but yes. Daily topic of conversation amongst friends: did you see ____ fb status? Wife and mothering skills were hitting an all time low as I wasted time on facebook.

•"The person becoming preoccupied with the addiction, spending a lot of time on planning, engaging in, and recovering from the addictive behavior" Sitting at a stop light, checking facebook. Sitting in a restaurant, checking facebook. Kid napping, time to check facebook. Waking up, check facebook. Go to bed, check facebook. (A blackberry did not help)

Yes, friends. I am a recovering facebook addict. Maybe one day I will find myself back on the social network, in moderation of course, but until I can beat this addiction, I need to steer clear of facebook and all its time wasting glory.

Here's to kicking a bad habit...
Until next time,
-C.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

New Article over at Faith Deployed

Friday, June 25, 2010

Come all you weary...

My fav song of the moment...
Come all you weary by Thrice

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Some new writings...

Interview on Faith Deployed

and I should be getting back into the swing of things with my writing. So, hopefully I'll have some posts on Faith Deployed and/or Wives of Faith.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Hello Again

Hello again my blogging friends...
It has been quite some time, has it not? I wish I could share with you all the reasons why I have taken a hiatus from blogging and writing in general, but there are some things you don't want to share with the entire www.

I wish I could share the lessons God is taking me through right now, but again, some things need to be kept within ones own self and circle. I can give you the general jist of it, I suppose. Right now, I find myself locked in a room with God, repeatedly asking the question why? Ever been there? Why is this happening to me? Why did you allow this? Why am I dealing with this? Why am I going through this? Why? Why? Why?

The why game is one I've become very familiar with lately. I have a three year old now and we play this almost everyday.
Her: Mom, why is her hair yellow?
Me: Because God made it that way.
Her: Why?
Me: Because He thought she would look pretty with yellow hair.
Her: Why?
Me: Oh, look a pony!

Her: Mom, why are we going to the grocery store?
Me: Because I need to get something.
Her: Why?
Me: Because we need to eat.
Her: Why?
Me: Because we need to sustain life.
Her: Why?
Me: Have a free Harris Teeter cookie.

Her: Mom, when is GG (that's Grandma) coming?
Me: Thursday
Her: Why not today?
Me: Because she has to work.
Her: Why?
Me: Because she has to make money to pay her bills.
Her: Why?
Me: So you can have free McDonald's from her stores. Want some candy?

You get the idea of how this game works. It can actually be fun if you engage and answer the why of a three year old mind whose main purpose is to question rather than understand. I got to thinking about it. I am a lot like this little apple that fell from this tree. Here I've been for months, asking my Father why? why? why? over and over again, moreso to question than to understand. The truth is that sometimes He answers and sometimes He doesn't and either way, the answers don't seem to change my circumstance or emotional state. It's not the answers that bring resolve, but the freedom to question.

I've been in a weird place with everything, including my quiet time. I've bounced between Bible studies and just reading books of the Bible the past couple of months. In my reading, I've been going through two books of two men who ask about as many why's as I do: Job and Habakuk. The part that gets me about these two is that at the end, they still don't get the answers they wanted or hoped for, but they dealt with a lot of their pain by just crying out to God all the why's in their hearts. And maybe that is the only solice we can expect during our time on this earth. The answers may never come here. But, the question is still allowed.

David and the other Psalmists are some other why askers who make me feel a lot less bad for asking that question over and over again like my three year old:


Psalm 10:1
Why, O LORD, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?

Psalm 22:1
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?

Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him.

Psalm 42:9
I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"

Psalm 42:11
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Psalm 43:2
You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?


And even Jesus himself asked the question why in His last moments:

About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"- Matthew 27:46

Sometimes other people can make you feel as though asking the question why is offensive to God. I am convinced this is not the case. But after awhile of the same question and watching everyone around you in their own world of hurt, you start to realize the question you should be asking is not why me, but rather, why not me?

Here's to the why askers...

Until next time,
-C.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Tough Stuff

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Colossians 3:12-14 NIV
So it has been awhile since my last blog. I haven't felt very bloggy lately, not even very writey lately. I guess sometimes you need to take a break from sharing so much of yourself with a computer screen. Anyway, I am back, with no real point, but we'll see where this goes...
Lately, I've been thinking about why is this Christian thing made to be so hard. I mean, why didn't God want to make it an easy life for all who believed? It's the same question I have as to why He made healthy food so less tasty than the unhealthy food? Can you imagine a world where a plate of broccoli would be the equivalent to a plate of french fries? Anyway, I digress.
Clothe yourself, this verse says on. When I think "clothe yourself" it means I am putting something on to cover up my naked self. I have no theological data to back me up on this on, but I think this may be what this verse is getting at. In our natural selves, we are mean, spiteful, hatefilled, angry, bitter, cruel, unkind, well, you get the idea. But, when we believe in God, then those things are no longer who we are, even though at times they may rear their ugly head. Instead, we are supposed to cover up those things with who we have become: compassionate, kind, humble, gentle and patient beings. Tough, I know, trust me. Every day I have to fight to get those clothes on...
The real kicker is the next part. Forgiveness. I continue to struggle with this. I mean if someone hurts me, my natural inclination is to keep a running tally of all the ways they have hurt me so that when given the right moment, I can unleash all the ways in which they fall short. But, the truth is, I fall short. Daily. Sometimes it is on purpose, sometimes it is on accident, sometimes I don't even know I did it. Yet, each and every time, my Heavenly Father forgives me, when if anyone should keep tally, it should be Him. So, why can't I extend that same grace and mercy to others who may be acting just as human as I am?
After being fully clothed to look as He desires us to look, we have to bind it up with love. Love is hard to do in reality as we've talked about before. Love requires a selflessness that none of us come by naturally. Yet love is the only thing to change cold, calloused hearts, to make the brokenhearted feel mended, or give the lost a sense of hope. Love is all we can do to change the world, really.
God has been reminding me lately how hard a life chasing after Him is going to be. He wasn't looking to make things easy for us, but rather to make us useful for Him.
Until next time,
-C.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Military Wives and Children's Conference

For all those military wives out there, here is a conference my church is holding on May 15th, 2010 for Military Wives and Children! It should be an awesome day of encouragement and fun, including some pretty great door prizes (think beach weekend...). Did I mention it was only $10 and kids are free????

Go to www.operationhopefront.org for info and a registration form!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

No new blog

Haven't really been feeling the whole writing thing for a variety of reasons lately. But, if you are dying, you can check out these posts:
http://jocelyngreen.wordpress.com/2010/02/04/brokenhearted-dealing-with-sudden-redeployment/

http://www.wivesoffaith.org/love-is-patient


Until next time,
-C.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Good streams...

My favorite devotional is "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman. I know with the situation in Haiti, the economy and the personal struggles people are going through right now, the question God is hearing is "Why?" I thought this devotion is a great answer and goes along with our previous posts. On August 15th:


"Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." (Acts 14:22.)

THE best things of life come out of wounding. Wheat is crushed before it becomes bread. Incense must be cast upon the fire before its odors are set free. The ground must be broken with the sharp plough before it is ready to receive the seed. It is the broken heart that pleases God. The sweetest joys in life are the fruits of sorrow. Human nature seems to need suffering to fit it for being a blessing to the world.

"Beside my cottage door it grows,
The loveliest, daintiest flower that blows.
A sweetbriar rose.

"At dewy morn or twilight's close,
The rarest perfume from is flows,
This strange wild rose.

"But when the rain-drops on it beat,
Ah, then, its odors grow more sweet,
About my feet.

"Ofttimes with loving tenderness,
Its soft green leaves I gently press,
In sweet caress.

"A still more wondrous fragrance flows
The more my fingers close
And crush the rose.

"Dear Lord, oh, let my life be so
Its perfume when tempests blow,
The sweeter flow.

"And should it be Thy blessed will
With crushing grief my soul to fill,
Press harder still.

"And while its dying fragrance flows
I'll whisper low, `He loves and knows
His crushed briar rose.'"

If you aspire to be a son of consolation; if you would partake of the priestly gift of sympathy; if you would pour something beyond commonplace consolation into a tempted heart; if you would pass through the intercourse of daily life with the delicate tact that never inflicts pain; you must be content to pay the price of a costly education-like Him, you must suffer. ---F. W. Robertson.

Here's to streams in the desert...
Until next time,
-C.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Suck it up, walk it off...

When we were dating, my husband once told me to "walk it off" when I told him my foot hurt. It has kinda been a running joke. I say something hurts, he says walk it off. Then for added humor, we've put the phrase suck it up before it.

So, Sunday was a rough one as you all heard, but then, through what I can only explain as coming from prayers of my friends and family and perhaps some of you only connected by this blog, I felt as though my soul started to "suck it up" and "walk it off" when it came to the whole shock of re-deploying of the hubby. I don't know, but peace came in like a tidal wave. I got a grip and suddenly felt like no matter what or for how long, we are going to be ok. We are all going to be ok.

We get so focused on our momentary troubles, don't we? In a few months, this will be just a "remember when" story. But, it doesn't stop it from smarting when you are smack dab in the middle of it.

Living in this place is hard, which is why I am glad we don't do it forever. I guess I need to keep being reminded of that fact...

Here's to walking it off...

Until next time,
-C.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Why does God allow suffering?

Today, at Sunday School we discussed the age old question of suffering and why a loving God would allow such a thing. It was one of those things I did not want to hear today. The husband was deployed with just 2 days notice to assist in the Haiti efforts. He just got back from his last deployment less than a month ago. He had deployed for the past 6 out of 8 months. I have never physically felt shock like I have the last couple of days. I've never felt such intense emotional numbness. I felt like I was sucker punched in the gut. I've been running on empty for quite some time now, and was excited about having my husband back in the mix. But, God had a different plan, I guess.

So, this topic of suffering was talked about. Why do we suffer? How do we deal with suffering? I know the "answers" to these questions. But, today, I just wanted to be sad. I just wanted to mourn my losses and not hear "it could always be worse..." This past year has been a series of unending suffering in my life. Everytime I get up, I feel a wave crashing over me, bringing me to the point of drowning. I have felt like a modern day Job.

I didn't want to hear any of it. But, I sat there and I listened and I listened to all the reasons people thought God allowed suffering and all the reasons people said we reacted to it. And then as I was sitting there, I said to God, "I'm empty." And I heard him say, "That's the answer."

Suffering empties us. It takes away every ounce of fight we have in order that it can be replaced with something. Some people don't try to replace it with anything, so they stay empty. Some people try to replace it with the wrong things, so they find more suffering. And some of us try as much as we can to fill it with God. It still stings. It still is broken. But, there is something to hold the pieces together.

Suffering also brings understanding of Christ and if we are Christians, this would be our ultimate goal. Just think about all the ways Christ suffered: physical pain, emotional brokenness, loneliness, rejection, fear, seperation, persecution, starvation, temptation, and more. Every time we go through suffering in our own lives we get a glimpse of that fateful day in which He suffered.

Tonight, like many of you, I watched more suffering of those in Haiti. My stomach still feeling like I had been punched in the gut, but a wave of peace pushed through. I know my suffering is nothing in comparison to those people right now. But, I also know that God is collecting all our tears and will list every tear on his scroll.

I've heard this verse over and over again this past year and I can't say that I really like it, but I can say that I am finally starting to understand it:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Romans 5:3-4
The thing I've found is that through every suffering, I keep going. I don't know how I am doing it sometimes because there is nothing left in me that is pushing forward. And from that, I've found that I am a bare bones person. The petty things that once would be such a huge part of my life are washed away. I have forgiven people in ways I never could before. So much of the negativity of others just doesn't matter like it used to. And I keep having hope. Hope that God will give me a season of peace. Hope that my God is keeping record of every tear shed. Hope that this world is temporary.
I didn't want to hear it today. But, I know He wanted me too...
Here's to listening to the things you don't want to...
Until next time,
-C.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Advice for Deployments...

I recently had a blog comment from someone whom I am only connected to by these words of mine. I wanted to share it because I thought it would make for a great post. Here goes:

"I found your blog from a friend who found it through P31. I too am a military wife, my husband just left for his deployment. Was wondering if you have any advice, wisdom, to share to a fellow believer? Anything you would do different? Anything you did you wish you had not?
Thanks
Joanna"

You asked for it Joanna...
First, I must make it so you know, I am no expert. Life during a deployment is a day-by-day, and sometimes minute-by-minute existence. There were days when I was not mommy of the year. There were days when I was. There were days when my attitude was great and I was going to make it through this deployment. Then, there were days when I didn't get out of my pajamas, sang "Woe is me!" and was generally quite pathetic. There were good days, bad days and everything in between.

If I had to give my best advice though, it would be this:
1.) KEEP BUSY! I don't care if you have to invite yourself to dinner, make a day out of the McDonald's playland, or throw a party, busyness is key to deployment survival. With a toddler, we could only handle one major event per day, but with church, playgroups, playlands, and the like, we were able to fill almost every day. Check out the library and local papers for events. Call around local churches and see what groups are available.
2.) KEEP POSITIVE! Deployments suck. This is fact. But, you can choose to find the positive in the negative. One of the positives for me was that I got to work on some of my hobbies, such as writing, I could make salads for dinner, watch chick flicks relentlessly, and sleep diagonal on the bed. Little as they may be, those things kept my brain (most of the time) from heading into that danger zone of negativity.
3.) ASK FOR HELP! I am blessed with an amazing support system yet I found it so hard to "ask" for an extra hand at times. But, I found that, especially amongst military wives, they are more than willing to help. In a way, you are blessing the person you ask for help from because they know they can help another person out.
4.) SPEND TIME WITH GOD! My spiritual life was at an all time high when my hubby was deployed. It may be likely that the absence of another adult in the household made me converse more with my creator, but I also started to think of God as needing to play the role of my spiritual husband. We put so much emphasis on the earthly spouse and that relationship, but truly our love for our God is supposed to be the most consuming love in our life. From that, our love for others flows. Deployment is a great time to get back track in our quiet time and prayer life.
5.) GET WITH A FELLOWSHIP OF BELIEVERS! I start Bible studies for military spouses. It is kind of my thing. God laid military wives on my heart about three years ago and He hasn't quit since! Everywhere we've been, He has blessed me with an amazing fellowship of believers, both fellow military wives and church families. These people are the ones who got me through those ugly days I mentioned before. If you don't have something to get involved in, consider starting something yourself.
6.) SERVE OTHERS! Nothing can keep us more focused on ourselves then constantly thinking and serving only ourselves. To get out of that, we have to start looking outward and into the lives of those around us. Yes, it is tough being a military wife. Yes, it is tough to go through a deployment. But, challenge and trial make us more understanding of Jesus. Find a way you can serve someone else: is there a fellow military wife you can cook dinner for? Can you help feed the homeless? Anything to get your mind focused on the needs of others and outside your own situation.
7.) TRY SOMETHING NEW! What better time to try a new hobby, take a new class, try a new diet, try a new workout, or try a new __________, then when the hubby is away. Make a "bucket list" of sorts and work on those things that you can never do because you are with your husband at nights.
8.) DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF EACH DAY! Whether it is a bubble bath at the end of a not so pretty day, fifteen minutes of vegging out in front of the tv, or reading a mind numbing celebrity gossip mag, do something to help recharge your batteries.
9.) PRAY! Ultimately, we have no control. We like to think we do, but let's face it, we don't. The only true way to survive and perhaps enjoy a deployment is to pray. Pray for your husband, of course, but also pray for yourself. Pray that you will keep sane. Pray that your mothering skills will maintain the same level of excellence when the hubby is away (mine did not). Pray that God will give you the strength to get through each day. Pray that you can find peace and joy in what can be a time of difficulty.


For all you military ladies out there going through a deployment, remember:
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV
Tomorrow is a new day. His mercy for you is renewed. In the end, no matter what happens, He will continue to be faithful to you. This is our promise in Him.
Here's to good advice...
Until next time,
-C.
Any other blog reader God, Military or Life related questions? I'd love to hear 'em!