"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Friday, January 22, 2010

Good streams...

My favorite devotional is "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman. I know with the situation in Haiti, the economy and the personal struggles people are going through right now, the question God is hearing is "Why?" I thought this devotion is a great answer and goes along with our previous posts. On August 15th:


"Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." (Acts 14:22.)

THE best things of life come out of wounding. Wheat is crushed before it becomes bread. Incense must be cast upon the fire before its odors are set free. The ground must be broken with the sharp plough before it is ready to receive the seed. It is the broken heart that pleases God. The sweetest joys in life are the fruits of sorrow. Human nature seems to need suffering to fit it for being a blessing to the world.

"Beside my cottage door it grows,
The loveliest, daintiest flower that blows.
A sweetbriar rose.

"At dewy morn or twilight's close,
The rarest perfume from is flows,
This strange wild rose.

"But when the rain-drops on it beat,
Ah, then, its odors grow more sweet,
About my feet.

"Ofttimes with loving tenderness,
Its soft green leaves I gently press,
In sweet caress.

"A still more wondrous fragrance flows
The more my fingers close
And crush the rose.

"Dear Lord, oh, let my life be so
Its perfume when tempests blow,
The sweeter flow.

"And should it be Thy blessed will
With crushing grief my soul to fill,
Press harder still.

"And while its dying fragrance flows
I'll whisper low, `He loves and knows
His crushed briar rose.'"

If you aspire to be a son of consolation; if you would partake of the priestly gift of sympathy; if you would pour something beyond commonplace consolation into a tempted heart; if you would pass through the intercourse of daily life with the delicate tact that never inflicts pain; you must be content to pay the price of a costly education-like Him, you must suffer. ---F. W. Robertson.

Here's to streams in the desert...
Until next time,
-C.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Suck it up, walk it off...

When we were dating, my husband once told me to "walk it off" when I told him my foot hurt. It has kinda been a running joke. I say something hurts, he says walk it off. Then for added humor, we've put the phrase suck it up before it.

So, Sunday was a rough one as you all heard, but then, through what I can only explain as coming from prayers of my friends and family and perhaps some of you only connected by this blog, I felt as though my soul started to "suck it up" and "walk it off" when it came to the whole shock of re-deploying of the hubby. I don't know, but peace came in like a tidal wave. I got a grip and suddenly felt like no matter what or for how long, we are going to be ok. We are all going to be ok.

We get so focused on our momentary troubles, don't we? In a few months, this will be just a "remember when" story. But, it doesn't stop it from smarting when you are smack dab in the middle of it.

Living in this place is hard, which is why I am glad we don't do it forever. I guess I need to keep being reminded of that fact...

Here's to walking it off...

Until next time,
-C.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Why does God allow suffering?

Today, at Sunday School we discussed the age old question of suffering and why a loving God would allow such a thing. It was one of those things I did not want to hear today. The husband was deployed with just 2 days notice to assist in the Haiti efforts. He just got back from his last deployment less than a month ago. He had deployed for the past 6 out of 8 months. I have never physically felt shock like I have the last couple of days. I've never felt such intense emotional numbness. I felt like I was sucker punched in the gut. I've been running on empty for quite some time now, and was excited about having my husband back in the mix. But, God had a different plan, I guess.

So, this topic of suffering was talked about. Why do we suffer? How do we deal with suffering? I know the "answers" to these questions. But, today, I just wanted to be sad. I just wanted to mourn my losses and not hear "it could always be worse..." This past year has been a series of unending suffering in my life. Everytime I get up, I feel a wave crashing over me, bringing me to the point of drowning. I have felt like a modern day Job.

I didn't want to hear any of it. But, I sat there and I listened and I listened to all the reasons people thought God allowed suffering and all the reasons people said we reacted to it. And then as I was sitting there, I said to God, "I'm empty." And I heard him say, "That's the answer."

Suffering empties us. It takes away every ounce of fight we have in order that it can be replaced with something. Some people don't try to replace it with anything, so they stay empty. Some people try to replace it with the wrong things, so they find more suffering. And some of us try as much as we can to fill it with God. It still stings. It still is broken. But, there is something to hold the pieces together.

Suffering also brings understanding of Christ and if we are Christians, this would be our ultimate goal. Just think about all the ways Christ suffered: physical pain, emotional brokenness, loneliness, rejection, fear, seperation, persecution, starvation, temptation, and more. Every time we go through suffering in our own lives we get a glimpse of that fateful day in which He suffered.

Tonight, like many of you, I watched more suffering of those in Haiti. My stomach still feeling like I had been punched in the gut, but a wave of peace pushed through. I know my suffering is nothing in comparison to those people right now. But, I also know that God is collecting all our tears and will list every tear on his scroll.

I've heard this verse over and over again this past year and I can't say that I really like it, but I can say that I am finally starting to understand it:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Romans 5:3-4
The thing I've found is that through every suffering, I keep going. I don't know how I am doing it sometimes because there is nothing left in me that is pushing forward. And from that, I've found that I am a bare bones person. The petty things that once would be such a huge part of my life are washed away. I have forgiven people in ways I never could before. So much of the negativity of others just doesn't matter like it used to. And I keep having hope. Hope that God will give me a season of peace. Hope that my God is keeping record of every tear shed. Hope that this world is temporary.
I didn't want to hear it today. But, I know He wanted me too...
Here's to listening to the things you don't want to...
Until next time,
-C.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Advice for Deployments...

I recently had a blog comment from someone whom I am only connected to by these words of mine. I wanted to share it because I thought it would make for a great post. Here goes:

"I found your blog from a friend who found it through P31. I too am a military wife, my husband just left for his deployment. Was wondering if you have any advice, wisdom, to share to a fellow believer? Anything you would do different? Anything you did you wish you had not?
Thanks
Joanna"

You asked for it Joanna...
First, I must make it so you know, I am no expert. Life during a deployment is a day-by-day, and sometimes minute-by-minute existence. There were days when I was not mommy of the year. There were days when I was. There were days when my attitude was great and I was going to make it through this deployment. Then, there were days when I didn't get out of my pajamas, sang "Woe is me!" and was generally quite pathetic. There were good days, bad days and everything in between.

If I had to give my best advice though, it would be this:
1.) KEEP BUSY! I don't care if you have to invite yourself to dinner, make a day out of the McDonald's playland, or throw a party, busyness is key to deployment survival. With a toddler, we could only handle one major event per day, but with church, playgroups, playlands, and the like, we were able to fill almost every day. Check out the library and local papers for events. Call around local churches and see what groups are available.
2.) KEEP POSITIVE! Deployments suck. This is fact. But, you can choose to find the positive in the negative. One of the positives for me was that I got to work on some of my hobbies, such as writing, I could make salads for dinner, watch chick flicks relentlessly, and sleep diagonal on the bed. Little as they may be, those things kept my brain (most of the time) from heading into that danger zone of negativity.
3.) ASK FOR HELP! I am blessed with an amazing support system yet I found it so hard to "ask" for an extra hand at times. But, I found that, especially amongst military wives, they are more than willing to help. In a way, you are blessing the person you ask for help from because they know they can help another person out.
4.) SPEND TIME WITH GOD! My spiritual life was at an all time high when my hubby was deployed. It may be likely that the absence of another adult in the household made me converse more with my creator, but I also started to think of God as needing to play the role of my spiritual husband. We put so much emphasis on the earthly spouse and that relationship, but truly our love for our God is supposed to be the most consuming love in our life. From that, our love for others flows. Deployment is a great time to get back track in our quiet time and prayer life.
5.) GET WITH A FELLOWSHIP OF BELIEVERS! I start Bible studies for military spouses. It is kind of my thing. God laid military wives on my heart about three years ago and He hasn't quit since! Everywhere we've been, He has blessed me with an amazing fellowship of believers, both fellow military wives and church families. These people are the ones who got me through those ugly days I mentioned before. If you don't have something to get involved in, consider starting something yourself.
6.) SERVE OTHERS! Nothing can keep us more focused on ourselves then constantly thinking and serving only ourselves. To get out of that, we have to start looking outward and into the lives of those around us. Yes, it is tough being a military wife. Yes, it is tough to go through a deployment. But, challenge and trial make us more understanding of Jesus. Find a way you can serve someone else: is there a fellow military wife you can cook dinner for? Can you help feed the homeless? Anything to get your mind focused on the needs of others and outside your own situation.
7.) TRY SOMETHING NEW! What better time to try a new hobby, take a new class, try a new diet, try a new workout, or try a new __________, then when the hubby is away. Make a "bucket list" of sorts and work on those things that you can never do because you are with your husband at nights.
8.) DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF EACH DAY! Whether it is a bubble bath at the end of a not so pretty day, fifteen minutes of vegging out in front of the tv, or reading a mind numbing celebrity gossip mag, do something to help recharge your batteries.
9.) PRAY! Ultimately, we have no control. We like to think we do, but let's face it, we don't. The only true way to survive and perhaps enjoy a deployment is to pray. Pray for your husband, of course, but also pray for yourself. Pray that you will keep sane. Pray that your mothering skills will maintain the same level of excellence when the hubby is away (mine did not). Pray that God will give you the strength to get through each day. Pray that you can find peace and joy in what can be a time of difficulty.


For all you military ladies out there going through a deployment, remember:
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV
Tomorrow is a new day. His mercy for you is renewed. In the end, no matter what happens, He will continue to be faithful to you. This is our promise in Him.
Here's to good advice...
Until next time,
-C.
Any other blog reader God, Military or Life related questions? I'd love to hear 'em!