Melancholy...

Who knew this blog would turn into such a serious pondering of life? I reread my entries and see such a lining of melancholy within them, but I guess that is my season right now. You never quite realize how some things affect you until you stop for a minute and just...feel. I sometimes forget to do that and then I feel all at once. I wouldn't say I am depressed, but there is a seriousness to me now that I normally do not have so much. Every since Grace's birth I have been in constant thought about life, its meaning and what God's plan was in all this. The more I think, the less I understand. Then, with the rest of life and things that happen I get more and more contemplative of the why's in life...why do certain things happen? Why don't other things? Sometimes it seems as though there is an unfathomable randomness to it all, but I know there is not. I know there is purpose and reasons and a rationale far beyond my mere human mind can comprehend. I cannot wait until I can know those things, but until then, I will journey on in this season of questions and of wondering...

Until next time...
-C.