"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered. No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Do you ever just get tired...I mean, really, really tired of constantly living in a state of defeat? I was thinking about that this past week. I am just so sick and tired walking around as this wounded, broken person that I am right now. A little voice keeps giving its two cents saying the famous, "Yeah, but..." line I love to hear. You know what I am talking about, right? Here is how it goes in my head (and if you didn't think I was crazy before, this should surely solidify any questions as to my sanity...):
Self: I am tired of feeling so defeated.
Little Voice: Yeah, but you have reasons to be defeated.
Self: A lot of people have far worse circumstances than I do. A lot of people have had a lot worse things happen to them.
Little Voice: Yeah, but they haven't had this happen to them (Fill in this with whatever your "this" is
Self: True, but a lot of people have dealt with worse, and have grown and become better. They have overcome the difficulties.
Little Voice: Yeah, but they didn't have to deal with all of these other things. (Fill in these with whatever your "these" is)
This conversation continues on and on for a good while before I finally just give in to that Little Voice and accept that obviously it must know something more than I do and that maybe it is right. Maybe I should feel defeated, because man, oh man, let's face it, what I've dealt with in my life is tough. And while I know I am tremendously blessed, I can't help but think that I am not quite as blessed in this area or that area as I could have been.
Am I alone in this cycle of defeat? Does anyone else get to that place of getting ready to pull yourself out of a pit, only to be convinced to stay just a little bit longer? I've tried everything to get out of that place. I've tried to concentrate only on my blessings. I've tried affirmations, proclamations, and emancipations. But it seems, that little voice is right there to tug at my pant leg and pull me back down into that place of defeat.
But friends, we are not the sheep awaiting slaughter. We have nothing to fear. Not death. Not dire circumstances. Not people's words. Not even our own selves. Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can separate us from Christ and His love for us. Even in my moments of sheer defeat, in moments where I can no longer argue with that Little Voice, nothing can separate me from the most incredible love, the most incredible wholeness I will ever experience.
I know that yet why do I continue to live in a state of being overcome? Why do I allow myself to throw in the towel and accept the loss? Is it because a part of me enjoys the "woe is me" song I can sing and the "pity party" I can throw?
I am not quite sure I know the answer to the question of why. I am not even sure the answer really matters. I do know however that I am tired. Sick and tired of living this existence that gets beat up and punched every time life gets a little harder than before. I want to just stop it. Stop living that life of defeat, but I am convinced that I cannot do it on my own strength. I've just laid it down this week, friends. I really have. I have just thrown my hands up and said, "Lord, you deal with it, because I can't!" (Which has been the same remedy to dealing with a certain toddler who not only refuses to sleep in her crib, but also refuses to stay in it and can launch herself out like a pole vaulter...) I am tired of being tired.
How about you, friends? What are you tired of? What circumstance, emotion, person, addiction, or hurt has held you down until you have become so doggone exhausted that you can't even see straight? Are you ready to just lay it down? Are you ready to just say, "I can't take it anymore!"? It is hard to do. It is hard to get that tired that you are willing to just pass it off to someone else to just deal with it. But, when you do get that tired, you will for the first time feel more rested than you ever have!
Please share your thoughts in my comments section:
1.) What does it mean to you to become "more than a conqueror"?
2.) What keeps Christians in a place of defeat? Why do so many of us struggle with living lives of defeat when we have the one and only true form of freedom?
3.) What do you need to get really tired of and just give up? What emotion, circumstance, person, addiction or hurt has you tied down and living a life of defeat? Are you ready to give it away?