It could always be worse...and other phrases I hate

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

-Revelation 21:4 NIV

This past year, I have had to deal with a series of separations from my husband. No "real" deployment of say 6 months or longer, but by the time this year ends, it will have totaled almost what one might consider a "real" deployment. I have found myself annoyed and often times, angered by the responses of many well meaning people. When I find myself sharing the news that the hubby is leaving yet again and I answer the question of "For how long?", I inevitably receive a "well, that's not bad" response. Now I know, it could always be worse, but sometimes, you just want people to acknowledge that sometimes it just sucks to have to go through another separation.

I have really considered this response lately. Why do we so many times try to downplay something in another's life that is a challenge or trial? Why do we so often rely on the response, "it could always be worse" or "well, it's not that bad"? I am asking this question not to condemn those who said those phrases to me, but to look at myself and how I respond to a friend's heartache. I think so often it takes more time and energy to get in the midst of people's stuff, so we often to choose a trite response we think can band aid the situation. Yet, our response not only does not repair the heartache of a friend, it can often add a little salt to their wound, saying to them, you're pain is not real or significant. Ouch! I pray for forgiveness to those to whom my response has said this to their heart.

This year, I have watched my family undergo tremendous tragedy and have seen countless Christians fearful to involve themselves in the midst of it. While this could have left a bad taste in my mouth, God has used it to show me how I am afraid to get involved in the messy stuff of life in the lives of others. We often want to fix or solve things that break, but the truth of the matter is there is only one fixer and solver. Lift that monumental burden off your shoulders because it does not belong to you! Instead, what people need from us mere mortal types is someone to hear them, acknowledge their pain or challenge, and then journey through it with them. The more we do this, the more we will realize we can never fix it, only God can. Hopefully, this realization will push us towards lifting up those whose lives are broken.

Military life is hard. Regular life is hard. And sometimes we just need another person to agree with us on that. Then, just pray for us and journey with us through this messy thing called life.

Here's to no more triteness...

Until next time,

-C.

Deactivated

Recently, I did something that will shock many of you. Some will choose to click your right hand corner X quicker than you ever have. Others will think I need some sort of evaluation or even, prayer....I deleted my facebook page. In one quick minute of conviction/annoyance, I hit those words, "deactivate my account." Impulsive? Perhaps. Unnecessary? Maybe. But, let me give you the why.

Lately, I have been thinking about how convictionless I can be at times. Knowing something is wrong, something is not of benefit, yet continuing to ignore that tug God put in my heart. Now, don't get me wrong, facebook is a great avenue to keep in touch with people whom you never get to see or talk to, but it can also have an uglier side.

You see, I started to find myself constantly checking my facebook. Always having to know what so and so posted on their status, check into the lives of people who were never really my friends, but now by some miraculous technological advance had become "facebook friends." Some of those people I know only requested my facebook friendship to see if I had hopefully gained weight or had some miserable life so they could relish in my misfortune. Oh, don't act like you don't know what I am talking about...we've all checked the mean girl in high school's profile to see if she got some just desserts.

Then, I found myself obsessed. Constantly checking statuses, adding statuses, posting to walls, messaging, and poking. Those on facebook who were real friends started getting a wall post instead of a phone call, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY message, instead of a card. My real human interaction hours slowly started to lessen.

So, in one foul swoop and click, I deleted it. Yes, deleted it. I am calling it my facebook fast. I want to see if life can be lived quite contently without the constant connection to about 100 of my not so closest friends and if I can start having real connections with the 117 who are my friends. Let's see where this journey takes me, shall we?

I'll keep you posted...albeit, not through a status update. Sorry, friends.

Here's to connecting....

Until next time,
-C.

PS before you start feeling too sorry for me, facebook allows you to "reactivate" your account simply by signing in again. So, there is hope that one day I'll return...or maybe I won't and will live just as full a life!

One is the loneliest number...

"Language...has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of [it]."

-Paul Tillich

I again find myself alone for a few weeks while the hubby is training. I am reminded of the ache of not having my best friend and husband here with me each night, but I have also begun to see the redeeming value of a time of solitude. As a military wife, I am quickly learning that this is my state of being for the most part. Deployments and a ridiculous work schedule will give me more time by myself than with my husband. Before you start feeling pity for me, I want you to take a minute to look at this condition so many of us deem a pain rather than a glory.

Loneliness and solitude serve a spiritual purpose no matter how bad it can cause an ache in our side. Loneliness is as much as condition of the human experience as it is a condition of God's design. It is not without reason. Here is some scriptural proof:

1.) Loneliness forces us to turn to God.
"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted."Psalm 25:16 NIV

Loneliness is an attention grabber if ever our hearts had one. If there is anything that can force us to cry, "Hello God! It's me ________," loneliness is it. However, we often miss out on this opportunity to turn to Him and instead engage in activities that try to unravel the cord of solitude. Have you ever considered that perhaps the season or emotional aloneness you are going through could in fact be a way for God to finally get your attention and focus?

2.) God's power is revealed in the lonely.
"God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." Psalm 68:6 NIV
God likes to do the things that are counter intuitive to our mere mortal minds. The poor are rich in His eyes. The weak are strong. So, it would naturally follow that the lonely, He sets in families. As I look at how God has blessed my military journey, I am always reminded of the "families" He has provided me at every stop along the way. In Virginia, it was a group of Marines I fed quite regularly. In Florida, it was a Navy boy and a Marine (who I also fed quite regularly...) down the street along with an abundance of Christian sisters who were in the same military boat as me. Here, I've found the most incredible church family I have ever had in my life and another bountiful group of sisters in Christ whose husbands serve in the armed services. You see, God set me, a lonely girl following a boy and his dream in these "families." Families that have supported me through laughter and tears and everything in between.

3.) Loneliness is an opportunity for prayer.
"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Luke 5:16
One thing I have found in the course of training and deployment is that my prayer life is stronger when my husband is gone. Perhaps it is the fact that there is limited adult interaction or that I just need to talk to someone. Sometimes we are forced to withdraw. And sometimes, like Christ, we need to choose it. Christ would often leave all the people that surrounded him to pray. Loneliness is an opportunity, if we will take it.

From a practical side, times of separation give me time to focus on things that I normally can't when my husband is here. I hate stagnation. And when I see people becoming stagnate in seasons where they have a chance to develop and grow, I can become frustrated beyond belief. If we believe what we say we believe, than we must recognize that everything serves a purpose, even if we don't necessarily know it. God has been showing me that in my times of solitude, He wants me to use it for writing, a call He has placed in my heart. Good writers need to experience every ounce of emotion they can to become credible and so it is my belief that the more emotion I feel, the better writer I can become. For others, He may use times of loneliness to focus one's efforts on their physical health, learning a new hobby, or creating. The point is that if you are finding yourself in a season of feeling alone, are you asking the question, "God, what should be my focus right now?" Loneliness can hurl us into a state of depression or spur us towards progression. It just depends on one to make the choice.

Here's to the lonely hearts club...

Until next time,
-C.

Attitude

I've got a bad attitude lately. And not just one of minor annoyance, but a stomp my feet, throw my hands down, and temper tantrum like my two year old, kind.

You see, me and a certain government branch have not been getting along lately. While I won't tell you to whom I am referring that begins with U, ends with C and has a SM in the middle, I will tell you we have been fighting.

My husband once described me as the "moto" one in our relationship. I wore the tee shirts. I spoke the lingo. I loved the atmosphere of camis and boots. But, then a little something called "the fleet" happened and I found myself losing my moto faster than a CH-53.

But, God has been working on me and my attitude. While in part He feels compassion towards my situation, He also in part has been encouraging me to accept the life we have chosen. While I thought my hubby would be home by dinner time every night when not on a deployment, I have found myself with cold plates of food and no husband to report of until the wee hours of the night. Only to be followed by an early start and another late end.

Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we thought it would. Sometimes things just don't seem fair and we want to have drop on the floor, writhe and scream, like the toddlers we care for each and every day. Sometimes government officials write schedules that infuriate the spouses of those in the armed service. Sometimes a job can seem to take away so much from a family that we begin to forget the reasons why we took this route in the first place. It happens.

And while we are to cast our cares upon our God, because He cares for us, we are also to take a little attitude check. As Christians, circumstance does not dictate our chosen outlook on life, Christ does. You ready to take a look at attitude?

1.) It is to be Christ-like:

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." Philippians 2:5-7 NIV

Christ was God. Yet, He was willing to humble himself to a lower position to complete the task He was given. We in the same ways need to humble ourselves, whether it being to the United States Marine Corps, accepting gratefully the opportunity to serve others as both a Marine and a Marine family, or something else in this life. If we believe that God is the God in control, we have to believe that every situation and everything that happens is for a reason.

2.) We have to get a new one:

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24 NIV

Those of us in Christ aren't to have the same attitudes as we did before we knew Him. You see my flesh is constantly telling me, "ME, ME, ME!" "If I am not happy, then nothing else matters." But, my husband's job is an important one. It is one of great sacrifice on his and I am learning now, my part. Part of becoming more Christ-like in attitude is accepting that it isn't all about me as my flesh would like me to believe. Sometimes, people choose paths that have a greater significance than just themselves. Sacrifice is involved. But, even through that experience, we can come to understand more about the God we serve and His own sacrifice.

3.) We have to have a standard for it:

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:12-13 NIV

Part of my struggle has been justification of my attitude. I have been in a total child-like state answering God's pangs of conviction with, "Well, the Marine Corps started it..." and "It's not my fault!" But, then I get into God's word and I see verses like "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." Philippians 2:14-15 NIV

It is then I am reminded that God didn't say, "Do everything except being a military wife without complaining..." Nope, while I would like it to have been a typo, His word is pretty clear: everything is to be done without complaining.

Attitude can be a make-or-break us thing. Bad ones can keep us from having a life filled with blessing because we are so focused on the hardship, difficulties, or imperfections. Good ones can get us through situations, relationships, and even careers in a way we never imagined possible. This is not a done deal for me. I am still working on it and will probably continue to be working on it for the remainder of my husband's contract. But, I have started to accept those things I just can't change and have begun to try to change the one thing I can: my attitude.

Here's to a new outlook...

Until next time,

-C.

My top ten favorite...blog entries

Having this blog has been like having a virtual diary. Granted, this diary can be read by anyone with a computer and internet access, but I like to forget that part.

Here are my top ten favorite blog posts:

10. Consumerism
9. Redirection
8. Be Kind
7. Be careful what you wish for
6. The Power of Words
5. Be ye transformed
4. Blink of an eye
3. At your service
2. Conscious Living
1. The Gentle Whisper

Thanks to all of you who read my ramblings...

Here's to pickin' favorites...

Until next time,
-C.

Patience is a virtue...

Only seven days, well technically 6 days, and approximately 7 hours separate me and my love. The pilot is somewhere in the ocean, leisurely floatin' his way back to my arms. Yet, I have found myself going against my usual nature and being very patient as I waited through this deployment...until now. It seems the closer he gets to coming home, the more impatient I grow. It has become the kind of impatience that makes one a tad bit annoyed, frustrated and in general, bad company to be in the presence of. But, it is just that the time is so close to being over, I just can't stand another minute!

Alas, God reminds me of the importance of patience, waiting upon Him as I wait upon a very large Navy ship, whose maximum speed is 25 mph. Yes, just 25 measly mph, and that is once they get their gas tank filled up. Right now, they are drifting at about 15mph. No wonder they say full speed ahead...otherwise, they might NEVER get home!

One thing I've learned about living the military life is that we military people are forced to choose to live with the lessons of faith and God more so than you civilian types. While most civilians have the luxury of pushing out thoughts of impending doom on their family, we in the military have to look at it everyday and decide what to do with it. To let it consume us with fear or empower us to love harder in every moment we are given with our Marine, Soldier, or Sailor. While most civilians can use words like faith, prayer, and trust as a passive punchline, we must choose to make it a firm foundation to stand upon in times of trouble or to collapse under the pressures without it.

A little lesson in patience comes compliments of the United States Marine Corps. But, the bigger lesson comes from my God above, who says, "Just remember what this longing feels like because soon he will be home and the temptation of taking for granted his presence along with the monotony of life, will come." Perhaps patience is a virtue.

Here's to full speed ahead...
Until next time,
-C.

The Gentle Whisper

Man, I couldn't even go a month without writing. I sure did try, but words have been trying to leap out of my heart for days now. I guess the only thing to do is share them with you.

This scripture just pierced my soul and I am wondering if it will pierce yours.

"The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."

-1 Kings 19:11-12 (NIV)

Elijah's story is that of a most faithful servant, who but in the same breath almost lost His faith altogether. In his inhale, he was amazed by God's faithfulness to him, yet in the exhale was struck by paralyzing fear as he faced adversity.

And as wind, earthquakes, and fire erupted before his eyes, he kept looking for his God. Yet, it wasn't in the loud, powerful promulgations that God made known His presence, but rather, through a soft, gentle whisper.

How often do we find ourselves like Elijah? Believing wholeheartedly in the power of our God in one drawed in breath, and then, watching that belief all but disapear in the next. Then, as God comes to reveal Himself to us, we become so fixated on monstrous, palpable demonstrations that we miss the faint sound of His voice saying, "Here I am!"

Can we get our respiration to reflect the truth of God's character? Can we find belief when circumstance entices us towards doubt? Can we focus our ears and eyes not on the sounds of the disasters that whiz by us, but on the gentle whisper that comes afterwards?

Faith is not for the meandering charlatan, but rather for the persistent pathfinder, who blazes through the unkown towards the sound of a simple hushed utterance.

Here's to hearing the gentle whisper...

Until next time,

-C.