A couple of months ago, I took my then 10 month old to her 9
month checkup. Yep. A whole month late. Not only was she late for her 9 month
appointment, but apparently, I totally skipped her 6 month one. After arguing
pretty vehemently with the nurse that surely her record keeping was amiss
because certainly I wouldn’t forget a
child’s very important checkup and scheduled shots appointment, I was handed a
neat little OFFICIAL print out with all of her vaccine information and alas, no
dates listed around her 6 month birthday. #momfail
After the whole “Shotgate” of 2015, the doctor went through
the standard parenting questions for well child visits. Third kid, I could do
this appointment in my sleep…and I may have been sleeping because it’s the
third kid and I didn’t do any of that sleep training like I was supposed to at
birth because well, it’s the third kid and we are pretty much operating on
prison rules here. It’s every person for
themselves, man.
When she got to the eating portion of her inquisition, I
blurted out, “so what are the rules now? What can I feed this kid?” You see, the
list of “things to feed a baby” had been permanently expunged from my brain the
nanosecond child #2 turned into a
toddler and I replaced it with the “things to feed a toddler” list. Expecting
the itemization of DO NOT FEED’s that
are posted at most zoos, I was shocked to learn that the new rule for feeding
babies is that there are no rules, EXCEPT
for the nefarious honey. Honey will jack your baby up. DO NOT FEED
YOUR BABY HONEY.
But, it got me thinking as I was slipping in and out of
slumber, answering a million questions on my parenting choices, our generation
has a whole laundry list of rules for childrearing that is longer than any
other generation’s before it. We’ve got rules on how and when a child should
eat, sleep, poop, play, watch tv, brush teeth, do chores, and the list goes on
and on… it made me wonder, what has happened to us? How have we complicated
this already complicated parenting thing so much? It also made me think about
life before Pinterest, WebMD, Facebook, and the like. How did humanity survive
without the internet to guide it in its every waking moment? What were the rules of previous generations?
I’m pretty sure it went something like this:
Prehistoric Mom’s
Rules to Live By: Don’t let baby get eaten by Saber Tooth Tiger.
Fair enough.
Middle Ages
Motherhood: Don’t let baby play with rats.
Done.
The plague was no joke.
Moms of Westward
Expansion: Don’t let baby near the edge of the wagon.
Yup. I
get it. Car seats not invented yet.
And if we fast forward to perhaps say the generation of my
mom, the moms of the 80’s, the rule list might be: don’t let your baby watch
PeeWee Herman.
Because
let’s face it, that cat was weird.
But now, now motherhood is inundated with so many rules that
I can’t even keep up. Not only are there so many rules, but so many conflicting
ones that are out there AND the rules keep changing. It’s like a moving target
of parenting perfection. A bull’s eye even Katniss couldn’t hit. So many voices
shouting at me from inside my computer screen, telling me all the ways I am
royally screwing my kids up. Not to mention, I’ve got all these friends, who
are hearing these other voices, and who are now whispering at me through
insidious social media posts as to why breastfed is best fed, homeschool is
hot, and vaccines are a shot to my child’s soul with every prick of the needle.
Hear me when I say this, no matter what side of the parenting
wars you fall on, I’m not saying you are wrong. I’m not saying you are right
either. I’m just saying I can’t say with certainty what THE way to raise these
kids are and I’m pretty sure you can’t either.
The fact is that this parenting gig is really 1% knowledge
and 99% faith but we have reversed those numbers. There are all these false
promises (aka RULES) I keep telling myself:
If I can keep red dye #40 out of my
kid’s diet, he will never disobey me.
If I just homeschool my little one,
then they won’t turn to drugs, sex, and rock and roll come the teenage years.
If I ensure no more than thirty
minutes of screen time a day, these kids will be paying for our nursing home
with all the degrees they will have.
Truth is, it doesn’t work like that. Motherhood is as much
about finding the perfect formula as dieting is about taking the right “as seen
on TV” pill. It ain’t going to happen with some magic fix. It’s a lot of hard
work coupled with a whole lot of faith in the One who gave you the title of
MOTHER. And can I let you in on a little secret? I’m pretty sure the God that
created the vast array of creatures, systems, and matter is a rather creative
guy. He individualized snowflakes so I am guessing He was banking on us moms
each being unique in our form, yet coming together to make a blanket of
beautiful.
Bottom line: I CAN’T KEEP UP WITH ALL THE RULES. And mama,
something tells me you can’t either. Let’s stop making Pinterest the standard
in which we assess our parenting skills. Can we just say no to a Facebook
diatribe on a hot button parenting issue because we never know when we are yet
another voice screaming in the ear of our already insecure mommy friend? Could
we accept that maybe parenting does not have to be as complicated as a common
core math problem? How about we dial down the internet search in to the rabbit
hole of knowledge? Just for a minute. I’m thinking there is no way to make this
mothering thing “easy”, but I have a feeling there is a way we could all make
it a little lighter…
“Come to me, all you
who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I
am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30
Here’s to the mamas of all generations!
-C.
No comments:
Post a Comment