Come all you weary...

My fav song of the moment...
Come all you weary by Thrice

Some new writings...

Interview on Faith Deployed

and I should be getting back into the swing of things with my writing. So, hopefully I'll have some posts on Faith Deployed and/or Wives of Faith.

Hello Again

Hello again my blogging friends...
It has been quite some time, has it not? I wish I could share with you all the reasons why I have taken a hiatus from blogging and writing in general, but there are some things you don't want to share with the entire www.

I wish I could share the lessons God is taking me through right now, but again, some things need to be kept within ones own self and circle. I can give you the general jist of it, I suppose. Right now, I find myself locked in a room with God, repeatedly asking the question why? Ever been there? Why is this happening to me? Why did you allow this? Why am I dealing with this? Why am I going through this? Why? Why? Why?

The why game is one I've become very familiar with lately. I have a three year old now and we play this almost everyday.
Her: Mom, why is her hair yellow?
Me: Because God made it that way.
Her: Why?
Me: Because He thought she would look pretty with yellow hair.
Her: Why?
Me: Oh, look a pony!

Her: Mom, why are we going to the grocery store?
Me: Because I need to get something.
Her: Why?
Me: Because we need to eat.
Her: Why?
Me: Because we need to sustain life.
Her: Why?
Me: Have a free Harris Teeter cookie.

Her: Mom, when is GG (that's Grandma) coming?
Me: Thursday
Her: Why not today?
Me: Because she has to work.
Her: Why?
Me: Because she has to make money to pay her bills.
Her: Why?
Me: So you can have free McDonald's from her stores. Want some candy?

You get the idea of how this game works. It can actually be fun if you engage and answer the why of a three year old mind whose main purpose is to question rather than understand. I got to thinking about it. I am a lot like this little apple that fell from this tree. Here I've been for months, asking my Father why? why? why? over and over again, moreso to question than to understand. The truth is that sometimes He answers and sometimes He doesn't and either way, the answers don't seem to change my circumstance or emotional state. It's not the answers that bring resolve, but the freedom to question.

I've been in a weird place with everything, including my quiet time. I've bounced between Bible studies and just reading books of the Bible the past couple of months. In my reading, I've been going through two books of two men who ask about as many why's as I do: Job and Habakuk. The part that gets me about these two is that at the end, they still don't get the answers they wanted or hoped for, but they dealt with a lot of their pain by just crying out to God all the why's in their hearts. And maybe that is the only solice we can expect during our time on this earth. The answers may never come here. But, the question is still allowed.

David and the other Psalmists are some other why askers who make me feel a lot less bad for asking that question over and over again like my three year old:


Psalm 10:1
Why, O LORD, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?

Psalm 22:1
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?

Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him.

Psalm 42:9
I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"

Psalm 42:11
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Psalm 43:2
You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?

And even Jesus himself asked the question why in His last moments:

About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"- Matthew 27:46

Sometimes other people can make you feel as though asking the question why is offensive to God. I am convinced this is not the case. But after awhile of the same question and watching everyone around you in their own world of hurt, you start to realize the question you should be asking is not why me, but rather, why not me?

Here's to the why askers...

Until next time,
-C.

The Desert

The Tough Stuff

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Colossians 3:12-14 NIV

So it has been awhile since my last blog. I haven't felt very bloggy lately, not even very writey lately. I guess sometimes you need to take a break from sharing so much of yourself with a computer screen. Anyway, I am back, with no real point, but we'll see where this goes...

Lately, I've been thinking about why is this Christian thing made to be so hard. I mean, why didn't God want to make it an easy life for all who believed? It's the same question I have as to why He made healthy food so less tasty than the unhealthy food? Can you imagine a world where a plate of broccoli would be the equivalent to a plate of french fries? Anyway, I digress.

Clothe yourself, this verse says on. When I think "clothe yourself" it means I am putting something on to cover up my naked self. I have no theological data to back me up on this on, but I think this may be what this verse is getting at. In our natural selves, we are mean, spiteful, hatefilled, angry, bitter, cruel, unkind, well, you get the idea. But, when we believe in God, then those things are no longer who we are, even though at times they may rear their ugly head. Instead, we are supposed to cover up those things with who we have become: compassionate, kind, humble, gentle and patient beings. Tough, I know, trust me. Every day I have to fight to get those clothes on...

The real kicker is the next part. Forgiveness. I continue to struggle with this. I mean if someone hurts me, my natural inclination is to keep a running tally of all the ways they have hurt me so that when given the right moment, I can unleash all the ways in which they fall short. But, the truth is, I fall short. Daily. Sometimes it is on purpose, sometimes it is on accident, sometimes I don't even know I did it. Yet, each and every time, my Heavenly Father forgives me, when if anyone should keep tally, it should be Him. So, why can't I extend that same grace and mercy to others who may be acting just as human as I am?

After being fully clothed to look as He desires us to look, we have to bind it up with love. Love is hard to do in reality as we've talked about before. Love requires a selflessness that none of us come by naturally. Yet love is the only thing to change cold, calloused hearts, to make the brokenhearted feel mended, or give the lost a sense of hope. Love is all we can do to change the world, really.

God has been reminding me lately how hard a life chasing after Him is going to be. He wasn't looking to make things easy for us, but rather to make us useful for Him.

Until next time,

-C.

Military Wives and Children's Conference

For all those military wives out there, here is a conference my church is holding on May 15th, 2010 for Military Wives and Children! It should be an awesome day of encouragement and fun, including some pretty great door prizes (think beach weekend...). Did I mention it was only $10 and kids are free????

Go to www.operationhopefront.org for info and a registration form!

No new blog

Haven't really been feeling the whole writing thing for a variety of reasons lately. But, if you are dying, you can check out these posts:
http://jocelyngreen.wordpress.com/2010/02/04/brokenhearted-dealing-with-sudden-redeployment/

http://www.wivesoffaith.org/love-is-patient


Until next time,
-C.