"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Theological overhaul...

Well, I first must begin by telling you all that I have ended my fast of facebook. Now, some of you will undoubtedly be disappointed in me and others are saying, it is about time! Can't please them all. I felt that I had done what I set out to do: refocus my energy and get my priorities in order. I will say not having that distraction of checking facebook every five minutes was helpful. The good news is I "downsized" my contacts to people that I actually have a connection with and no longer have that incessant urge to get back on. In fact, it bores me quite frankly. But, I was missing seeing some of my dear friends and family's pictures and updates that I don't get to interact with daily (especially those who decided to bolt to Hawaii instead of stay East Coast with the cool kids...). So, I decided to log back on. A little over a month is very impressive considering I have about as much self-control as the two year old I have been given the pleasure to raise.

In other news, I have found myself going through what I can only describe as a theological makeover. Have you ever found yourself to have just completely gotten something wrong? I mean, you've been trucking along thinking you "got" something only to discover that not only did you not get it, you really didn't get it. That's how I've kind of felt with my faith. I've been reading certain scriptures and some books on the topic of the Church and have realized my own Christianity has been so far off from what was meant to be. I've been living the diet coke version of faith.

I think it has a lot to do with my mindset. My thoughts have been so indoctrinated by the world that I couldn't even tell fact from fiction. I thought that if I just got things "comfortable," wasn't going through suffering or difficulty, and reached out to those who were like me, I was doing ok. Then, I got a bit of a spiritual kick in the butt. I realized that this safe faith I've been living isn't really cutting it. I will admit something since I am among friends...I have a fear of non-Christians. I mean it isn't like a I can't shake their hands fear. It is more of a I don't know if I can hang out with someone when I find out they aren't believers. It is like I have to insulate myself in a nice Christian bubble where everyone thinks like I think, talks like I talk, walks like I walk. Then, I look at Jesus. His posse doesn't look a thing like mine. He ran with the society rejects, the broken spirited, the sick, the lost. This is not to say we shouldn't have Christian friends, but so often we can become more of a spiritual social club than people who are on a mission because the clock is ticking. I couldn't even count a person I knew in my area that was a non-Christian because I've stuck so close to my "home."

I've also been grappling with this idea about poverty. You see, in a Bible study I completed a couple months ago about Daniel, Beth Moore discussed how we can know when we have become a part of this modern day Babylon we are all living in. It is when we become so unaffected, so numb to the impoverished that we know we have succumb to this era of self-indulgent extravagence. I have become numb. My heart used to bleed for people I heard about or saw on the streets. Now, I lock my doors and try not to make eye contact. Wow. Jesus would be proud (she says sarcastically).

So, I am undergoing a theological overhaul. I have been feeding myself lies that I am living my faith out in the best way possible, but the truth is I am so far off the mark it is sick. I don't live like a spirit filled individual. I don't make decisions based on what Jesus would do. I don't really act like the radical life-changed vessel I am in Him. This is not to self-condemn, only to self-motivate. Jesus wasn't some guy that just hung out with children and lambs and all the pretty Christians. He was hanging out with the prostitutes, the lepers, the hoodlums. He wasn't playing it safe all the time. He wasn't making it look good only on the outside. He was getting his hands dirty with the imperfections of lives that needed to be forever changed. When am I going to start living like that? Or am I just going to continue on this Pharisees-like journey of making it shiny on the outside and keeping it broken within.

How about you? Do you live a life of radical Christianity or is it safe with those just like you?

Here's to a spiritual wake up call...
Until next time,


Will and Jennifer Farmer said...

You've always looked out for the hoodlums...don't you remember who I used to be? Jesus is proud of you.

Jenilee said...

spiritual wake up call. I like that! If I could descibe my spiritual journey in the past years it would be with the word awake! :)