"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Becoming a Statistic

This is a blog that has been on my heart for quite some time now. I just wasn't sure when I was ready to get the words on to this virtual paper. Sometime this year, I will become a statistic. I will join the ranks of so many of my dearest friends and family members. This year, I will become a child of divorce.

I've wondered so often if it is any easier to become a child of the big D at 27 than it is at 7 years of age. On one hand, a child gets a certain amount of shelter and protection (in some cases) against the ugly truth about their parent's relationship. As an adult child going through a divorce, the details may be more known and parents can come to regard you as a peer rather than their child. So, the young child going through a divorce of their parents wishes they knew more about the situation and the adult child going through a divorce, wishes they knew less. It begs the question as to whether or not divorce is an easy thing at any age. From my experience, the resounding answer is no.

It is such a trying time when one has to realize the very frailty of those they held on the highest pedastals. The truth is that realizing our own parents imperfection justs spurs on that desire for finding the One who is perfect. Perhaps the hardest part for me has been watching my parents in such a state of pain that I can't control or help with. Realizing our own lack of power is perhaps the greatest difficulty in any situation where the ones we love are hurting.

I guess my ultimate prayer for each of you reading this is that we can all come to accept that our lives are completely filled with imperfect people, people we love dearly yet who may disappoint us, people we hold in high esteem yet have to watch as they come tumbling down. Our desire should not be to change these people, but to simply love them no matter where they are in life, in their spirituality or their circumstances. It is by no means an easy task, but it is one we are given supernatural strength to complete.

I could never quite sympathize with people who came from broken homes before I did. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand how hard it was. As I child, I thought it would be cool to have two rooms and two birthday parties. I never understood the impact it had on a person and how much pain it could cause no matter what the age you experienced it at.

For my blogging friends who have not had to experience the pain or trauma of divorce, I would just encourage you to be thankful for a family that has remained in tact. For those of you who have gone through one or are currently going through one, I would encourage you to cling to God's words and promises for us. I want to leave you with a couple:

"Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me." Psalm 27:10 (NIV)
- Remember that no matter how imperfect our earthly parents are, our Heavenly Father will never let us down.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV)
- No matter how much you feel you may have been hurt or let down, continue to remember the high place of reverence God calls us to hold our parents in with an obedience, so long as it is in accordance with God's word.

People fail us. This is an undeniable truth about our time here on this earth. It is a difficult pill to swallow. But, in spite of this, continue to seek to find the good in those we love. Continue to find the One who will never fail us or forsake us. Continue to be steadfast in your trust in Him and Him alone.

Until next time,


Hard Corps Wife said...

I am so sorry Catherine... I will lift your family up in prayer. Please know that there are tons of people who love you and are here for you.

Pattie said...

I can totally relate. I had to go through my parents' divorce as an adult also.