Another Year Older...

Today marked my 27th year on this Earth. For the first time in my life, this birthday was overshadowed with a certain melancholy at the fact that I am getting older. I've never experienced that before, but with 30 lurking around the corner, I have realized I am no longer a child.

Why does aging sadden us so much, I wonder? Is it the fact that we are no longer the youth filled, carefree person we once were? Does the fear of leaving this life cause us to hate every time we grow one year older? Or is it having to watch these earthly vessels of ours start to crumble before our eyes that brings us such a sense of discouragement as each day of our birth rolls around?

I think sometimes our eyes get so fixated on what was behind us: that perfect figure we didn't know we had until it was gone, the easy life of no adult responsibilities, or the inability to know what was to come. Aging brings us to a point where we reflect and ask ourselves, where did another year go? Our sentences all begin with: just yesterday and before I knew it.

The funniest part is that so much of our youth is spent wishing we were older. At 5, I wanted to be 13 so I could sit at the big kids table during Thanksgiving dinner. At 13, I wanted to be 16 so I could drive and feel free. At 16, I wanted to be 18 so I could legally be considered an adult. At 18, I wanted to be 21 so I could have all the privileges of full fledged adulthood. At 21, I wanted to be 25, just so I could rent a car if I so chose. So many years, so many milestone years, were spent wasted on wanting to move on to the next stage. Now, I am finding myself wanting to slow this train down a bit so I can enjoy the scenery.

But, the truth is, the train is only going to speed up, which is why it becomes so important to enjoy every fleeting second of every single season God brings us through:

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 (NIV)

Here's to enjoying this next season...

Until next time,

-C.

Becoming a Statistic

This is a blog that has been on my heart for quite some time now. I just wasn't sure when I was ready to get the words on to this virtual paper. Sometime this year, I will become a statistic. I will join the ranks of so many of my dearest friends and family members. This year, I will become a child of divorce.

I've wondered so often if it is any easier to become a child of the big D at 27 than it is at 7 years of age. On one hand, a child gets a certain amount of shelter and protection (in some cases) against the ugly truth about their parent's relationship. As an adult child going through a divorce, the details may be more known and parents can come to regard you as a peer rather than their child. So, the young child going through a divorce of their parents wishes they knew more about the situation and the adult child going through a divorce, wishes they knew less. It begs the question as to whether or not divorce is an easy thing at any age. From my experience, the resounding answer is no.

It is such a trying time when one has to realize the very frailty of those they held on the highest pedastals. The truth is that realizing our own parents imperfection justs spurs on that desire for finding the One who is perfect. Perhaps the hardest part for me has been watching my parents in such a state of pain that I can't control or help with. Realizing our own lack of power is perhaps the greatest difficulty in any situation where the ones we love are hurting.

I guess my ultimate prayer for each of you reading this is that we can all come to accept that our lives are completely filled with imperfect people, people we love dearly yet who may disappoint us, people we hold in high esteem yet have to watch as they come tumbling down. Our desire should not be to change these people, but to simply love them no matter where they are in life, in their spirituality or their circumstances. It is by no means an easy task, but it is one we are given supernatural strength to complete.

I could never quite sympathize with people who came from broken homes before I did. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand how hard it was. As I child, I thought it would be cool to have two rooms and two birthday parties. I never understood the impact it had on a person and how much pain it could cause no matter what the age you experienced it at.

For my blogging friends who have not had to experience the pain or trauma of divorce, I would just encourage you to be thankful for a family that has remained in tact. For those of you who have gone through one or are currently going through one, I would encourage you to cling to God's words and promises for us. I want to leave you with a couple:

"Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me." Psalm 27:10 (NIV)
- Remember that no matter how imperfect our earthly parents are, our Heavenly Father will never let us down.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV)
- No matter how much you feel you may have been hurt or let down, continue to remember the high place of reverence God calls us to hold our parents in with an obedience, so long as it is in accordance with God's word.

People fail us. This is an undeniable truth about our time here on this earth. It is a difficult pill to swallow. But, in spite of this, continue to seek to find the good in those we love. Continue to find the One who will never fail us or forsake us. Continue to be steadfast in your trust in Him and Him alone.

Until next time,
-C.

Industry...

"She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. "

Proverbs 31:13-24 NIV

So, this Ms. P 31 that we have been studying this past couple of blogs is really starting to show her true colors. First off, we have determined that she brings her husband good, not evil, through the way she treats him. Next, we are going to see a very important trait: industry.

Whether you stay at home or work outside the home, this concept of industry is very important. You see Mrs. 31 is not a thumb twiddler. She is up and at 'em in every area of her life: business and on the home front. I think these verses can be liberating to us, ladies. For those of you staying home and wondering if you should allow those degrees on your wall to collect dust, you can look at her and see how she made a career out of taking care of her family. If you work, you can look at her and see that she was a business woman, a seamstress and a realtor, yet she still managed to be the care taker of her home as well. She is also a philanthropist, giving of her time to help those in need. I don't think these verses suggest that you have to do it all and do it all at once. But, what it does show is how we should be industrious in all our roles: wife, mother, businesswoman, humanitarian.

Work is a part of this life. God's word says, "So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?" Ecclesiastes 3:22 (NIV)

Whatever "job" God has given us at this season in our life, we can choose to learn to enjoy it and be industrious in it, or we can choose to loathe it and become lazy. Only one will bring us closer to how He desires us to be. Only one will show an unbelieving world a true view of Christianity.

I think the important aspect to gain from these verses that is perhaps not clearly spelled out, is Mrs. P's attitude. No where in the verse does it say that "Begrudgedly, she selects wool and flax," or "Against her will, she opens her arms to the poor." No, Mrs. 31 is doing all these tasks without a grumble or a complaint. In fact, I think her attitude about her work is summed up by the following:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV)

Whether you are a stay at home soccer mom (that's me...part time), a three day a week pediatric emergency room nurse (that's my bff), or a full time lawyer, business woman or administrative assistant, do it as though you are doing it unto the Lord. If that is where He has placed you for a given season, then accept that call and just work as if He is your ultimate boss. What an amazing change we might see in our world if an army of Proverbs 31 wannabe's started acting as though they were serving the ultimate Boss and not some earthly tyrant (which may take the form of a two year old in some cases...). Could lives begin to change? Could hearts begin to change? Could people begin to see us as this woman that we have placed upon a pedestal?

Here's to industry...

Until next time,

-C.

Your Turn:

1.) Attitude Check: No matter what your position in life, how is your attitude towards it? Do you set about your tasks with the same vigor and industry as our new BFF?

2.) What causes our attitude to sour? Is it the hustle and bustle of busyness? Is it fatigue? Is it lost perspective? What makes you have a bad attitude towards your given lot in life?

3.) Think about your main "job." How can you start working as if your boss is the One and Only?

More than Rubies...

"A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life."

Proverbs 31:10-12 (NIV)

Let's just jump right in to figuring out exactly who this Proverbs woman is. We are going to take the passages that reveal this lady to us piece by piece, so as to not miss a single drop of what advice God is giving us as godly gals.

The passages that describe her start out with a rhetorical question: A wife of noble character who can find? The first thing we are to notice is that she is few and far between. There ain't many like her. That word "noble" is translated as virtuous in the King James, coming from the hebrew word, "chayil" which means "strength, might, efficiency, wealth, army." The first thing that struck me is that this picture of the ideal Christian woman being a weak and timid woman standing in the background, is so far from the truth. We are strong, my fellow sisters. We have a strength that comes from the mightiest of mighties and cowering in fear or timidity is not how we were designed to be. Think warrior princess.

So, then we go on, this wife of noble character is worth far more than rubies. Something of extreme materialistic value at that time is said is to be far less valuable than this strong, virtuous wife. You can't put a price on her. Money can't buy a woman like this.

The author then takes a look at how her husband views her: with full confidence, lacking nothing of value. That is a tall order. How many of us can say our husbands are fully confident in every aspect of us? In our handling of finances? In our raising of our children? Do we inspire him to trust wholeheartedly in our God given ability or does he second guess whether or not we are taking care of things in a godly way?

Not only is he completely confident in this chica, she also brings him good, not harm, ALL the days of her life. Ok, this is the point where I start to lose it. That word good or towb in the Hebrew means "good, pleasant, agreeable, benefit, bounty." Um, how many times do we fall short of that one? How many times do our words and actions bring our husband difficulty rather than benefit? Consider some of these Proverbs on wives:

"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." Proverbs 12:4

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Proverbs 21:9; 25:24

"A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day." Proverbs 19:13; Proverbs 27:15

"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife." Proverbs 21:19

Decay on his bones? A constant drip? Move to the roof or desert? Seems pretty extreme don't you think? But, think about it. Think about the words we say to our husbands. Think about how well he responds to those constant (not so) "gentle" reminders (aka nagging) that we do. This is something I have been wholeheartedly convicted of because I do fall so short, but sometimes, my emotions can just overtake my mouth and pretty soon I am spewing some of the most vile responses to a completely bewildered male. A lot of times, I don't even know why I am saying what I am saying. But, these verses hit straight to my heart about what I am doing when I let emotions hijack my mouth. I am decaying my husband's bones, wearing him down. I think about his most recent training excursion on how to survive in a POW camp and all the talk about waterboarding on the news. A constant drip of water is used as a method of torture. Being quarrelsome with my husband is a sure fire way to torture him, with every drip, drip, drip. In fact, the Bible says you are better off isolating yourself on the roof or in a far away desert, than to live with a quarrelsome wife.

I don't know about you, but sometimes, I just want to pick a fight. I don't know why. But, sometimes, I just lie in wait until he gives me the perfect opportunity to "start something." And it seems with men, there are plenty opportunities whether it be just getting bent out of shape over a remark he said that he meant no harm by, or by focusing on the things he has forgotten to do rather than what he has. But, everytime I take those opportunities to pick a fight, I am being that drip, causing decay, and not being this wife of noble character who I aspire to be like.

This is my challenge this week: to bring my husband good. For me, I think I can start with a whole lot of prayer for God's strength, not being quarrelsome, giving him the benefit of the doubt, and continuing to work on keeping a tight rein on my tongue. What about you? How can you bring your husband good all your days?

Here's to being worth more than rubies...

Until next time,

-C.

Your Turn:

1.) How can you bring your husband good? In what ways do you already benefit him?

2.) What are some ways you cause "decay" or act like that constant drip? How can you change those things?

A wife of noble character...

So, yet again, God took me through a journey of trust, which ended in me feeling yet again, so inadequate and lacking in my own abilities to rely completely on Him and His plan. The good news is that a huge lesson was learned through it and I finally find myself moving from a dreary season in my life into a fresh, new one. Now, it seems, everywhere I go, I am hearing the messages of what it means to be a godly wife. Whenever I think of this, my mind automatically goes to the one woman whom most Christian women outwardly desire to be like and inwardly secretly loathe. I am talking about the Proverbs 31 woman. Who she is, or who we think she has caused many of us to feel as though we are truly missing the mark on womanhood. I wanted to know more about it and see if I am as far from being like her as I think I am so I thought I'd spend a couple blogs just exploring the truth about the Proverbs 31 lady.

Proverbs 31:10-31 describes in detail this amazing woman that has kept many a Christian ladies in tears as they strive to keep up with her. We are going to explore each and every part of her, but first, I want to suggest something to you that may blow your mind as much as it did mine. I had always heard it suggested that this woman was not necessarily a single woman, but rather a composite of many qualities of womanhood in one. Tonight, I pulled out the Zondervan NIV Bible Commentary and got a completely different picture of who this woman is. This commentary suggests that there are four important things to note about these verses. First, it comes at the conclusion of Proverbs, a book that talks over and over about wisdom and how to obtain the godly wisdom we are to have. Second, it is an acrostic. You know those poems where a word is written down the side and the beginning of each letter is a sentence? Yeah, you know...the ones you wrote for Mom that had the words "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" on the side. Anyway....second, it is written in a very hymn-like manner. And finally, it is written with a lot of words that resemble what is known as "heroic literature." Words like valor, strength, vigorously, and noble all suggest this "ode to a champion." (Zondervan, 1006). Separately, those things might not matter. But, when you put it all together though, listen to what this commentary suggests:

"Putting these observations together, one would conclude that Proverbs 31:10-31 is a hymn to Lady Wisdom, written in the heroic mode. Wisdom is personified as a woman because the word "wisdom" is a feminine noun and suggests it, and because the woman is an excellent example of wisdom by virtue of the variety of applications it receives- at home, in the market, with charity, in business." (Zondervan, p. 1006)

HALLELUJAH! Do you hear that ladies??? This woman that we have been beating ourselves up over not being, is not necessarily a single portrait of womanhood at all... Now, before you get too excited and throw out all attempts at trying to live up to the standards set by Mrs. 31, listen to this part of the commentary:

"This poem certainly presents a pattern for women who want to develop a life of wisdom, but since it is essentially about wisdom, its lessons are for both men and women to develop. The fear of the Lord will inspire people to be faithful stewards of the time and talents that God has given, wisdom is productive and beneficial for others, requiring great industry in life's endeavors, wisdom is best taught and lived in the home-indeed, the success of the home demands wisdom; and wisdom is balanced living, giving attention to domestic responsibilities as well as business enterprises and charitable service."

Do you hear that? We can ALL, men and women alike, gain something on how to live in our roles and responsibilities from this woman we see in Proverbs 31. Perhaps these verses are not the mirror in which all us women should look in and see ourselves, but rather a goal to have in all our endeavors.

Part of why I really wanted to explore who she is, is because I see so many fellow ladies struggling with her and how they don't measure up. I have dear friends who work outside the home and have small children and feel tremendous amount of guilt for not being a stay at home mom. I have dear stay-at-home mom friends who don't work outside the home and yet feel as though what they do is meaningless or unimportant. I have friends who are married without children and who stay at home and who don't think that is enough. And I have friends who are single, who work, and wonder if that is all this life is about. We are all looking around at each other, thinking the person next to us knows the answer. How is it that virtually every woman I know, no matter what her lot in life at this given moment, wonders if she is the "right" kind of woman? How can we all be asking the questions, "Am I in the right place? Am I doing this right?" I'd venture to say it is because we don't really understand the truth about what God says about us as women and hopefully, we can debunk some of the mysteries that seem to fog our vision of womanhood.

Next post, we will start looking at her and all her qualities and what that means us as women, but also as Christians. Will you take this journey with me as we explore this woman who has given many of us guilt, so that we can once and for all realize that we are the exact woman God meant us to be?

Here's to learning something new...

Until next time,

-C.

A Prayer for my Warrior...Psalm 144

1 Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
2 He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples [a] under me.

3 O LORD, what is man that you care for him,
the son of man that you think of him?

Here's to my warrior and the One who has trained him...

Until next time,
-C.

Be Kind...

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. "

-Plato

I find myself in a state of shock everytime I hear of another's struggle. Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in my own battles and there have been some brutal ones as of late, that I tend to forget that wars are raging all around me. I've felt so alone in my battles that I have started to wonder if others feel the same way. Do we all have this sense loneliness in our own brawls? I am not talking about a complete sense of aloneness, where you don't even feel the presence of God. I am talking about the solitude of feeling as if no one is there beside you, that no one has heard your battle cry. During times when you need fellow warriors.

I'll admit it. I tend to be a renegade, not accepting the help or support of anyone else. I think that mentality can leak into how I approach others and their needs during wars. Most of the time, I just figure they are like me, too proud to beg for some backup. Yet I know, both you and I need someone to at least just be with us as we struggle through whatever conflicts rage in our lives.

I need to work on being a fellow soldier in others battles. Plato was right, kindness is where it starts. But after that, you got to pick up a sword and help someone fight.

Here's to taking up arms...

Until next time,

-C.