Advice for Deployments...

I recently had a blog comment from someone whom I am only connected to by these words of mine. I wanted to share it because I thought it would make for a great post. Here goes:

"I found your blog from a friend who found it through P31. I too am a military wife, my husband just left for his deployment. Was wondering if you have any advice, wisdom, to share to a fellow believer? Anything you would do different? Anything you did you wish you had not?
Thanks
Joanna"

You asked for it Joanna...
First, I must make it so you know, I am no expert. Life during a deployment is a day-by-day, and sometimes minute-by-minute existence. There were days when I was not mommy of the year. There were days when I was. There were days when my attitude was great and I was going to make it through this deployment. Then, there were days when I didn't get out of my pajamas, sang "Woe is me!" and was generally quite pathetic. There were good days, bad days and everything in between.

If I had to give my best advice though, it would be this:
1.) KEEP BUSY! I don't care if you have to invite yourself to dinner, make a day out of the McDonald's playland, or throw a party, busyness is key to deployment survival. With a toddler, we could only handle one major event per day, but with church, playgroups, playlands, and the like, we were able to fill almost every day. Check out the library and local papers for events. Call around local churches and see what groups are available.
2.) KEEP POSITIVE! Deployments suck. This is fact. But, you can choose to find the positive in the negative. One of the positives for me was that I got to work on some of my hobbies, such as writing, I could make salads for dinner, watch chick flicks relentlessly, and sleep diagonal on the bed. Little as they may be, those things kept my brain (most of the time) from heading into that danger zone of negativity.
3.) ASK FOR HELP! I am blessed with an amazing support system yet I found it so hard to "ask" for an extra hand at times. But, I found that, especially amongst military wives, they are more than willing to help. In a way, you are blessing the person you ask for help from because they know they can help another person out.
4.) SPEND TIME WITH GOD! My spiritual life was at an all time high when my hubby was deployed. It may be likely that the absence of another adult in the household made me converse more with my creator, but I also started to think of God as needing to play the role of my spiritual husband. We put so much emphasis on the earthly spouse and that relationship, but truly our love for our God is supposed to be the most consuming love in our life. From that, our love for others flows. Deployment is a great time to get back track in our quiet time and prayer life.
5.) GET WITH A FELLOWSHIP OF BELIEVERS! I start Bible studies for military spouses. It is kind of my thing. God laid military wives on my heart about three years ago and He hasn't quit since! Everywhere we've been, He has blessed me with an amazing fellowship of believers, both fellow military wives and church families. These people are the ones who got me through those ugly days I mentioned before. If you don't have something to get involved in, consider starting something yourself.
6.) SERVE OTHERS! Nothing can keep us more focused on ourselves then constantly thinking and serving only ourselves. To get out of that, we have to start looking outward and into the lives of those around us. Yes, it is tough being a military wife. Yes, it is tough to go through a deployment. But, challenge and trial make us more understanding of Jesus. Find a way you can serve someone else: is there a fellow military wife you can cook dinner for? Can you help feed the homeless? Anything to get your mind focused on the needs of others and outside your own situation.
7.) TRY SOMETHING NEW! What better time to try a new hobby, take a new class, try a new diet, try a new workout, or try a new __________, then when the hubby is away. Make a "bucket list" of sorts and work on those things that you can never do because you are with your husband at nights.
8.) DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF EACH DAY! Whether it is a bubble bath at the end of a not so pretty day, fifteen minutes of vegging out in front of the tv, or reading a mind numbing celebrity gossip mag, do something to help recharge your batteries.
9.) PRAY! Ultimately, we have no control. We like to think we do, but let's face it, we don't. The only true way to survive and perhaps enjoy a deployment is to pray. Pray for your husband, of course, but also pray for yourself. Pray that you will keep sane. Pray that your mothering skills will maintain the same level of excellence when the hubby is away (mine did not). Pray that God will give you the strength to get through each day. Pray that you can find peace and joy in what can be a time of difficulty.


For all you military ladies out there going through a deployment, remember:
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."

Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV

Tomorrow is a new day. His mercy for you is renewed. In the end, no matter what happens, He will continue to be faithful to you. This is our promise in Him.

Here's to good advice...

Until next time,
-C.

Any other blog reader God, Military or Life related questions? I'd love to hear 'em!

Every girl...

Lately, I've found myself and some of my dear friends struggling with accepting this whole military life. I keep trying to pinpoint that one aspect that makes it so difficult and the bottom line I seem to find is that we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. You see, every girl dreams of the man she will marry. Every girl (ok, maybe not all, but most...) dreams about the dress she will wear on the day she promises forever. Every girls dreams about spending every day for the rest of her life with this man. But, that is every girl's life, not that of a military wife.

Instead our reality is we marry a man, knowing full well what his job will entail, but never realizing the gravity of it until we are far to into it. You see our "every girl" dreams are interrupted for a couple of weeks here and there, then perhaps a month or two, until a majority of a year is spent apart from that man we dreamed about rather than with him.

The struggle, I've determined, is that we all had a very different vision of what our lives were to be. We had the same dream of every girl, yet applied them to a very, very different life. A marriage without a moment apart is not our reality. For those of us new to this life, we are bitterly learning to swallow that painstaking pill. Our reality is that we will attend many functions, weddings, children's plays, and other events alone. Our reality is that we will for 6-12 months out of the year every 1-3 years be completely responsible for our households: home repairs, childcare, cleaning, cooking, finances, and everything else that every girl gets to share with her husband, we will find ourselves doing it alone. Our reality is that life hasn't turned out exactly like the dream.

We all had a hope, a hope of what our lives and marriages would be. But, as Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." This is what I think has been our struggle, realizing that our hope has been deferred and we are left with a bit of a broken heart. It is so easy to get stuck in that brokenness, but eventually, we have to realize that just like Christ, we have to give up our own selves, our own comfort, for a greater purpose.

Christ said, "Anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:38-39 NIV

Sometimes to really reach every girl, you got to take away her dream and make her understand the cost of a life where it isn't all about her and her dreams. Even in the midst of extreme challenges, there is a new dream and a new purpose emerging. Every girl comes to the realization that maybe the dreams we all tried to fit our lives into weren't big enough to accommodate the lives of those who chose a different path. Maybe every girl needed to dream a little bigger, with a life in which she found herself picking up her cross and dragging it down a path she never before considered. Maybe every girl's God had a much better dream than every girl imagined and until she lets go of the one that will never become her reality, at least not in the next 6 years, she will never truly understand it.

I am not saying I've got the "how" of it down, but I think I've started to see the beginning. Sometimes when our lives don't fit our past dreams, we have to start letting go, accepting, and making new dreams. I think every girl has to start somewhere...

Here's to hopes deferred, every girl, and new dreams...

Until next time,
-C.

Just thought you'd like to know...

This whole writing thing has taken me in a direction and passion that I always knew existed, but never thought possible. It is funny because sometimes I feel like I shouldn't share with people that something has become of my writings because it feels prideful or like bragging.

But, I share this with you because I am completely humbled that anyone has given a second glance to the words I put on these electronic pages. God told me sometime ago to just, "Write!" And I've been doing that ever since, not thinking much would ever come. However, in my path He has placed several successful authors who share the same heart I have for both military wives and God's word.

One of them has graciously been working with me on a resource for military wives who desire to start a home based Bible study. She has also reviewed a Bible study I am writing for military spouses and has offered to help with the publishing process if I so choose.

Another has asked me to contribute regularly to her blog. Some of my writings can now be seen at:
www.faithdeployed.com

And yet another has allowed my writings to be a part of her site and ministry as well:
www.wivesoffaith.org
It is easy to start patting yourself on the back when God allows even a small amount of "success" to come from the gifts He has given us. But, it can also bring such an amazing sense of humility that He even chooses to gift us imperfect beings in the first place. He can align things so perfectly, placing people along the way who just encourage the gifts and talents He has given us. When you step back, you realize what a BIG God He really is and how much He must truly love us to get involved in our details.

Here's to the something from nothing God...

Until next time,
-C.

One is the loneliest number...

"Language...has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of [it]."

-Paul Tillich

I again find myself alone for a few weeks while the hubby is training. I am reminded of the ache of not having my best friend and husband here with me each night, but I have also begun to see the redeeming value of a time of solitude. As a military wife, I am quickly learning that this is my state of being for the most part. Deployments and a ridiculous work schedule will give me more time by myself than with my husband. Before you start feeling pity for me, I want you to take a minute to look at this condition so many of us deem a pain rather than a glory.

Loneliness and solitude serve a spiritual purpose no matter how bad it can cause an ache in our side. Loneliness is as much as condition of the human experience as it is a condition of God's design. It is not without reason. Here is some scriptural proof:

1.) Loneliness forces us to turn to God.
"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted."Psalm 25:16 NIV

Loneliness is an attention grabber if ever our hearts had one. If there is anything that can force us to cry, "Hello God! It's me ________," loneliness is it. However, we often miss out on this opportunity to turn to Him and instead engage in activities that try to unravel the cord of solitude. Have you ever considered that perhaps the season or emotional aloneness you are going through could in fact be a way for God to finally get your attention and focus?

2.) God's power is revealed in the lonely.
"God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." Psalm 68:6 NIV
God likes to do the things that are counter intuitive to our mere mortal minds. The poor are rich in His eyes. The weak are strong. So, it would naturally follow that the lonely, He sets in families. As I look at how God has blessed my military journey, I am always reminded of the "families" He has provided me at every stop along the way. In Virginia, it was a group of Marines I fed quite regularly. In Florida, it was a Navy boy and a Marine (who I also fed quite regularly...) down the street along with an abundance of Christian sisters who were in the same military boat as me. Here, I've found the most incredible church family I have ever had in my life and another bountiful group of sisters in Christ whose husbands serve in the armed services. You see, God set me, a lonely girl following a boy and his dream in these "families." Families that have supported me through laughter and tears and everything in between.

3.) Loneliness is an opportunity for prayer.
"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Luke 5:16
One thing I have found in the course of training and deployment is that my prayer life is stronger when my husband is gone. Perhaps it is the fact that there is limited adult interaction or that I just need to talk to someone. Sometimes we are forced to withdraw. And sometimes, like Christ, we need to choose it. Christ would often leave all the people that surrounded him to pray. Loneliness is an opportunity, if we will take it.

From a practical side, times of separation give me time to focus on things that I normally can't when my husband is here. I hate stagnation. And when I see people becoming stagnate in seasons where they have a chance to develop and grow, I can become frustrated beyond belief. If we believe what we say we believe, than we must recognize that everything serves a purpose, even if we don't necessarily know it. God has been showing me that in my times of solitude, He wants me to use it for writing, a call He has placed in my heart. Good writers need to experience every ounce of emotion they can to become credible and so it is my belief that the more emotion I feel, the better writer I can become. For others, He may use times of loneliness to focus one's efforts on their physical health, learning a new hobby, or creating. The point is that if you are finding yourself in a season of feeling alone, are you asking the question, "God, what should be my focus right now?" Loneliness can hurl us into a state of depression or spur us towards progression. It just depends on one to make the choice.

Here's to the lonely hearts club...

Until next time,
-C.

Attitude

I've got a bad attitude lately. And not just one of minor annoyance, but a stomp my feet, throw my hands down, and temper tantrum like my two year old, kind.

You see, me and a certain government branch have not been getting along lately. While I won't tell you to whom I am referring that begins with U, ends with C and has a SM in the middle, I will tell you we have been fighting.

My husband once described me as the "moto" one in our relationship. I wore the tee shirts. I spoke the lingo. I loved the atmosphere of camis and boots. But, then a little something called "the fleet" happened and I found myself losing my moto faster than a CH-53.

But, God has been working on me and my attitude. While in part He feels compassion towards my situation, He also in part has been encouraging me to accept the life we have chosen. While I thought my hubby would be home by dinner time every night when not on a deployment, I have found myself with cold plates of food and no husband to report of until the wee hours of the night. Only to be followed by an early start and another late end.

Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we thought it would. Sometimes things just don't seem fair and we want to have drop on the floor, writhe and scream, like the toddlers we care for each and every day. Sometimes government officials write schedules that infuriate the spouses of those in the armed service. Sometimes a job can seem to take away so much from a family that we begin to forget the reasons why we took this route in the first place. It happens.

And while we are to cast our cares upon our God, because He cares for us, we are also to take a little attitude check. As Christians, circumstance does not dictate our chosen outlook on life, Christ does. You ready to take a look at attitude?

1.) It is to be Christ-like:

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." Philippians 2:5-7 NIV

Christ was God. Yet, He was willing to humble himself to a lower position to complete the task He was given. We in the same ways need to humble ourselves, whether it being to the United States Marine Corps, accepting gratefully the opportunity to serve others as both a Marine and a Marine family, or something else in this life. If we believe that God is the God in control, we have to believe that every situation and everything that happens is for a reason.

2.) We have to get a new one:

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24 NIV

Those of us in Christ aren't to have the same attitudes as we did before we knew Him. You see my flesh is constantly telling me, "ME, ME, ME!" "If I am not happy, then nothing else matters." But, my husband's job is an important one. It is one of great sacrifice on his and I am learning now, my part. Part of becoming more Christ-like in attitude is accepting that it isn't all about me as my flesh would like me to believe. Sometimes, people choose paths that have a greater significance than just themselves. Sacrifice is involved. But, even through that experience, we can come to understand more about the God we serve and His own sacrifice.

3.) We have to have a standard for it:

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:12-13 NIV

Part of my struggle has been justification of my attitude. I have been in a total child-like state answering God's pangs of conviction with, "Well, the Marine Corps started it..." and "It's not my fault!" But, then I get into God's word and I see verses like "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." Philippians 2:14-15 NIV

It is then I am reminded that God didn't say, "Do everything except being a military wife without complaining..." Nope, while I would like it to have been a typo, His word is pretty clear: everything is to be done without complaining.

Attitude can be a make-or-break us thing. Bad ones can keep us from having a life filled with blessing because we are so focused on the hardship, difficulties, or imperfections. Good ones can get us through situations, relationships, and even careers in a way we never imagined possible. This is not a done deal for me. I am still working on it and will probably continue to be working on it for the remainder of my husband's contract. But, I have started to accept those things I just can't change and have begun to try to change the one thing I can: my attitude.

Here's to a new outlook...

Until next time,

-C.

Patience is a virtue...

Only seven days, well technically 6 days, and approximately 7 hours separate me and my love. The pilot is somewhere in the ocean, leisurely floatin' his way back to my arms. Yet, I have found myself going against my usual nature and being very patient as I waited through this deployment...until now. It seems the closer he gets to coming home, the more impatient I grow. It has become the kind of impatience that makes one a tad bit annoyed, frustrated and in general, bad company to be in the presence of. But, it is just that the time is so close to being over, I just can't stand another minute!

Alas, God reminds me of the importance of patience, waiting upon Him as I wait upon a very large Navy ship, whose maximum speed is 25 mph. Yes, just 25 measly mph, and that is once they get their gas tank filled up. Right now, they are drifting at about 15mph. No wonder they say full speed ahead...otherwise, they might NEVER get home!

One thing I've learned about living the military life is that we military people are forced to choose to live with the lessons of faith and God more so than you civilian types. While most civilians have the luxury of pushing out thoughts of impending doom on their family, we in the military have to look at it everyday and decide what to do with it. To let it consume us with fear or empower us to love harder in every moment we are given with our Marine, Soldier, or Sailor. While most civilians can use words like faith, prayer, and trust as a passive punchline, we must choose to make it a firm foundation to stand upon in times of trouble or to collapse under the pressures without it.

A little lesson in patience comes compliments of the United States Marine Corps. But, the bigger lesson comes from my God above, who says, "Just remember what this longing feels like because soon he will be home and the temptation of taking for granted his presence along with the monotony of life, will come." Perhaps patience is a virtue.

Here's to full speed ahead...
Until next time,
-C.

A Prayer for my Warrior...Psalm 144

1 Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
2 He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples [a] under me.

3 O LORD, what is man that you care for him,
the son of man that you think of him?

Here's to my warrior and the One who has trained him...

Until next time,
-C.