Heaven is like a hotel...

Last night, my daughter and I were reading her Bible. She is two so her Bible is much more simplified and has a lot of pictures, but it has those basic concepts that need to take root. Anyway, we were reading a story that talked a lot about heaven. I asked her, "Grace, do you know about heaven?"

"No, mommy," she replied with her childlike eagerness to learn.

"Heaven," I said, "is the most beautiful, magnificent place you'll ever see."

Her response was perfectly timed and in all seriousness, "Like a hotel?"

How do you not laugh at that? But, then I got to thinking, there is spiritual meat in what she said. Think about it, the finest hotel you've ever been to, or maybe the one you've seen on tv. Have you ever just walked into a place only to find your jaw drop to the floor in amazement? The grandeur of it is breath taking. Your every need is satified with one call. People at the front desk act as though they are so glad you are there. The little touches: a mint on your pillow, fresh flowers in your room, an infinity pool for your leisure. Surely, there is some connection between heaven and a hotel. The beauty, the majesty, the greeting when you walk in the door. Perhaps in the eyes of a two year old, heaven is like a hotel. Big, beautiful and fun.

Yet, those of us on earth often forget about the majesty that awaits us. Instead, we live as though we are heading to an eternal Motel 8 instead of the Ritz-Carelton. We live as though the temporary lodging we have on this earth is as good as it gets so we better get as much as we can. Tightly, we grip our possessions, our money, our time because we want to pile them up for our own personal use. God has convicted me on this one lately. I keep living as though this is it but yet I know, it is not. And in a God economy, there is no recession. No loss of wages. No downsizing. You gotta go all or nothing.

"Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

-Matthew 19:21 NIV

I don't like that verse. Because it challenges me and taunts me simultaneously. I want to be perfect. I want Christ to be proud of me. I want treasure in heaven. Yet, I know something inside of me fights this command. When you look at people who gave and how Christ and God responded to them in the Bible, it wasn't the people who had a lot and gave a little that got a penthouse suite in heaven. No, it was the ones who had very little and gave it all that got that special treatment.

I think the thing that strikes me lately is that Christianity is a radical religion. Unfortunately, I think we've all got it so wrong that we are going to get a talkin' to eventually. It was meant to be radical in action, not in speech that discriminates, judges, and condemns. It wasn't meant to be a political party. I don't think Jesus would have been found on Capital Hill fighting against homosexuals or abortion. I think He would have been with those people who make those decisions and showing them love in order to give them the desire to change. I don't think Christ would have been using millions of dollars to build church buildings, but rather, feeding the poor and giving to the orphans and widows. His actions would have made no sense in our world. He would have had more money than Bill Gates and more power than Oprah, yet He would have been giving it all away so that He could be completely humbled by His father and could show us the truth about riches and powers.

So, for those of us who are earnestly seeking Him, we have to start living like this is not it. We have to live like there is the finest dwelling is awaiting us soon and so we can easily let go of the things that we have but a fleeting ownership of.

I'll leave you with a story that happened recently. I was at a stoplight and a man was on the corner asking for money. I had been convicted lately about giving to those in need, especially the impoverished so I pulled out my wallet. I had two twenties, three ones and a couple of quarters. I wish I could end this story by saying I gave him everything I had, but I didn't. I got the ones together and the quarters and put my hand out the window as he limped across three lanes of traffic with his cane. I started to pat myself on the back for my generosity but then a pang of conviction swept me. I didn't give him everything. The reason? I was heading to the fair. I had forty dollars to waste on fried foods and rides I didn't even want to ride. That was going to be a good explanation, right? Sorry, Christ, I was going to start giving all but I really wanted a funnel cake and some ribbon fries. The opportunity Christ gave me to be like Him, I totally blew it for calories that my body didn't need.

I blow a lot of opportunities He gives me. But, the good news is He always gives me more...

Here's to striving for the Heavenly penthouse...

Until next time,

-C.

Theological overhaul...

Well, I first must begin by telling you all that I have ended my fast of facebook. Now, some of you will undoubtedly be disappointed in me and others are saying, it is about time! Can't please them all. I felt that I had done what I set out to do: refocus my energy and get my priorities in order. I will say not having that distraction of checking facebook every five minutes was helpful. The good news is I "downsized" my contacts to people that I actually have a connection with and no longer have that incessant urge to get back on. In fact, it bores me quite frankly. But, I was missing seeing some of my dear friends and family's pictures and updates that I don't get to interact with daily (especially those who decided to bolt to Hawaii instead of stay East Coast with the cool kids...). So, I decided to log back on. A little over a month is very impressive considering I have about as much self-control as the two year old I have been given the pleasure to raise.

In other news, I have found myself going through what I can only describe as a theological makeover. Have you ever found yourself to have just completely gotten something wrong? I mean, you've been trucking along thinking you "got" something only to discover that not only did you not get it, you really didn't get it. That's how I've kind of felt with my faith. I've been reading certain scriptures and some books on the topic of the Church and have realized my own Christianity has been so far off from what was meant to be. I've been living the diet coke version of faith.

I think it has a lot to do with my mindset. My thoughts have been so indoctrinated by the world that I couldn't even tell fact from fiction. I thought that if I just got things "comfortable," wasn't going through suffering or difficulty, and reached out to those who were like me, I was doing ok. Then, I got a bit of a spiritual kick in the butt. I realized that this safe faith I've been living isn't really cutting it. I will admit something since I am among friends...I have a fear of non-Christians. I mean it isn't like a I can't shake their hands fear. It is more of a I don't know if I can hang out with someone when I find out they aren't believers. It is like I have to insulate myself in a nice Christian bubble where everyone thinks like I think, talks like I talk, walks like I walk. Then, I look at Jesus. His posse doesn't look a thing like mine. He ran with the society rejects, the broken spirited, the sick, the lost. This is not to say we shouldn't have Christian friends, but so often we can become more of a spiritual social club than people who are on a mission because the clock is ticking. I couldn't even count a person I knew in my area that was a non-Christian because I've stuck so close to my "home."

I've also been grappling with this idea about poverty. You see, in a Bible study I completed a couple months ago about Daniel, Beth Moore discussed how we can know when we have become a part of this modern day Babylon we are all living in. It is when we become so unaffected, so numb to the impoverished that we know we have succumb to this era of self-indulgent extravagence. I have become numb. My heart used to bleed for people I heard about or saw on the streets. Now, I lock my doors and try not to make eye contact. Wow. Jesus would be proud (she says sarcastically).

So, I am undergoing a theological overhaul. I have been feeding myself lies that I am living my faith out in the best way possible, but the truth is I am so far off the mark it is sick. I don't live like a spirit filled individual. I don't make decisions based on what Jesus would do. I don't really act like the radical life-changed vessel I am in Him. This is not to self-condemn, only to self-motivate. Jesus wasn't some guy that just hung out with children and lambs and all the pretty Christians. He was hanging out with the prostitutes, the lepers, the hoodlums. He wasn't playing it safe all the time. He wasn't making it look good only on the outside. He was getting his hands dirty with the imperfections of lives that needed to be forever changed. When am I going to start living like that? Or am I just going to continue on this Pharisees-like journey of making it shiny on the outside and keeping it broken within.

How about you? Do you live a life of radical Christianity or is it safe with those just like you?

Here's to a spiritual wake up call...
Until next time,
-C.

The Power Within...

Recently, I have quit a long kick of listening to only Beth Moore sermons and have ventured out. Sometimes we can get in such a rut of listening to or reading the books of one speaker that we quit learning anything new. I started listening to Francis Chan sermons. He is the author of Crazy Love and the book I am currently reading, Forgotten God. This book is about how so often we neglect the holy spirit in all our discussion of God and spiritual matters. It has really opened my eyes to the incredible power of having the living God residing inside of me.

I am a fearful person. I have been that way virtually all my life. My fears reached a crescendo of sorts this time last year when someone near to me attempted suicide. You never realize the power of your own fears until one of the worst of them is realized. But, after that experience, God really released me from the prison my fear had been keeping me in. You see, when a fear comes to be yet you eventually, with a lot of time, tears, and prayers, find yourself on the other side, you start to realize how nothing in life can take away God's power. When you find yourself living in the aftermath of a fear, you can start to truly believe that God can do all the things He says He can.

So, this past year has been a transformation of sorts from this fearful, timid creature to a courageous one. As I am in the midst of another deployment, fears have slowly begin to drip, drip, drip in my mind like the constant faucet leak. But, I have started to comprehend something through Chan's book and just what God has been revealing to me these past months. I am not living the life I was called if I live it in a place of fear. God didn't want cowardice to be the face of Christianity. He gave us the power of the Holy Spirit, His Spirit, to dwell inside each of us so no matter what we face, we could do so with a boldness and strength that would make the world desire what we have. If I am always portraying a fearful front, why would anyone want to follow my God? If I live in the shackles of anxiety, what power is being demonstrated?

Chan talks about how we would live and think differently if we had Jesus in the flesh right next to us each step of the way. The truth is we have that same power in the holy spirit, if we don't deny Him His ability to speak strength into the weak, courage into the fearful, and boldness into the meek.

This life is riddled with uncertainties and anxieties. Yet there are some who get the distinct privilege to look into any trouble and to fear not. There are some who can call on a ever present counselor in the midst of any adversity.

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses..." Acts 1:8 NIV

Can the world tell you have the power of God within you? Do you act like a mighty warrior or a prisoner of war? I know I have not been exhibiting the power God has given me, but the good news is there is still time to show it.

Here's to spiritual strength training...

Until next time,

-C.

Life after facebook

So, I am now almost 3 weeks without facebook. I didn't even realize it had been that long until today. Wow. I must say, I am about amazed by my restraint to simply log back in because if there is one thing this girl lacks, it is self control. And when testing yourself in the area of self control, it seems that temptation can become louder and more difficult to resist.

As I look back at the last 3 weeks, I think about the lessons this little experiment has taught me. Here is round 2 of facebook free teachings:
1.) Quitting cold turkey is essential when trying to refocus your energies. Now, I know quitting was a bit on the extreme side, but honestly, in order to push myself, it was the only way. I think that had I simply limited my time on fb, I would have been back to my ol' time wasting, diverting real human interaction ways.
2.) In this technological age, the less we have to "check," the better! I mean, with everything: facebook, myspace, 3 email accounts, bank accounts, news, etc. etc. etc. we can (or at least I can) occupy a whole day just "checking" things. It almost becomes a MUST, a need rather than what it is: a simple want. I had become so convinced that I HAD to check my FB, that I was putting this false "need" above real ones.
3.) Life can be lived without constant connection...this has been the biggest shocker. Even though I feel more distant from those whom I only occassionally chatted with via facebook, it has made me think about connecting in other, more personal ways such as email or phone calls. The constant connection to a whole lot of people who don't all know me on an intimate level is not necessary to live a full life!

Alright, my mind is wandering about all the things I can be doing with my facebook free time.

Here's to lessons learned...
Until next time,
-C.

Every girl...

Lately, I've found myself and some of my dear friends struggling with accepting this whole military life. I keep trying to pinpoint that one aspect that makes it so difficult and the bottom line I seem to find is that we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. You see, every girl dreams of the man she will marry. Every girl (ok, maybe not all, but most...) dreams about the dress she will wear on the day she promises forever. Every girls dreams about spending every day for the rest of her life with this man. But, that is every girl's life, not that of a military wife.

Instead our reality is we marry a man, knowing full well what his job will entail, but never realizing the gravity of it until we are far to into it. You see our "every girl" dreams are interrupted for a couple of weeks here and there, then perhaps a month or two, until a majority of a year is spent apart from that man we dreamed about rather than with him.

The struggle, I've determined, is that we all had a very different vision of what our lives were to be. We had the same dream of every girl, yet applied them to a very, very different life. A marriage without a moment apart is not our reality. For those of us new to this life, we are bitterly learning to swallow that painstaking pill. Our reality is that we will attend many functions, weddings, children's plays, and other events alone. Our reality is that we will for 6-12 months out of the year every 1-3 years be completely responsible for our households: home repairs, childcare, cleaning, cooking, finances, and everything else that every girl gets to share with her husband, we will find ourselves doing it alone. Our reality is that life hasn't turned out exactly like the dream.

We all had a hope, a hope of what our lives and marriages would be. But, as Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." This is what I think has been our struggle, realizing that our hope has been deferred and we are left with a bit of a broken heart. It is so easy to get stuck in that brokenness, but eventually, we have to realize that just like Christ, we have to give up our own selves, our own comfort, for a greater purpose.

Christ said, "Anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:38-39 NIV

Sometimes to really reach every girl, you got to take away her dream and make her understand the cost of a life where it isn't all about her and her dreams. Even in the midst of extreme challenges, there is a new dream and a new purpose emerging. Every girl comes to the realization that maybe the dreams we all tried to fit our lives into weren't big enough to accommodate the lives of those who chose a different path. Maybe every girl needed to dream a little bigger, with a life in which she found herself picking up her cross and dragging it down a path she never before considered. Maybe every girl's God had a much better dream than every girl imagined and until she lets go of the one that will never become her reality, at least not in the next 6 years, she will never truly understand it.

I am not saying I've got the "how" of it down, but I think I've started to see the beginning. Sometimes when our lives don't fit our past dreams, we have to start letting go, accepting, and making new dreams. I think every girl has to start somewhere...

Here's to hopes deferred, every girl, and new dreams...

Until next time,
-C.

Just thought you'd like to know...

This whole writing thing has taken me in a direction and passion that I always knew existed, but never thought possible. It is funny because sometimes I feel like I shouldn't share with people that something has become of my writings because it feels prideful or like bragging.

But, I share this with you because I am completely humbled that anyone has given a second glance to the words I put on these electronic pages. God told me sometime ago to just, "Write!" And I've been doing that ever since, not thinking much would ever come. However, in my path He has placed several successful authors who share the same heart I have for both military wives and God's word.

One of them has graciously been working with me on a resource for military wives who desire to start a home based Bible study. She has also reviewed a Bible study I am writing for military spouses and has offered to help with the publishing process if I so choose.

Another has asked me to contribute regularly to her blog. Some of my writings can now be seen at:
www.faithdeployed.com

And yet another has allowed my writings to be a part of her site and ministry as well:
www.wivesoffaith.org
It is easy to start patting yourself on the back when God allows even a small amount of "success" to come from the gifts He has given us. But, it can also bring such an amazing sense of humility that He even chooses to gift us imperfect beings in the first place. He can align things so perfectly, placing people along the way who just encourage the gifts and talents He has given us. When you step back, you realize what a BIG God He really is and how much He must truly love us to get involved in our details.

Here's to the something from nothing God...

Until next time,
-C.

Giving grace and other things I've learned...

Here is a two part post for ya today. First, I am sure you are all just dying to know how I am holding up on this facebook fast. I am happy to report that the shakes have subsided and I have yet to sign back on to that online community that so many of us love so much. The funny thing is that more people are texting me or emailing me so I guess we trade one electronic form of communication for another. Oh well, not trying to change the world on this one, just myself.

Here are my facebook fast lessons of the week:
1.) When you don't have access to something, you don't really know what you are missing. I won't lie, I have daydreamed about what each of my friends are posting on their status updates and wondered if I am missing being in the loop, but really I have found more productive uses of my time which included a two hour meander through the neighborhood with my girl yesterday. We actually met a new friend while walking and didn't have to ask her to accept our friendship. Nor did we need to write on her wall to get to know her better, we simply asked!
2.) Technology zaps us of our connections sometimes. Like I said, this is a change me experience, not you so don't go getting all offended or anything. One thing I've learned in this abstaining from facebook is that technology can zap me of my connections: to my family, to my friends and most importantly, to my God. When I am constantly replacing real interactions with face to face interaction with a computer screen, I undoubtedly miss out on those real connections with people.
3.) I am feeling a bit like the Amish. So, yahoo now has a facebook application for your yahoo page, my phone's facebook app has been downed and now the little notification star hangs by its side, enticing me to check back in. With everyone talking about facebook this and facebook that, I find myself sheepish at times admitting I have cut the facebook cord. Most of the time it is simply met with the ol' nod and smile and a hearty, albeit fake, "Good for you!" I find myself in a generation past and feel like everyone else is whizzing ahead. But, the writing ideas that have flowed from this just say no to facebook montage. Oh, the things we will do for our craft...
Well, I am sure more lessons are to come. A counter should be added to this page to see just how long the girl can go without www.facebook.com .


In other news, I had a real lesson this past week or so. I have constantly battled a self-righteous, often times judgmental spirit that I have begged and pleaded with God to break me of. Recently, I think I came across another who shares a similar battle and the result was directed towards me. For days I agonized over this intense feeling of shame and guilt at the thought that I had unintentionally offended someone. It was then that God really put that mirror up to my face and showed me what the receiving end was like of my stubborn self.

I have always heard give them grace, but never quite understood the concept. I knew wholeheartedly about God's grace, an undeserved gift, but how that translated to this human realm I was unsure. Then, it hit me. Giving another grace meant choosing to believe good about them, no matter what circumstances might say. Choosing to say, "surely, they did not mean to come across so unkind" and believing that if they did, it was only the result of their own difficulties at the moment.

For now, I am working heart and soul on this idea of giving another grace. I am going to be looking for the good when people show the bad, forgiving quickly, not keeping count of wrongs, overlooking offenses and trying to live this whole Christianity thing.

Here's to grace and face...book.

Until next time,
-C.