This past week, I've endured the greatest personal crisis of my life. While I am not ready to share the details with the entire www, I did want to share some things with you. I've had many friends go through times of crisis recently as well and always felt as though I didn't know what to do. Here is what I've found to be helpful and while it might not apply to everyone in every situation, it may help you help someone in their time of need:
1.) Don't ask the question, "How are you?" It is often a stupid question that makes it difficult to respond to and often times, leaves those in crisis lying and saying "fine" or "I am ok."
2.) It is ok to check in on people as long as you let them know that if they don't want phone calls or you to come over that you won't be offended if they say so. Continue to do so, even if you don't get a response. The person may just not be ready to respond yet, but it is nice to know that people are there and care for them.
3.) Allow people to feel what they feel without judgement or ridicule. People handle situations differently so allow people to handle crisis in their own way so long as it doesn't harm themselves or others.
4.) Don't tell people what to think or do in times of crisis unless they specifically ask for your opinion.
5.) Don't ask a lot of questions without first asking if they are willing to talk about the crisis. I got cornered at church yesterday with some lady who was not getting the hint that I did not care to talk about it with her. I finally told her the situation so she'd leave me alone, but felt very angry and violated that someone wouldn't stop asking me questions, especially a stranger.
6.) Do not gossip or share other's personal crisis for entertainment purposes. Even the "prayer request" can turn into a way to gossip so be weary of the amount of details you share. If you are ever in question, share less rather than more.
7.) Ask what you can specifically do. Offer what you are specifically willing to do. For instance, "Can I make you all a meal?", "Can I watch the kids for you?", etc. Sometimes saying something general may not be helpful because depending on the person they may not feel as though you are willing to help so "call me if you need anything or want to talk" may not be specific enough in helping them.
8.) Pray. Often times, that truly is the only thing one can do in times of crisis.
Everyone will go through some type of crisis at one point or another. The severity or damage done is quite relative as to each person their crisis may feel like the biggest crisis in the world, so never minimize someone else's pain. You have no clue about their experiences so what may seem like nothing to you, may be something very painful to them.
I've been surprised at people's responses to crisis. I am usually on the other end, consoling a dear friend going through something, but it has made me wonder, have I ever reacted this way? Have I ever not contacted someone who I knew was enduring a painful situation? Have I ever said the wrong things to make them feel more pain? I just pray I have not, but you never know how your actions affect other people. This is no way meant to condemn anyone, but I am just wondering about myself and if my responses to other people's crisis' have been what they needed at the time. I know from now on, I am definitely going to be more aware as to what people may need in times of heartache.
Here's to learning something new....
Until next time,
-C.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Psalm 103
Of David. 1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Six Flags over Jesus...
My cousin has this term. Six Flags over Jesus. He uses it to refer to those churches that are, well more like theme parks than a gathering place of believers. You know the types. The mega churches you pass on the road going, "is that a church or a sports arena?" Now, before I go any further, I must say that this is by no means meant to be a judgement. Just a series of questions that I myself do not know the answers for.
Anyway, yesterday we tried a new church on our church home search. It was unique just like our last adventure. As we pulled onto the church street, we saw people walking, yes walking about a block away. When we got closer, we realized the problem. There was not enough parking. And it wasn't like they didn't have a big lot or something, they did. It was just full. The building was incredible. I had my Six Flags moment going, is that the church? But, it is amazing what $17 million dollars can build...yes, $17 million. Anyway, after finding a spot in the woods across from the church, we headed into the church. Walking in, I felt like I was in a convention center or a hip downtown hotel. The foyer was enormous with high 2 story ceilings, modern furniture, the works. We headed down to drop Grace off at the children's area. As we were walking, we passed the coffee shop that made a Starbucks look like a hole in the wall. We also passed the bookstore, the Barnes and Noble-esque "resource center" where they are now offering gift cards to give to friends. Yes, this church offered gift cards to its own bookstore.
We dropped Grace off, after walking down a series of corridors and having her hands sanitized by the lady in the nursery. Then, it was off to the worship center. Here we were sat in the middle of a row about 10 from the front. I began to get closterphobic as we were scrunched in. The giant 2 video screens on either side of the stage showed the band as the fog machines began to blow and the light show began. The music was good. Almost as good as Gabe back at our church in FL, ok, not almost, but it was good nonetheless. The preaching was fine, but I couldn't seem to concentrate as I scanned the room as the enormity of everything.
I have a lot of questions about churches today. I know they won't be answered anytime soon, well maybe, if I die, but until then, I just have questions. America has begun to want their churches like everything else in their lives. Fast. Technological. Conveinent. This is not necessarily a bad thing that churches are changing in order to reach the needs of the people, but I wonder, when we as a body spend millions on a building, something that will eventually crumble, while people are starving, dying, and in need all over the world, does this please God? Is this His vision for His people's use of the resources He has blessed them with? Do American's need to change their beliefs of what a church needs to give them so that the church can give what God needs them to?
Six Flags over Jesus churches have an important role in our society. They attract the seekers, the ones who aren't sure if they want to believe in God or who have thought of church as the uncool place to be. These churches play an integral role in bringing my generation back into the doors of God's holy place, a place where statistics show those under 30 are less likely to be. They serve a purpose. I just wonder if that purpose could be met without all the bells and whistles.
We may go back to this church, who knows? We have a couple more to try. Rick and I both realize that church isn't the place to get fed, it isn't the place to have all your needs met. The Lord is the only one that can fill that bill so we don't have unrealistic expecatations of our church home. We do seek a place where we think the will of God is being sought, the people are desiring to bring newcomers into their church family, and that we feel will help us grow our child in Christ. I am not sure this place is it, but we will pray, wait, and see.
Here's to getting off the Jesus ride and coming into a true relationship with the Lamb of Peace...
Until next time-
-C.
Anyway, yesterday we tried a new church on our church home search. It was unique just like our last adventure. As we pulled onto the church street, we saw people walking, yes walking about a block away. When we got closer, we realized the problem. There was not enough parking. And it wasn't like they didn't have a big lot or something, they did. It was just full. The building was incredible. I had my Six Flags moment going, is that the church? But, it is amazing what $17 million dollars can build...yes, $17 million. Anyway, after finding a spot in the woods across from the church, we headed into the church. Walking in, I felt like I was in a convention center or a hip downtown hotel. The foyer was enormous with high 2 story ceilings, modern furniture, the works. We headed down to drop Grace off at the children's area. As we were walking, we passed the coffee shop that made a Starbucks look like a hole in the wall. We also passed the bookstore, the Barnes and Noble-esque "resource center" where they are now offering gift cards to give to friends. Yes, this church offered gift cards to its own bookstore.
We dropped Grace off, after walking down a series of corridors and having her hands sanitized by the lady in the nursery. Then, it was off to the worship center. Here we were sat in the middle of a row about 10 from the front. I began to get closterphobic as we were scrunched in. The giant 2 video screens on either side of the stage showed the band as the fog machines began to blow and the light show began. The music was good. Almost as good as Gabe back at our church in FL, ok, not almost, but it was good nonetheless. The preaching was fine, but I couldn't seem to concentrate as I scanned the room as the enormity of everything.
I have a lot of questions about churches today. I know they won't be answered anytime soon, well maybe, if I die, but until then, I just have questions. America has begun to want their churches like everything else in their lives. Fast. Technological. Conveinent. This is not necessarily a bad thing that churches are changing in order to reach the needs of the people, but I wonder, when we as a body spend millions on a building, something that will eventually crumble, while people are starving, dying, and in need all over the world, does this please God? Is this His vision for His people's use of the resources He has blessed them with? Do American's need to change their beliefs of what a church needs to give them so that the church can give what God needs them to?
Six Flags over Jesus churches have an important role in our society. They attract the seekers, the ones who aren't sure if they want to believe in God or who have thought of church as the uncool place to be. These churches play an integral role in bringing my generation back into the doors of God's holy place, a place where statistics show those under 30 are less likely to be. They serve a purpose. I just wonder if that purpose could be met without all the bells and whistles.
We may go back to this church, who knows? We have a couple more to try. Rick and I both realize that church isn't the place to get fed, it isn't the place to have all your needs met. The Lord is the only one that can fill that bill so we don't have unrealistic expecatations of our church home. We do seek a place where we think the will of God is being sought, the people are desiring to bring newcomers into their church family, and that we feel will help us grow our child in Christ. I am not sure this place is it, but we will pray, wait, and see.
Here's to getting off the Jesus ride and coming into a true relationship with the Lamb of Peace...
Until next time-
-C.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Crushed in Spirit
"The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
-Psalm 34:17-18
Have you ever been "crushed in spirit"? I think that is such a fantastic description of a phase we all endure at one time or another. That sensation of having your inner most self completely broken. I look around this world and I see that so many of us are truly crushed in spirit, brokenhearted and in need of deliverance.
Sometimes this brokenness comes in a wave, a period of time, a momentary existence, but for some, this is a constant, a way of life. To live crushed in spirit, is to live a way that we were never meant to be. We were never meant to live with such brokenness that was swayed by our daily circumstances. We were meant to live in victory. I know it is a terrible cliche of a Christian term, but it is truth. We were meant to be more than conquerors of our day to day drama.
My heart aches for those who have not learned that they can live through even the toughest stuff in life with a sense of victory, a sense of joy, a sense of peace and a sense of restoration. The saddest part is that I know and love people who live crushed in spirit on a daily basis. I myself sometimes forget that I too have the Creator of the Universe close to my broken heart, and saving my crushed spirit. I have a deliverer in the midst of the terrible. That alone should make us all leap for joy and to become whole again.
Here is to the King of the brokenhearted...
Until next time,
-C.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
BFF
Today my little lady and I had a mommy-daughter date to check out the mall in our new home as well as search for a Ball gown for me. She was her usual delightful self: filled with hi's, hello, buh-byes, mamamamama, and so much more. It got me thinking...if God had brought me a line of babies and said, "ok for one time and one time only, I am going to give you, a mortal, the chance to hand pick your child", she is hands down the one I would have selected. She is so smart, funny, and independent, which while it can be a struggle, is also a joy to see her become her own little person. If my child would have been that of another, I would have thought to myself, now that is the kid I wish I had. She is just that cool.
I guess I get confused by a lot of mothers I see out and about. So many seem to have lost that joy and adoration of their little ones. I know it is hard work, I know it is tiring, but so many mothers nowadays seem as though they wish they never had their precious gift from God. It is such a gift to get a second chance to view life from the eyes of innocence, from the eyes of the unscathed, from the eyes of the unbroken. Being an adult sucks more times than not, and it is just such a relief to see someone who isn't bogged down with the troubles of the world and who just wants to explore the possibilities that await her. I need that more than anything right now. I am so grateful for her and her cute, joy-filled spirit. The point of all this is to just remind myself of the joys I have in my life right now in the midst of hard times and as well as in times of the mundane or ordinary.
In other news, I did find a dress for the ball. It came at a cost for my little one. While at David's Bridal, I allowed her the opportunity to "explore" (aka get into trouble). She began running full speed, not realizing that no...that isn't just a big hallway, but rather a room full of mirrors. I couldn't help but laugh after she straight up Mario Andretti'ed herself into a wall of reflection. Ouch. Sorry kid, I'll pay the therapy bill on that one, but it was too funny.
Here's to the littlest BFF...whom I would have chosen had I been given the chance.
Until next time-
-C.
I guess I get confused by a lot of mothers I see out and about. So many seem to have lost that joy and adoration of their little ones. I know it is hard work, I know it is tiring, but so many mothers nowadays seem as though they wish they never had their precious gift from God. It is such a gift to get a second chance to view life from the eyes of innocence, from the eyes of the unscathed, from the eyes of the unbroken. Being an adult sucks more times than not, and it is just such a relief to see someone who isn't bogged down with the troubles of the world and who just wants to explore the possibilities that await her. I need that more than anything right now. I am so grateful for her and her cute, joy-filled spirit. The point of all this is to just remind myself of the joys I have in my life right now in the midst of hard times and as well as in times of the mundane or ordinary.
In other news, I did find a dress for the ball. It came at a cost for my little one. While at David's Bridal, I allowed her the opportunity to "explore" (aka get into trouble). She began running full speed, not realizing that no...that isn't just a big hallway, but rather a room full of mirrors. I couldn't help but laugh after she straight up Mario Andretti'ed herself into a wall of reflection. Ouch. Sorry kid, I'll pay the therapy bill on that one, but it was too funny.
Here's to the littlest BFF...whom I would have chosen had I been given the chance.
Until next time-
-C.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Free Ice Cream...
Today G. and I went on an errand run all across town. Afterwards, I took her to the park and then out for ice cream for her willful cooperation during our trek. While in the ice cream store, the man in front of us started chatting. He noticed my USMC sweatshirt and asked if I or my husband was in the Military. I said my husband, of course (all though we all know who the REAL Marine is in this relationship ;) ). He asked a couple of questions about what he did, when he was going to deploy and the like. He told me to tell my husband thank you for his service.
After we got our ice cream, G. and I went to pay. The woman at the counter said not to worry about it because it was taken care of. I asked her by whom and she said that she and the man in front of us had split it. I was a little taken aback, but it is not in my nature to argue with free ice cream so I graciously accepted and fed G. her treat.
This has only happened to us twice where someone has paid for something for us when they found out we were military. It always shocks me. I guess I forget what it is we are a part of sometimes because we live in a world that doesn't quite appreciate the military like it once did during the World Wars. I am used to getting laughed at when I ask for military discounts and "ma'am, everyone here is military, we can't give discounts" so imagine my surprise when we get a thank you.
I know this life is tough sometimes, and we haven't gotten to the truly tough stuff yet, but I also know it is filled with blessings. I have friends who are worrying about job security or health care for their children and those are things we never have to even think about. Granted, my friends don't have to worry about the daily safety of their spouses when they go to work, but even that is not true. None of us are guarenteed tomorrow and while my husband could get injured doing what he does, he could live a long life of health while someone like my cousin can lose her husband in a car accident after his daily trip to the gym.
We willingly chose this life. We knew the risks. We knew the benefits. But, even so, it is always such an unexpected surprise to have someone show their appreciation for the sacrifices we have to make as a military family.
Here's to free ice cream...
Until next time-
-C.
After we got our ice cream, G. and I went to pay. The woman at the counter said not to worry about it because it was taken care of. I asked her by whom and she said that she and the man in front of us had split it. I was a little taken aback, but it is not in my nature to argue with free ice cream so I graciously accepted and fed G. her treat.
This has only happened to us twice where someone has paid for something for us when they found out we were military. It always shocks me. I guess I forget what it is we are a part of sometimes because we live in a world that doesn't quite appreciate the military like it once did during the World Wars. I am used to getting laughed at when I ask for military discounts and "ma'am, everyone here is military, we can't give discounts" so imagine my surprise when we get a thank you.
I know this life is tough sometimes, and we haven't gotten to the truly tough stuff yet, but I also know it is filled with blessings. I have friends who are worrying about job security or health care for their children and those are things we never have to even think about. Granted, my friends don't have to worry about the daily safety of their spouses when they go to work, but even that is not true. None of us are guarenteed tomorrow and while my husband could get injured doing what he does, he could live a long life of health while someone like my cousin can lose her husband in a car accident after his daily trip to the gym.
We willingly chose this life. We knew the risks. We knew the benefits. But, even so, it is always such an unexpected surprise to have someone show their appreciation for the sacrifices we have to make as a military family.
Here's to free ice cream...
Until next time-
-C.
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