What lies within

Time is tick tick ticking....

2011-04-04T22:33:00.001-07:00

Just in case you haven't seen my multiple fb statuses or blog entries, there is STILL time to enter the She Seeks scholarship contest for the She Speaks Conference. I just entered to win a scholarship to the She Speaks conference! Link: http://www.sheseeks.org/2011/she-speaks-scholarship/ HURRY!!!! They announce the winner on Thursday!! I just hope it is one of our names :)

Another scholarship entry...

2011-04-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

A persistent little bugger this one... ;)

Here is another chance to win a scholarship:

I just entered to win a scholarship to the She Speaks conference! Link:

Six words

2011-04-01T20:02:00.001-07:00

If nothing else, I am persistent...Here is another entry for a She Speaks Conference. The challenge? Tell a story in six words...here it is:

HE's revealing beauty in her ashes.

Wanna try your shot at winning? Check out She Reads blog.

Hope Deferred

2011-03-31T13:37:00.000-07:00

Hope deferred makes the heart sick (Proverbs 13:12) is a proverb I knew by memory. But, it wasn’t until I began to endure my hopes being deferred that those words leapt off the pages of God's word and into the reality of my circumstance. We were fresh off the heels of a miscarriage and had made it to the 8 week milestone. It was time to hear a heartbeat for the first time, to see evidence of life, to finally breathe and believe that all would be well.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” I said to my husband as we walked into the doctor’s office. The grin on his face could not be erased as I plopped myself upon the examining room table. The nurse came in and began the search. I watched her as she watched the screen. First, her face showed promise, hope, as she intently searched the shadows of an ultrasound picture. After minutes, her brow began to furrow and the doctor was called into the room.

“I’m sorry,” are words you never want to hear from medical professionals, especially twice within months. Hope deferred again. And that Proverb I knew by memory, I now knew by experience. My heart was sick.

The waves of heart sickness that followed were consuming at times. I didn’t understand it. Each time I thought I had processed and healed from a broken heart, something would serve as a reminder of my hope deferred. Another friend announcing a pregnancy. A crossed out countdown on my calendar of the weeks of what would have been my pregnancy. A television show about the miracle of life. I found myself on a neverending rollercoaster of emotions.

It wasn’t until I was sitting in a church service one Sunday, listening to a sermon on Hannah, that I started to feel my wounds closing. Her story was not new to me. I had even placed her words on my refrigerator after my daughter’s birth three years ago, “I prayed for this child and the Lord granted me what I asked of Him.” (1 Samuel 1:27) But, Hannah became a friend to me that day. She understood Proverbs 13:12 just as deeply as I did.

Hannah’s story begins in the hill country of Ephraim. She had a husband who loved her named Elkanah. As was custom of the day, Elkanah had more than one wife. His other wife, Peninnah, was the epitome of a mean girl, constantly taunting her barren counterpart Hannah. Peninnah had children. Her longing for family had been fulfilled, but Hannah had a desire that could not even be understood by her loving, earthly partner Elkanah. Hannah’s heart was sick.

In 1 Samuel 1:8, we meet Hannah, completely crushed after years of her hopes being deferred and years of torment from Peninnah. Her husband didn’t understand it, asking her, “Why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” Elkanah had never experienced an ache inside that makes a person’s soul throb.

Hannah took the only remedy she knew for her sorrow. And so, “in bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord.” (1 Samuel 1:10) Weeping and praying, that is all Hannah knew to do. After pouring her heart out before the Lord, He answered her and let her experience the rest of that Proverb: a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. The birth of one of the godliest men recorded in the pages of scripture, Samuel, fulfilled the longing of a heartsick woman. And the story of it all, gave this woman salve to my own wounds.

After a year of waiting, God has still not fulfilled my longing for a second child. But, He has restored my hope and healed my broken heart. I pray He will do the same for you as you experience the heartsickness of dreams deferred. Consider these things as you face your own “barrenness,” whether it be in your womb or another area of your life:

1. God has not left you. One of the greatest things God said to me through that sermon I listened to with fresh ears about Hannah was this: Barrenness does not mean God forsakenness. Just because God has allowed for your desire, whatever it is, to be delayed, either indefinitely or for a season, don’t think that He has left you. His word is clear about this: “[The Lord] will never leave or forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:8) In fact, God is always close to those who are brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).

2. Others may not understand, but He does. I think of sweet Hannah, weeping beside her bridegroom. He couldn’t understand her grief. But, God did. And Hannah knew her heavenly Father was the only one who could comprehend the depths of her sorrow and so she went to Him with her tears, pouring out her soul to the one who would understand. God wants us to bring our “ugly cry” to Him and share with Him all the sadness in our heart. Hannah knew this and was unabashed to go before Him. We should too, especially in the midst of our despair.

3. There is always hope in the One. So often it is the suspended aspirations of our spirit that can make us lose hope. Learning to be “joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (Romans 12:12) is a spiritual practice we are all called to do as we face seasons of barrenness. Standing on the promises of His word while we navigate the muddy waters of our longings unfulfilled is usually the process He is encouraging us to go through in our times of postponed yearnings. Getting into His word and knowing those promises is the only the remedy for our hearts.

Hope deferred indeed makes the heart sick, but God is always there, willing and able to “heal the brokenhearted and [bind] up [your] wounds.” (Psalm 147:3) May you feel His presence in the barren times of your own life and may you learn to cry out to Him as you continue to wait for His timing of fulfilling the longings of your heart. ____________________________________________
A longing of my heart is to attend an incredible conference for writers, speakers and ministry leaders called the She Speaks Conference July 22-24 in Concord, NC. This blog was an attempt to fulfill that longing through an awesome scholarship opportunity from Ann Voskamp's Blog.

If you share a similar passion for ministry, writing and/or speaking, be sure to check out the conference and scholarship!

Here's to a longing (potentially) being fulfilled!
Until next time-
-C.

She Speaks Conference

2011-03-11T05:51:00.001-08:00

She Speaks Conference Scholarship Entry Contest

It all started about four years ago. Fresh off the heels of becoming a new mommy, I got the question. "So, what do you like to do?" Besides changing a colorful array of dirty diapers and wiping spit up off my shirt, I had completely lost myself in my new role. Hobbies or interests had become a foreign concept to me. A simple question really. What do you like to do? But I was at a loss.

Ever since I was a child, I loved to write. Somewhere between then and having a precious little girl named Grace, I found it harder and harder to find the time to do so. But, that simple question from a friend reignited a passion in me that had been pushed to the back burner of life. When you decide to write again, the next logical question becomes, "About what?" Write what you know. Every writer knows that. At that time four years ago, I didn't quite know what to write about that could impact souls through my words. Then, I started to pray.

It can be a very dangerous prayer to ask God to give you something to write about. Very dangerous. After that prayer, it seemed that the next three years were riddled with trial and difficulties. First, my parent's marriage unraveled in a messy and traumatizing way. My father, who has suffered from bipolar depression his entire life, attempted to end his life. My child and I both had a serious health scare. My husband, a US Marine, deployed four times in the course of two years. We experienced two miscarriages. Job became my favorite book in the Bible. The Psalms were salve to my gaping wounds. Writing became my refuge.

In the midst of these trials, God began pointing me towards the personal ministry He had for me. We got involved in a local church and I shared my heart with one of the leaders of women's ministry. Prior to moving to our current home and before my "Job Season" as I call it, I had begun a Bible study in my home for fellow military spouses. Military families stole my heart. After my own experiences with loneliness, depression and anxiety from military life, I knew the importance of growing in God's word with a fellowship of women. After sharing this with our women's ministry leader, she encouraged me to begin a ministry for military families.

The ministry, Operation: Hope Front , began first with a lot of prayer. I had some pretty big wounds that I needed God to heal a bit before I set out ministering to others. As I prayed, I asked God to reveal what He wanted in this new ministry. He told me to dream big, not to pray just for a repeat of the home Bible study I started at our last duty station. He began a vision in me. A ministry that took care of the whole military wife: her soul through a Bible study, her physical needs through practical helps when her husband was away. He gave me a vision of a conference that brought military wives together for encouragement and spiritual nourishment during the desert of military life. He showed me a church body getting involved with the daily needs of families who were, for a period of time during deployments, widows and orphans for all intents and purposes. I met with the pastor's of our church and shared the vision. They blessed me forward and so I went, unsure of the steps God wanted me to take.

We started with a Bible study for military wives. Our first meeting had about 10 ladies. We continued forward, meeting together, getting into God's word about what He was saying to us as military spouses. We planned our first conference, 100 military wives and 100 military children attended. And then we grew. Now, we have about 50 women involved in two studies and are in the middle of the process of planning our second annual "A Day of Hope" conference on Saturday, May 14th. The ministry has begun to expand, with a new Bible study about to start for military men and a short conference session for them as well this year.

Throughout this time, God has also given me plenty to write about. How to deal with the tragedies of others. How we can use suffering to grow our spiritual walk. How to minister to fellow military families. He has crossed my path with several incredible ministries such as Proverbs 31 , Faith Deployed, and Wives of Faith who have used my writings for their publications or websites. I was recently given the opportunity to be a part of a second edition of the Faith Deployed devotional for military wives that will come out this summer.

God has also been working in me as to what He wants me to write about in the form of a book. I have been swimming in a sea of ideas for the past few years, waiting ever so patiently on the gentle nudging of the Lord as to which one He intended for me to pursue. I have been dreaming of the opportunity to attend the She Speaks Conference since I learned about it a year ago. It is an opportunity for budding Christian women writers, speakers and those in ministry to come together and learn how to follow in those dreams God has etched on their hearts. Publishers and Literary agents from some of the best Christian Publishing groups are in attendance. There is a chance to meet and fellowship with those who have a similar heart for writing, speaking and women's ministry in general. I was chomping at the bit to go last year, but the timing fell right around the time of my husband left for his most recent 7 month deployment and I was still reeling from the pain of a miscarriage. This year, however, I am just praying that God will somehow work out all the details to make it possible for me to go. I recently quit my part time job I did from home and we have gone on what I like to refer to as the "Dave Ramsey diet" (aka a budget!!) so I thought I would give it a whirl and enter to win a scholarship that is available.

God is incredible in how He can reveal to us our gifts and how He intends for us to use them. It can start with a simple question, followed by a dangerous prayer that leads to a wandering through a spiritual desert. But, at the end of it all, you can find yourself flourishing in the opportunities He presents through trials. He has used all my brokenness for His glory. He has crossed my path with those who are going through some of the same experiences I had already endured and has healed me through ministering to them. He can do a new thing, make a way for us in the wilderness, and streams in our wasteland! And I praise Him for that!

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV

2010-08-29T20:42:00.000-07:00

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones. And when you have finished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." - Victor Hugo

I needed that...

Here's to a never slumbering God...

Until next time,
-C.

It takes a special person...

2010-08-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

"It takes a special person to do what you do" is a comment I get over and over when people find out I am a military wife. They don't mean it to be an insult, but so often it ends up becoming one. It is almost as if they are insinuating that somehow I have some special features in my make up that make the loneliness, fears, isolation and anxieties of military life that much easier. Believe you me, I don't. In fact, those who knew me before I joined this crazy, mixed up life (who gets married and spends more time apart than together???), can testify that I did not hold the qualifications of a good military wife. I am fearful. I am anxious. I hate change. I abhor moving. I cannot stand being alone. I don't like doing things on my own. Military wife extraordinaire, I was not built to be!

But, the greatest part about God is He likes to use the ordinary, the ones who were not meant for the tasks at hand, in extraordinary situations. He likes to put the meek, timid ones in charge of spreading the gospel. He likes to take an unwed teenage girl and use her to bring the world redemption. He likes to use the stuttering, babbling man and deliver His commands through him. Yeah, our God likes taking the ordinary and using them for the extraordinary.

So, if you ever see a military wife, a single mom, a widow, a minister, a teacher or just anyone you think God built with some super special powers to do super special things, remember they were not. In fact, they are probably just ordinary, just like you, doing what God has set before them. It is so easy to not see ourselves in the people of God's word. We somehow think they held some key or knew some knowledge that we don't possess. Yet, usually the only difference between us and them is their willingness to answer His call.

"Elijah was a man just like us..." -James 5:17

Here's to all the ordinary ones...

Until next time,
-C.

Note to self...

2010-08-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd repost a blog I wrote last year. It is one of those things I need to remind myself of constantly, how about you?

The Gentle Whisper

Man, I couldn't even go a month without writing. I sure did try, but words have been trying to leap out of my heart for days now. I guess the only thing to do is share them with you.

This scripture just pierced my soul and I am wondering if it will pierce yours.

"The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."
-1 Kings 19:11-12 (NIV)

Elijah's story is that of a most faithful servant, who but in the same breath almost lost His faith altogether. In his inhale, he was amazed by God's faithfulness to him, yet in the exhale was struck by paralyzing fear as he faced adversity.

And as wind, earthquakes, and fire erupted before his eyes, he kept looking for his God. Yet, it wasn't in the loud, powerful promulgations that God made known His presence, but rather, through a soft, gentle whisper.

How often do we find ourselves like Elijah? Believing wholeheartedly in the power of our God in one drawed in breath, and then, watching that belief all but disapear in the next. Then, as God comes to reveal Himself to us, we become so fixated on monstrous, palpable demonstrations that we miss the faint sound of His voice saying, "Here I am!"

Can we get our respiration to reflect the truth of God's character? Can we find belief when circumstance entices us towards doubt? Can we focus our ears and eyes not on the sounds of the disasters that whiz by us, but on the gentle whisper that comes afterwards?

Faith is not for the meandering charlatan, but rather for the persistent pathfinder, who blazes through the unkown towards the sound of a simple hushed utterance.

Here's to hearing the gentle whisper...

Until next time,
-C.

Military Wives Bible Study

2010-08-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

Military Wives!!!
Looking to start a Bible study in your area? Or do you already have one going? Here is a topical study (meaning every week is different and self-contained, no traditional "homework" style assignments!) I created for Jocelyn Green's Faith Deployed site/book:
Click HERE to download your FREE copy!!

Fighting addiction...

2010-07-21T18:42:00.000-07:00

My name is Catherine and I am addicted to facebook...

Well, friends, I did it again. Deactivated myself from everyone's favorite social networking site...I can't even tell you how many days sober I am, maybe a month or so. It has been a strange adjustment because I think I might never go back.

The reason for my abrupt deactivation was due to a series of event that dare I say, made me feel anti-social. I was going through a phase of "me against the world" and a touch of "nobody knows the trouble I've seen" kind of mood when I impulsively nixed my facebook account like whoa. Then, something miraculous occured...I started getting my never-ending to do list done in the course of a day. Could it have been that that 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there, here a 5 minutes, everywhere a 5 minutes self-rationalized ("it's only 5 minutes") checking of the statuses of my nearest as well as my not so dearest friends was robbing me of precious time to complete the day's duties? I know, I shuddered at the thought as well. But, alas, my seemingly impetuous check in the box next to "deactivate my account" was buying me time, precious, precious time.

Not to mention, my mind that once whirled with "I can't believe she posted that on fb..." and "why did so and so go to lunch with so and so and not even send me a textvite?" and other paltry thoughts and analyzations quit whirling so much in a cyclone of negative thoughts towards others. I didn't have the need to "fb gossip" (yes, I just made that up...). You know what I mean? It starts with, "did you see what __________ posted on fb?" and then spirals downward from there where your source of information becomes a glorified twitter update.

We love facebook because it connects us with people we would most likely severe all ties with. But, I have found, in a way it disconnects us with those who we should be more connected with. When I replace a phone call to a friend or loved one, with a status check to see how their life is, I miss the opportunity to actually hear their stories, thoughts, and ideas. When I choose a post on an imaginary wall over a sit down, face to face lunch to see how life is going, I miss a chance to connect. It is almost as the one thing we want most from America's network, is the one thing it takes away. Ironic, isn't it?

I did a little research to just see if my hypothesis was true, if in fact, I was an addict.

According to Elizabeth Hartney of about.com, "some of the symptoms common to addictions are:" (italicized text is my addition)

•"Tolerance - the need to engage in the addictive behavior more and more to get the desired effect" Check. I found myself starting to check my fb more and more, even in bed, way past my bedtime, when I couldn't sleep at night. And perhaps the reason I couldn't sleep, was because I kept checking my facebook.

•"Withdrawal happens when the person does not take the substance or engage in the activity, and they experience unpleasant symptoms, which are often the opposite of the effects of the addictive behavior" Yup. Not knowing the latest fb status updates would often make me irritated and somewhat difficult to be around. If my husband complained of me checking fb or told me to stop, I would become very agitated.

•"Difficulty cutting down or controlling the addictive behavior" Ding, ding, ding. I'd try the old "time limit" theory which would fail miserably as I would have to check just one more fb page.

•"Social, occupational or recreational activities becoming more focused around the addiction, and important social and occupational roles being jeopardized" Don't want to admit it, but yes. Daily topic of conversation amongst friends: did you see ____ fb status? Wife and mothering skills were hitting an all time low as I wasted time on facebook.

•"The person becoming preoccupied with the addiction, spending a lot of time on planning, engaging in, and recovering from the addictive behavior" Sitting at a stop light, checking facebook. Sitting in a restaurant, checking facebook. Kid napping, time to check facebook. Waking up, check facebook. Go to bed, check facebook. (A blackberry did not help)

Yes, friends. I am a recovering facebook addict. Maybe one day I will find myself back on the social network, in moderation of course, but until I can beat this addiction, I need to steer clear of facebook and all its time wasting glory.

Here's to kicking a bad habit...
Until next time,
-C.

2010-06-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

New Article over at Faith Deployed

Come all you weary...

2010-06-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

My fav song of the moment...
Come all you weary by Thrice

Some new writings...

2010-06-23T14:46:00.001-07:00

Interview on Faith Deployed

and I should be getting back into the swing of things with my writing. So, hopefully I'll have some posts on Faith Deployed and/or Wives of Faith.

Hello Again

2010-06-22T21:52:00.001-07:00

Hello again my blogging friends...
It has been quite some time, has it not? I wish I could share with you all the reasons why I have taken a hiatus from blogging and writing in general, but there are some things you don't want to share with the entire www.

I wish I could share the lessons God is taking me through right now, but again, some things need to be kept within ones own self and circle. I can give you the general jist of it, I suppose. Right now, I find myself locked in a room with God, repeatedly asking the question why? Ever been there? Why is this happening to me? Why did you allow this? Why am I dealing with this? Why am I going through this? Why? Why? Why?

The why game is one I've become very familiar with lately. I have a three year old now and we play this almost everyday.
Her: Mom, why is her hair yellow?
Me: Because God made it that way.
Her: Why?
Me: Because He thought she would look pretty with yellow hair.
Her: Why?
Me: Oh, look a pony!

Her: Mom, why are we going to the grocery store?
Me: Because I need to get something.
Her: Why?
Me: Because we need to eat.
Her: Why?
Me: Because we need to sustain life.
Her: Why?
Me: Have a free Harris Teeter cookie.

Her: Mom, when is GG (that's Grandma) coming?
Me: Thursday
Her: Why not today?
Me: Because she has to work.
Her: Why?
Me: Because she has to make money to pay her bills.
Her: Why?
Me: So you can have free McDonald's from her stores. Want some candy?

You get the idea of how this game works. It can actually be fun if you engage and answer the why of a three year old mind whose main purpose is to question rather than understand. I got to thinking about it. I am a lot like this little apple that fell from this tree. Here I've been for months, asking my Father why? why? why? over and over again, moreso to question than to understand. The truth is that sometimes He answers and sometimes He doesn't and either way, the answers don't seem to change my circumstance or emotional state. It's not the answers that bring resolve, but the freedom to question.

I've been in a weird place with everything, including my quiet time. I've bounced between Bible studies and just reading books of the Bible the past couple of months. In my reading, I've been going through two books of two men who ask about as many why's as I do: Job and Habakuk. The part that gets me about these two is that at the end, they still don't get the answers they wanted or hoped for, but they dealt with a lot of their pain by just crying out to God all the why's in their hearts. And maybe that is the only solice we can expect during our time on this earth. The answers may never come here. But, the question is still allowed.

David and the other Psalmists are some other why askers who make me feel a lot less bad for asking that question over and over again like my three year old:

Psalm 10:1
Why, O LORD, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?

Psalm 22:1
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?

Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him.

Psalm 42:9
I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"

Psalm 42:11
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Psalm 43:2
You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?

And even Jesus himself asked the question why in His last moments:

About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"- Matthew 27:46

Sometimes other people can make you feel as though asking the question why is offensive to God. I am convinced this is not the case. But after awhile of the same question and watching everyone around you in their own world of hurt, you start to realize the question you should be asking is not why me, but rather, why not me?

Here's to the why askers...

Until next time,
-C.

2010-04-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

The Desert

The Tough Stuff

2010-03-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Colossians 3:12-14 NIV

So it has been awhile since my last blog. I haven't felt very bloggy lately, not even very writey lately. I guess sometimes you need to take a break from sharing so much of yourself with a computer screen. Anyway, I am back, with no real point, but we'll see where this goes...

Lately, I've been thinking about why is this Christian thing made to be so hard. I mean, why didn't God want to make it an easy life for all who believed? It's the same question I have as to why He made healthy food so less tasty than the unhealthy food? Can you imagine a world where a plate of broccoli would be the equivalent to a plate of french fries? Anyway, I digress.

Clothe yourself, this verse says on. When I think "clothe yourself" it means I am putting something on to cover up my naked self. I have no theological data to back me up on this on, but I think this may be what this verse is getting at. In our natural selves, we are mean, spiteful, hatefilled, angry, bitter, cruel, unkind, well, you get the idea. But, when we believe in God, then those things are no longer who we are, even though at times they may rear their ugly head. Instead, we are supposed to cover up those things with who we have become: compassionate, kind, humble, gentle and patient beings. Tough, I know, trust me. Every day I have to fight to get those clothes on...

The real kicker is the next part. Forgiveness. I continue to struggle with this. I mean if someone hurts me, my natural inclination is to keep a running tally of all the ways they have hurt me so that when given the right moment, I can unleash all the ways in which they fall short. But, the truth is, I fall short. Daily. Sometimes it is on purpose, sometimes it is on accident, sometimes I don't even know I did it. Yet, each and every time, my Heavenly Father forgives me, when if anyone should keep tally, it should be Him. So, why can't I extend that same grace and mercy to others who may be acting just as human as I am?

After being fully clothed to look as He desires us to look, we have to bind it up with love. Love is hard to do in reality as we've talked about before. Love requires a selflessness that none of us come by naturally. Yet love is the only thing to change cold, calloused hearts, to make the brokenhearted feel mended, or give the lost a sense of hope. Love is all we can do to change the world, really.

God has been reminding me lately how hard a life chasing after Him is going to be. He wasn't looking to make things easy for us, but rather to make us useful for Him.

Until next time,

-C.

Military Wives and Children's Conference

2010-03-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

For all those military wives out there, here is a conference my church is holding on May 15th, 2010 for Military Wives and Children! It should be an awesome day of encouragement and fun, including some pretty great door prizes (think beach weekend...). Did I mention it was only $10 and kids are free????

Go to www.operationhopefront.org for info and a registration form!

No new blog

2010-02-11T21:14:00.000-08:00

Haven't really been feeling the whole writing thing for a variety of reasons lately. But, if you are dying, you can check out these posts:
http://jocelyngreen.wordpress.com/2010/02/04/brokenhearted-dealing-with-sudden-redeployment/

http://www.wivesoffaith.org/love-is-patient

Until next time,
-C.

Good streams...

2010-01-22T21:38:00.000-08:00

My favorite devotional is "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman. I know with the situation in Haiti, the economy and the personal struggles people are going through right now, the question God is hearing is "Why?" I thought this devotion is a great answer and goes along with our previous posts. On August 15th:

"Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God." (Acts 14:22.)

THE best things of life come out of wounding. Wheat is crushed before it becomes bread. Incense must be cast upon the fire before its odors are set free. The ground must be broken with the sharp plough before it is ready to receive the seed. It is the broken heart that pleases God. The sweetest joys in life are the fruits of sorrow. Human nature seems to need suffering to fit it for being a blessing to the world.

"Beside my cottage door it grows,
The loveliest, daintiest flower that blows.
A sweetbriar rose.

"At dewy morn or twilight's close,
The rarest perfume from is flows,
This strange wild rose.

"But when the rain-drops on it beat,
Ah, then, its odors grow more sweet,
About my feet.

"Ofttimes with loving tenderness,
Its soft green leaves I gently press,
In sweet caress.

"A still more wondrous fragrance flows
The more my fingers close
And crush the rose.

"Dear Lord, oh, let my life be so
Its perfume when tempests blow,
The sweeter flow.

"And should it be Thy blessed will
With crushing grief my soul to fill,
Press harder still.

"And while its dying fragrance flows
I'll whisper low, `He loves and knows
His crushed briar rose.'"

If you aspire to be a son of consolation; if you would partake of the priestly gift of sympathy; if you would pour something beyond commonplace consolation into a tempted heart; if you would pass through the intercourse of daily life with the delicate tact that never inflicts pain; you must be content to pay the price of a costly education-like Him, you must suffer. ---F. W. Robertson.

Here's to streams in the desert...
Until next time,
-C.

Suck it up, walk it off...

2010-01-20T18:32:00.000-08:00

When we were dating, my husband once told me to "walk it off" when I told him my foot hurt. It has kinda been a running joke. I say something hurts, he says walk it off. Then for added humor, we've put the phrase suck it up before it.

So, Sunday was a rough one as you all heard, but then, through what I can only explain as coming from prayers of my friends and family and perhaps some of you only connected by this blog, I felt as though my soul started to "suck it up" and "walk it off" when it came to the whole shock of re-deploying of the hubby. I don't know, but peace came in like a tidal wave. I got a grip and suddenly felt like no matter what or for how long, we are going to be ok. We are all going to be ok.

We get so focused on our momentary troubles, don't we? In a few months, this will be just a "remember when" story. But, it doesn't stop it from smarting when you are smack dab in the middle of it.

Living in this place is hard, which is why I am glad we don't do it forever. I guess I need to keep being reminded of that fact...

Here's to walking it off...

Until next time,
-C.

Why does God allow suffering?

2010-01-17T20:49:00.000-08:00

Today, at Sunday School we discussed the age old question of suffering and why a loving God would allow such a thing. It was one of those things I did not want to hear today. The husband was deployed with just 2 days notice to assist in the Haiti efforts. He just got back from his last deployment less than a month ago. He had deployed for the past 6 out of 8 months. I have never physically felt shock like I have the last couple of days. I've never felt such intense emotional numbness. I felt like I was sucker punched in the gut. I've been running on empty for quite some time now, and was excited about having my husband back in the mix. But, God had a different plan, I guess.

So, this topic of suffering was talked about. Why do we suffer? How do we deal with suffering? I know the "answers" to these questions. But, today, I just wanted to be sad. I just wanted to mourn my losses and not hear "it could always be worse..." This past year has been a series of unending suffering in my life. Everytime I get up, I feel a wave crashing over me, bringing me to the point of drowning. I have felt like a modern day Job.

I didn't want to hear any of it. But, I sat there and I listened and I listened to all the reasons people thought God allowed suffering and all the reasons people said we reacted to it. And then as I was sitting there, I said to God, "I'm empty." And I heard him say, "That's the answer."

Suffering empties us. It takes away every ounce of fight we have in order that it can be replaced with something. Some people don't try to replace it with anything, so they stay empty. Some people try to replace it with the wrong things, so they find more suffering. And some of us try as much as we can to fill it with God. It still stings. It still is broken. But, there is something to hold the pieces together.

Suffering also brings understanding of Christ and if we are Christians, this would be our ultimate goal. Just think about all the ways Christ suffered: physical pain, emotional brokenness, loneliness, rejection, fear, seperation, persecution, starvation, temptation, and more. Every time we go through suffering in our own lives we get a glimpse of that fateful day in which He suffered.

Tonight, like many of you, I watched more suffering of those in Haiti. My stomach still feeling like I had been punched in the gut, but a wave of peace pushed through. I know my suffering is nothing in comparison to those people right now. But, I also know that God is collecting all our tears and will list every tear on his scroll.

I've heard this verse over and over again this past year and I can't say that I really like it, but I can say that I am finally starting to understand it:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Romans 5:3-4

The thing I've found is that through every suffering, I keep going. I don't know how I am doing it sometimes because there is nothing left in me that is pushing forward. And from that, I've found that I am a bare bones person. The petty things that once would be such a huge part of my life are washed away. I have forgiven people in ways I never could before. So much of the negativity of others just doesn't matter like it used to. And I keep having hope. Hope that God will give me a season of peace. Hope that my God is keeping record of every tear shed. Hope that this world is temporary.

I didn't want to hear it today. But, I know He wanted me too...

Here's to listening to the things you don't want to...

Until next time,

-C.

Advice for Deployments...

2010-01-09T19:14:00.000-08:00

I recently had a blog comment from someone whom I am only connected to by these words of mine. I wanted to share it because I thought it would make for a great post. Here goes:

"I found your blog from a friend who found it through P31. I too am a military wife, my husband just left for his deployment. Was wondering if you have any advice, wisdom, to share to a fellow believer? Anything you would do different? Anything you did you wish you had not?
Thanks
Joanna"

You asked for it Joanna...
First, I must make it so you know, I am no expert. Life during a deployment is a day-by-day, and sometimes minute-by-minute existence. There were days when I was not mommy of the year. There were days when I was. There were days when my attitude was great and I was going to make it through this deployment. Then, there were days when I didn't get out of my pajamas, sang "Woe is me!" and was generally quite pathetic. There were good days, bad days and everything in between.

If I had to give my best advice though, it would be this:
1.) KEEP BUSY! I don't care if you have to invite yourself to dinner, make a day out of the McDonald's playland, or throw a party, busyness is key to deployment survival. With a toddler, we could only handle one major event per day, but with church, playgroups, playlands, and the like, we were able to fill almost every day. Check out the library and local papers for events. Call around local churches and see what groups are available.
2.) KEEP POSITIVE! Deployments suck. This is fact. But, you can choose to find the positive in the negative. One of the positives for me was that I got to work on some of my hobbies, such as writing, I could make salads for dinner, watch chick flicks relentlessly, and sleep diagonal on the bed. Little as they may be, those things kept my brain (most of the time) from heading into that danger zone of negativity.
3.) ASK FOR HELP! I am blessed with an amazing support system yet I found it so hard to "ask" for an extra hand at times. But, I found that, especially amongst military wives, they are more than willing to help. In a way, you are blessing the person you ask for help from because they know they can help another person out.
4.) SPEND TIME WITH GOD! My spiritual life was at an all time high when my hubby was deployed. It may be likely that the absence of another adult in the household made me converse more with my creator, but I also started to think of God as needing to play the role of my spiritual husband. We put so much emphasis on the earthly spouse and that relationship, but truly our love for our God is supposed to be the most consuming love in our life. From that, our love for others flows. Deployment is a great time to get back track in our quiet time and prayer life.
5.) GET WITH A FELLOWSHIP OF BELIEVERS! I start Bible studies for military spouses. It is kind of my thing. God laid military wives on my heart about three years ago and He hasn't quit since! Everywhere we've been, He has blessed me with an amazing fellowship of believers, both fellow military wives and church families. These people are the ones who got me through those ugly days I mentioned before. If you don't have something to get involved in, consider starting something yourself.
6.) SERVE OTHERS! Nothing can keep us more focused on ourselves then constantly thinking and serving only ourselves. To get out of that, we have to start looking outward and into the lives of those around us. Yes, it is tough being a military wife. Yes, it is tough to go through a deployment. But, challenge and trial make us more understanding of Jesus. Find a way you can serve someone else: is there a fellow military wife you can cook dinner for? Can you help feed the homeless? Anything to get your mind focused on the needs of others and outside your own situation.
7.) TRY SOMETHING NEW! What better time to try a new hobby, take a new class, try a new diet, try a new workout, or try a new __________, then when the hubby is away. Make a "bucket list" of sorts and work on those things that you can never do because you are with your husband at nights.
8.) DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF EACH DAY! Whether it is a bubble bath at the end of a not so pretty day, fifteen minutes of vegging out in front of the tv, or reading a mind numbing celebrity gossip mag, do something to help recharge your batteries.
9.) PRAY! Ultimately, we have no control. We like to think we do, but let's face it, we don't. The only true way to survive and perhaps enjoy a deployment is to pray. Pray for your husband, of course, but also pray for yourself. Pray that you will keep sane. Pray that your mothering skills will maintain the same level of excellence when the hubby is away (mine did not). Pray that God will give you the strength to get through each day. Pray that you can find peace and joy in what can be a time of difficulty.

For all you military ladies out there going through a deployment, remember:
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."

Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV

Tomorrow is a new day. His mercy for you is renewed. In the end, no matter what happens, He will continue to be faithful to you. This is our promise in Him.

Here's to good advice...

Until next time,
-C.

Any other blog reader God, Military or Life related questions? I'd love to hear 'em!

Clean House

2009-12-23T18:17:00.000-08:00

A couple days ago, the hubby returned from deployment. In preparation, I cleaned house top to bottom. Even Neicy Nash would be proud. Speaking of, that Clean House show has become quite an addiction of mine since the hubby was gone. I'd put it on, mostly as background noise, as I cooked dinner or cleaned up. The idea of changing life through altering your space is awesome to me.

So, all my cleaning got me thinking...if I clean this much when my earthly love comes home, how much more should I be cleaning my "house" in preparation for the creator of the Universe?

"In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

2 Timothy 2:20-22 NIV

A new year approaching means a new start, a new chance, a new clean house. Our Father is coming eventually and the question will be, how well did we prepare for Him? How much grit and grime did we try to expel from our lives before His arrival? Everyday I find a new filthy corner that I need to get rid of. Everyday another dust bunny pops up. And everyday I am given another chance to clean house.

Here's to making ourselves instruments for noble purposes...

Until next time,

-C.

And a very Merry Christmas to all my blog readers! May God's peace, presence, mercy and love shower you this holiday season!

False teachers

2009-12-17T20:02:00.000-08:00

I recently heard a Francis Chan sermon on false teachers. That and just my quiet time has got me thinking. I guess I always thought evil would be easily recognized, but now I am starting to think that perhaps it is not.

Check out 2 Peter chapter 2 to see what I mean:

False Teachers and Their Destruction
1But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves. 2Many will follow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. 3In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up. Their condemnation has long been hanging over them, and their destruction has not been sleeping.
4For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell,[a] putting them into gloomy dungeons[b] to be held for judgment; 5if he did not spare the ancient world when he brought the flood on its ungodly people, but protected Noah, a preacher of righteousness, and seven others; 6if he condemned the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah by burning them to ashes, and made them an example of what is going to happen to the ungodly; 7and if he rescued Lot, a righteous man, who was distressed by the filthy lives of lawless men 8(for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard)— 9if this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment.[c] 10This is especially true of those who follow the corrupt desire of the sinful nature[d] and despise authority.

Bold and arrogant, these men are not afraid to slander celestial beings; 11yet even angels, although they are stronger and more powerful, do not bring slanderous accusations against such beings in the presence of the Lord. 12But these men blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like brute beasts, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like beasts they too will perish.

13They will be paid back with harm for the harm they have done. Their idea of pleasure is to carouse in broad daylight. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their pleasures while they feast with you.[e] 14With eyes full of adultery, they never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed—an accursed brood! 15They have left the straight way and wandered off to follow the way of Balaam son of Beor, who loved the wages of wickedness. 16But he was rebuked for his wrongdoing by a donkey—a beast without speech—who spoke with a man's voice and restrained the prophet's madness.

17These men are springs without water and mists driven by a storm. Blackest darkness is reserved for them. 18For they mouth empty, boastful words and, by appealing to the lustful desires of sinful human nature, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error. 19They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him. 20If they have escaped the corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and are again entangled in it and overcome, they are worse off at the end than they were at the beginning. 21It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. 22Of them the proverbs are true: "A dog returns to its vomit,"[f]and, "A sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud."

This verse is the kicker for me:

"For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve." 2 Corinthians 11:13-15

Alright, I know it was a lot of scripture but bear with me on this one. Here is what we know about false teachers. This kind of evil, the perpetuating of lies through the use of scripture, God or His son's name comes from within. This is the kind of evil that says, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer..." This kind scares me more than anything. But, before I jump to that ocean of fear, we have to digest this, pick it apart. Let's figure out some characteristics of false teachers:

1.) They are sneaky. Look back at 2 Peter 2:1. It says, "they secrectly introduce..." their lies. Best way to guard against this sneak attack: know God's word.
2.) Many will follow after them. Check out verse 2 in 2 Peter. These guys will have a following, they won't be as recognizable as you might think. In fact, there is a certain very popular, book writing, tv evanglist that I think may in fact be a false teacher just based on some of the things that have come out of his mouth and into interviews and preaching that contradict scripture. In fact, he has one of the biggest churches in America. Best way to guard against being a lemming in this lie: know God's word.
3.) They are exploitative to their own gain. We've all heard the stories of famous church leaders who pled to unsuspecting poor to make financial donations and then in turn used the money for their own personal gain. Best way to guard against being exploited: know God's word.
4.) They are bold and arrogant blasphemers who have left God's path to follow the path of destruction. Sometimes the louder a person is or the more intimidating they are, the less people will question them if the words they speak are untrue. Best way to steer clear from this intimidation: know God's word.
5.) They are headed for destruction. In our media obcessed society, false prophets get exposed and get exposed in a big way. I can recall story after story of these teachers who spoke twisted versions of God's truth and used it for their own personal gain or hid an underbelly of sin that makes even the most hedonistic cringe. Best way to keep away from being a part of the wreakage: know God's word.

The verse in 2 Corinthians really prepares me. What we know about Satan is that he likes to sing that song, "Anything you can do, I can do better..." except we all know he can't. But, he sure does get an E for Effort. He will take anything God creates, any good and make a seemingly exact replica that is completely the opposite of God's intention. So, he can create what seems to be a mirror image of a Christ follower, yet when we look a little harder, we can find that it nothing more than a servant of evil. This has to keep us vigilent more than anything. We can't only be prepared for the ones who outwardly we can identify as Satan's pawns. It is the ones he hides in a cloak of words and actions that make us believe that the person is a Christian. Those are the ones we need to be on neighborhood watch for.

And, in case you didn't quite get it, the only way to be a part of this watching and exposing of those who are false teachers is to: KNOW GOD'S WORD! You can't expose a lie, if you don't know the truth. We have to be on the lookout in our own churches, in our own communities for people who just want to lead us astray. Fearful, we are not because we know that God is bigger than any man, and we know that this false teaching will ultimately lead to ruin. But, aware, we must be...

Here's to the ultimate truth detector...

Until next time,

-C.

One thing.

2009-12-13T13:38:00.000-08:00

I have been in such a season of busyness right now. I've been gone on trips from Thanksgiving until last Monday, part of that time included planning three parties (two parties for my mom's employees and their families=400 people, and then a gaggle of fourteen year old girls for my sister's birthday) and a business meeting for my mom. Then, followed it up with leading a Bible Study and a HUGE women's event that I helped with at our church. Not to mention Christmas is creep, creep, creeping up on me. The chaos has literally worn me out. My body feels like I ran the Marine Corps Marathon or something more brutal.

Busyness in itself is not a sin, but it can become one if we aren't careful. Consider the story of Mary and her sister, Martha. These two sisters were having Jesus himself in their home. One sister, Martha, busily prepares a meal and becomes quite annoyed as her sister just sits there at Christ's feet. Here is how Jesus responds at Martha's bitterness:

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

-Luke 10:41-42 NIV

I get worried and upset about many things when only one thing is needed. I am involved in a lot of ministries and sometimes the preparation for having Jesus come will take over the time that was meant to be spent at His feet. I am a Martha. I really don't want to be, but when it comes down to it, I am. Now, Martha had some good qualities too, don't get me wrong. She was very practical in her thinking. Jesus was in her house and surely, He would want to eat. She was trying to make sure that happened.

Yet, somewhere amidst the chopping and the grating, she lost the whole point of it all. I have really started to see how many of us Christians get bogged down with the details and miss the whole point of it all. Churches and people fight and bicker over all sorts of things that don't matter from paint colors to which way to pass the offering plate when Jesus is saying only one thing matters: me.

Sometimes it is hard to find the one thing that matters in the middle of doing a lot of good things. Like I said, I am involved in a lot of ministries and sometimes I can be doing those things without a single thought about the why. It happens. But, somehow in seasons of busyness, we need to stop and ask God, "what is the one thing you have for me?"

I know He is calling me to that right now. Slowing down and figuring out the one thing. How about you? Especially in the middle of the holidays, have you found yourself completely losing focus on why we celebrate Christmas?

Here's to being more Mary than Martha...

Until next time,

-C.

Thanksgiving...

2009-11-26T18:19:00.000-08:00

"You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God."

- 2 Corinthians 9:11

This year, more than any other, I have so much to be thankful for:

1.) I am thankful first and foremost to my God, His strength, His love, and His continuing grace, mercy and compassion.

2.) I am thankful for every day that my husband stays safe. In the chaotic climate of our world, in his dangerous line of work, each day is such a precious gift.

3.) I am thankful for a rambunctious toddler, who may sometimes drive me a little nutty, but everyday shows me the importance of a joyful spirit. I am thankful that each day she is healthy and unlike the countless children around the world, is well fed, well cared for and has a fighting chance in this crazy mixed up place.

4.) I am thankful for a family, who in spite of some of our greatest trials this past year, remains standing.

5.) I am thankful for the most amazing friends. Seriously. Most people get 1 or 2 people in their lifetime that they can call on if they need something or need to talk. I have dozens of friends like that. The kind who will do anything you ask when you live hours from family and who ultimately, become your family. I would name them all, but it would be too exhaustive of a list.

6.) I am thankful for the challenges God has given me lately. Challenges through trials. Challenges in what He has been teaching me. Challenges in what I've been reading. All forcing me to decide if I am going to really live this Christian thing out to the end or not. I am thankful that I have learned to consider it pure joy...

7.) I am thankful for a country where I don't have to fear my personal safety, that my children will have enough to eat, that I will be persecuted for my religion, that I have clean drinking water, that I will be a statistic with a deadly disease, or anything else. Instead, my fears are so frivolous and stupid, which is a bit of a curse, but it is helping me to learn to keep perspective. I am thankful for the one percent of Americans who choose to step up and keep this country from facing those fears. I am thankful for the one percent of American families who live with an ache for six months or more as their loved one is gone.

8.) I am thankful for each day, a new start, a new beginning, a new morning of mercies. Each day I have a new opportunity to try again: try to be a better mother, try to be a better wife, try to be a better human.

Right now, I am sitting in a downtown condo in Charleston, SC in what has proven to be the most un-traditional Thanksgiving we have ever had, but I am so thankful. I have such a heart of gratitude in spite of not having my best friend next to me, in spite of not being with all of my family, in spite of the tremendous amount of change and pain I've gone through this year, in spite of it all. When you can sit with a heart filled gratefulness in spite of everything that isn't going right in your life, you realize the truth about God's grace and mercy. We don't deserve anything. We deserve a whole lot of punishment for all the ways we fail. Yet, we all have so much given to us, even when our lives seem in the pit, we have so much more than so many. We just have to take the time and be grateful. Most importantly, we need to do it more than once a year, we need to do it daily.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Here's to gratefulness....

Until next time,

-C.

Your Hands....

2009-11-23T07:34:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlL8LayF0uw

Your Hands by JJ Heller
I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

Here's to His hands...

Until next time,
-C.

Pure Joy

2009-11-13T21:32:00.000-08:00

Alright, this post is coming to you well after midnight and running on pure Coca-Cola after a 10 o'clock chug during a chick flick. See what happens when the hubby is away. Let's see if I can keep it short and oh so sweet like that caffinated beverage that I am going to hate tomorrow morning when a certain bubbly two year old yells, "MOMMY!!!!"

I'll try to keep it more His words than mine tonight because mine are wayyyyy too hyped up on High Fructose Corn syrup and Carmel color (plus some phosphoric acid....seriously?!?!?!?)

So, I am doing a refresher course in James in my quiet time. Why? Because I love it...and it was written by Christ's own brother. Just learned that....always thought it was the apostle James. Anyway:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

James 1:2-12 NIV

So this is the part that keeps hitting me between the eyes. Here I've been all woe is me, look at my sacrifices as a military wife, I've had such a difficult lot as of late, etc. etc. etc. But, perhaps my seeming misfortune makes me a lot more blessed than the girl with the perfect family, a husband with a perfect work schedule, and a world where everything goes right. It's a whole heck of a lot harder to get this Christian thing in that life. It's a whole heck of a lot harder to understand Christ's suffering in that life. It's a whole heck of a lot harder to understand the need and urgency of having a savior. I know because that used to be my life.

Now, if I just described you, don't think I am knocking you or your faith in any way, shape or form. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! All I am saying is that perhaps a life riddled with trials and difficulties is more of a blessing than a curse, which totally goes against our human eye view. I mean I've felt like for over a year now, I've been standing in the middle of a rough, choppy surf and every time I stand up, I get knocked down again by a wave. But, for the first time, I've figured out that it is pure joy. Pure joy that with each wave, I keep persevering and getting back up. Pure joy that eventually this season of trials will pass and I will be so mature and so complete, that the next waves will only make me step back a little, rather than to fall over. Then, after that, the next waves will just pass me and I will remain firmly rooted.

In one years time, I have gone through a suicide attempt of a loved one, my parent's messy divorce, moving, buying a house, two deployments, getting a new job, a couple of health scares with myself and my child, and a partridge in a pear tree....Consider it pure joy.

Honestly, looking back I keep saying there is no way I can consider it pure joy, but I do. I do because I finally get a lot of things I never got before. There is a lot more joy to be considered, but I am getting there.

Here's to pure joy...

Until next time,

-C.

Falling down

2009-11-09T19:52:00.000-08:00

So, I think it only appropriate to follow up my previous blog with a little, or perhaps alot, of grace. It is so easy to turn conviction into condemnation and we my friends, don't have to live under that oppression.

Have you ever fallen down hard? Messed something up so bad that you wondered how you or a relationship could ever recover? Completely taken an opportunity to show God's love and mercy and threw it out the window? Have you ever totally blown your witness?

I have. In big and small ways. I think my entire high school career I took a chance to bring others to Christ and threw it away for acceptance of a whole lot of lost people. There are family members I have yet to speak Christ's name to. I have gossiped when I should have stopped a conversation. I have said things to people that I thought they nor I could ever recover from. I've broken trusts, ignored hurts, caused pain, and made the words "Christ follower" a punchline to a not so funny joke. When someone has hurt me, I have lashed out instead of heaping coals of kindness on their head. I've blown it. Big time. Repeatedly. It is so easy to take those times and go into a place of self-condemnation, to say the words to our souls that Satan is just sitting on the sidelines and hoping we will say: you are not worth it, you are hopeless, you are a loser, you've failed, again.

The great thing is that we are not sinners who sometimes are righteous. In Christ, we are the righteous, who sometimes sin.

Don't believe me? Take a look:
"This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."

-Romans 3:22-24 NIV

Do you see that? If you are a Christ follower you are always righteous by God's grace through Jesus.

I am pretty clumsy. I once fell down the last 4 steps when visiting at my mom's house because for some reason, I just thought the staircase ended. It really hurt, to say the least. But besides a bruised backside, it was an ego that smarted worse as my mom rushed to see what had happen to her 27 year old daughter who was lying on the floor in the foyer. Just fell down the stairs, ma. Why? Because I just missed a couple.

Sometimes we miss a couple of steps and land hard on our rumps. We missed doing the things we should of. We missed saying the things we should have. We just miss it.

But, before we start focusing on the fall we just took, we better start looking at the One to help us up:

"If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand."

- Psalm 37:23-24 NIV

We are imperfect beings trying to imitate a perfect God. Inevitably, we are going to stumble. We are going to miss a few steps, but God is going to hold our hand and keep us from crashing and burning.

Sometimes, we can wear ourselves out by trying to live out this Christian thing with these imperfect natures. We can try to keep feeling as though we are "good enough" by the amount of good deeds we do or the number of people we bring to Christ. Now, we know faith without deeds is dead, but the truth of Christ is that we are not saved by deeds. We don't have to earn our righteousness through always finding the next step. We can fall down sometimes.

"You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope."

-Galatians 5:4 NIV

It is only through faith and the Holy Spirit that we are going to ever get these broken down vessels to find the right steps because frankly, in our natural selves, it just isn't in us.

Have you blown it big time? Are you holding on to your past missteps? Thank God we don't serve a god who scores us based on our own efforts! Confess your missteps, humbly apologize to those you've hurt, and then give the rest to Him. Let yourself off the hook. Don't think you are somehow bigger than God by holding on to something He has already let go of.

My prayer for each of you reading this:

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."

-Jude 1:24-25

Here's to being presented without fault no matter how many times we might fall...

Until next time,

-C.

What credit is it to you?

2009-11-03T19:07:00.000-08:00

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."

-Luke 6:32-36 NIV

Have you ever given yourself a spiritual pat on the back when you did something nice for someone? Or if you showed love to someone? Or if you unselfishing lended someone something that meant a lot to you? How often was it to someone whom you considered an enemy?

What credit is it to you? These words have been spinning around in my head as of late. I have found myself to be somewhat of a spirtual pride-filled person. I give myself spiritual pats on the back all the time. Wow, C., you really did something nice for your friend, there. Great job, C., you really showed the love of Christ to your loved one. C., I can't believe how generous you were in lending that to someone and letting them not repay you right away.

These verses make me take my hand and stop it as it starts to pat my back and move it towards spanking my backside. Even sinners can be nice to people who are nice to them. Atheists, pagans, God haters can all show love to those who love them. But, it is when we are faced with people who are unkind, mean and sometimes downright cruel to us that this Christianity thing has to stop talking the talk and start walking the walk.

God has been showing me lately that to truly follow Christ means a very difficult path:

"But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

-Matthew 7:14 NIV

The Bible says that very few are going to actually get this Christianity thing down. Why might you ask? Because it is hard. It is doing the thing that will never come naturally. It is giving until we have nothing. It is forgiving every time. It is showing love to those who have shown the complete opposite to us. It is going against our very nature.

Are you nice to your friends? Lend stuff with expectation of the favor being returned? Forgive those who apologize? Love those who love you back? What credit is it to you? Anyone can do that.

The real question is do you love those who have hurt you over and over again? Do you give without expectation of a returned favor? Are you kind when someone shows you meanness? If you want to start patting yourself on your spiritual back, start doing the hard things. Stop talking like a Christian and start acting like one. God knows how hard it is...

Here's to earning some extra credit...

Until next time,

-C.

Heaven is like a hotel...

2009-10-26T10:30:00.001-07:00

Last night, my daughter and I were reading her Bible. She is two so her Bible is much more simplified and has a lot of pictures, but it has those basic concepts that need to take root. Anyway, we were reading a story that talked a lot about heaven. I asked her, "Grace, do you know about heaven?"

"No, mommy," she replied with her childlike eagerness to learn.

"Heaven," I said, "is the most beautiful, magnificent place you'll ever see."

Her response was perfectly timed and in all seriousness, "Like a hotel?"

How do you not laugh at that? But, then I got to thinking, there is spiritual meat in what she said. Think about it, the finest hotel you've ever been to, or maybe the one you've seen on tv. Have you ever just walked into a place only to find your jaw drop to the floor in amazement? The grandeur of it is breath taking. Your every need is satified with one call. People at the front desk act as though they are so glad you are there. The little touches: a mint on your pillow, fresh flowers in your room, an infinity pool for your leisure. Surely, there is some connection between heaven and a hotel. The beauty, the majesty, the greeting when you walk in the door. Perhaps in the eyes of a two year old, heaven is like a hotel. Big, beautiful and fun.

Yet, those of us on earth often forget about the majesty that awaits us. Instead, we live as though we are heading to an eternal Motel 8 instead of the Ritz-Carelton. We live as though the temporary lodging we have on this earth is as good as it gets so we better get as much as we can. Tightly, we grip our possessions, our money, our time because we want to pile them up for our own personal use. God has convicted me on this one lately. I keep living as though this is it but yet I know, it is not. And in a God economy, there is no recession. No loss of wages. No downsizing. You gotta go all or nothing.

"Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

-Matthew 19:21 NIV

I don't like that verse. Because it challenges me and taunts me simultaneously. I want to be perfect. I want Christ to be proud of me. I want treasure in heaven. Yet, I know something inside of me fights this command. When you look at people who gave and how Christ and God responded to them in the Bible, it wasn't the people who had a lot and gave a little that got a penthouse suite in heaven. No, it was the ones who had very little and gave it all that got that special treatment.

I think the thing that strikes me lately is that Christianity is a radical religion. Unfortunately, I think we've all got it so wrong that we are going to get a talkin' to eventually. It was meant to be radical in action, not in speech that discriminates, judges, and condemns. It wasn't meant to be a political party. I don't think Jesus would have been found on Capital Hill fighting against homosexuals or abortion. I think He would have been with those people who make those decisions and showing them love in order to give them the desire to change. I don't think Christ would have been using millions of dollars to build church buildings, but rather, feeding the poor and giving to the orphans and widows. His actions would have made no sense in our world. He would have had more money than Bill Gates and more power than Oprah, yet He would have been giving it all away so that He could be completely humbled by His father and could show us the truth about riches and powers.

So, for those of us who are earnestly seeking Him, we have to start living like this is not it. We have to live like there is the finest dwelling is awaiting us soon and so we can easily let go of the things that we have but a fleeting ownership of.

I'll leave you with a story that happened recently. I was at a stoplight and a man was on the corner asking for money. I had been convicted lately about giving to those in need, especially the impoverished so I pulled out my wallet. I had two twenties, three ones and a couple of quarters. I wish I could end this story by saying I gave him everything I had, but I didn't. I got the ones together and the quarters and put my hand out the window as he limped across three lanes of traffic with his cane. I started to pat myself on the back for my generosity but then a pang of conviction swept me. I didn't give him everything. The reason? I was heading to the fair. I had forty dollars to waste on fried foods and rides I didn't even want to ride. That was going to be a good explanation, right? Sorry, Christ, I was going to start giving all but I really wanted a funnel cake and some ribbon fries. The opportunity Christ gave me to be like Him, I totally blew it for calories that my body didn't need.

I blow a lot of opportunities He gives me. But, the good news is He always gives me more...

Here's to striving for the Heavenly penthouse...

Until next time,

-C.

Theological overhaul...

2009-10-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I first must begin by telling you all that I have ended my fast of facebook. Now, some of you will undoubtedly be disappointed in me and others are saying, it is about time! Can't please them all. I felt that I had done what I set out to do: refocus my energy and get my priorities in order. I will say not having that distraction of checking facebook every five minutes was helpful. The good news is I "downsized" my contacts to people that I actually have a connection with and no longer have that incessant urge to get back on. In fact, it bores me quite frankly. But, I was missing seeing some of my dear friends and family's pictures and updates that I don't get to interact with daily (especially those who decided to bolt to Hawaii instead of stay East Coast with the cool kids...). So, I decided to log back on. A little over a month is very impressive considering I have about as much self-control as the two year old I have been given the pleasure to raise.

In other news, I have found myself going through what I can only describe as a theological makeover. Have you ever found yourself to have just completely gotten something wrong? I mean, you've been trucking along thinking you "got" something only to discover that not only did you not get it, you really didn't get it. That's how I've kind of felt with my faith. I've been reading certain scriptures and some books on the topic of the Church and have realized my own Christianity has been so far off from what was meant to be. I've been living the diet coke version of faith.

I think it has a lot to do with my mindset. My thoughts have been so indoctrinated by the world that I couldn't even tell fact from fiction. I thought that if I just got things "comfortable," wasn't going through suffering or difficulty, and reached out to those who were like me, I was doing ok. Then, I got a bit of a spiritual kick in the butt. I realized that this safe faith I've been living isn't really cutting it. I will admit something since I am among friends...I have a fear of non-Christians. I mean it isn't like a I can't shake their hands fear. It is more of a I don't know if I can hang out with someone when I find out they aren't believers. It is like I have to insulate myself in a nice Christian bubble where everyone thinks like I think, talks like I talk, walks like I walk. Then, I look at Jesus. His posse doesn't look a thing like mine. He ran with the society rejects, the broken spirited, the sick, the lost. This is not to say we shouldn't have Christian friends, but so often we can become more of a spiritual social club than people who are on a mission because the clock is ticking. I couldn't even count a person I knew in my area that was a non-Christian because I've stuck so close to my "home."

I've also been grappling with this idea about poverty. You see, in a Bible study I completed a couple months ago about Daniel, Beth Moore discussed how we can know when we have become a part of this modern day Babylon we are all living in. It is when we become so unaffected, so numb to the impoverished that we know we have succumb to this era of self-indulgent extravagence. I have become numb. My heart used to bleed for people I heard about or saw on the streets. Now, I lock my doors and try not to make eye contact. Wow. Jesus would be proud (she says sarcastically).

So, I am undergoing a theological overhaul. I have been feeding myself lies that I am living my faith out in the best way possible, but the truth is I am so far off the mark it is sick. I don't live like a spirit filled individual. I don't make decisions based on what Jesus would do. I don't really act like the radical life-changed vessel I am in Him. This is not to self-condemn, only to self-motivate. Jesus wasn't some guy that just hung out with children and lambs and all the pretty Christians. He was hanging out with the prostitutes, the lepers, the hoodlums. He wasn't playing it safe all the time. He wasn't making it look good only on the outside. He was getting his hands dirty with the imperfections of lives that needed to be forever changed. When am I going to start living like that? Or am I just going to continue on this Pharisees-like journey of making it shiny on the outside and keeping it broken within.

How about you? Do you live a life of radical Christianity or is it safe with those just like you?

Here's to a spiritual wake up call...
Until next time,
-C.

The Power Within...

2009-10-10T19:42:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have quit a long kick of listening to only Beth Moore sermons and have ventured out. Sometimes we can get in such a rut of listening to or reading the books of one speaker that we quit learning anything new. I started listening to Francis Chan sermons. He is the author of Crazy Love and the book I am currently reading, Forgotten God. This book is about how so often we neglect the holy spirit in all our discussion of God and spiritual matters. It has really opened my eyes to the incredible power of having the living God residing inside of me.

I am a fearful person. I have been that way virtually all my life. My fears reached a crescendo of sorts this time last year when someone near to me attempted suicide. You never realize the power of your own fears until one of the worst of them is realized. But, after that experience, God really released me from the prison my fear had been keeping me in. You see, when a fear comes to be yet you eventually, with a lot of time, tears, and prayers, find yourself on the other side, you start to realize how nothing in life can take away God's power. When you find yourself living in the aftermath of a fear, you can start to truly believe that God can do all the things He says He can.

So, this past year has been a transformation of sorts from this fearful, timid creature to a courageous one. As I am in the midst of another deployment, fears have slowly begin to drip, drip, drip in my mind like the constant faucet leak. But, I have started to comprehend something through Chan's book and just what God has been revealing to me these past months. I am not living the life I was called if I live it in a place of fear. God didn't want cowardice to be the face of Christianity. He gave us the power of the Holy Spirit, His Spirit, to dwell inside each of us so no matter what we face, we could do so with a boldness and strength that would make the world desire what we have. If I am always portraying a fearful front, why would anyone want to follow my God? If I live in the shackles of anxiety, what power is being demonstrated?

Chan talks about how we would live and think differently if we had Jesus in the flesh right next to us each step of the way. The truth is we have that same power in the holy spirit, if we don't deny Him His ability to speak strength into the weak, courage into the fearful, and boldness into the meek.

This life is riddled with uncertainties and anxieties. Yet there are some who get the distinct privilege to look into any trouble and to fear not. There are some who can call on a ever present counselor in the midst of any adversity.

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses..." Acts 1:8 NIV

Can the world tell you have the power of God within you? Do you act like a mighty warrior or a prisoner of war? I know I have not been exhibiting the power God has given me, but the good news is there is still time to show it.

Here's to spiritual strength training...

Until next time,

-C.

Life after facebook

2009-09-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

So, I am now almost 3 weeks without facebook. I didn't even realize it had been that long until today. Wow. I must say, I am about amazed by my restraint to simply log back in because if there is one thing this girl lacks, it is self control. And when testing yourself in the area of self control, it seems that temptation can become louder and more difficult to resist.

As I look back at the last 3 weeks, I think about the lessons this little experiment has taught me. Here is round 2 of facebook free teachings:
1.) Quitting cold turkey is essential when trying to refocus your energies. Now, I know quitting was a bit on the extreme side, but honestly, in order to push myself, it was the only way. I think that had I simply limited my time on fb, I would have been back to my ol' time wasting, diverting real human interaction ways.
2.) In this technological age, the less we have to "check," the better! I mean, with everything: facebook, myspace, 3 email accounts, bank accounts, news, etc. etc. etc. we can (or at least I can) occupy a whole day just "checking" things. It almost becomes a MUST, a need rather than what it is: a simple want. I had become so convinced that I HAD to check my FB, that I was putting this false "need" above real ones.
3.) Life can be lived without constant connection...this has been the biggest shocker. Even though I feel more distant from those whom I only occassionally chatted with via facebook, it has made me think about connecting in other, more personal ways such as email or phone calls. The constant connection to a whole lot of people who don't all know me on an intimate level is not necessary to live a full life!

Alright, my mind is wandering about all the things I can be doing with my facebook free time.

Here's to lessons learned...
Until next time,
-C.

Every girl...

2009-09-23T19:30:00.001-07:00

Lately, I've found myself and some of my dear friends struggling with accepting this whole military life. I keep trying to pinpoint that one aspect that makes it so difficult and the bottom line I seem to find is that we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. You see, every girl dreams of the man she will marry. Every girl (ok, maybe not all, but most...) dreams about the dress she will wear on the day she promises forever. Every girls dreams about spending every day for the rest of her life with this man. But, that is every girl's life, not that of a military wife.

Instead our reality is we marry a man, knowing full well what his job will entail, but never realizing the gravity of it until we are far to into it. You see our "every girl" dreams are interrupted for a couple of weeks here and there, then perhaps a month or two, until a majority of a year is spent apart from that man we dreamed about rather than with him.

The struggle, I've determined, is that we all had a very different vision of what our lives were to be. We had the same dream of every girl, yet applied them to a very, very different life. A marriage without a moment apart is not our reality. For those of us new to this life, we are bitterly learning to swallow that painstaking pill. Our reality is that we will attend many functions, weddings, children's plays, and other events alone. Our reality is that we will for 6-12 months out of the year every 1-3 years be completely responsible for our households: home repairs, childcare, cleaning, cooking, finances, and everything else that every girl gets to share with her husband, we will find ourselves doing it alone. Our reality is that life hasn't turned out exactly like the dream.

We all had a hope, a hope of what our lives and marriages would be. But, as Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." This is what I think has been our struggle, realizing that our hope has been deferred and we are left with a bit of a broken heart. It is so easy to get stuck in that brokenness, but eventually, we have to realize that just like Christ, we have to give up our own selves, our own comfort, for a greater purpose.

Christ said, "Anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:38-39 NIV

Sometimes to really reach every girl, you got to take away her dream and make her understand the cost of a life where it isn't all about her and her dreams. Even in the midst of extreme challenges, there is a new dream and a new purpose emerging. Every girl comes to the realization that maybe the dreams we all tried to fit our lives into weren't big enough to accommodate the lives of those who chose a different path. Maybe every girl needed to dream a little bigger, with a life in which she found herself picking up her cross and dragging it down a path she never before considered. Maybe every girl's God had a much better dream than every girl imagined and until she lets go of the one that will never become her reality, at least not in the next 6 years, she will never truly understand it.

I am not saying I've got the "how" of it down, but I think I've started to see the beginning. Sometimes when our lives don't fit our past dreams, we have to start letting go, accepting, and making new dreams. I think every girl has to start somewhere...

Here's to hopes deferred, every girl, and new dreams...

Until next time,
-C.

Just thought you'd like to know...

2009-09-20T18:23:00.000-07:00

This whole writing thing has taken me in a direction and passion that I always knew existed, but never thought possible. It is funny because sometimes I feel like I shouldn't share with people that something has become of my writings because it feels prideful or like bragging.

But, I share this with you because I am completely humbled that anyone has given a second glance to the words I put on these electronic pages. God told me sometime ago to just, "Write!" And I've been doing that ever since, not thinking much would ever come. However, in my path He has placed several successful authors who share the same heart I have for both military wives and God's word.

One of them has graciously been working with me on a resource for military wives who desire to start a home based Bible study. She has also reviewed a Bible study I am writing for military spouses and has offered to help with the publishing process if I so choose.

Another has asked me to contribute regularly to her blog. Some of my writings can now be seen at:
www.faithdeployed.com

And yet another has allowed my writings to be a part of her site and ministry as well:
www.wivesoffaith.org
It is easy to start patting yourself on the back when God allows even a small amount of "success" to come from the gifts He has given us. But, it can also bring such an amazing sense of humility that He even chooses to gift us imperfect beings in the first place. He can align things so perfectly, placing people along the way who just encourage the gifts and talents He has given us. When you step back, you realize what a BIG God He really is and how much He must truly love us to get involved in our details.

Here's to the something from nothing God...

Until next time,
-C.

Giving grace and other things I've learned...

2009-09-16T18:55:00.000-07:00

Here is a two part post for ya today. First, I am sure you are all just dying to know how I am holding up on this facebook fast. I am happy to report that the shakes have subsided and I have yet to sign back on to that online community that so many of us love so much. The funny thing is that more people are texting me or emailing me so I guess we trade one electronic form of communication for another. Oh well, not trying to change the world on this one, just myself.

Here are my facebook fast lessons of the week:
1.) When you don't have access to something, you don't really know what you are missing. I won't lie, I have daydreamed about what each of my friends are posting on their status updates and wondered if I am missing being in the loop, but really I have found more productive uses of my time which included a two hour meander through the neighborhood with my girl yesterday. We actually met a new friend while walking and didn't have to ask her to accept our friendship. Nor did we need to write on her wall to get to know her better, we simply asked!
2.) Technology zaps us of our connections sometimes. Like I said, this is a change me experience, not you so don't go getting all offended or anything. One thing I've learned in this abstaining from facebook is that technology can zap me of my connections: to my family, to my friends and most importantly, to my God. When I am constantly replacing real interactions with face to face interaction with a computer screen, I undoubtedly miss out on those real connections with people.
3.) I am feeling a bit like the Amish. So, yahoo now has a facebook application for your yahoo page, my phone's facebook app has been downed and now the little notification star hangs by its side, enticing me to check back in. With everyone talking about facebook this and facebook that, I find myself sheepish at times admitting I have cut the facebook cord. Most of the time it is simply met with the ol' nod and smile and a hearty, albeit fake, "Good for you!" I find myself in a generation past and feel like everyone else is whizzing ahead. But, the writing ideas that have flowed from this just say no to facebook montage. Oh, the things we will do for our craft...
Well, I am sure more lessons are to come. A counter should be added to this page to see just how long the girl can go without www.facebook.com .

In other news, I had a real lesson this past week or so. I have constantly battled a self-righteous, often times judgmental spirit that I have begged and pleaded with God to break me of. Recently, I think I came across another who shares a similar battle and the result was directed towards me. For days I agonized over this intense feeling of shame and guilt at the thought that I had unintentionally offended someone. It was then that God really put that mirror up to my face and showed me what the receiving end was like of my stubborn self.

I have always heard give them grace, but never quite understood the concept. I knew wholeheartedly about God's grace, an undeserved gift, but how that translated to this human realm I was unsure. Then, it hit me. Giving another grace meant choosing to believe good about them, no matter what circumstances might say. Choosing to say, "surely, they did not mean to come across so unkind" and believing that if they did, it was only the result of their own difficulties at the moment.

For now, I am working heart and soul on this idea of giving another grace. I am going to be looking for the good when people show the bad, forgiving quickly, not keeping count of wrongs, overlooking offenses and trying to live this whole Christianity thing.

Here's to grace and face...book.

Until next time,
-C.

It could always be worse...and other phrases I hate

2009-09-13T19:29:00.000-07:00

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

-Revelation 21:4 NIV

This past year, I have had to deal with a series of separations from my husband. No "real" deployment of say 6 months or longer, but by the time this year ends, it will have totaled almost what one might consider a "real" deployment. I have found myself annoyed and often times, angered by the responses of many well meaning people. When I find myself sharing the news that the hubby is leaving yet again and I answer the question of "For how long?", I inevitably receive a "well, that's not bad" response. Now I know, it could always be worse, but sometimes, you just want people to acknowledge that sometimes it just sucks to have to go through another separation.

I have really considered this response lately. Why do we so many times try to downplay something in another's life that is a challenge or trial? Why do we so often rely on the response, "it could always be worse" or "well, it's not that bad"? I am asking this question not to condemn those who said those phrases to me, but to look at myself and how I respond to a friend's heartache. I think so often it takes more time and energy to get in the midst of people's stuff, so we often to choose a trite response we think can band aid the situation. Yet, our response not only does not repair the heartache of a friend, it can often add a little salt to their wound, saying to them, you're pain is not real or significant. Ouch! I pray for forgiveness to those to whom my response has said this to their heart.

This year, I have watched my family undergo tremendous tragedy and have seen countless Christians fearful to involve themselves in the midst of it. While this could have left a bad taste in my mouth, God has used it to show me how I am afraid to get involved in the messy stuff of life in the lives of others. We often want to fix or solve things that break, but the truth of the matter is there is only one fixer and solver. Lift that monumental burden off your shoulders because it does not belong to you! Instead, what people need from us mere mortal types is someone to hear them, acknowledge their pain or challenge, and then journey through it with them. The more we do this, the more we will realize we can never fix it, only God can. Hopefully, this realization will push us towards lifting up those whose lives are broken.

Military life is hard. Regular life is hard. And sometimes we just need another person to agree with us on that. Then, just pray for us and journey with us through this messy thing called life.

Here's to no more triteness...

Until next time,

-C.

Deactivated

2009-09-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

Recently, I did something that will shock many of you. Some will choose to click your right hand corner X quicker than you ever have. Others will think I need some sort of evaluation or even, prayer....I deleted my facebook page. In one quick minute of conviction/annoyance, I hit those words, "deactivate my account." Impulsive? Perhaps. Unnecessary? Maybe. But, let me give you the why.

Lately, I have been thinking about how convictionless I can be at times. Knowing something is wrong, something is not of benefit, yet continuing to ignore that tug God put in my heart. Now, don't get me wrong, facebook is a great avenue to keep in touch with people whom you never get to see or talk to, but it can also have an uglier side.

You see, I started to find myself constantly checking my facebook. Always having to know what so and so posted on their status, check into the lives of people who were never really my friends, but now by some miraculous technological advance had become "facebook friends." Some of those people I know only requested my facebook friendship to see if I had hopefully gained weight or had some miserable life so they could relish in my misfortune. Oh, don't act like you don't know what I am talking about...we've all checked the mean girl in high school's profile to see if she got some just desserts.

Then, I found myself obsessed. Constantly checking statuses, adding statuses, posting to walls, messaging, and poking. Those on facebook who were real friends started getting a wall post instead of a phone call, a HAPPY BIRTHDAY message, instead of a card. My real human interaction hours slowly started to lessen.

So, in one foul swoop and click, I deleted it. Yes, deleted it. I am calling it my facebook fast. I want to see if life can be lived quite contently without the constant connection to about 100 of my not so closest friends and if I can start having real connections with the 117 who are my friends. Let's see where this journey takes me, shall we?

I'll keep you posted...albeit, not through a status update. Sorry, friends.

Here's to connecting....

Until next time,
-C.

PS before you start feeling too sorry for me, facebook allows you to "reactivate" your account simply by signing in again. So, there is hope that one day I'll return...or maybe I won't and will live just as full a life!

One is the loneliest number...

2009-08-19T22:10:00.001-07:00

"Language...has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of [it]."

-Paul Tillich

I again find myself alone for a few weeks while the hubby is training. I am reminded of the ache of not having my best friend and husband here with me each night, but I have also begun to see the redeeming value of a time of solitude. As a military wife, I am quickly learning that this is my state of being for the most part. Deployments and a ridiculous work schedule will give me more time by myself than with my husband. Before you start feeling pity for me, I want you to take a minute to look at this condition so many of us deem a pain rather than a glory.

Loneliness and solitude serve a spiritual purpose no matter how bad it can cause an ache in our side. Loneliness is as much as condition of the human experience as it is a condition of God's design. It is not without reason. Here is some scriptural proof:

1.) Loneliness forces us to turn to God.
"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted."Psalm 25:16 NIV

Loneliness is an attention grabber if ever our hearts had one. If there is anything that can force us to cry, "Hello God! It's me ________," loneliness is it. However, we often miss out on this opportunity to turn to Him and instead engage in activities that try to unravel the cord of solitude. Have you ever considered that perhaps the season or emotional aloneness you are going through could in fact be a way for God to finally get your attention and focus?

2.) God's power is revealed in the lonely.
"God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land." Psalm 68:6 NIV
God likes to do the things that are counter intuitive to our mere mortal minds. The poor are rich in His eyes. The weak are strong. So, it would naturally follow that the lonely, He sets in families. As I look at how God has blessed my military journey, I am always reminded of the "families" He has provided me at every stop along the way. In Virginia, it was a group of Marines I fed quite regularly. In Florida, it was a Navy boy and a Marine (who I also fed quite regularly...) down the street along with an abundance of Christian sisters who were in the same military boat as me. Here, I've found the most incredible church family I have ever had in my life and another bountiful group of sisters in Christ whose husbands serve in the armed services. You see, God set me, a lonely girl following a boy and his dream in these "families." Families that have supported me through laughter and tears and everything in between.

3.) Loneliness is an opportunity for prayer.
"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Luke 5:16
One thing I have found in the course of training and deployment is that my prayer life is stronger when my husband is gone. Perhaps it is the fact that there is limited adult interaction or that I just need to talk to someone. Sometimes we are forced to withdraw. And sometimes, like Christ, we need to choose it. Christ would often leave all the people that surrounded him to pray. Loneliness is an opportunity, if we will take it.

From a practical side, times of separation give me time to focus on things that I normally can't when my husband is here. I hate stagnation. And when I see people becoming stagnate in seasons where they have a chance to develop and grow, I can become frustrated beyond belief. If we believe what we say we believe, than we must recognize that everything serves a purpose, even if we don't necessarily know it. God has been showing me that in my times of solitude, He wants me to use it for writing, a call He has placed in my heart. Good writers need to experience every ounce of emotion they can to become credible and so it is my belief that the more emotion I feel, the better writer I can become. For others, He may use times of loneliness to focus one's efforts on their physical health, learning a new hobby, or creating. The point is that if you are finding yourself in a season of feeling alone, are you asking the question, "God, what should be my focus right now?" Loneliness can hurl us into a state of depression or spur us towards progression. It just depends on one to make the choice.

Here's to the lonely hearts club...

Until next time,
-C.

Attitude

2009-08-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

I've got a bad attitude lately. And not just one of minor annoyance, but a stomp my feet, throw my hands down, and temper tantrum like my two year old, kind.

You see, me and a certain government branch have not been getting along lately. While I won't tell you to whom I am referring that begins with U, ends with C and has a SM in the middle, I will tell you we have been fighting.

My husband once described me as the "moto" one in our relationship. I wore the tee shirts. I spoke the lingo. I loved the atmosphere of camis and boots. But, then a little something called "the fleet" happened and I found myself losing my moto faster than a CH-53.

But, God has been working on me and my attitude. While in part He feels compassion towards my situation, He also in part has been encouraging me to accept the life we have chosen. While I thought my hubby would be home by dinner time every night when not on a deployment, I have found myself with cold plates of food and no husband to report of until the wee hours of the night. Only to be followed by an early start and another late end.

Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we thought it would. Sometimes things just don't seem fair and we want to have drop on the floor, writhe and scream, like the toddlers we care for each and every day. Sometimes government officials write schedules that infuriate the spouses of those in the armed service. Sometimes a job can seem to take away so much from a family that we begin to forget the reasons why we took this route in the first place. It happens.

And while we are to cast our cares upon our God, because He cares for us, we are also to take a little attitude check. As Christians, circumstance does not dictate our chosen outlook on life, Christ does. You ready to take a look at attitude?

1.) It is to be Christ-like:

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." Philippians 2:5-7 NIV

Christ was God. Yet, He was willing to humble himself to a lower position to complete the task He was given. We in the same ways need to humble ourselves, whether it being to the United States Marine Corps, accepting gratefully the opportunity to serve others as both a Marine and a Marine family, or something else in this life. If we believe that God is the God in control, we have to believe that every situation and everything that happens is for a reason.

2.) We have to get a new one:

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24 NIV

Those of us in Christ aren't to have the same attitudes as we did before we knew Him. You see my flesh is constantly telling me, "ME, ME, ME!" "If I am not happy, then nothing else matters." But, my husband's job is an important one. It is one of great sacrifice on his and I am learning now, my part. Part of becoming more Christ-like in attitude is accepting that it isn't all about me as my flesh would like me to believe. Sometimes, people choose paths that have a greater significance than just themselves. Sacrifice is involved. But, even through that experience, we can come to understand more about the God we serve and His own sacrifice.

3.) We have to have a standard for it:

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:12-13 NIV

Part of my struggle has been justification of my attitude. I have been in a total child-like state answering God's pangs of conviction with, "Well, the Marine Corps started it..." and "It's not my fault!" But, then I get into God's word and I see verses like "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." Philippians 2:14-15 NIV

It is then I am reminded that God didn't say, "Do everything except being a military wife without complaining..." Nope, while I would like it to have been a typo, His word is pretty clear: everything is to be done without complaining.

Attitude can be a make-or-break us thing. Bad ones can keep us from having a life filled with blessing because we are so focused on the hardship, difficulties, or imperfections. Good ones can get us through situations, relationships, and even careers in a way we never imagined possible. This is not a done deal for me. I am still working on it and will probably continue to be working on it for the remainder of my husband's contract. But, I have started to accept those things I just can't change and have begun to try to change the one thing I can: my attitude.

Here's to a new outlook...

Until next time,

-C.

My top ten favorite...blog entries

2009-07-24T20:50:00.000-07:00

Having this blog has been like having a virtual diary. Granted, this diary can be read by anyone with a computer and internet access, but I like to forget that part.

Here are my top ten favorite blog posts:

10. Consumerism
9. Redirection
8. Be Kind
7. Be careful what you wish for
6. The Power of Words
5. Be ye transformed
4. Blink of an eye
3. At your service
2. Conscious Living
1. The Gentle Whisper

Thanks to all of you who read my ramblings...

Here's to pickin' favorites...

Until next time,
-C.

Patience is a virtue...

2009-07-21T18:16:00.000-07:00

Only seven days, well technically 6 days, and approximately 7 hours separate me and my love. The pilot is somewhere in the ocean, leisurely floatin' his way back to my arms. Yet, I have found myself going against my usual nature and being very patient as I waited through this deployment...until now. It seems the closer he gets to coming home, the more impatient I grow. It has become the kind of impatience that makes one a tad bit annoyed, frustrated and in general, bad company to be in the presence of. But, it is just that the time is so close to being over, I just can't stand another minute!

Alas, God reminds me of the importance of patience, waiting upon Him as I wait upon a very large Navy ship, whose maximum speed is 25 mph. Yes, just 25 measly mph, and that is once they get their gas tank filled up. Right now, they are drifting at about 15mph. No wonder they say full speed ahead...otherwise, they might NEVER get home!

One thing I've learned about living the military life is that we military people are forced to choose to live with the lessons of faith and God more so than you civilian types. While most civilians have the luxury of pushing out thoughts of impending doom on their family, we in the military have to look at it everyday and decide what to do with it. To let it consume us with fear or empower us to love harder in every moment we are given with our Marine, Soldier, or Sailor. While most civilians can use words like faith, prayer, and trust as a passive punchline, we must choose to make it a firm foundation to stand upon in times of trouble or to collapse under the pressures without it.

A little lesson in patience comes compliments of the United States Marine Corps. But, the bigger lesson comes from my God above, who says, "Just remember what this longing feels like because soon he will be home and the temptation of taking for granted his presence along with the monotony of life, will come." Perhaps patience is a virtue.

Here's to full speed ahead...
Until next time,
-C.

The Gentle Whisper

2009-07-15T19:56:00.000-07:00

Man, I couldn't even go a month without writing. I sure did try, but words have been trying to leap out of my heart for days now. I guess the only thing to do is share them with you.

This scripture just pierced my soul and I am wondering if it will pierce yours.

"The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."

-1 Kings 19:11-12 (NIV)

Elijah's story is that of a most faithful servant, who but in the same breath almost lost His faith altogether. In his inhale, he was amazed by God's faithfulness to him, yet in the exhale was struck by paralyzing fear as he faced adversity.

And as wind, earthquakes, and fire erupted before his eyes, he kept looking for his God. Yet, it wasn't in the loud, powerful promulgations that God made known His presence, but rather, through a soft, gentle whisper.

How often do we find ourselves like Elijah? Believing wholeheartedly in the power of our God in one drawed in breath, and then, watching that belief all but disapear in the next. Then, as God comes to reveal Himself to us, we become so fixated on monstrous, palpable demonstrations that we miss the faint sound of His voice saying, "Here I am!"

Can we get our respiration to reflect the truth of God's character? Can we find belief when circumstance entices us towards doubt? Can we focus our ears and eyes not on the sounds of the disasters that whiz by us, but on the gentle whisper that comes afterwards?

Faith is not for the meandering charlatan, but rather for the persistent pathfinder, who blazes through the unkown towards the sound of a simple hushed utterance.

Here's to hearing the gentle whisper...

Until next time,

-C.

Taking a break...

2009-06-23T09:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I am pulling this plug. Not that any of you are waiting by your computer for the next blog, but I need a break. Not sure for how long, but sometimes you just got to retreat a bit.

Anyway, thanks for your readership...if that is a word and I'll see you eventually again in about a month or two or maybe more depending...

Here's to a break...

Until next time,
-C.

Struggle, Struggle, Struggle.

2009-06-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

I thought God was giving me a period of relaxation from all the stressful life events that have taken place these past 9 months, but then on Thursday and Friday I got more waves of trial and difficulty. God keeps bringing me to the brink of situations that drive me into a state of fear and I have been struggling with the question of why. Now, I find myself on the brink of two very scary situations yet again and I am not quite sure if this will be the time He brings me over the edge into some of my very worst fears. I can't help but start to understand Job.

Those who know the story of Job know that he lost everything or had everything he held dear threatened in his life. Job had some not so great friends who blamed all his tragedies on his own sin. But you see, Job was a righteous man who loved the Lord. Little did he know, God had made an agreement with the devil for Satan to pluck all the things from Job's life that he held dear, with the one caveat that he was not to take Job's life. The story ends with a righteous man remaining righteous, without losing faith completely. But, it doesn't end without the nagging question of why. Job, the Psalms, and so many other places in God's word we come face to face with people going through intense periods of distress, crying out to God, begging the question why. God allows it. In fact, I think He welcomes it. With the understanding that the answer may not come in this lifetime.

This human stuff is tough, I won't lie. It sometimes seems like we can't get a break and sometimes, we truly can't. Faith isn't for the faint of heart. Even when I feel like I have nothing left anymore, not an ounce of faith to muster up, I still hear Him whispering that He is there. Even though I am mad and want Him to just stop with the lessons and character building, I know He is doing it all for my good. I can continue along this road with my head lifted to the sky, muttering to my God, why? why? why? The answer may not be made available quite yet, but I know it is there.

My memory verse this week:
"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." Psalm 126:5-6

So, maybe all that stuff we go through that leaves us screaming, why? why? why? are building muscles so we can carry our sheaves.

Here's to getting stronger...

Until next time,
-C.

Modern Day Babylon

2009-06-17T16:45:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged in awhile due to a combination of craziness of the life that is mine and the fact that I have been completely uninspired in the writing realm. A case of writer's block perhaps, I don't know.

I've started a new Bible study by my all time favorite Bible teacher, Beth Moore. It is the study of Daniel, which is about living a life of integrity in a spiritual challenging "Babylon" (you know, the world of glitz, glamour and temptation we face everyday) as well as some other deep theological teachings that I am just trying to get God to teach me because it is way...over...my...head.

Anyway, I've been thinking about the concept of Babylon and how the world can influence me. I enjoyed a couple days of self-righteousness as I thought to myself, Well, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I have no self destructive behaviors that I can think of and I usually try to do the right thing. I must be overcoming this Babylon!

Just as soon as I got my hand twisted behind my back for a self inflicted pat, God threw some conviction my way. I started to think of all the ways I've let the world leak in and change me for the worse. I came up with a long list, that I am working with God on, but I thought I could share a couple of them with you. A lot of the "Babylon effect" in my life comes with what I put in my brain. I really think reality shows and celebrity gossip are where I become so consumed by the Babylonian giants that I can't even see straight. You see, I am a fan of just about any reality show: Housewives of Any County, Jon and Kate plus all their kids, Tori and Dean in love or in Hollywood, you name it, I watch it. I get sucked in to it and am just so curious about their lives. What freebies are those multiples getting this week? Who is getting in a catfight on this episode? What is it like to be a Hollywood mom?

It is subtle really. I put it in my head and then think it is gone for good. Until I begin having wants for things I never really cared for before: tummy tuck after I have all my kids like Kate, blonding my hair until platinum is the only word to describe it like Tori, a luxurious home and furnishings like all the Housewives. Then, pretty soon I see a Babylonian attitude rearing its ugly head:

"You have trusted in your wickedness and have said, 'No one sees me.' Your wisdom and your knowledge mislead you when you say to yourself, 'I am and there is none besides me.'"

Isaiah 47:10 NIV

Our own Babylon says to us that this world is revolving around us. Our own Babylon says that no one else matters but ourselves, our lives, our homes. I may not be in the throes of the obvious Babylon ways, but as I allow the Babylon ideas float into my brain through reality tv and celebrity gossip magazines, I am putting my heart at risk of those ideas taking root and changing the truths I know in my heart.

I'd like to tell you that I have canceled my US Magazine subscription and I have stopped watching reality tv. But, no, as I type Tori and Dean play in the background. Ultimately, maybe God will convict me about turning from those things, but for now, He has convicted me to start recognizing the Babylon ideas in everything I put in my brain. Little steps, right?

Here's to silencing the Babylon....

Until next time,

-C.

But a breath...

2009-06-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

"You have made my days a mere handbreadth;

the span of my years is as nothing before you.

Each man's life is but a breath.

Selah
Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:

He bustles about, but only in vain;

he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it."

Psalm 39:4-6

Yesterday, we celebrated my babies birthday. Hubby turned 30 and little girl turned 2. I can't stop asking the question, where does the time go? Days can seem so monotonous or mundane, but each day is part of a whole that is quickly being eaten up. It is just a reminder how fleeting our time on earth and together is. It is just proof that we can forget to look at the whole picture as we go through each day.

Here is to each breath...

Until next time,

-C.

Another Year Older...

2009-05-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

Today marked my 27th year on this Earth. For the first time in my life, this birthday was overshadowed with a certain melancholy at the fact that I am getting older. I've never experienced that before, but with 30 lurking around the corner, I have realized I am no longer a child.

Why does aging sadden us so much, I wonder? Is it the fact that we are no longer the youth filled, carefree person we once were? Does the fear of leaving this life cause us to hate every time we grow one year older? Or is it having to watch these earthly vessels of ours start to crumble before our eyes that brings us such a sense of discouragement as each day of our birth rolls around?

I think sometimes our eyes get so fixated on what was behind us: that perfect figure we didn't know we had until it was gone, the easy life of no adult responsibilities, or the inability to know what was to come. Aging brings us to a point where we reflect and ask ourselves, where did another year go? Our sentences all begin with: just yesterday and before I knew it.

The funniest part is that so much of our youth is spent wishing we were older. At 5, I wanted to be 13 so I could sit at the big kids table during Thanksgiving dinner. At 13, I wanted to be 16 so I could drive and feel free. At 16, I wanted to be 18 so I could legally be considered an adult. At 18, I wanted to be 21 so I could have all the privileges of full fledged adulthood. At 21, I wanted to be 25, just so I could rent a car if I so chose. So many years, so many milestone years, were spent wasted on wanting to move on to the next stage. Now, I am finding myself wanting to slow this train down a bit so I can enjoy the scenery.

But, the truth is, the train is only going to speed up, which is why it becomes so important to enjoy every fleeting second of every single season God brings us through:

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 (NIV)

Here's to enjoying this next season...

Until next time,

-C.

Becoming a Statistic

2009-05-13T19:14:00.000-07:00

This is a blog that has been on my heart for quite some time now. I just wasn't sure when I was ready to get the words on to this virtual paper. Sometime this year, I will become a statistic. I will join the ranks of so many of my dearest friends and family members. This year, I will become a child of divorce.

I've wondered so often if it is any easier to become a child of the big D at 27 than it is at 7 years of age. On one hand, a child gets a certain amount of shelter and protection (in some cases) against the ugly truth about their parent's relationship. As an adult child going through a divorce, the details may be more known and parents can come to regard you as a peer rather than their child. So, the young child going through a divorce of their parents wishes they knew more about the situation and the adult child going through a divorce, wishes they knew less. It begs the question as to whether or not divorce is an easy thing at any age. From my experience, the resounding answer is no.

It is such a trying time when one has to realize the very frailty of those they held on the highest pedastals. The truth is that realizing our own parents imperfection justs spurs on that desire for finding the One who is perfect. Perhaps the hardest part for me has been watching my parents in such a state of pain that I can't control or help with. Realizing our own lack of power is perhaps the greatest difficulty in any situation where the ones we love are hurting.

I guess my ultimate prayer for each of you reading this is that we can all come to accept that our lives are completely filled with imperfect people, people we love dearly yet who may disappoint us, people we hold in high esteem yet have to watch as they come tumbling down. Our desire should not be to change these people, but to simply love them no matter where they are in life, in their spirituality or their circumstances. It is by no means an easy task, but it is one we are given supernatural strength to complete.

I could never quite sympathize with people who came from broken homes before I did. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand how hard it was. As I child, I thought it would be cool to have two rooms and two birthday parties. I never understood the impact it had on a person and how much pain it could cause no matter what the age you experienced it at.

For my blogging friends who have not had to experience the pain or trauma of divorce, I would just encourage you to be thankful for a family that has remained in tact. For those of you who have gone through one or are currently going through one, I would encourage you to cling to God's words and promises for us. I want to leave you with a couple:

"Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me." Psalm 27:10 (NIV)
- Remember that no matter how imperfect our earthly parents are, our Heavenly Father will never let us down.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Ephesians 6:1-3 (NIV)
- No matter how much you feel you may have been hurt or let down, continue to remember the high place of reverence God calls us to hold our parents in with an obedience, so long as it is in accordance with God's word.

People fail us. This is an undeniable truth about our time here on this earth. It is a difficult pill to swallow. But, in spite of this, continue to seek to find the good in those we love. Continue to find the One who will never fail us or forsake us. Continue to be steadfast in your trust in Him and Him alone.

Until next time,
-C.

Industry...

2009-05-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

"She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. "

Proverbs 31:13-24 NIV

So, this Ms. P 31 that we have been studying this past couple of blogs is really starting to show her true colors. First off, we have determined that she brings her husband good, not evil, through the way she treats him. Next, we are going to see a very important trait: industry.

Whether you stay at home or work outside the home, this concept of industry is very important. You see Mrs. 31 is not a thumb twiddler. She is up and at 'em in every area of her life: business and on the home front. I think these verses can be liberating to us, ladies. For those of you staying home and wondering if you should allow those degrees on your wall to collect dust, you can look at her and see how she made a career out of taking care of her family. If you work, you can look at her and see that she was a business woman, a seamstress and a realtor, yet she still managed to be the care taker of her home as well. She is also a philanthropist, giving of her time to help those in need. I don't think these verses suggest that you have to do it all and do it all at once. But, what it does show is how we should be industrious in all our roles: wife, mother, businesswoman, humanitarian.

Work is a part of this life. God's word says, "So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?" Ecclesiastes 3:22 (NIV)

Whatever "job" God has given us at this season in our life, we can choose to learn to enjoy it and be industrious in it, or we can choose to loathe it and become lazy. Only one will bring us closer to how He desires us to be. Only one will show an unbelieving world a true view of Christianity.

I think the important aspect to gain from these verses that is perhaps not clearly spelled out, is Mrs. P's attitude. No where in the verse does it say that "Begrudgedly, she selects wool and flax," or "Against her will, she opens her arms to the poor." No, Mrs. 31 is doing all these tasks without a grumble or a complaint. In fact, I think her attitude about her work is summed up by the following:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV)

Whether you are a stay at home soccer mom (that's me...part time), a three day a week pediatric emergency room nurse (that's my bff), or a full time lawyer, business woman or administrative assistant, do it as though you are doing it unto the Lord. If that is where He has placed you for a given season, then accept that call and just work as if He is your ultimate boss. What an amazing change we might see in our world if an army of Proverbs 31 wannabe's started acting as though they were serving the ultimate Boss and not some earthly tyrant (which may take the form of a two year old in some cases...). Could lives begin to change? Could hearts begin to change? Could people begin to see us as this woman that we have placed upon a pedestal?

Here's to industry...

Until next time,

-C.

Your Turn:

1.) Attitude Check: No matter what your position in life, how is your attitude towards it? Do you set about your tasks with the same vigor and industry as our new BFF?

2.) What causes our attitude to sour? Is it the hustle and bustle of busyness? Is it fatigue? Is it lost perspective? What makes you have a bad attitude towards your given lot in life?

3.) Think about your main "job." How can you start working as if your boss is the One and Only?

More than Rubies...

2009-04-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

"A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life."

Proverbs 31:10-12 (NIV)

Let's just jump right in to figuring out exactly who this Proverbs woman is. We are going to take the passages that reveal this lady to us piece by piece, so as to not miss a single drop of what advice God is giving us as godly gals.

The passages that describe her start out with a rhetorical question: A wife of noble character who can find? The first thing we are to notice is that she is few and far between. There ain't many like her. That word "noble" is translated as virtuous in the King James, coming from the hebrew word, "chayil" which means "strength, might, efficiency, wealth, army." The first thing that struck me is that this picture of the ideal Christian woman being a weak and timid woman standing in the background, is so far from the truth. We are strong, my fellow sisters. We have a strength that comes from the mightiest of mighties and cowering in fear or timidity is not how we were designed to be. Think warrior princess.

So, then we go on, this wife of noble character is worth far more than rubies. Something of extreme materialistic value at that time is said is to be far less valuable than this strong, virtuous wife. You can't put a price on her. Money can't buy a woman like this.

The author then takes a look at how her husband views her: with full confidence, lacking nothing of value. That is a tall order. How many of us can say our husbands are fully confident in every aspect of us? In our handling of finances? In our raising of our children? Do we inspire him to trust wholeheartedly in our God given ability or does he second guess whether or not we are taking care of things in a godly way?

Not only is he completely confident in this chica, she also brings him good, not harm, ALL the days of her life. Ok, this is the point where I start to lose it. That word good or towb in the Hebrew means "good, pleasant, agreeable, benefit, bounty." Um, how many times do we fall short of that one? How many times do our words and actions bring our husband difficulty rather than benefit? Consider some of these Proverbs on wives:

"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." Proverbs 12:4

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Proverbs 21:9; 25:24

"A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day." Proverbs 19:13; Proverbs 27:15

"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife." Proverbs 21:19

Decay on his bones? A constant drip? Move to the roof or desert? Seems pretty extreme don't you think? But, think about it. Think about the words we say to our husbands. Think about how well he responds to those constant (not so) "gentle" reminders (aka nagging) that we do. This is something I have been wholeheartedly convicted of because I do fall so short, but sometimes, my emotions can just overtake my mouth and pretty soon I am spewing some of the most vile responses to a completely bewildered male. A lot of times, I don't even know why I am saying what I am saying. But, these verses hit straight to my heart about what I am doing when I let emotions hijack my mouth. I am decaying my husband's bones, wearing him down. I think about his most recent training excursion on how to survive in a POW camp and all the talk about waterboarding on the news. A constant drip of water is used as a method of torture. Being quarrelsome with my husband is a sure fire way to torture him, with every drip, drip, drip. In fact, the Bible says you are better off isolating yourself on the roof or in a far away desert, than to live with a quarrelsome wife.

I don't know about you, but sometimes, I just want to pick a fight. I don't know why. But, sometimes, I just lie in wait until he gives me the perfect opportunity to "start something." And it seems with men, there are plenty opportunities whether it be just getting bent out of shape over a remark he said that he meant no harm by, or by focusing on the things he has forgotten to do rather than what he has. But, everytime I take those opportunities to pick a fight, I am being that drip, causing decay, and not being this wife of noble character who I aspire to be like.

This is my challenge this week: to bring my husband good. For me, I think I can start with a whole lot of prayer for God's strength, not being quarrelsome, giving him the benefit of the doubt, and continuing to work on keeping a tight rein on my tongue. What about you? How can you bring your husband good all your days?

Here's to being worth more than rubies...

Until next time,

-C.

Your Turn:

1.) How can you bring your husband good? In what ways do you already benefit him?

2.) What are some ways you cause "decay" or act like that constant drip? How can you change those things?

A wife of noble character...

2009-04-26T17:28:00.000-07:00

So, yet again, God took me through a journey of trust, which ended in me feeling yet again, so inadequate and lacking in my own abilities to rely completely on Him and His plan. The good news is that a huge lesson was learned through it and I finally find myself moving from a dreary season in my life into a fresh, new one. Now, it seems, everywhere I go, I am hearing the messages of what it means to be a godly wife. Whenever I think of this, my mind automatically goes to the one woman whom most Christian women outwardly desire to be like and inwardly secretly loathe. I am talking about the Proverbs 31 woman. Who she is, or who we think she has caused many of us to feel as though we are truly missing the mark on womanhood. I wanted to know more about it and see if I am as far from being like her as I think I am so I thought I'd spend a couple blogs just exploring the truth about the Proverbs 31 lady.

Proverbs 31:10-31 describes in detail this amazing woman that has kept many a Christian ladies in tears as they strive to keep up with her. We are going to explore each and every part of her, but first, I want to suggest something to you that may blow your mind as much as it did mine. I had always heard it suggested that this woman was not necessarily a single woman, but rather a composite of many qualities of womanhood in one. Tonight, I pulled out the Zondervan NIV Bible Commentary and got a completely different picture of who this woman is. This commentary suggests that there are four important things to note about these verses. First, it comes at the conclusion of Proverbs, a book that talks over and over about wisdom and how to obtain the godly wisdom we are to have. Second, it is an acrostic. You know those poems where a word is written down the side and the beginning of each letter is a sentence? Yeah, you know...the ones you wrote for Mom that had the words "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" on the side. Anyway....second, it is written in a very hymn-like manner. And finally, it is written with a lot of words that resemble what is known as "heroic literature." Words like valor, strength, vigorously, and noble all suggest this "ode to a champion." (Zondervan, 1006). Separately, those things might not matter. But, when you put it all together though, listen to what this commentary suggests:

"Putting these observations together, one would conclude that Proverbs 31:10-31 is a hymn to Lady Wisdom, written in the heroic mode. Wisdom is personified as a woman because the word "wisdom" is a feminine noun and suggests it, and because the woman is an excellent example of wisdom by virtue of the variety of applications it receives- at home, in the market, with charity, in business." (Zondervan, p. 1006)

HALLELUJAH! Do you hear that ladies??? This woman that we have been beating ourselves up over not being, is not necessarily a single portrait of womanhood at all... Now, before you get too excited and throw out all attempts at trying to live up to the standards set by Mrs. 31, listen to this part of the commentary:

"This poem certainly presents a pattern for women who want to develop a life of wisdom, but since it is essentially about wisdom, its lessons are for both men and women to develop. The fear of the Lord will inspire people to be faithful stewards of the time and talents that God has given, wisdom is productive and beneficial for others, requiring great industry in life's endeavors, wisdom is best taught and lived in the home-indeed, the success of the home demands wisdom; and wisdom is balanced living, giving attention to domestic responsibilities as well as business enterprises and charitable service."

Do you hear that? We can ALL, men and women alike, gain something on how to live in our roles and responsibilities from this woman we see in Proverbs 31. Perhaps these verses are not the mirror in which all us women should look in and see ourselves, but rather a goal to have in all our endeavors.

Part of why I really wanted to explore who she is, is because I see so many fellow ladies struggling with her and how they don't measure up. I have dear friends who work outside the home and have small children and feel tremendous amount of guilt for not being a stay at home mom. I have dear stay-at-home mom friends who don't work outside the home and yet feel as though what they do is meaningless or unimportant. I have friends who are married without children and who stay at home and who don't think that is enough. And I have friends who are single, who work, and wonder if that is all this life is about. We are all looking around at each other, thinking the person next to us knows the answer. How is it that virtually every woman I know, no matter what her lot in life at this given moment, wonders if she is the "right" kind of woman? How can we all be asking the questions, "Am I in the right place? Am I doing this right?" I'd venture to say it is because we don't really understand the truth about what God says about us as women and hopefully, we can debunk some of the mysteries that seem to fog our vision of womanhood.

Next post, we will start looking at her and all her qualities and what that means us as women, but also as Christians. Will you take this journey with me as we explore this woman who has given many of us guilt, so that we can once and for all realize that we are the exact woman God meant us to be?

Here's to learning something new...

Until next time,

-C.

A Prayer for my Warrior...Psalm 144

2009-04-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

1 Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
2 He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples [a] under me.

3 O LORD, what is man that you care for him,
the son of man that you think of him?

Here's to my warrior and the One who has trained him...

Until next time,
-C.

Be Kind...

2009-04-15T20:09:00.001-07:00

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. "

-Plato

I find myself in a state of shock everytime I hear of another's struggle. Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in my own battles and there have been some brutal ones as of late, that I tend to forget that wars are raging all around me. I've felt so alone in my battles that I have started to wonder if others feel the same way. Do we all have this sense loneliness in our own brawls? I am not talking about a complete sense of aloneness, where you don't even feel the presence of God. I am talking about the solitude of feeling as if no one is there beside you, that no one has heard your battle cry. During times when you need fellow warriors.

I'll admit it. I tend to be a renegade, not accepting the help or support of anyone else. I think that mentality can leak into how I approach others and their needs during wars. Most of the time, I just figure they are like me, too proud to beg for some backup. Yet I know, both you and I need someone to at least just be with us as we struggle through whatever conflicts rage in our lives.

I need to work on being a fellow soldier in others battles. Plato was right, kindness is where it starts. But after that, you got to pick up a sword and help someone fight.

Here's to taking up arms...

Until next time,

-C.

The Power of Words...

2009-04-14T19:31:00.000-07:00

Imagine one small ember floating down, finding its way atop a pile of hay. Slowly yet vigorously a once innocuous heap of dried grass begins to burn. Quickly, a wild fire breaks out and devestation ensues. We've heard such stories on the news. We've seen it happen in the movies. How quickly something so small becomes something so big.

We all have floating embers inside of us that if they are released, can reap destruction on our surroundings. I am talking about our words: those tiny little sparks of fire that when released can turn into painful, calamitous blazes around us.

"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. . The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."

James 3:5-6 NIV

This is one God is constantly working with me on: that little firestarter in my mouth. Sometimes, I don't even know why have the sparks that are struck are even made in the first place. Most times, I can't even understand why I say the things I say. Am I alone in this?

The thing about our sparks is that they are powerful. While they may be nothing of significance to us, the words we utter can create a sea of flames in another's life. The potency of our words can create a lifetime of hurt and sting, sometimes to those we love the most, and sometimes in ways we don't even realize. Our flesh can struggle so much to keep this tiny, ruinous force in check. Words can destroy reputations, self-esteems, relationships, confidences, and so much more all in the blink of an eye or a wag of the tongue as the case may be.

God talks a lot about this toxic muscle that rests behind our teeth. His view on it shows that He knows it is a force to be rekoned with. He knows it is something that we must learn to control if a.) we desire to not cause destruction and pain to those around us, and b.) we desire to truly be a follower of His words. Here are some important facts about our tongues:

1.) If we truly consider ourselves Christians, we must learn to control it:

"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.
James 1:26 NIV

This is one of those "how not to be a hypocritical Christian" verses. Our words have to match our belief system. If we are known by others as a Christian, yet continue to gossip, slander, say hurtful things, talk with vulgarity, how can the world see us as any different? What would make one desire to be around us if our words are only used as weapons?

2.) We will be judged based on the things that come out of our mouths:

"But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

Matthew 12:36-37

This is a day I am not looking forward to...the one in which I have to account to God for every stupid, mean, unedifying thing I've said to people. This is going to be tough conversation. Before you go getting all self-condemning, be sure to read the second sentence of this verse. We can be "aquitted" by our words as well as condemned. Thats right, the power our words have to condemn us before God, they also have the power to aquitt us. I think our challenge to get our mouths to speak more aquitting words than condemning ones.

3.) Our tongues are meant to build others up:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Ephesians 4:29-36 NIV

This verse always trips me up, everytime I look at it because it is very blatent in its verbage. Our words are not to be unwholesome. It says don't let any unwholesome talk come out, ANY...so that means the crude jokes, the vulgarities, the gossip, and anything that is not edifying or pure has to stop. Period.

Then, it says the purpose of our words is to build others up in accordance with their needs. This requires a little outward focus on our parts. We have to recognize what others need in terms of how our words can become blessings and a source of encouragement to them. We have to let our words benefit those who hear them, not destroy or tear them down.

The next part is really when I fall flat on my face. We have to get rid of a lot of "stuff." We can't hang on to any of it. Oh, if you only knew how my fleshly fists like to clench on to bitterness, rage, anger, and malice. Sometimes, I can't understand why I can't just let something go and why I cling to the feelings of anger and bitterness. It wastes a lot of energy to hold on to those seeds and the worst part is, if you don't let go, they grow! Then, pretty soon what really was not a big deal in the scheme of things grows into a garden of acrimonious resentment and bad behaviors. We find ourselves in a stronghold of sin bigger than the one who may have inadvertantly or even purposely sinned against us.

I think this is what fuels our sparks of words sometimes. Someone does something against us, which results in our hurt feelings, which leads to bitterness, malice, anger, and rage. Then, we start lighting fires...first it starts with us repeating the story to anyone who will listen. Then, the rage gets bigger and bigger. Gossip comes next and as we roll down this hill of bitterness, we begin to go beyond gossip into slander. All of which we could have avoided if we would have just gotten rid of our bitterness, rage, and anger. This requires a lot of humility on our parts, accepting any hurt someone may have caused, maybe even extending to them the benefit of the doubt that they didn't mean anything by it. But, man oh man, what troubles we could avoid if we could learn to get rid of it.

It is powerful, that little tongue of ours. It can start a forest fire or put one out. It can tear someone to pieces or put them back together. It can be our demise or our prize. I wonder, how are you using yours? I know I need to take a serious look and get a strong bridle on my own mouth. The good news is I have a God who is a whole lot stronger than my tongue to help me.

Here's to preventing forest fires...

Until next time,
-C.

The Day of Rising...

2009-04-12T08:04:00.000-07:00

For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

-2 Corinthians 5:14-21

I've been contemplating what to blog about for a couple of days now. I had another "woe is me" moment and had written a rough draft of it, but decided not to post it. Today, I should be in church celebrating Resurrection, but instead I have to take my husband to the airport so he can go for a 2 week training on how not to get captured by the enemy. After teaching them, they will then send them to the woods, let them run, find them, and then treat them to a mild version of prisoner of war games...complete with the occasional beating.

It is actually quite fitting when I think about it. He is going to learn how to save himself in the worst of circumstances on the day when the one who came to save us all from the absolute worst of circumstances, was brought back to life...from...the...dead. I hadn't really considered the importance of this part of the story, I mean truly evaluated how much my entire belief system hinges upon this one day, this one event. For if I don't believe it to be true, then it is absolutely, all for naught.

I'll admit it. I have a lot of questions about the faith I so wholeheartedly believe in. I don't fully understand why God needed His Son to die in order so we could all live. I don't fully understand why there had to be suffering or hardship, why we couldn't have just lived our entire lives in a perfect world. I have some ideas as to the answers: that in order to understand the strength of Him, we needed to see the depths from which He could pull us up or that once our human flesh was given the choices of free will, we had to have a way to make up our imperfection to a perfect God. I get that.

But today as I was contemplating this, awaiting my husband to finish his shower before I took him to torture camp, I read the above verses. God is the God of Reconciliation. We needed what we celebrate today, the sacrifice of God's Son and God in one so that we could come back no matter how many times we find ourselves drifting away. I found a definition for reconciliation that says it means "the process of making consistent or compatible." (dictionary.com) What a perfect definition of what we are doing in our belief and celebration of the day that our God sacrificed His Son and rose Him from death. He did it so we could be made compatible with Him: imperfect humans with a perfect God. He did it to make us consistent: constant sinners who sometimes did good become consistent saints. He did it so we could become new, so that the old self that repulses us so could dissolve, never to be seen again.

I guess the point I am making is that no matter how far away God may feel or no matter how far away we try to get from Him with our disobedience, anger, self-condemnation, sorrow, depression, fear, or any other self-destructive mindset, He is the God of reconciliation, always there, waiting to bring you back. All because of today: the day in which His Son rose again from the grips of death. Happy Easter! May you find the power of today's true meaning in your own life.

Until next time,

-C.

Psalm 34

2009-04-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

Today, I am praying this psalm...
Psalm 34:
1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

Here's to a God bigger than all my problems...
Until next time,
-C.

What Bible Character are you?

2009-03-30T12:26:00.000-07:00

There is a quiz on facebook you can take that will tell you what Bible character you are most like. But, I just want to ask YOU, who do you identify with the most in the Bible?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, I am not quite sure why, just because it is kind of fun. Am I a little Esther-y? Are there shadows of Paul within me? Whose story speaks the most to me?

I think what I've concluded is that I am a Timothy. Timothy and I share a lot of things in common. First, we come by our faith through a long line of faithful women. Secondly, like Timothy, I struggle with timidity and introversion even though I truly believe God is calling/ has called me to be in a position of leadership. We both sometimes allow others look down upon us for reasons that are irrelevant to God.

The good news is that by figuring out who I am "most" like in the Bible, I can find a great "how to" on becoming better. Paul's letters to Timothy in 1 Timothy and 2 Timothy, speak so directly to my heart, especially at times when I have assumed positions of leadership. Now, I just need to find my Paul...

Here's to finding your reflection in His word...
Until next time,
-C.

Your Turn: (PLEASE respond in my comments, if you are so inclined...)
1.) What Bible character are you most like and why?
2.) What words speak directly to your heart?
3.) Why do you think the Bible is a book of stories about people? Is it so that we can see ourselves in these words?

At your service...

2009-03-29T19:23:00.000-07:00

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Galatians 5:13-14

It is just so funny how God makes sure we hear Him. His method for me to make sure I get what He is saying to me has been constant repetition of concepts and things I need to be doing through our time together, Sunday School, church lessons, and sermons I've been listening to. This week, His theme for me has been service.

Why do I have to serve? may be the first thought that comes to your mind. This really isn't the focus of this post, but I'll give you the cliffs notes on it. First, we serve to bring glory to God and to imitate His character. God is a serving God. Jesus Christ washed the feet of His disciples to offer to us the example of how our Christian walk should be lived. This is a major spiritual habit we need to get into. Second, we serve because He commands us to do it in His word over and over again. Look at the verse above and some of the others we are going to explore. He tells us we are to serve, period. Third, service gets us out of a primary focus on ourselves. I've had a rough couple of months and one thing God keeps whispering to me is, how are you serving other people? Sometimes, I'd respond with such shock, wondering why would God ask me such a question in the midst of my own suffering. But, He asks me because He knows that service will move me from that place of being engulfed in my own tragedies and sharing love with others who may be hurting as well. So, serving is just as much for our own benefit as it is for those of whom we serve.

The next question that usually arises is where do I serve? After some Biblical research, I want to suggest that there are three ways God is going to tell you exactly where He wants you to serve:

1.) Serve in areas where He has gifted you:
Here are some verses that God tells us where we are to serve in areas we are gifted in:

"Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ."

1 Peter 4: 9-11 NIV

You want to know where God wants you to get down and start washing some feet? Figure out where He has gifted you. Are you great with kids? Is there a skill you have that others could be blessed by? Do you have a heart for certain "groups" of people (women, military, pregnant teens, homeless, etc.)? Figuring out how He has blessed you, is the first key to figuring out where He wants you! Try finding a spiritual gifts assessment if you aren't sure what your giftings are or make a list of the things you really enjoy or are good at. You are bound to find a clue as to where God is calling for you to come and serve!

Another verse says:

"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully."

Romans 12:6-8 NIV

The Greek word for gifts in this passage is charisma. Charisma is, "grace or gifts denoting extraordinary powers, distinguishing certain Christians and enabling them to serve the church of Christ, the reception of which is due to the power of divine grace operating on their souls by the Holy Spirit." (Strong's Concordance) This is something you need to understand about your giftings. They aren't something to be looked at lightly, they are extraordinary powers that distinguish you. If you feel like you are nothing special, I got news for you, YOU ARE!! You are made in such a way that is completely different from every other living creature on this planet, there is only ONE of you with your unique makeup! If you feel anything less than special, you need to have a reality check right here and right now...

2.) Serve in areas where you are completely lacking:

God calls us to service in the areas of our strengths, but I want to show you another way He has called you to serve... in your areas of greatest weakness.

His word says:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my POWER is made PERFECT in WEAKNESS." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I want to look at three very important words in this passage and their definitions in the Greek:

The word power translates to dynamis, which means, "power for performing miracles." (Strong's Concordance)
Perfect translates to teleioō, which is, "to make perfect, complete, to carry through completely, to accomplish, finish, bring to an end." (Strong's Concordance)
Astheneia is the word for weakness, or the, "want of strength and capacity requisite" (Strong's Concordance).

You think God doesn't perform miracles any more in this day and age? Watch when you obey Him to try and do something that is completely out of your comfort zone. You want to see him accomplish something in you? Try and jump in head first to something you can't do on your own strength while relying on Him alone. Don't think you have what it takes to lead a Bible study, teach God's word, become a missionary or ____________? Do that thing with an utter knowledge that if this thing happens, it ain't gonna be because you made it so!

I've been listening to a lot of Beth Moore sermons as of late and one of them has stuck with me. She was talking about Jesus' first miracle, in which He turned the water into wine. She said it was such an appropriate miracle to "start things off with" because we serve a God who makes something out of nothing. This is so applicable in terms of our service. God can make something with you or do something through you, when there is nothing inside of yourself that can make it happen. He is the God of something from nothing. Why is He like this? How else can He show His true power? Anyone can make something from something that is there, but how much more power does it require to make something from absolutely nothing?

3.) Serve where you have been served:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 NIV

We all know pain, some sort of shadow or storm that God has pulled us through. A lot of times it is those experiences that He has allowed so that you may serve another down the road. Think about your experiences and what He has brought you through and how those things can be turned in to ways you can serve. Find a group in your community that works with the same kind of people you once were and get involved. Start your own group or just be on the lookout for those who cross your path with the same troubles that you once had. You will be amazed by how many people God will put in your life who suffer from the things that once burdened and bound you that need you to serve them.

I am not quite sure who God wanted to hear this. Someone might need to start figuring out how He has gifted you and how He can use you in that area. Someone might need to step out in a huge leap of faith to that one thing He has been pushing in your direction, but you have felt too inadequate to take on. And someone might need to start serving up a big platter of comfort to the ones who are going through a place you've already been. Could I be talking about you?

Until next time,

-C.

Your turn: (I'd love to hear your thoughts...leave a comment, PLEASE!)

1.) Do you feel like you are serving where He wants you? If not, where do you think He is leading you to go? If so, which of the three areas are you serving in: your gifting, your not-gifting, or your area of past comfort?

2.) What keeps us from serving others in the capacity God calls us to?

3.) Is there a such thing as too much service? Why or why not?

A slice of humble pie...

2009-03-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I am serving a free slice of pie...before you get too excited, it probably isn't the kind you are thinking about! Remove the visions of plump, juicy blueberries oozing out the side of light, crispy crust and instead replace it with a big o' honkin' slice of humble pie. That is the kind of pie I am serving up tonight...so, if you'd rather not enjoy a slice with me, I take no offense.

I never thought I had an issue with pride, until I realized that was prideful to think. I mean, to some degree we all have issues with pride. My issues tend to fall on the side where I think everything I do must be perfect and any deviations from such a path is a defect that I must perfect. Wow! Can you get any more pride filled than that? I believe that I must do things correctly all the time, and if I can't, then I can somehow fix it so I can. I am hoping I am not alone in this pride fest, I'd like to think there are some of you right there with me. The truth of the matter is we all have something we are covering up, something we are unwilling to admit, something inside of us that we either exalt above others or shamefully hide at such a degree that we become completely inauthentic beings.

I decided tonight I needed a little slice of humble pie. I am not quite sure what it was, probably just the thoughts God had flowin' in my mind after Bible study. I just realized tonight what a mini-god I think I am sometimes. I mean I think that my worrying and holding onto situations can really solve them in a God sized way. God just watched as I tripped flat on my face today after a situation that I was wholeheartedly desiring to give to Him, kept getting ripped from His clutches and back into my "mini-God" hands. Little did I know, God had already worked it out and I had an unnecessary stomach ache because I was believing myself to be higher than I ought: a mini-god with some control over life through my mighty, "mini-god" power of worrying.

My first bite of pie...

Humility (noun): "The state or quality of being humble; freedom from pride and arrogance; lowliness of mind; a modest estimate of one's own worth; a sense of one's own unworthiness through imperfection and sinfulness; self-abasement; humbleness."

I've highlighted the tastiest morsels. Humility is the state of being FREE from our pride, a modest estimation of own worth (the opposite of thinking I even have an ounce of the power God has to control situations), an understanding of how truly imperfect, sinful and unworthy we truly are.

My next bite...

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

Proverbs 16:18 NIV

You know what is going to happen every time I elevate myself into a position where I believe I have some control over circumstance, the same thing that happened just today...I am going to fall flat on my face. Pride ultimately leads to our own destruction and fall. If you don't like tripping, quit walking like you are more than you are!

And another bite...

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

-Proverbs 11:2 NIV

"A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor."

Proverbs 29:23 NIV

Isn't a bit ironic that the purpose that pride serves (to bring ourselves honor), does the complete opposite? God is a God who likes to work the opposite of our human understanding. Where we thinking the best and brightest should be raised up, He chooses the lowest and slowest. And for what other reason than to show how truly powerful He is? Anyone can pick the best and make them the highest, but what kind of strength and power is required to choose the one on bottom and raise them to the top?

Licking the plate...

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV

Here is the kicker...or at least one of them. If you, like me, need to enjoy a big ol' whoppin' slice of this pie I am talking about, it requires you laying it ALL out there. If you really want to devour the freedom in not having to keep up the heavy curtain that pride hangs in front of our lives, you got to just drop it and say, "World, here it is!" Every last imperfection you are trying to cover up with the concealer of conceit, every single weakness you are veiling in a shroud of false perfection has got to be shown so that He can swoop in and take an imperfect weakling and make them a God perfect being. It usually ain't a pretty sight, but God isn't about being pretty, He is about being real.

And a wipe of my face...

"I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me."

1 Corinthians 4:3-4 NIV

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

1 Peter 5:5-7 NIV

Just as I lick that plate clean, God needs to clean me up a bit. Humility, He says, is not some God-sanctioned self-bashing fest. We aren't to start judging and condemning ourselves for all the ways we fall short. No, there is One who has that position. We are though, to act humbly towards one another. To look at those around us in a higher esteem than we hold ourselves, with a heart of a servant. We are to humble ourselves under God's mighty hand, by just admitting how unworthy and undeserving we are in the scheme of everything and that if He so chooses to use such a lowly being, that it will be OUR honor to be able to serve such a powerful, wonderful, and merciful God. You ready for the last wipe? Check out 1 Peter 5:7 ("Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."). Is it a coincidence that it follows several verses that talk about humility? I don't think so! I think it is of the utmost significance. This is the line for those who think themselves mini-god's. Friend, this one is for me. If I truly want to be humble before my God, I need to learn that He needs to take all the anxieties, the insecurities and the difficulties from my self-created throne onto His all mighty one.

Here's to a full serving of some humble pie...

Until next time,

-C.

Your turn:

1.) Am I alone in this pie eatin' session?

2.) What do you try to cover up with pride? Be as specific or general as you please.

3.) Why is humility so tough for us human types?

4.) What are some specific ways to act humbly?

Something's missing...

2009-03-22T13:28:00.000-07:00

For the past couple of weeks, I have felt as though something has been missing within me. One of those things, you just can't quite put your finger on, but notice its absence nonetheless. Then, one day out of the blue, God hit me in the face with it. I had lost my joy.

Joy is an elusive concept for me because my human mind equates it with happiness: a fleeting, temporal state. So, I decided I needed to go down the rabbit hole of joy to find out what I lost and how to get it back. I thought you might be up for an adventure to find it with me as well.

It is hard when you lose something, yet you aren't quite sure what it is. There were many definitions for it, and many led back to its cousin, happiness. I liked this one the best:

"Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.
The expression or manifestation of such feeling."

Joy is two parts: one part intense emotion, the other part is the expression of that emotion. Joy is not only a feeling, but it is an action. This struck me as to how I could get my joy back. Usually, our thoughts precede our actions. But sometimes, we need our actions to precede our thoughts. Sometimes we need to act first in order to feel. The reason being is that sometimes our stubborn minds can change their emotional state to match our actions, but if we just start acting. My first step in working towards getting this lost joy to return to my life is start acting as if I am joy-filled: ecstatic about the life I've been given.

Ok, so I have got to start acting joyful...I'll work on that. But, then I started looking in Scripture and found myself a bit confused... my mother always told me to learn to be content, a state of consistent satisfaction no matter what my circumstance. Happiness, she would say, is only temporary, whereas contentment is everlasting. Joy, on the otherhand, seemed like something we are supposed to have continuously, like contentment. Afterall, it is a fruit of the spirit (one of the characteristics those of us who profess Christ are to exhibit in our lives at all times). But, the Bible seems to refer to many "kinds" of joy: short term, long term, joy in God, joy from God, and joy from others or circumstances. Sccrreeechhhh...I thought joy came in just one form and was meant to flow continuously??

I decided I needed to look at a couple of the "types" of joy we are supposed to have:

1.) Constant Joy:

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV

One of my life verses here. God's will for us is to have joy AT ALL TIMES, irregardless of circumstance. This is the kind of joy I need to get back. Times are tough, man, but if I truly desire to be the child of God He has called me to be, I need to find joy in the good times and the bad. I think the key to having this kind of joy follows after the first three words be joyful always: we've got to pray for it and we've got to be thankful for what we've got. Being prayer-filled and focusing on that which we do have and our blessings can keep our hearts joyful.

2.) Trial Joy:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3 NIV

My FAVORITE kind of joy!! (Can you sense my sarcasm??) Ok, not my favorite, but the kind I am currently learning to have. Joy, yes Joy, in times of trial and difficulty. Right now, God has changed my thoughts from a ho-hum, "What else can go wrong?" to "God, how are you going to use all these wrongs to make a giant right in my life?" I have actually found an inkling of joy as God is taking me through tests and tribulations to get me a little more "refined" than I was before. I've "shed some pounds" of empty, worthless being and am finding Him just whittling down my spiritual waist to His perfect size for me. The process still hurts, but there is joy in knowing that God is going to make something good out of all the heartache. That is a unique kind of joy that I pray you get to experience.

3.) Thankful Joy:

"Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his ; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture." -Psalm 100:1-3 NIV

This is perhaps the BIGGEST type of joy we are to have: joy in knowing who created us. This is a joy that resonates in thanksgiving. This is a joy in the fact that we didn't get what we deserved, that we have a future and a hope beyound the sorrows of this place, and that we serve a mighty God. That is a BIG joy that should remind us when times are tough, we know someone who is tougher.

Joy. I think I lost mine. I think I lost all three types, maybe even more that I did not go into here, but I think God is showing me how to get it back: focus on Him and what He has done for me, focus on my blessings, focus on the wonderful changes in me that are coming from trials. Maybe I need to start acting joyful and my heart will catch up and fill in that missing joy I've lost.

Here's to finding what was missing...

Until next time,

-C.

Your Turn:

1.) Joy check: Do you feel like you live with a daily joy? Why or why not?

2.) How do you think you can sustain joy?

3.) Have you lost your joy? How are you gonna get it back??

Lessons from my travels...

2009-03-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

So, this past week, my mom, my sister, my daughter and I enjoyed 5 fun filled days on the other coast in sunny San Diego. It was a great time, filled with visits from friends and various sight seeing trips. But, it was also a time of learning...

Here is what I learned during my travels:

#1: Children don't have to travel to have fun. We took a 7 hr plane ride to the other side of the country and do you know what my child's FAVORITE part was?? The "El-a-vay-tor" as she called it. Yep, forget the San Diego Zoo or the La Jolla beach, the stinkin' Embassy Suites Elevator was the most exciting part of our adventure to her!!

#2: Just because celebrities like it, doesn't make it good. So, after years and years of watching reality shows and reading gossip magazines in which celebrities are chowing down on their Pinkberry yogurt, I finally got my chance to taste this seemingly magical dessert. And can I just say GROSS!! It had no flavor and tasted a bit like frozen chalk. Just because you are rich and famous, does not mean you have a mature pallete!

#3: I have to live in a major city before I die. I've discovered one more "bucket list" item. I really, really, really want to live in a major downtown before I die. San Diego would be ideal: it is safe, fun, and filled with sunshine! We'll see where the military takes us, maybe my dream can come true!

#4: Traveling with a toddler does not constitute a vacation. I don't know if it was the vomitting in the middle of the airplane aisle, or chasing her around the San Diego Zoo, making the screeching monkeys look tame, but somewhere along the line, I grew increasingly more tired than I was before this "vacation." I've learned that 2 years old is NOT the time to take major trips across the country. Brad and Angie, I do not know how you do it...but I guess the army of nannies helps. Anyway, I now must spend the next 5 to 6 days recovering from the travels that were meant to bring me renewed strength.

All in all, it was a fun time and we were able to see some of my dearest friends who have relocated to the west coast. But, for future reference, I will be choosing a vacation destination within an hour of my home that has the most exhilirating elevator, so we can all have fun and rest!

Here's to travels...

Until next time,
-C.

Who do you trust?

2009-03-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."

-Psalm 9:10

Trust (noun): reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety of a person or thing; confidence. (www.dictionary.com)

Trust. I'd like to say that I wholeheartedly trust my creator in any given circumstance. I'd like to say that when "life comes at [me] fast", I immediately have confidence that my God will handle it all. But, the truth of the matter is, this is the lesson God is working His darndest on me right now.

For the past four months, I have been going through the darkest season of my life up to this point. I thought the sun was finally showing through the clouds and then more bad news, more pain, more suffering began falling from the skies. It is easy to automatically ask God why He is allowing all of this trial in my life in such a tone that denotes that it is a bad thing. But, He keeps bringing me back to this question, Do you trust me?

I always stumble when it is time to answer, "Well, yeah God, sure, um, yeah, I trust you ." Then, He says, "Let's find out..." as a new hurdle or hardship enters my path. Then, I find myself in a heavenly tug of war with God with the rope of my problems in between us. "God, surely I trust you in most circumstances, but THIS ONE, I am not quite sure of...let me take it and worry about it and mull over it awhile." But, trust doesn't work like that. It is a very all or nothing choice. You can't dip your toes in the trust pool, you have to canon ball into it. I have to canon ball into it.

There are 179 Biblical references for the word "trust." Is that significant? Absolutely! God shows us the things that matter the most to Him by His repetition of concepts and His desires for our lives in His word. He is constantly seeking an unwavering trust in Him alone, yet we are constantly tugging and pulling on the rope of our problems just in case God can't handle this one thing.

It is a unique gift to be in the midst of one of God's lessons for you and recognize it as such. Usually, we don't quite realize that we have been going through the school of the Lord until well after the fact, when we reflect upon it to see His hand in our lives. But, to be able to go through struggles and to have Him share with you what His ending desire is for your life is a miracle. Does it make the struggles any less painful? Usually not, but it gives them a newfound purpose and respect for the refining that is happening through them. Every lesson and every sermon I have heard in church, Sunday School, on the radio, and in Bible study the past two months have been on: fear, trusting God, having faith and similar topics. He is giving me the cliff notes to His lesson, if I would give up my stubborn hold on my circumstances and just trust Him.

One of the points He has made to me is that the trust is not that everything turns out to be my perfect scenario of resolution. No, our God is not that superficial. He doesn't want to just put the pieces back together so they fit just as we think they should. Our God wants more for us. He wants us to get beyond a life of everything turning out just as we wanted. He wants to give us a life in which we turn out just as He wanted. That is the goal. He wants to know that if our worse case scenario happens, we can still trust that He is exactly who He says He is: the mighty, loving, trustworthy God.

Trust. This is my lesson. This is the question of the day. I don't know that I have or ever will completely pass the test, but each day, each circumstance, each suffering is a chance to check Yes next to test question one: Do you trust the Lord with everything in your life?

Here's to trust....

Until next time,
-C.

Your turn (respond in my comments if you so choose)
1.) What makes trusting so hard?
2.) Why is it that God can bring us from so low valleys to a high mountain yet we face a valley again, we forget everything He has done for us up to then?
3.) What is the opposite of trust?
4.) What does it mean to trust someone? How does someone gain trust? How do they lose it? How does our idea of trust for people affect our trust in God?
5.) Do you think we will ever learn this lesson or is it a lifelong struggle?

The truth about Mommyhood...

2009-03-05T17:06:00.001-08:00

Today, I was on the brink of a mommy meltdown. To my defense, it was our wedding anniversary and my husband is going on a night flight until well after midnight, I am a bit hormonal and I was in the presence of a very busy toddler. I found myself a little bit annoyed (gasp!) with my child and realized that wasn't the kind of thing a "good" mother thinks to herself.

There are a lot of things about motherhood that no one really tells you up front. When you are childless, motherhood seems like this secretive sublime little club where they have their own made up language and do their secret fun activities together, all the while with a giant smile plastered across their face. Well, once I joined the club I learned that the plastered smile was to keep them from having a complete nervous breakdown.

So, I thought of some of the other "myths" of motherhood. Here goes:

Myth #1: Your skill as a mother is determined by the behavior of your child.
Fact: These little rugrats do exactly what they want, no matter how skilled a mother they had to train them. They are well, like us...fleshly little beings who have a mind, spirit and desires of their own. You can offer them guidance. You can show them the right way. But, at the end of the day, they are their own little people, even at a pint sized 21 months.

Myth #2: Showing fatigue is a sign of weakness.
Fact: Showing fatigue is a sign that you are still alive. If I see one more mom in the presence of other mothers, pretend as though she is not completely exhausted from the constantacy of mother-dom, I think I might have a mommy breakdown. Come on, ladies! This is some hard work...don't act like I am the only one who can barely keep my eyes open. Don't act like you don't know what I am talking about! PLEASE! Show some undereye circles so I know I am not alone in this battle for rest...

Myth #3: You will always like your child.
Fact: You will always love your child. Here goes my shot at mommy of the year award. Sometimes, on rare occasions like today, I find my child to drive me crazy. I just get tired of chasing and telling her to stop putting things in the toliet, don't eat out of the trash can, put the pots and pans back into every single cabinet in my kitchen, and please, please, please do not write on the wall again with crayons. Some days this is all so endearing and then some, it is a little hair raising. But, the good news is, at the end of the day you find yourself still in love with the little monster :).

Myth #4: Everyone knows what hard work it is to be a momma.
Fact: Only moms know how hard it is to be a momma. The man whom you share your hopes and dreams can sometimes be the most clueless of them all as to how tough this gig is. After all, in his mind he envisions a quiet young lady, playing on the floor with her dolls, while you lazily watch Oprah and drink a mint julep. Little of what he sees in his vision of what your day entails what truly occurs. He does not see the phone ringing, the child hanging from the rafters, you trying to cook lunch while putting in a fourth load of laundry and answering the phone as the UPS man rings the door to deliver a package and your pot of noodles boils over. No...this is not his vision of life in your shoes.

Myth #5: Motherhood is the most rewarding job.
Fact: Ok, hear me out on this one. Motherhood is the most rewarding job, I know I said it was a myth, but it is not in the way you are thinking. Rewards in motherhood are not like other jobs. When you are doing great in your career, you get high praise or a promotion and a raise. It doesn't work like that in the land of moms. There is no "Applause-o-gram," kids aren't naturally inclined to say, "Mom, you have really stepped up your mothering skills. I think I am going to give you the day off and a couple of thousand dollars for you to treat yourself. Thanks mom, you deserve it!" No, don't expect that kind of accolades. The rewards you get in mothering is usually a bit more elusive at times. It comes when she finally gets saying "please and thank you" and does it without any coaxing from you to a stranger. It comes when she asks for a kiss out of the blue. It comes when you are out in public and someone comments on what a happy child she is. Those are the rewards of motherhood. Less elaborate. Less pronounced. But, immensely more valuable than any other position on this earth.

Myth #6: Moms always know what they are doing.
Fact: We are all secretly petrified that we are doing this whole thing wrong. Why is it that when moms are congregated together they immediately begin comparing their children? Because none of us have a clue what we are doing and just hoping that our kid is at least somewhere in the middle of this thing called "developmental milestones." You can only imagine the secret panic we moms experience when we hear a checkpoint that our little Johnny has not shown, while little Susie over there, three months younger, has been doing it for weeks now. Our minds begin trying to pinpoint where exactly we have failed our child. Was it that extra coke we drank during pregnancy? Or perhaps it was when we looked away for just a second and junior tripped face first on the concrete? Mom is always thinking somehow this is all my fault.

Myth #7: Motherhood is filled with constant companionship.
Fact: Being a mom is often quite a lonely job. Whether you stay home or work, you can often find that motherhood brings a certain amount of isolation. For the stay at home mom, she can often feel bored out of her mind with such limited adult interaction so she attempts to fill her day with mommy groups, grocery trips and the like. The working mother can often feel as though she is unlike her stay at home counterparts. While she may have the luxury of complete sentences with fellow grown ups, she secretly harbors a certain amount of guilt about leaving her baby. Her stay at home friends don't quite get it and her fellow working moms, don't talk about it.

I guess my big question is why are moms so afraid to talk about the real truth of mommyhood? Why do we all just try to keep up the facade that we know what we are doing and that we aren't freaking out on the inside? Is it so we appear competent and good at our job? Is it fear of the huge amount of judgement that exists in the momma circle? I am not quite sure, and I am pretty sure I may have broken some mommy codes here, but maybe it can make another mother take a deep breath and think Phew! I am not alone!

You are not alone....

Here's to mommyhood...the real story.

Until next time,
-C.

My Beloved...

2009-03-03T16:33:00.000-08:00

"I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine."

-Song of Songs 6:3

March 5th will mark four years of marriage for me and my beloved...four years. This year, we will have spent ten years together. It seems like we've been married for much longer than just four years. Four years seems so short: the time it takes to go through high school, college, or to obtain a medical degree. It seems like a flash...a lot has happened in that short amount of time so maybe that is why.

In those four years, we have lived in five houses, that is one move every 9.6 months if you average it out. We have had one baby. We have had 4 different cars. We have changed in innumerable ways.

This probably sounds bad to say out loud, but I like to pretend I am amongst blogging friends...I often wonder what makes us work so well together? I mean on paper, we are COMPLETE opposites. I like to think and talk about world issues, relationships, feelings, emotions. He likes to discuss cars, helicopters, and home audio equipment. I like to cook with fancy ingredients and make things that are difficult to pronounce. He would be happy with a meal made from a box with a white glove on it or some frozen fish sticks. I like to explore towns, try new restaurants, check out small boutiques. He likes to stay home and work on projects around the house. I mean, really we are about as opposite as two people can be, but we work...and we work well.

I am by no means qualified to give marital advice, because well, I'll be the first to admit, I have a LONG way to go in becoming the perfect wife, but I did try to figure out some of our "rules" that make us work:

1.) God first. Family second. Everything else third. This of course is our ideal...in actuality, we find ourselves struggling to keep this order of things, but it is good to have that same goal that we are continuously working towards.

2.)There is no out. There is no get out of marriage free card: no divorce, no affairs, no checking out. We set this one from day one. Well, actually before day one. We are in it til the end so we have a choice, we can be miserable or we can be happy. We usually decide to be happy because miserable is no fun.

3.) Say it and then we can take it back later. This rule was created for my love as he sometimes will, how do I put this, insert his foot very far down his throat. So, we just live by the rule you can say whatever you are thinking at the moment and we can take it back after we think about it and realize it is not a true feeling or statement.

4.) You gotta laugh. Marriage is tough enough trying to get two completely opposite creatures to live in perfect harmony so you have got to add some humor. We spend most of our time laughing at or should I say "with" each other. I mean who else do I know that can successfully rearrange the dishes every single time they unload the dishwasher? I often struggle with answering the question, "Where does this go?" when helpful guests ask for guidance in putting away a dish. The answer is always, "It depends on who is unloading..."

5.) Figure out each others love language. Every couple must read or be familiar with The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is the only way this high gifts and quality time person could stay happily united with a high physical touch and words of affirmation guy.

6.) TALK! This is one of our biggest reason for success besides rule #1. I get shocked in the military when I meet a wife who doesn't know what squadron her husband is in or a wife who doesn't know about their spouse's coworkers. We talk about it all, from the moment he gets home, I get the run down of every funny story, every thing that went wrong, who he saw, what he said, and so forth. He has even gotten to the point of asking the new people he meets "questions for my wife" because he knows what I will ask (common girl questions: is he married? what is his wife's name? what does she do? do they have kids?). I think a HUGE part of our intimacy comes from this deep desire to know what is going on in each other's lives. He knows every crazy thing our child did, every emotional roller coaster I rode, and every fear I have. I know what he thinks about the people he interacts with, what is stressing him out and what he is wishing was over at every given moment. Talking is what truly keeps us connected when our schedules keep us far apart.

7.) Choose your battles. This has been a hard one for me. I like to be right. I like to prove I am right. I almost made a career out of being right and proving I was right. Then, I realized some times it really doesn't matter...it really isn't important who left the light on or who forgot to lock the door. There are important issues, ones that need both sides looked at, but most issues are not these types.

8.) Focus on what you love about the person. It is so easy to get wrapped up by the annoyances this man child (I use the term lovingly, of course) living in your house causes you: why he doesn't put on a new roll of toilet paper, the fact that he won't take the garbage out until you nag him at least five times or when he says that grocery shopping was your break for the day. Yes, those things can easily become the things your mind automatically think of when you think of your spouse. But, if you can look beyond them at the wonderful things about him like the fact no man could love or respect you like he does, that he is a Godly man who you never have to worry about in terms of his faithfulness and the way he loves and adores that little princess sleeping in the next room, then, the little annoyances seem to disappear altogether.

2009-02-07T19:34:00.001-08:00

If grace was getting something you didn't deserve, then mercy is a bit of the opposite: not getting something you DO deserve. That's right...in the simplist of terms, mercy is not being punished when you surely have earned a good smack on the ol' hand. Specifically, mercy in the context of the Bible is referring most often to the mercy with receive each and every day:

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 6:23

As fun as it is to think about, each of us has earned a one way ticket to no, not paradise...quite the opposite in fact, just based on the fact that we have fallen short to what God had required us to be. But, through His grace, He gave us the gift of Christ to totally wipe clean that debt that sin accumulated for us. Then, by His mercy, He didn't give us what we had coming to us, death, a permanent, unpleasant, not the kind of place you want to spend the afterlife in, death.

The bottom line in the whole mercy and grace issue is that God knew from the start how royally we messed this whole Earth thing up. We had it GREAT: no work, no pain, no saddness, no death. Life was PERFECTION! But, then this little thing called sin crept in and offered us an alternative to perfection we had and we, like the weak, fleshly beings we are, snatched it up and have dealt with the aftermath ever since. God could have just left us alone at that point. I mean, He had given us everything on a better than silver platter and we flung it in His face, saying we thought the less than perfect platter offered by some sneaky snake, was more enjoyable. He could have left us to our own devices. However, in His great compassion and kindness, He opted to give us another option to this less than perfect existence we had accepted as our fate. He sacrificed His own flesh and blood, His son. I think about that a lot since I had a child. I love that little girl sleeping on her floor right now because she refuses to sleep in a crib. I mean I love her A LOT. If God's love towards His Son was even an ounce more than the love I have for her, He loved Jesus a lot, too. Then, to willingly allow His Son to die, for a whole lot of people who didn't appreciate the sacrifice, must have pained Him deeply.

He could have made us each prove ourselves worthy of even setting foot in His presence. He could have made it all depend on how good we did in this life. He could have graded each and every one of us according to our ability to follow in His precepts. Instead, He chose to make it a "get out of jail" free card scenario, where all we had to do was believe and ask for Him to save us.

"I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion. It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy."

- Romans 9:15-16

That is why this whole mercy and grace thing is so important in Christianity. It is kind of the crux of it all. We don't deserve God's love. We can't earn God's love. He is just freely giving it to us and not giving us the fate that we deserve. That's it. That's the whole point of it, period.

If you are tired of waking up each and every day thinking about how bad you messed up the day before. If you are sick of constantly feeling the ache and pain of a broken home, broken heart, or the broken people around you. If you just want to feel as though you matter in those whole, big universe. You can. You just have to accept the free gift and the freedom from the punishment that would await you had it not been for God's grace and mercy.

Here's to not getting what we deserve...

Until next time,

-C.

In my mind...

2009-02-05T13:23:00.000-08:00

If I had to create a word picture for what it is like to be in my brain, it would be like the scene in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy gets whisked away by the storm: frenetic, dizzying, whirlwind with the occasional cow whizzing by.

What is it like in your brain?

Our regularly scheduled blog will return later today or tomorrow...

Until next time,
-C.

Grace...

2009-02-04T14:39:00.000-08:00

I LOVE presents! I mean any kind: big, small, in between. The present itself doesn’t really matter. It is just the idea that someone knowingly, willingly, consciously thought about me and what I would like and put it in a box and tied it with a bow. I try to hide it with a coy, “oh, you didn’t have to get me anything!”, but deep inside, I am thinking Thank God you did! If you have ever read The Five Love Languages, the language of gifts is at the top of my list. I show and receive love through presents a lot of times. My favorite type of presents aren’t the birthday ones, or the anniversary ones, it’s the “just because” ones. You know, the unexpected, with no rhyme or reason, didn’t know this was coming or I would have prepared a more joyful and elated reaction instead of the shock and awe response I am having, ones. Those are my favorite presents to receive.

I think my love of gifts really made the concept of “grace” quite easy for me to grasp. After all, grace is the kind of gift I most cherish. It is the unexpected, undeserved, “just because” present I love to unwrap. I’ve heard it said that grace is “getting something you don’t deserve.” Man, if there is something I love, it is getting something that I hadn’t necessarily earned, that doesn’t cost a thing, and that is mine for the taking.

Christians use the words “God’s grace” a lot and I think it is one of those things that many non-believers, those new to the faith and the spiritually mature often don’t quite understand. We hear that we all have the gift of God’s grace, but what does that mean? What does it mean to receive something from Him that we don’t deserve?

“Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned— for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law. Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who was a pattern of the one to come.
But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God's grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! Again, the gift of God is not like the result of the one man's sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification.”
Romans 5:12-16

Sin came through Adam. We all, from that point on, could not be the perfect individuals God had created us to be before Adam and Eve fell. We weren’t meant to know the pain and torment that we all know now because of sin: sins we’ve committed, sins of our fathers, sins of the world. We were never supposed to know this kind of pain. But, since we did know it, God gave us a gift to get out of it. A way to not have to pay for the wages of it. He gave us a gift, an unexpected, undeserved, “just because I love you” gift through the death of His Son.

The best part is this isn’t a one time only gift. It is the original gift that “keeps on giving.”

“[But] where sin increase, grace increased all the more.”
Romans 5:20

Have you ever heard the phrase, “The higher you climb, the harder you fall.” God’s grace is a lot like that. If you wake up one morning and realize like I do everyday, man, I have royally made a mess of this one! If you look at your life, your past, your choices and have the constant what was I thinking thought, you are a great candidate for a whole lot of grace. God will always give us something we don’t deserve in the midst of the giant, muddy mess that we have created down here on Earth. It is the gift of His Son to save us from ourselves and the disaster we’ve created.

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.”
Ephesians 1:7-8

He picks the most foolish of us to shame the wise. He selects the weak ones to shame the strong. He chooses the unimportant, non-influential, the lowly and despised, the undeserving ones to do the most incredible of tasks. He gives us His undeserved favor so that we can show a broken, messed up world that yes, it is true, you aren’t going to make it out of this place alive, but you can make it out with life if you just choose to take the unexpected, “because I love you” present that He has placed in our hands.

Grace is a gift. It is one we didn’t earn. You don’t have to be “good enough”, you don’t have to add notches on the ol’ Christian belt with how many nice things you’ve done or people you’ve brought to Jesus, you just have to accept it, unwrap the bow, and open the box.

Here’s to the gift…

Until next time,
-C.

A new blog series...

2009-02-03T14:27:00.000-08:00

I’ve decided to do a “series” of blogs this week. I am not quite sure why, perhaps namely for my own personal edification, but hopefully, you can gain something as well. I’ve been thinking about some “Christian concepts” lately. Some that I myself have at one time or another wondered exactly what does that mean? Sometimes Christians throw around a few “buzz” words and we all shake our head in agreement without truly knowing what we are talking about.

So, this week, I am challenging myself more than anything, to find out exactly what we are talking about. The four ideas we are going to explore are:

(1) The Fear of God
(2) Grace
(3) Mercy
(4) Providence

I hope you will join me and do some of your own “homework” in discovering what ideas are you constantly hearing, yet don’t know the meaning of. There is a good chance that these blogs will be too long for your typical glimpse on your blog roll, but hopefully, some of you can find something to glean!
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The first concept I want to explore is the fear of God. For the longest time, I thought I was supposed to be afraid of the Lord. And to some degree, I was. I thought He was just some cosmic killjoy, who could smite entire nations, and was looking to catch me doing wrong so He could zap me with his scepter. But, this is the furthest from the truth of who God is and the true meaning of fearing Him.

According my study Bible commentary, the term fear of God is an important one in the books known as “wisdom literature”, specifically from the book of Job all the way through Song of Songs. Wisdom literature teaches right living and how to truly commune with God in all circumstances. The words fear of God is defined as, “to have respect and reverence for God and to be in awe of his majesty and power.” (Life Application Study Bible)

Where do we see His majesty and power, in order to stand in awe of it? According to His word, it can be found in two places: 1.) nature, His creation and the world around us (see Psalm 19), 2.) in the stories of His people, the Bible. Think about this idea for a moment. We are to stand in reverence and awe of Him. If you truly want to do that as He commands, you got to go outside and see the amazing beauty He created and you have to get into His word to discover instance after instance of God proving His strength and power. You’ve probably experienced this sense of wonderment: on a vacation in the Colorado Rockies, on the white sand beaches of exotic locales, any place where the scenery literally takes your breath away and points you to the fact that something bigger than all of us, created this place. Those are moments of truly fearing God.

The thing I’ve struggled with in understanding this concept and the others we will look at this week, is how do we put into action the commands we are given? I mean, what do I need to do to truly fear God? Ok, so I’ve learned I can look at nature and be amazed by the beauty it possesses. I can look in His word and find examples of miracles, His hand, and things that only the God of the universe can do. But, it seems, there has to be more, some sort of action I need to take in addition to those things.

The Bible often equates fear of the Lord with one thing we all struggle with from time to time, obedience. This is such an important step in our walk. We are saved by faith alone, but if we truly want to show our heart and our love towards our God, we have to be obedient to His word.

To truly fear God means to be obedient in our words and actions matching the precepts He has given us:

“ Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.” -Psalm 34:11-14 (NIV)

“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” – Ecclesiastes 12:13 (NIV)

In order to truly fear God, we must obey Him, a logical question that might follow in our selfish little minds is: what do I get out of it? Come on, don’t deny it, you know you thought the same thing as me. The truth is that SO much is to be gained from a sincere fear of the Lord. Let me show you. If you can, in your daily renewal, take up again the desire to show true reverence and awe towards your God, you can find things in life, our broken minds and hearts didn’t think existed. You see the answer to many a question is simply to fear God.

Q: How do I become content in life, untouched by trouble?
A: Fear God

“The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.” –Proverbs 19:23

Q: How do I keep from doing such evil and sinful things that I regret?
A: Fear God

“Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for; through the fear of the LORD a man avoids evil.” – Proverbs 16:6

“Moses said to the people, "Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning."- Exodus 20:20

Q: How do I gain wealth and honor and a long “life”?
A: Fear God

“Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life.” –

Proverbs 22:4

Q: How do I gain knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in my beliefs?
A: Fear God

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.”- Psalm 111:10

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.”- Proverbs 1:7

“He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.”- Isaiah 33:6

I have heard the words fear of God since I was a child, but never before did I know its true meaning. Never before did I know how important this idea is to those who proclaim to know Christ. Never before did I know that if I want to live the limited moments I have on this earth untouched by circumstances, contented in all situations, wealthy, honored, and with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, I needed to learn the true meaning of fearing Him. I need to stand in reverence and awe of His creation, His works, and to show Him my stance through my obedience to His word. This is the challenge of our life. This is the one thing I am to do every day, above all other things on my to do list. I struggle daily with this, but I know by looking out my window and in my Bible, there is a God that can help me with anything I face.

Here’s to learning a new kind of fear…

Until next time,
-C.

Author’s Note: sorry for the “essay” like quality today…I’ll try to make the other entries less essay-ish and more fun J.

Be careful what you wish for...

2009-01-31T18:32:00.000-08:00

"Be careful what you wish for..." should be the motto for parenthood. It seems you are in a constant state of wishing your child would be in the next stage due to the exhausting nature of your current one. Yet, once you get there, you wish you could go back to the previous exhausting state because you miss it.

Parenthood can often become a wishing game, I've learned. From infancy to toddlerhood, I have caught myself on more than one occasion wishing for the opposite stage. Here are some of my wishful examples towards my own daughter's stages:

During infancy, I wished she would sleep during the night. In toddlerhood, I wished she would sleep during the day.

During infancy, I wished she'd start moving (roll, crawl, walk, you name it...). In toddlerhood, I wished she would stay still (sit, read, play dead).

During infancy, I wished she would tell me what she wanted. In toddlerhood, I wished she would stop telling me what she wanted.

During infancy, I wished she would poop less. In toddlerhood, I wished she'd poop more (in the big girl potty, that is).

If you are not careful, you can spend your whole parenthood wishing for something to come or that has already been. It is easy to focus on the difficulties of the stage you are in without focusing on the joys.

Right now, I wouldn't give up watching this toddler learning to speak, exploring the world around her, or finding humor in the most unusual of places. Yes, it is hard sometimes as I covet the days when I could leave her in a room while I took a shower or used the bathroom, without fear for her safety or that of my house. But, the stage she is in right now, is just filled with so much wonderment and laughter that I wouldn't go backwards nor would I speed up to the future.

Each stage is but a short season we get to enjoy these little people as they learn about the world around them. Each stage brings with it a new set of challenges, a new set of enjoyment, and a new set of clothes. I would hate to think I missed any of the precious moments I am given with this little one because I was too preoccupied with where we had already been or where we were heading. Perhaps one of the greatest challenges of parenthood is learning to live in the moment, and to enjoy every midnight feeding, every crayon mark on the wall, every school play, every soccer game, every school dance, every first date, every college acceptance. Because the truth of the matter is before long, we'll be wishing we could do it all over again.

Here's to enjoying the moment....

Until next time,
-C.

Acceptance...

2009-01-30T11:22:00.000-08:00

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference."

-The Serenity Prayer

I am not good at acceptance. I cannot seem to accept things, people, or circumstances that I believe should change. It has always been a struggle for me and probably, the root of most of my anxiety. When I see something that is broken, immediately I search for ways to fix it. When I see someone who is broken, I do the same and then become confused, angry, and distraught when they don't heed to my brilliant "suggestions."

God has really been breaking me on this. He has told me that if I don't get this piece of the puzzle, I am not going to get ANY of it. The truth is life is just a series of things we cannot change and yet, we are supposed to learn to live with it. And not just with an "ok, fine, whatever!" attitude, but one of contentment.

"The fear of the LORD leads to life:

Then one rests content, untouched by trouble." Proverbs 19:23

You see, our eyes are not supposed to be fixed on the things, people or circumstances we cannot change. Our eyes are to be fixed on the One who can. We are supposed to have a fear of God. This means, we are supposed to look at Him with such adoration and jaw dropping awe that our lives, whatever happens within them, can remain steady in His peace and calmness because we know His strength and glory.

I continue to struggle with this daily. I so desperately want certain things and certain people in my life to change for what I view to be "the better". Thank God He doesn't listen to my amateur solutions and instead can see the entire picture of what needs to happen.

No matter who or what in your life you believe needs to change, God is willing to give you a peace that transcends all understanding so that you no longer have to fear life and all of its circumstances, but rather, just fear (as in revere) the One in control of it all.

Here's to learning to accept the things we cannot change...

Until next time,

-C.

As always, post your thoughts, ideas, and topics...and become one of my "followers" so I know people actually read this. I know there are more of you out there, don't make me start naming the city and state from which you are following ;).

Military wifery...

2009-01-27T12:24:00.001-08:00

One of the best parts about being married to the military, is getting to meet such a diverse, talented group of military spouses. I've met the most amazing moms who can solve just about any child dilemma you are having, the most amazing crafters who can create jewelry, cards, and other types of art that deserves a spot in the best museums, and the most amazing writers who use blogging and other forums to write about their military adventures.

One of these talented ladies that I've met along our journey has created her own website, http://www.semperwifey.com/ . It is just an inspiring, fun, humorous look at all things military. I've been humbled to be able to be a part of this site and recently wrote a short piece about my 10 year anniversary as a Marine Corps honey. Be sure to check it out.

Ten years. Wow. That is a long time when you are only in your late 20's. I remember my first Marine Corps ball. As I proudly took my seat next to the best looking Lance Corporal there, a Gunnery Sergeant's wife leaned over and asked, "Date or Wife?" Proudly I exclaimed, "Date!" Only to watch as she swiveled around in her seat after an obligatory, "oh, that's nice, dear." Well, ten years since that day, I can boastfully declare "Wife!" If only, I could be asked that question just one more time.

Military life is an adventure that our civilian counterparts can never fully understand. It is filled with the highest of highs, the lowest of lows, and everything in between.

Here's to all the people who support some of the few and the proud...

Until next time,
-C.

Busy Moms...

2009-01-24T15:01:00.000-08:00

So, while at Target today, I thought I found the answer to all my problems. There in the book aisle was the 336 page The Busy Mom's Guide to a Happy, Organized Home: Fast Solutions to Hundreds of Everyday Dilemmas. I was just about to pick it up when I realized I don't even have the time to read how to make my home happy and organized. You'd think the author would have realized that after about oh, I don't know...page 2.

If I ever write a Busy Mom's Guide, it will either be: a.) written in subtitles of Barney videos, b.) on a post it note, or c.) hidden in the information panel of laundry detergent.

Here's to busyness...

Until next time,
-C.

Parenthood 101

2009-01-23T19:17:00.000-08:00

I knew a lot more about being a parent before I became one. Before I became one, my children were only going to eat organic foods and they would not be allowed to watch television. They were going to sleep on a strict schedule set by the best and brightest of medical minds, found in the pages of your typical go-to parenting tomes. Yes, before I became a parent, I was the most amazing mother ever.

Well, then I became a parent. And all my rules seemed to no longer apply, not because I didn't still believe in their value, but because I didn't take into consideration one very important element in my plans of perfect parenthood. I forgot the part about having a child...

You see, now that I am a parent, I've come to realize that much of parenthood is merely about survival. Sometimes compromises are made in ways you once vowed you never would just so that today does not become the day that mommy goes off the deep end.

Here are some of my top survival methods:
1.) Diaper Bags: Whoever came up with the concept of keeping everything you could ever need on an exursion out, neatly packed in one place, was in fact brilliant. And this concept should be one that I have fully embraced. But the thing I've learned about diaper bags is that they don't repack themselves (shocking, right?) and it requires an added amount of brainpower that my sleep deprived mind doesn't have, to remember to replenish the needed supplies. So, I've found that the best form of preparation is increasing the size of your "diaper bag" to include the entire floorboard of your car. Lost a sock? It's ok, because there are ten more hidden beneath the pile of cheerios and toys found conviently located on the floor of your car.

2.) Meal time: Clean floors are overrated. That is all I have to say about this one.

3.) Bed Time: At some point in every parental journey, you will pat yourself on the back as your child finally begins to sleep in their own bed for an extended period of time. Yes, you will beam from ear to ear as you explain to strangers that your child now sleeps through the night. Then, the shift happens. For some in comes in later infancy and for others, it is during full fledged toddler-dom. Yes, that beautiful little spawn starts to decide that the sleeping arrangements you were oh so proud of just moments ago, are no longer to her liking. And if you are really lucky (like I am), she will insist on your presence at every moment of her precious slumber. And sometimes, in times of survival, you will accept your fate and just let the little one's chubby little thighs karate chop you in the throat as she flails about between you and your beloved, at all hours of the night for no other reason than, you must sleep...she must sleep...we all must sleep.

4.) Clothes: For many women, having children is like a reversion to your own childhood. Yes, you finally have a life sized doll. This one pees and poops just like the Baby Alive you had at five years of age. Although, now the poop and pee is not quite as exciting as you rememered your plastic friend emitting. In addition to this newfound excitement, you now get to dress your "doll" any manner you choose. Oh, and the fun in selection begins! You find the most precious of precious outfits and slap it on like the perfect mother you are and in no time watch as your child hurls, burps, poo-splodes, or some other equally terrifying outcome. Yes, that pretty little doll outfit you had so eagerly changed your baby into is now permanently marked with a reminder of her latest expulsion. So, I've come up with some rules: no clothes over $15 new, nothing over $5 used, and white is not an option, no matter how adorable it is.

5.) Parenting Advice: Parenting advice is like, well there is a certain colloquial phrase that may not be appropriate for this platform, but it ends with "everyone has one." It is amazing how many people are willing to offer there two cents to tell you the best way in which to raise your angel. Some of this advice will come from the most unusual of sources: the lady next to you on the airplane, the man in the McDonald's, or your neighbor in the adjacent bathroom stall. Yes, everyone will be quick to offer you solutions to problems you didn't even know you had. Many of these solutions will revolve around your child's core tempature and the wonderfully selected outfit you recently put them in (which is now covered in an "expulsion" of some sort), your child's eating habits, or my personal favorite, your child's public displays of err, behaviors. The best survival method is the ol' "walk and smile". It goes like this: Parenting advice exits unsolicited source. Your face contorts to your best cheese grin and your legs begin to rapidly move in the opposite direction of the consultation gratis. Hitting old ladies will not win you mommy of the year awards, no matter how deserving they are.

6.) Mommy Comparisions: The thing they never ever told you in any birthing class was that as soon as you had that butterball, you would forever be set on a spiral of mommy comparisions. It begins innocently enough: in play groups, parks, Gymboree classes, Chick-fil-A's or any other place where groups of mommies congregate. It starts with the question, how old is she? And then it spiral, spiral, sprials down like the tornado that it is. If you are lucky, the age of your child and your inquiring companion's will significantly differ. If not, you are in store for a list of milestone checks like you've never experienced. You will be asked as to what percentages, level of competence and any other mommy-determined accomplishment to determine two things: A.) whose child is more advanced and B.) who is the better mommy. It comes from the sweetest of women and in such a way that you won't know what has happened to you until you begin to question your child's development and the competence you possess in rearing your pride and joy. Survival tip: claim mom-nesia and say that you do not recall your doctor's latest statistic updates and just say yes when asked, is your child doing ______ yet?

Yes, I was a far better mom before I had a child than I am now that I have a vivacious, "spirited" youngster (Survival tip #7: look for new ways to describe "bouncing off the walls" and "hurricane".) But at the end of the day, even though I haven't followed all the medically and socially prescribed mommy rules, I still have a kid who loves me more than anything and in my humble, momma opinion, is just pretty darn cool....even if she eats things that are overly processed and could watch television for a whole day straight if allowed.

Here's to making your own rules...

Until next time,
-C.

History

2009-01-20T13:32:00.002-08:00

As I sit by my window and watch a fresh blanket of snow fall to the ground, I can't help but think of today's historical events. The purity and beauty I see outside my window is reminiscent of what we as America have seen today. Regardless of your political orientation, today marks a day our children will read about in history books. Today marks a day in which, anyone, regardless of the color of their skin, ethnicity, socio-economic status or any other secondary factor to who they are can serve the country in the highest policitcal office we have. This is monumental and I am overjoyed to have been alive to see history come on the heels of celebrating Dr. King's birthday yesterday.

I am prayerful today. I think there is still a lot of division amongst Americans that I don't think will ever be resolved. As a country, both republicans and democrats, all want a savior, some political superhero to burst through the clouds and bring our country through some of our difficult times. For some, they see the new President of the United States as that savior. For others, they see him as a new adversary to be fought.

I don't think either of these outlooks is fair to this mere mortal who just hours ago, took an oath that will forever change his life and the lives of all Americans. The truth is he is just a man, who is going to face a countless number of decisions that will impact us here at home and those in countries around the globe. He is going to make mistakes, many of them. He is going to make some choices that will hopefully change the course of history for the better. But, at the end of the day, he will still not be the savior Americans are looking for.

It is dangerous to put our hopes and dreams into the hands of another person because in case you haven't noticed, humanity is flawed and frailed in all sorts of weakness and evils. All we can do is place our hope in the God of the universe who will hopefully, be the one true guide in this country's future actions.

Regardless of who you voted for in November, we each have a duty: both as Americans and as children of God, to support this new leader. He is going to fail, many a times over, but it is our duty to pray for him as he seeks the guidance of experts in all sorts of fields and Lord willing, the guidance of the One true expert.

So, let's all rejoice in this new chapter in American history. Let us all be glad that America has finally become a nation in which Dr. King's dream and ultimately, the dream of our creator rings true, a nation "where [we] will not be judged by the color of [our] skin but by the content of [our] character".

Here is to history...

Until next time,
-C.

More than a Conqueror

2009-01-18T18:38:00.000-08:00

"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered. No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:36-39

Do you ever just get tired...I mean, really, really tired of constantly living in a state of defeat? I was thinking about that this past week. I am just so sick and tired walking around as this wounded, broken person that I am right now. A little voice keeps giving its two cents saying the famous, "Yeah, but..." line I love to hear. You know what I am talking about, right? Here is how it goes in my head (and if you didn't think I was crazy before, this should surely solidify any questions as to my sanity...):

Self: I am tired of feeling so defeated.

Little Voice: Yeah, but you have reasons to be defeated.

Self: A lot of people have far worse circumstances than I do. A lot of people have had a lot worse things happen to them.

Little Voice: Yeah, but they haven't had this happen to them (Fill in this with whatever your "this" is
)

Self: True, but a lot of people have dealt with worse, and have grown and become better. They have overcome the difficulties.

Little Voice: Yeah, but they didn't have to deal with all of these other things. (Fill in these with whatever your "these" is)

This conversation continues on and on for a good while before I finally just give in to that Little Voice and accept that obviously it must know something more than I do and that maybe it is right. Maybe I should feel defeated, because man, oh man, let's face it, what I've dealt with in my life is tough. And while I know I am tremendously blessed, I can't help but think that I am not quite as blessed in this area or that area as I could have been.

Am I alone in this cycle of defeat? Does anyone else get to that place of getting ready to pull yourself out of a pit, only to be convinced to stay just a little bit longer? I've tried everything to get out of that place. I've tried to concentrate only on my blessings. I've tried affirmations, proclamations, and emancipations. But it seems, that little voice is right there to tug at my pant leg and pull me back down into that place of defeat.

But friends, we are not the sheep awaiting slaughter. We have nothing to fear. Not death. Not dire circumstances. Not people's words. Not even our own selves. Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can separate us from Christ and His love for us. Even in my moments of sheer defeat, in moments where I can no longer argue with that Little Voice, nothing can separate me from the most incredible love, the most incredible wholeness I will ever experience.

I know that yet why do I continue to live in a state of being overcome? Why do I allow myself to throw in the towel and accept the loss? Is it because a part of me enjoys the "woe is me" song I can sing and the "pity party" I can throw?

I am not quite sure I know the answer to the question of why. I am not even sure the answer really matters. I do know however that I am tired. Sick and tired of living this existence that gets beat up and punched every time life gets a little harder than before. I want to just stop it. Stop living that life of defeat, but I am convinced that I cannot do it on my own strength. I've just laid it down this week, friends. I really have. I have just thrown my hands up and said, "Lord, you deal with it, because I can't!" (Which has been the same remedy to dealing with a certain toddler who not only refuses to sleep in her crib, but also refuses to stay in it and can launch herself out like a pole vaulter...) I am tired of being tired.

How about you, friends? What are you tired of? What circumstance, emotion, person, addiction, or hurt has held you down until you have become so doggone exhausted that you can't even see straight? Are you ready to just lay it down? Are you ready to just say, "I can't take it anymore!"? It is hard to do. It is hard to get that tired that you are willing to just pass it off to someone else to just deal with it. But, when you do get that tired, you will for the first time feel more rested than you ever have!

Your thoughts:

Please share your thoughts in my comments section:

1.) What does it mean to you to become "more than a conqueror"?

2.) What keeps Christians in a place of defeat? Why do so many of us struggle with living lives of defeat when we have the one and only true form of freedom?

3.) What do you need to get really tired of and just give up? What emotion, circumstance, person, addiction or hurt has you tied down and living a life of defeat? Are you ready to give it away?

Judge Not...

2009-01-11T12:59:00.000-08:00

Today, we tried a new church. I know, I know...we sound like church hoppers. It is just that the church we have been going to is almost an hour away and we really want to get involved in our next church home. It just doesn't seem feasible with a toddler and an hour drive to church. So, we tried one closer to home.

It was more traditional, which is hard for me sometimes because I often find myself fighting the "traditional" church ways. I hate legalism and all it entails. I hate having to dress a certain way or be a certain way to feel accepted in a body of believers. Today, the church we tried was talking about this very topic, which made me straighten up in my seat and listen closely. The pastor was preaching on the very topic I have been writing about in my previous blogs: how Christians today seem so unauthentic to the world.

I liked it. I liked that what looked to be a more "traditional" church, recognized the world's view of Christianity and was taking a stand on it. The pastor preached mostly on hypocrisy and how hypocrisy in the church was perhaps one of the things that made Jesus the angriest. The preacher talked about how hypocrisy is NOT struggling with sin as a Christian, because we all do that. Hypocrisy is when our behaviors do not match our beliefs.

It made me think of all the ways my behaviors have not matched my faith. I think the biggest struggle for me has been a critical spirit and a spirit of judgement. I come from a long line of judgemental people and while that is by no means an excuse, it does help me recognize that I have to fight even harder to rid myself of it. Most of the time, my judgement truly comes from a place of love. Weird, I know, but I find when I am passing judgement on someone it is because I desire them to change their actions so that their life would be better (or at least my version of better). I think I just often forget how most of us know what we should be doing and just need someone to love us in spite of our actions.

Often times, I think it is the very things I hate about myself that I am quickest to point out in others:
"You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment?" Romans 2:1-3

It makes me wonder, why instead of passing judgement on someone else who is doing the same thing I am doing, do I not try to change myself? Is it laziness? Is it fear? I am not quite sure what it is in me that allows me to be quick to criticize my neighbor while turning around and doing the same thing myself or a variation of it.

I think for me, I need to truly come to the understanding that:
1.) There is only one judge and it ain't me! It requires a lot of emotional energy to find all the things other people aren't doing right and breeds inside of me a certain amount of negativity. I don't have to have this burden because God is truly the only one who has to judge!
2.) People need love and acceptance just as they are. If I truly desire to be Christ like as I confess I do, I need to start acting more and more like him. I think the greatest lesson from Christ was His ability to love people just as they were. He didn't go to the prostitute with condemnation in order to get her to follow Him. He went to her with love and acceptance. He hung out with the people that I would most likely avoid making eye contact with if on a public street. If I am to become truly His follower, I need to make my actions reflect His in the way that I treat each and every person I come in contact with.
3.) Judging people does not get them to change. This is the biggest lesson I've learned the past few months. I can pass judgement until I am blue in the face but that is not going to truly change people's hearts or actions. The only one that can do that is God and God alone so the only thing I can do is pray for the change, while releasing the person and the course of action required to change them to God. I can be there to help the person along the way if they so desire my help, but that is it. We cannot make people change!

I guess the reason I share all this is because one of the things the pastor talked about today is how if we truly want to bring authenticity to an unbelieving world, we have to allow for transparency in our own lives. A lot of times when I share my struggles, people are often surprised and say things like, "wow, I thought you had it all together!" I know I am often trying to put that image out there and for what reason, I don't quite know, but I have really been convicted about how we as Christians must share our struggles and our problems in order to be transparent and authentic.

If you've ever felt my judgement, please accept this as my apology and know that the heart in which it came from was truly one of love, not malintentions. If you are the praying type, pray for me that God would replace my eyes and judgement with His eyes and love.

Your turn:
I'd like to make this a more "interactive" blog so please respond in my comments section. You can do so anonymously if you prefer. Feel free to respond to any of the following and respnd to other posts as well:
1.) Do you believe today's church to be authentic? Why or why not? If you are a non-christian, what has been your experience with the church: positive or negative? If you are a Christian, what has been your experience within the church: a place of authenticity or of hypocrites?
2.) What affect does hypocrisy in the church have on non-believers?
3.) Do you ever feel like a hypocrite in your belief system? Why or why not?
4.) What is something that you struggle with that you feel you try to hide from others? Does that thing make you a hypocrite? What keeps you from sharing with others in the church about your struggles?

You rang?

2009-01-04T18:20:00.000-08:00

Hello my blogging friends!

I am back from an uneventful (thank the Lord), albeit not relaxing Christmas and New Year's. I found myself battling what felt like the world's worst ever case of the stomach flu from the night (3am to be percise) after Christmas all the way up to New Year's Eve. Nothing like ringing in the new year with sickness! Anyway, I am back and healthy, hoping you are as well!

Here is part two to of my responses to my inspiration from my friend, Christi. Thanks again Christi for the great ideas!

Christi writes:
"How does someone really hear the Lord talking to them, telling them His plan? People claim they act some way or made a decision because "God told them to." Does the plan or will you hear from God change or do WE just change? Ex: I used to think God was telling me to go to college for a certain profession, I was sure of it. It felt like a calling. Now it doesn't. Did I make up that calling or did God really impress that on my heart and now it is something different?"

____________________________________________________________________

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)

On the day of my 21st birthday, I was celebrating not only the milestone of becoming what I considered a "real adult", but also my college graduation. My parents encouraged me to seek further education and while I had an interest in psychology, the fear of the GRE math section focused my sights on the legal field. I prayed and prayed asking God to direct my path and it seemed He kept guiding me towards pursuing a law degree. He even laid verses on my heart like, "Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed." Psalm 82:3 (NIV) I was sure that I was destined to be the next Atticus Finch or Thurgood Marshell, in a courtroom somewhere, fighting for people who were neglected and disenfranchised.

When I got acceptance letters from some of the best law schools in the country, I thought it was God's way of directing my steps so I kept moving forward. I even got into my top choice, University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. Then, an offer for an almost full ride scholarship came from a smaller, lesser known law school in Alabama. The dean of the school was friends with one of the greatest legal minds in civil rights law, Morris Dees, whom I hoped to work for one day. I couldn't imagine God giving me any more clearer direction as to what He wanted me to do so I accepted the scholarship, said no to my top choice school, and moved to Birmingham, Alabama, the farthest place I'd ever been from home.

Fast forward six months. While everyone else in my law class seemed to be thriving in the super competative environment that was law school, I was miserable. I hated the fact that there was only one test that determined your entire grade for the class. I hated reading mounds and mounds of the driest, most boring material in the world and yet still having no clue what the law said about anything. I hated the fact that people hid library books and held secret study groups because they didn't want to allow anyone else the chance to understand or become better than them. I hated the fact that my professor told us to get over thinking that the law was about fairness, because it wasn't. Everything inside of me felt like I had made perhaps the most monumental mistake in my life and the fear of exposing that mistake to the rest of the world, ate me up day by day.

Law school dropout. It just sounded so pathetic. It sounded like a quitter. I hated being a quitter. I couldn't understand how it seemed like God had been revealing His will for me so clearly and now that I was following it, it felt like I had made a wrong turn somewhere. In a deep state of anguish, I cried out to God, asking Him to just tell me what to do so that I knew where I was supposed to be. Then, one day as I was sitting in my room, crying and praying, He led me to a passage in The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. There on the left margin, in big bold letters, it said, "God doesn't care about what you do, He cares about who you are." Talk about a screeching halt. What? God didn't care if I was a lawyer or not? I could just be a person who sought Him with all my heart and might, and He wouldn't care that the letters JD didn't follow my last name?

In that moment, I decided to quit law school. I finished out the semester and brought my parents my transcript with the words Dean's List emblazoned underneath my A's and B's. Then, I explained that I would be dropping out of law school and pursuing something else, which I wasn't quite sure about, but I thought it would be teaching. For those of you who are parents and those of you who have parents, you can imagine how bringing home good grades from a school that has given you free tuition and saying you are quitting, goes with two dumbfounded parents sitting in front of you.

But, at that moment, it didn't matter. Everyone elses opinion didn't matter, because God had clearly told me that He didn't care if I was a lawyer or not. If it wasn't what was right for me, then He was okay with that decision. For awhile, I would look back and wonder, had I misheard God's call for me? Can I trust myself in my next pursuit to know that I am truly hearing God's call for my life? How will I know if what I am doing is what He desires me to do?

But, God really changed me through that experience. It was humbling in many respects. I had always valued education and people with lots of it, and God just reminded me that a person's worth is not determined by what they know or how many letters follow their name. Their worth is intrinsically determined by Him and Him alone. To try something and to fail or to give up can be shattering to our self-image and how we view ourselves, but God taught me that His view should be the only one that matters to us.

Do I think now that I misheard God's call for me at the time? Absolutely not! I think what I didn't understand is that sometimes the outcome of God's call for us may not be the outcome we expected. I think I had prayerfully determined my steps and God guided me, but where He guided me was somewhere other than where I thought He would. How silly of me to assume that I knew the plans He had for me!

It can often be gutwrenching to try to determine if we are following God's will for our lives or our own will. It seems to get fuzzy and clouded at times as we try to figure out if God is giving us direction or not. Let's take a look at what God says about discerning His will from our own:

(1) Pray!: It seems like this is the answer to everything, doesn't it? His word says," Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 You can't make it any plainer than that. His will for us is to pray continually in all circumstances with a heart of joy and thanksgiving. So, if you are ever wondering what His will for you is, it is to PRAY so that you can learn to decipher His more specific will for various decisions you have to make in your life.

(2) Learn about Him and His character: How can you know what another person would decide in a given situation without knowing that person intimately? Think about it. Your best friend, your spouse, your child. Given 100 hypothetical situations, you could probably predict with a certain amount of accuracy what they would choose or do in any one of them. It is because you know them so intimately that you know how they think, how they respond, and how they act. In the same way, we need to know God intimately to determine how He thinks and how He would act in the situations that we might face. Romans 12:2 (we keep coming back to this one, don't we?) says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Only when we renew our minds daily with God's word do we begin to test and know what His perfect will is for our choices and our life!

(3) Seek counsel: Proverbs 15:22 says, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." As you are making your plans, get good advice from trustworthy, Christ-seeking people. Ask a spiritual mother or father what they believe you should do. A new perspective might give you insight that you hadn't before considered and God might use another person's wisdom to direct your steps.

(4) Commit all your plans to Him: "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3 Often times, our choices are between two very good options. I could have chosen to become a lawyer and help a lot of people or I could have moved on with my plans to become a teacher. Both were fine pursuits and God could have used me in either profession. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what we choose, it just matters that we give Him our plans and be willing to accept any and all changes He makes to them. My study Bible says that we need to, "[trust] God as if everything depended on Him, while working as if everything depended on us." I think that is a wonderful definition of what it means to commit our plans to Him.

(5) Know that no matter what, He can and will work everything out for your good: Romans 8:28 tells us that we can know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." No matter what choices we make, no matter how much we think we heard the will of God yet stumble in our steps, God will consistently work all situations and circumstances out for our good. We just have to learn and accept that our good sometimes means character lessons and growth, not everything working out perfect and seemlessly.

As you seek to discover God's will for you, your life, and your decisions, remember that "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9. You may start down a path you honestly believe to be God's will for your life at the moment, only to have the path fade away before your very eyes. You may make a choice or decision that you whole heartedly believe God to be calling you to do, only to find the outcome to not be as you expected. Just remember that ultimately God is in control and though things may not have turned out as you exactly planned, they turned out just as He did!

Here's to learning to answer His call...

Until next time,

-C.

P.S. Please post any topic ideas you have for future blogs in my comment section!! They are great challenges for me! Make 'em tough so I have to dig deep! Also, if you are a regular reader of my blog, please make yourself known in my "follower" section. It quells my curiousity...

Be ye transformed...

2008-12-21T18:36:00.000-08:00

Christmas is quickly coming upon us and while I’ll be on blog-cation for a week or so, I did want to do one last blog before I left. I asked for some ideas as I've been trying to write more and thanks to my bloggin’ friend (and real life friend too :), I had this as my “inspiration” for this last entry before I leave. PLEASE leave me any other ideas you all may have (I'll get to your second idea when I return, Christi ;), and feel free to share your answers, thoughts, comments to this blog in my comment sections.

Christ wrote:
“I've been trying to think of an idea for you. One I keep coming back to is the correlation between a sold out believer who has true faith in Christ and still falling prey to the human nature of worry and fear or depression. How can we gain control in our minds when our hearts truly belong to the Lord and we still feel so down? How can we physically, practically, realistically attain the joy of the Lord? Sunday School and cliche answers don't count. ;-)”- Christi

This blog hits on "some" of her question...it is a great question with lots more that could have been explored, but here goes!

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Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.- Romans 12:2

Let’s take a look at the pattern of our world.:
- At one point in their lives, every person will suffer from a period of depression.
- 18.8 million Adult Americans suffer from severe depressive disorders.
- 15% of the population in most developed countries suffer from severe depression.
- 30% of women are depressed. Estimates for men were once thought to be half that percentage, but now psychologists believe it to be higher.
- Preschoolers are the fastest growing market for antidepressants. No, there is not a typo…I said preschoolers.
- By 2020, depression will be considered the second biggest killer behind heart disease and studies are showing that there is some link between depression and coronary problems.
Statistics from the Uplift Program: http://www.upliftprogram.com/depression_stats.html
- 40 million adult Americans or approximately 18% suffer from an anxiety disorder. Frequently, those with disorders also have a co-occuring problem with drugs, alcohol or depression.
Statistics from NIMH: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-numbers-count-mental-disorders-in-america.shtml

Look at our headlines. They breed fear. At any given moment, I am worried about: drinking tap water due to the diseases that could be swimming in it, but I am also fearful of drinking bottled water because of the BPA in the plastic and the fact that from what I’ve read, the water in the bottle is from the tap so I don’t drink water which leads to me to fear that I am not drinking enough water; terrorists; the economy; the millions of ways I could get cancer; random acts of violence; gas prices; what foods are safe for consumption; the war and if my husband will be deployed and injured or worse in combat; the state of government and business corruption; if it is safe to send my child to a public school; will my family be healed from brokenness; and most frequently, does worrying increase my chances of dying younger? I know I am not alone in my fears. I know because I can look at the numbers above and see that at any given moment, you too are fearful of some of the same things I am as well as your own fears.

Fear and depression. This is the pattern of our world. And God knows that, which is why he tells us over and over again not to live in fear, not to be held captive by our sorrow. But, if you are like me, you live with a constant battle against the control these emotions have on your mind and your actions. I believe the answer to this battle lies in Romans 12:2 and if you, like me, have suffered years of the conflict of following the pattern of this world versus following Christ, you too long to finally once and for all end this fight.

To truly get out from under our fears and pain, we need to take a deeper look at what Paul gives us for an answer to this constant drip and nagging that anxiety and depression has in our hearts and our minds:

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of the world:
We’ve established what the world’s pattern is. Paul says, “Do NOT conform.” Conform is defined as: “to act in accordance or harmony; comply; to be or become similar in form, nature or character; to act in accord with prevailing standards, attitudes, practices.”
The first thing to notice is that conformance is an action.
Your thoughts:
1.) How do your actions show conformance to the pattern of the world around you? Be specific!
2.) How did your actions “become similar in form, nature or character” to those in this world who do not know the God of the universe? What got you to the place you are at now? What compromises did you make along the way?

Paul doesn’t give us any leniency here. He says DO NOT. He doesn’t say try not to or do your best not to, he says flat out DO NOT. There is no wiggle room here. There is no allowance for some conformity in some areas. But, thankfully, he gives us the answer on how to stop acting in accordance with our worldly counterparts.

Paul goes on to say:
But be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Why did Paul go from telling us to stop our actions that make us look no different from our non-Christian neighbors to talking about our minds? Because all actions have a thought that precedes them. Let me repeat myself. ALL actions have a thought that precedes them.
Your Thoughts:
1.) Look back at your answers above. What thoughts preceded the actions that conformed you to the pattern of the world?

Let’s take a look at how we are to truly get a hold on the power our minds have over our actions.
Transformed is defined as: “to change markedly the appearance or form of”. As Christians, we are to change markedly our appearance and form from the rest of the world.

Your Thoughts:
1.) Honestly, does your form or appearance (and I don’t mean the physical kind) look much different from the non-Christians you know? Why or why not?
Before you start worrying (which the whole point of this is to learn to NOT worry), let’s look at how we are to change ourselves “markedly.”

By the renewing of your mind.
Renewal is defined as: “to begin or take up again; to restore or replenish; to revive; to begin again.”

When I think of renewal, I think of two things: spring and the library. In springtime, there is a period when all that has died off because of the cold harshness of winter gets to come alive again in spring. There is a period in which we get to start again. I think of the library because those 2 weeks never seemed like a long enough time to finish the pile of books we so eagerly checked out. There is that chance to get more time to finish what we started, to get to the best part.

Our minds too need that time to get to the best part. We need that time to restore or replenish what has been lost throughout our day. We need a chance to start anew after our fears and sorrows creep in. We need to begin new once again with our list of reminders for the day: I will act kindly towards others. I will not fear. I will find hope. I will show love. I will be Christ-like. I will trust the Lord, my God, with all my heart. I will not lean on my own understanding.
Friends, if you are tired, and I know you are because I know I am, of the constant battle inside of you that pulls you to and fro with a desire to be Christ-like yet the weight of fear and depression pulling you wayward, start renewing your mind: daily, hourly, every waking second.

Renew your mind through:
1.) Reading His thoughts: If you want to change your actions, you have to change your thoughts. Your thoughts are most likely to be a lot like this world’s because that is our nature, our fallen, sinful nature. Start replacing your thoughts with His thoughts through reading your Bible daily. Do you have a time devoted to this each and every day?
2.) Repeating His thoughts: We didn’t even talk about this, but how much is our mind, our actions and our words tied together. Thoughts become words, words become action. If you want your actions to no longer be a reflection of those who don’t know Christ, replace your words with His. Memorize scripture. Repeat scripture: to yourself and to others. You can’t ever be in the wrong if your words are a direct reflection of God.
3.) Understanding His thoughts: You cannot grow in your understanding of the God you serve unless you challenge yourself in digging deeper than the simple open the Bible to whatever page it happens to fall open to, close my eyes and point at a verse, method of Bible study (and I know, because I was a devoted follower of this method for many a years). Read an entire book all the way through, get the complete picture. Read more about the scriptures through a Bible commentary or works by Christian authors. Challenge yourself. Take your understanding to the next level, whatever level you may be on.
4.) Seeking His thoughts: You cannot renew your mind without seeking God’s power of change over it. Ask him constantly to help with your daily renewal. Pray that His thoughts would become your thoughts so that your actions would no longer be like those who do not know Him.

The truth is that in order for us to not be held captive by the same fears and depression that grips those who do not know the Prince of Peace is that we must be in a constant state of renewal, of change within ourselves. It doesn’t mean that we won’t slip back into exhibiting the same patterns of the world, but it does mean that they only way out of it will require a certain amount of action on our parts to change our minds to reflect the peace from God that transcends all understanding.

Look at your patterns again. The ones that you struggle with: whether it be depression, anxiety, addiction, or anything else. Now look at how much time you spend in your daily renewal process. How much time are you spending in order to be “markedly different” than those who do not know Christ? It will be tough. Things will get in the way. Lives will get busy. Satan will convince you of more important things to do, but living a life free from the patterns of the world is a process we must complete each and every moment of every day we are here on this Earth.

Your Thoughts:
1.) What do you need to do work on your daily renewal process?
2.) How can you keep yourself accountable to make sure you renew your mind?
3.) What prayer do you need to pray in order that you can be transformed each and every day into someone who is markedly different and does not conform to the pattern of this world?

Here's to renewal...

Until next time,
-C.

An itch...

2008-12-17T12:51:00.001-08:00

I've been having an itch to write lately. Not just more of my ramblings. I mean the cohesive stuff, maybe devotional or bible study type stuff. I thought I could use my blogging friends as my guinea pigs (which are eaten in some South American countries so beware...and yes, they too taste like chicken!). I've been praying for God to give me that one big idea, but He keeps saying to me to start small.

So, I need your help. Topic ideas. Spiritual questions. What is the bible study topic you wish you had research on but can't find out there? I'll do the leg work! Anything to get me started. Post it in my comment section and feel free to do it anonononononomously.

I am thinking a little study on the Proverbs 31 woman...that is always a good place to start. Stay tuned!

Here's to inspiration...

Until next time,
-C.

They will know we are Christians by our ?????

2008-12-16T13:19:00.000-08:00

I can understand atheists. I mean when you look at Christians in the world today who proclaim there is a God, they don't seem any different from their non-Christian counterparts. When I look back at some of my most hurtful memories, many of them were done to me by fellow Christians. When I look at the wrongs I've seen done, many were committed by those who confessed with their mouths that they know the Son of God.

Statistically, we are no different as those who don't know Christ. The divorce rate is the same. The use of pornography is the same. The way we act at work towards our bosses is the same. The way we yell at our children is the same. Cheating, lying, gossip, selfish ambition is all the same in Christian and non-Christian circles. In the world today, there truly is nothing that delineates Christians from non-Christians.

I think about how bad we messed this one up. We were supposed to be a light. We were supposed to show something that others would want. Instead, we argue, bicker, hold resentment, act in malice and conceit, are self-righteous and act just the same as the world except we cloak it under a veil of God.

How it must truly sadden Him to see His children fight amongst themselves so much. How it must break His heart to realize the ones who know His love aren't showing it to those they encounter.

I know there are some who are truly good at showing God's love through their actions. There are some who truly act Christ-like in all that they do. I know I am not there yet, but I desire to be. I want to allow someone to slap my face and to turn and offer them the other side without grumbling constantly about the wrong they've done against me. I want to shut my mouth of judgement and gossip. I want to view people through the eyes of the one who created them and see a beautiful, glorious, and wonderful creation. Yet, I often find myself filled with bitterness, anger, and selfish desires instead.

The good news is that everyday is a day to try again to get it right. Everyday presents a new opportunity to be more Christ-like in our daily encounters so that maybe just one person will see in us something they desire and realize who it came from. It requires us to ask God to give us the chance to show His love and the strength to be His love in the face of opposition.

I've had a lot of hurts happen recently. A lot of chances for Satan to plant his seeds of anger and bitterness and resentment. I am fighting him tooth and nail to keep those seeds from being planted. God keeps reminding me that I don't have to fight it alone. I have discovered the best way to turn the thoughts I have about people from forming into a poision to my soul is to pray for them. Sounds cliche, but I have been just praying blessings on people and situations that have hurt me or those I love. I do it through gritted teeth, mind you, as it is a challenge to wish those who have done wrong to you blessings beyond their greatest imagination, but I do it none the less.

My prayer for us all as we are getting a chance to begin fresh in this New Year is that those who know the face of God will begin to act like it. My prayer is that statistically and practically Christians will be different in a positive way, that those who see us will desire to have what we have and know who we know. My prayer is that the world will finally say that there must be a God because no other way could a group of people act the way we act in times of trial, heartache, dissention, and sorrow. My prayer is that the song may finally ring true and they will know we are Christians by our love.

Here's to a new year...

Until next time,
-C.

P.S. If you are a regular blog follower, please add yourself to my "followers" list. It will make me feel important ;). Not really, I am just curious as to who actually reads this....

A Different Kind of Christmas...

2008-12-14T13:34:00.000-08:00

This year, my husband and I are setting out to have a different kind of Christmas. After what we've been through the last couple of months, a time of stressful consumerism didn't seem right. I wanted to forgo the whole season and just skip to the new year, but I knew A.) that was an impossibility our families would never allow, and B.) it would mean skipping the true meaning of Christmas.

So, we began thinking and praying about how to make this Christmas different. We decided on a "Debt Free Christmas" and asked our friends and family not to buy us gifts. I know...Christmas without gifts. It feels and sounds weird. Then, I got to thinking about it and really, Christmas with gifts is really the weird part. Here we are supposed to be celebrating the birth of our Savior, of our God and how do we do it? By buying people a lot of junk they don't care about and we can't afford. Nothing says, "Welcome Prince of Peace" like debt and stress, right?

I am not trying to condemn anyone but myself here. My focus has been lost when it comes to Christmas for years now. I really get swept away by finding the perfect gift, and making sure I get everything on my list by dropping the right hints at the right time to the right people.

It is going to be strange this Christmas with nothing to unwrap. But, I think it is going to be the most amazing Christmas ever where I can finally get out from under the noise of my own selfishness and see the true meaning of why we celebrate this season.

Here's to the best Christmas ever...

Until next time,
-C.

P.S. If you were considering buying us a gift, please don't or please choose a favorite charity to donate to in our honor. Here is one of my personal favorites, International Justice Mission, http://www.ijm.org/ .

The Road to Recovery...

2008-12-08T09:25:00.000-08:00

I've always heard that saying, "The road to recovery." I never understood it because I really never had anything to recover from. Or I always thought it was meant in reference to addiction or injury, not to life's valleys.

I think I have finally understood this saying. When a trauma happens or anything in life that permanently alters who you are, there is a "road" that we all must travel down. I am not sure what the destination is. I don't think it is meant to be getting us back to being the same as we were before because if that were true then all we go through in life would be meaningless and just a cruel joke by a higher power. No, I think the destination is to become more than we were. The destination is to take the hurts, the pains, the injuries and to allow them to heal and make us stronger than we ever have been. Well, at least that is what I imagine at the end of my "road to recovery."

I think the hardest part about the road is that often we travel it alone. From the outside, we can look all put back together but on the inside we are still reeling from the damage. No one else can share our exact experience because we all experience things differently. So, while a tragedy may affect many people, each person will have their own road that they must travel. I think part of our humanity yearns so much to just know that someone else has shared in our pain or has known what we have gone through. And God tells us that this is part of the reason we go through tough times. It is alot like the epitome of trickle down economics (not the reality because well, let's face it, in practice, the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer, but I am not going to digress into a socio-political discussion :) ). You see God comforts us in our times of need so that when we encounter those with hurts and pains, we can be a comfort to them and they can feel God's comfort through us. It is a brilliant idea that we hopefully all realize our part in the great comfort economy.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinithians 1:3-5

It is so easy to get sucked into the "woe is me" rut and feed ourselves dramatic lies of how our pain is perhaps the worst pain ever endured. It is easy to forget the blessings we encounter every day. It is hard to view the difficulties as blessings to be discovered.

Here's to safe travels down your road...

Until next time,
-C.

Accentuate the Positive...

2008-12-01T20:04:00.001-08:00

Remember that scene in The Jungle Book where Baloo starts singing:

"You've got to accentuate the positive,

Eliminate the negative,

And latch on to the affirmative,

Don't mess with Mister In-Between!"

Who knew such profound advice could be given by a large singing, dancing bear? Well, it could. There is positivity all around us and we just got to stop and accentuate it sometimes.

Here is my positive...

-My little girl says "taco day" when we head for Mexican food. How cool is that?? She also says "pine cone", "ohhhh, man", "come on, dad", and is quite the mimic which is teaching us the importance of words. She also dances and can lip synch. A star in the making! I have never met a person as funny as her...she may even be funnier than me!

-My husband mocks my cooking because let's just say, I don't know how to cook from a box. For instance, tonight's menu: Breadcrumb and parmasean crusted chicken, Asiago and rosemary roasted potatoes, and green beans in a garlic butter sauce. What? I thought that is how everyone cooks...He mocks it because he loves it. And he loves me. Deeply.

- My cousin is going to Sudan soon to deliver Bibles and help with their water system. He has a pregnant wife who is staying home while he goes. I am amazed by the courage and fortitude some people have in following what God calls them to do. I aspire for that.

- My little sister is smarter than I ever was at her age. In fact, she may be smarter than I ever was. Just don't tell her that. It goes to her head.

- I've seen miracles. A lot of them. A lot of them very recently.

- I always thought my mom could take care of anything. I was right.

- After everything that has happened, I feel whole again...sometimes. And sometimes I don't. And I am ok with it, either way.

- At the end of the day, I have an amazing life, but what makes it amazing are the people in it. That is perhaps the biggest positive.

Here's to accentuation...

Until next time,

-C.

Thanksgiving

2008-11-25T21:12:00.000-08:00

"It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

Dear Blogging Friends,

I wish I was at a place where I could share my whole story. I am not there and I doubt I will ever be. But, I do want to share this. God is extremely faithful. In the darkest of depths, in the highest of heights, God is forever the same.

This Thanksgiving, I am perhaps the most grateful for the wonderful gifts God has blessed me with. My greatest gift has been having Him by my side through the most traumatic event of my life so far. He has shown me that circumstance does not dictate His faithfulness. He has shown me that peace is not governed by what is going on around me. He has shown me that above all else, He loves me so emphatically that I could never understand the depths. I am so thankful for that and so much more.

I give thanks for so much, but particularly the following:

- The Father and The Son: His ability to understand the future and His ability to guide the present.

-The Holy Spirit: an ever present "counselor".

- Family of Choice: the amazing family God has given me and allowed me to create with a kind, generous, loving husband.

- Family of origin: Imperfect, perhaps quite Broken but intensely loving.

- True friendship: the ones who love and support no matter how many miles may seperate you at any given moment.

- New beginnings: a new surrounding to call home and a new group of lives that are going to intersect with ours in the coming years.

- Hope: being able to see it through the haze of hopelessness.

- Change: seeing change and growth in myself and those around me.

- Peace: accepting the place where you are placed as being exactly where you were meant to be.

I am so thankful this holiday season. I have witnessed miracles in the past months and I am just so amazed at how this life has turned out. It is so far from what I imagined it to be, but I can already see that He truly does work all things for the good of those who love Him. ALL things.

Here's to thanksgiving...

Until next time,

-C.

Becoming steadfast...

2008-11-19T18:09:00.000-08:00

"Firmly fixed in place. Immovable. Steadily directed. Unwavering. Firm in purpose, resolution, faith." These are the words that define steadfast. How often I fall from that mark! I feel, especially recently, as if I am on the most tremendous roller coaster with more loops and ups and downs than humanly imaginable. Lately, God has been revealing to me how we were not meant to live this way. We were meant to live fearlessly, "though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." (Psalm 46:2-3) Do you hear that bloggin' friends? The world around you can crumble, but you are to remain calm. To me, that is quite a tall order that I am finding myself failing at over and over again as I try to fill it.

So, how do we become steadfast in our faith? How do we become so fixed in our belief in our God that we can watch a mountain completely disintegrate into the ocean and still feel overwhelming peace? Don't worry, friends...I've done the research for you. Here is your answer to steadfast living...

I've been studying the Psalms and while I haven't gotten to this one quite yet, I went ahead and skipped ahead to answer the question of how to not be whisked away on this roller coaster of life.

Psalm 112 says:
Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,
who finds great delight in his commands.

2 His children will be mighty in the land;
the generation of the upright will be blessed.

3 Wealth and riches are in his house,
and his righteousness endures forever.

4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.

5 Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely,
who conducts his affairs with justice.

6 Surely he will never be shaken;
a righteous man will be remembered forever.

7 He will have no fear of bad news;
his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.

8 His heart is secure, he will have no fear;
in the end he will look in triumph on his foes.

9 He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor,
his righteousness endures forever;
his horn [d] will be lifted high in honor.

10 The wicked man will see and be vexed,
he will gnash his teeth and waste away;
the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.

The short answer: Righteous living

Yep, I won't even charge you for that. If you truly want to come into a steadfast life (notice the word looks awfully like steady), you have to live righteously. Now, this will ultimately lead you to the next question, how do I live righteously?

Well friends, there is someone who wrote much more eloquently than I ever could on just that topic. In fact, He collected all the "how to's", "in case of emergency" and so much more into a convenient, pocket sized book. Yep. The Book of Life. The Good Book. The Bible. The ultimate guide to living a righteous life, the answer to how to live steadfastly.

I've found that as I am being pulled up and down by life's circumstances, the more I need the answer to living steadfast. The more I need to remain immovable, firmly fixed, and unwavering. Destruction will come. This is an unavoidable fact. There will also be times of great happiness and elation. In both these times of sorrow and joy, we need to remain the same in our faith. It is easy to forget God in both situations: in the good times we often feel as though we don't need God and in the bad, we often feel as though He doesn't need us.

I so desire to be steadfast. Unfortunately, God made me human and I often find myself being pulled to and fro as life circumstances happen. God keeps reminding me that in Him I can find true steadiness and that is what I must cling to: now and tomorrow.

Here's to becoming unmovable...

Until next time,
-C.

A musical mode...

2008-11-17T18:19:00.000-08:00

I have this memory of riding in my cousin's truck with all the windows down and blaring "Jane Says", singing at the top of our lungs, the day after I broke up with my high school boyfriend. It was such a healing moment and it just reminds me of the amazing restorative power music can have on our soul.

Anyway, I've been listening to a lot of music as of late. Here are some songs I am listening to:

Broken by Lifehouse

Forgive me by Missy Higgins

Slow Fade by Casting Crowns

Bon appetite...but with music...what would that be?

Here's to a song...

Until next time,
-C.

An Update...

2008-11-16T14:38:00.000-08:00

So, I thought I'd post an update on all the things going on...
- Church Search 2008: So, I think we found a church today. Much closer to what we are used to, not so Six Flags over Jesus...so, thank the Lord! Bad news: it is a bit of a drive (a little over 30 minutes), but we do pass a Krispy Kreme on the way so I think it all makes it worth it. (especially when the HOT sign is on, like this morning...oh yeah)
- We are official adults FRIDAY!! Yes, that is right, we will officially join adulthood with large amounts of debt and way too many responsibilities in that thing called home ownership. So excited!
- Continue to pray for me and our family. I know not all of you know the details of everything going on, but I ask that you pray anyway. We suffered through quite a traumatic event recently and are trying to figure out where we go from here. I have hope knowing that God uses the tragic to grow us in ways unimaginable to us. Already, I have found that things that were once of importance to me, have no bearing on my life anymore. This tragedy has already burned away some of the impurities and "junk" I had in my life and truly sent me into a state of focus as to what is important.

There was an entry in "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman that talked about suffering and how through the worst times, God uses suffering to make us better. She likened it to a rose. A rose smells beautiful as is, but to truly smell the beauty of the rose, you can crush it and it releases all its essence, all its fragrance and all its beauty. We are like that. To truly get to the beauty and the fragrance that each of us possess, God sometimes uses the crushing times to release what He desires us to. I thought that was a powerful visual. I see myself as a crushed rose right now, and for the first time since everything happened, I am beginning to be open to the possibilities of how God is going to use this crushed rose through my suffering. On another note, "Streams in the Desert" is a great daily devotional for anyone going through any kind of trial or difficulty. And let's face it, if you are human, most days you will encounter some sort of trial or difficulty.

Here's to new adventures, new lessons, and a new lease on life...

Until next time,
-C.

I'm not Alright

2008-11-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

This is one of my favorite songs (it is by Sanctus Real) and quite fitting right now for me, don't you think? Anyways, I hope you enjoy.

Here's to good music...

Until next time-
-C.

His words...

2008-11-12T20:06:00.000-08:00

3 Send forth your light and your truth,

let them guide me;

let them bring me to your holy mountain,

to the place where you dwell.
4 Then will I go to the altar of God,

to God, my joy and my delight.

I will praise you with the harp,

O God, my God.
5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

-Psalm 43:3-5

There is a timelessness about God's word. I mean, no matter what your emotion, what your circumstance, what your issue is, there are words in the Bible that speak directly to you and your moment. Seriously. Try it sometime. Feeling down? Look at some of the Psalms. Feeling joyful? Well, you could look to some Psalms for that as well. In fact, Psalms is a good place to start no matter what your emotion. Anyway, the point is that human experience and all its frailty and triumph can be found neatly bound in virtually every language in various versions. It can even be found on your iPhone or on that electronic book thing you ordered from Amazon.com after Oprah told you that you HAD to have it.

What an amazing gift we have lying at our fingertips! We all seek to find understanding. We all seek to find others who know what we are actually talking about. We all seek to find someone or something who has experienced what we are experiencing. We all seek. Some are even blessed enough to find. The answers are often right in front of us if we just pick it up and open it.

There is hope in knowing that no matter where you are today or where you will be tomorrow, the God of the universe has already been there and back and is ready and willing to carry you through it. You just have to ask.

Here's to the answers to the questions....

Until next time,

-C.